Poppy's Dilemma

by Nancy Carson

  ‘So the fact that you know Minnie just happens to be a coincidence?’

  ‘Oh, certainly,’ Virginia affirmed. ‘And what a coincidence! I was on a mission to save somebody and I happened to see Minnie … with another girl – very slender with yellow hair, rather the colour of yours, Poppy – being picked up in Dudley one evening as we were driving through. I was on my way to dinner at the home of my fiancé at the time …’

  Poppy felt herself redden. The girl with Minnie must have been herself. It must have been that night they were picked up by the chap in the carriage, the driver of which, James, had tried to rape her over the Oakham fields.

  ‘Anyway,’ Virginia went on, ‘I returned another evening just to see if I could spot those two girls again. I was determined to save them from a life of sinful prostitution. Such young girls … Well, lo and behold, I did see Minnie – though not the slimmer girl with the fair hair – and I followed her home. When the opportunity presented itself later, I called on her and I found her quite amenable. I’ve no idea what happened to the other poor lost soul. I haven’t seen her since.’

  ‘Fancy,’ Poppy said, for want of something else to say. ‘Didn’t you ask?’

  ‘Oh, Minnie said she hadn’t seen her since.’

  Thank goodness Virginia did not recognise her as the other girl. It was time Poppy turned the conversation, time she averted her friend from any inkling that it could have been her. ‘So, you have a fiancé … Your good news then … You are engaged to be married?’

  ‘Oh … That’s not my news. I’ve been engaged almost two years now.’

  ‘And yet you never wear a ring …’

  ‘Adornment, Poppy. You must know by now how I find adornment distasteful. I don’t need a ring to say I’m engaged to be married, that I’m in love. It’s something that lives in my heart.’

  ‘So tell me your news … Oh, I know … You’ve named the day …’

  ‘Not quite. He went away, you see, my fiancé. He felt the need. Some complication … But the wonderful news is, I heard yesterday that he’ll be back home soon.’

  Some dark shadow seemed to lurk over Poppy with an instant oppressiveness at this revelation. ‘Why?’ she asked, her throat suddenly dry. ‘Where’s he been?’

  ‘Brazil.’

  ‘Brazil?’ Of all the places. Poppy nearly choked and she spilled her champagne. ‘What’s his name?’

  ‘Robert. Robert Crawford. Do you know him? Oh, he’s such a dear. Oh, you wouldn’t believe, Poppy … I’m so happy … And yet so apprehensive … Oh, goodness! When I think about it I really could do with a drink of champagne to steady my nerves.’

  ‘Have a sip of mine if you want.’

  Virginia shook her head. ‘No. I would never resort to it, but thank you …’

  Poppy was utterly deflated. She felt her legs go weak and found it difficult to stop herself trembling. If she’d known Virginia was her rival in love, of course she would never have allowed them to become friends. Now the whole situation was impossible. It was farcical. She smiled sadly and drank what remained of the champagne to steady her own nerves a little.

  ‘Well, Virginia, that’s the best news anybody could have. That and Minnie’s marriage …’ She felt tears stinging the back of her eyes and managed to push them back with a great effort of will. ‘So tell me – if you don’t think I’m prying, that is – why this … this … Robert Crawford went away in the first place. What sort of complication arose?’

  ‘Oh, Poppy, it was such an enormous shock to me,’ Virginia answered, with the candour Poppy had hoped for. ‘I’ll tell you, because I know I can confide in you. And you can give me your best advice too … It caused me considerable heartache …’

  ‘Go on …’

  ‘Well, we were all ready to get married. Our union had been eagerly anticipated and endorsed by both families. They have been connected for years, you know. Robert and I have known each other for many, many years. When I was only ten years old I knew I would marry him someday. But he revealed to me last summer that he’d been emotionally diverted by another girl and needed time away from both of us, so as to flush her from his thoughts and purge his mind. I was heartbroken. Oh, you can’t imagine. Whether