by Ford, Mia
“Okay.” I don’t know where to start, so I decide to work backwards. “Well, last night was incredible, but that’s to be expected. Through everything, me and Wesley always had this really incredible chemistry, so being in bed with him is always going to be intense. But it was intense before that as well. I feel like we have had a flirty edge the whole time I have been here. He’s been kind of irresistible.” I can’t look at her as I say all of this. “So, while I knew that it was a crazy idea and I shouldn’t do it, I couldn’t seem to help myself.”
“Mhmm. And how has been treating you and Maddie? Plus, have you talked about the past?”
“He has been so good with Maddie. I can’t fault him there at all. He’s stepped in to the father role much better than I thought he would. Him and Maddie have this absolutely incredible bond.”
“And you?” She cocks her head to one side. “While I’m glad that he’s being good with Maddie, what about you? Because he really hurt you before. I can’t forget all those nights of you crying, even if you can.”
“Oh, believe me, I haven’t forgotten it either. But he isn’t that person anymore. I mean, back then we were both sucked in to the work drama. It was an issue on both sides. Not that I’m diminishing what he did. But the situation was different then. We were younger, dumber, we worked together, and we didn’t have Maddie.”
“I see. So, you are basically telling me that he has grown up a lot? That’s good news.”
“It is. And I’m the one who ran out on him last night, and I haven’t spoken to him since, so perhaps I’m the one who has fucked up here.” I shrug my shoulders desperately, feeling incredibly hopeless. “I don’t know.”
I stare at Jessica, silently begging her to give me all of the answers, but she’s thinking about it. This is what she does. She doesn’t often snap with what she thinks I should do; she pauses and considers things so that when she finally does come back to me, she can be happy with what she has said. While I appreciate this, I don’t know how much longer I can wait to find out what step to take next. I’ve been swimming in this forever.
“I don’t want you and Maddie to leave New York,” she finally declared cautiously. “I have never wanted that. Having you guys around is amazing, I love it. But I can’t keep you with me for selfish reasons. We managed to remain friends before so I know that we will do it again. Plus, my life is moving on, me and my boyfriend are having a really good time and I’m sure that things will end up dead serious soon enough, so I can’t hold you back from letting your life move on too. That would make me a shitty friend, even if that is what I want. So, I do get it if you want to stay. For you and Maddie, because obviously she has a big family here.”
“So, you think I should stay?” That absolutely stuns me to the core.
“I don’t see why not. If it’s right for you. We will need to visit more though.”
“Oh, of course. I promise that me and Maddie will come and see you all the time.”
“As for Wesley.” She pauses again. “I don’t know what to say about that because I have spent such a long time thinking that he is bad news. But if you can accept that he’s changed and grown up, then I can too. Aside from that one idiot who you were engaged to once upon a time, Wesley is the only man who has ever caught your eye and there has to be a reason for that. I’m just scared that it’s a toxic, addictive reason.”
“It’s addictive, that’s for sure, but I don’t think it’s toxic. He’s a really nice person.”
Jessica reaches across the table and holds my hands. “Only you know what is best for you,” she tells me. “But if you are going to go back there again, you need to ensure that you don’t make the same mistakes again. You need to communicate with one another and go about it in an adult way. You need to be on the same team.”
The thing is I have felt that way this time around. Of course, it helps not being in the same office and competing with one another, whilst also dealing with shit stirring gossips, but we have been on the same team. The way that he took care of me while Maddie was at a sleep over, the way that he has always put my feelings first, the way that he has proven himself to be a really great man… he’s just been really great.
“What if I fucked it up?” I groan to Jessica. “He might hate me for running away.”
“If he can’t understand that you need some time and space to process things, then he isn’t worth it. After everything that the pair of you have experienced, he must understand that this isn’t straight forward.”
I nod, knowing that she’s completely and utterly right, but there is a deep urge inside of me to talk to him right now. I can barely contain myself. Being in this airport is too far away from him because I want to make things good again. Now that Jessica has sorted my head out, in a way that I wasn’t expecting, I’m thinking clearly and all I want to do is reassure Wesley that I made a mistake by running away, because really, I want to be with him.
“I’m here now,” Jessica says with a smile. “I can take Maddie while you guys fix things.”
“Are you sure? I know that this goes against everything that you want for me…”
“All I want is for you to be happy. If he makes you happy, then I am good. The same as you want for me as well. It might not necessarily be what I thought that you should do, but it isn’t up to me.”
I need to take my destiny in my own hands and to move in the right direction. I need to move forwards and try and finally get the family that I have always wanted. Now, all I can see is that beautiful picture of everything working out. The image of it crashing and burning is long gone because I’m starting to see that me and him are meant to be. He is the love of my life, and I’m sure that we will work.
“Let’s get back,” I say to Jessica with a smile. “I guess I have a lot to get sorted now.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Wesley
It’s Maddie’s voice that makes me jump up from where I have been sitting on the floor for what feels like hours. It probably hasn’t been that long really, but the speed that everything has spun around in my head has made it feel like an eternity. But finally, they are back, and we can have this much needed conversation.
I try and smooth my crumpled clothes down, to make myself look as smart as possible, but I don’t think I’m pulling it off. I look like I have just rolled out of bed and ended up here… which I guess is the truth.
“Oh my God.” Zoe gasps loudly the moment that she sees me. “Wesley. You’re here. Why are you here?”
She might be hesitant as all of the color drains out of her face, but as usual, Maddie isn’t. She runs to me and hugs me tight, all while talking at a million miles an hour about their time at the airport. I could worry about that, thinking that they were about to run away from me again, but the woman behind Zoe confirms that they were going to pick up someone else. Thank goodness I haven’t lost them all over again. That would destroy me.
“I’m Jessica.” The woman stands in front of Zoe and holds out her hand to me. “Zoe’s best friend.”
As we shake hands, I see the warning in her face, and I take that on board right away. This woman knows that I hurt Zoe before, and she doesn’t want me to do it again. I don’t intend to, thank goodness. Because I would have my most precious organ torn from my body, I’m sure of it. Either that or she would straight up kill me.
“Nice to meet you, Jessica,” I reply with a slightly shaky tone of voice. “My name is Wesley.”
“I assume that you two have a lot to talk about.” She nods behind herself, towards Zoe. “So, me and Maddie are going to go out for ice cream to give you a little bit of time and space.”
“Oh, but I want to hang out with Daddy!” Maddie moans. “Can’t he come for ice cream too?”
“How about I come and join you in a little bit?” I ask her. “I just need to talk to your mommy first.”
She pouts out her bottom lip, but nods and agrees with me. “Okay, fine. But come later on.”
As she rushes ove
r to Jessica and she takes her hand, I mouth the word ‘thank you’ to Zoe’s friend. She might not like me too much, but she’s giving me a chance. She is letting me say what needs to be said, which I think we both need. I will win her around eventually, I’m sure of it. If she lets me.
And then me and Zoe are alone, the strange atmosphere waving around us. I smile at her anxiously, waiting. Everything that I planned to say has gone out the window because she’s stripped my breath away.
“Erm, do you want to come inside?” Zoe asks nervously, breaking our eye contact to grab her hotel room key. “Sorry, you have probably been sitting out here for hours just waiting for me. I didn’t think…”
“It’s fine.” I force a smile. “You had to go and get Jessica from the airport, I understand.”
I know that isn’t the case, but if she wants to blame running out on me on that then I will probably take it because it will make life easier for her. Then again, if she wants to communicate properly then I am up for that as well. Of course, that’s what I would prefer, but I just want to be on talking terms with her.
Once inside the hotel room, she perches on the edge of the double bed and indicates for me to take the chair opposite her. It feels weird to have this distance after last night, to be sitting more like we’re in a job interview, but I can’t complain. At least she’s with me and she hasn’t kicked me out already. That’s a good sign.
“I’m sorry, I know that I shouldn’t have run away last night,” she says stiffly. “I shouldn’t have done that. It was just a bit much and it really freaked me out. I think we might have moved a little quick, since we don’t know one hundred percent what we’re doing yet. We probably should talk some more first.”
“So, you want to go back to just co-parenting? We can do that. Whatever you want.”
It isn’t what I want. I am damn well head over heels in love with this woman, but I will do what I need to. I can keep my emotions in check to make sure that I don’t lose Maddie completely.
“I… I don’t know,” she admits. “I don’t know if I can. It will be too hard.”
Fuck. Everything sinks with a thump while I take this in. She doesn’t want to co-parent, I have fucked up, just like I knew I would. I kept telling myself that bringing romance in to the mix would make it too hard and send her running for the hills, but in the heat of the moment I got carried away anyway. I let my sensibilities get away with me and I ended up in bed with her. Why didn’t I stop? Why didn’t I think smart?
“Okay.” I gulp down the thick ball of emotion that lodges in my throat. “So, things will need to change.”
I don’t even need to phrase that as a question because it’s obvious. We can’t just carry on in the way that we are with everything up in the air. There are some desperate changes we have to make. It’s just a shame that things can’t change in the way that I want them to. All Zoe can do is nod and agree with me.
“Jessica is here for a reason, isn’t she?” I ask with a shaky voice. “To take you guys back to New York.”
It’s gut wrenching. Even if I knew that this was coming, and that she could leave me, it’s hard to know that I have lost. Even though I love having my family here, I mentally prepare myself to move to New York to be nearer to her. I will have to give up everything that makes me comfortable here, but I will.
“She isn’t here for that reason,” Zoe shocks me by replying. “She has just come to visit. To give me some advice. I haven’t made any plans about what I am or I’m not going to do now.”
“Oh right.” Advice… that scares the living hell out of me. Seeing in her eyes how much Jessica doesn’t trust me is worrying. I’m sure she’s going to tell her to keep away from me. “Okay, so she’s just visiting.”
“That’s right. And her advice has actually been for me to stay here. To give me and you a try.”
“Huh?” I must be dreaming. Either that or Zoe is playing some cruel prank on me. Not that she has ever been like that, and me assuming that she was five years ago caused all of these issues. “She did?”
“I know,” Zoe giggles. “It was a shock to me as well. I thought that she would tell me to keep far away from you because it could easily get so messy between us. Plus, I know she likes having me around… but she thinks that as long as we are careful then me and you could actually have a shot.”
The breath is completely stripped from my lungs. A shiver races up and down my spine. Without any problems at all, Zoe has just expressed exactly what I wanted to today. That me and her could really be.
“And erm, what do you think?” I rasp out. “This isn’t about what your friend thinks, is it?”
“I ran out last night because I was scared,” she admits. “I was freaked out thinking about how wrong it went before and how wrong it could go again. That has always been at the fore front of my mind.”
“Mine too,” I confess right back. “But somehow, it has still felt right between us. Especially last night.”
“I agree.” She smiles. “It has, and I think that we will always regret it if we don’t try. We didn’t get our shot five years ago because we made a mess of things. We both took a step back instead of forwards because it was all too much. I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want to have any more regrets.”
“Losing you was my biggest regret as well,” I tell her. “I have always hated myself for it. Knowing that you had the same phone number the entire time and we could have been in touch is just killer…”
“But you didn’t know about Maddie. You didn’t know that there was a reason to.”
“We lost so much time because of other people,” I muse. “I don’t think we should do it again.”
She slides off the bed and moves closer to me. Automatically, like a magnet is pulling at me, I slip to the edge of the chair and make room for her to sit on my lap which she does. Immediately, everything feels right with the world all over again. Even more so when she tilts her head down to press her lips softly to mine.
I don’t just get fireworks in the pit of my stomach. Every cell, every fiber in my body explodes for her. Tingles race all over me and goose bumps pop up everywhere. She has brought me back to life all over again. I cling to her harder, almost as an instinctive reaction because I don’t want her to escape again.
“I love you,” I declare as I pull back to look at her for a moment. This definitely isn’t the long winded speech I planned to say as I sat outside the hotel room waiting for her to come back, but long winded and complicated doesn’t feel right for me and Zoe anymore. We have been there before for too long. Simple is best.
“You… you love me?” Her eyes pop open wide with surprise. “Are you for real?”
“Oh, Zoe, do you think that I would say anything I don’t mean anymore?” I wiggle my eyebrows playfully. “Of course I love you. I have spent the last five years painfully in love with you. I just didn’t have the confidence to tell you before. But life is short and I’m only going to get one. So, now I’m telling you I love you.”
She clings to me tightly, her nails digging into my arms. But she doesn’t seem like this is causing her any pain. She actually looks incredibly happy for me to tell her my true feelings. Brad was right, communication is the best way forward. Especially for me and Zoe because we have so much riding on this.
“I love you too,” she whispers back. “I have loved you for five years too. There hasn’t ever been anyone else for me and I know for sure that I never will find anything like what we’ve shared.”
“Me too.” God, is this really the start of us at last? Have we finally got there? It’s only taken us a life time.
I tilt my head up and we kiss again, this time with love as well as well as passion and it truly is the best kiss that we have ever shared. There is so much more between me and Zoe now, we’re finally on the same page, and I can’t wait to see where this leads. The future is bright for me and Zoe. Maddie too. We still have to be cautious, to be careful with the way that we take things for o
ur daughter’s sake, but I still can’t wait.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Zoe
With a cheeky smile playing on my lips, I slide off of Wesley’s lap and I grab my cell phone. I fire off a rapid text message to Jessica, asking her to give me and Wesley a couple of hours if she doesn’t mind, because we still have a lot of talking to do… not that I think we will be able to talk much, but my best friend won’t mind. Thankfully, it’s only a couple of seconds later that she messages back to let me know that she s taking Maddie to a play area for a while so me and him can have all the time that we want… combined with lots of winky faces.
Once I get that confirmation, my eyes meet Wesley’s again, and I can feel the sheer and intense love flowing between us. This is different now, it’s less stressed and full of confusion, because we both know where we stand. It’s amazing what a difference just talking to one another can make. We must remember that.
“Come over here,” I murmur quietly while wiggling my finger suggestively. “The love of my life.”
As if I’m a witch and I have him under my spell, he rises to his feet with his gaze fixed upon mine the entire time. My breath catches in my throat as his body presses up against me and I feel every inch of him. My fingers tuck underneath his tee shirt, and I smirk and slightly pull it upwards, grazing the tips of my fingers over his flush, burning skin. He is excited for me already, I can sense it, and that makes me flutter.
“Do we have time?” he whispers, his eyes darting nervously towards the door.
“We have a couple of hours,” I reassure him. “So, you can do whatever you want with me.”
Those words work the right magic and he returns to kissing me passionately. I yank his clothing off and he does the same to me. It doesn’t even matter that we were together last night, after all the drama afterwards, it feels like it’s been another five years since I last got my hands on him. I want to explore every inch of that gorgeous body of his and it seems like he wants to do the same for me. He’s touching me everywhere, grazing every peak and every dip, setting me alight as he does. The flames are everywhere, all over me, sending me wild.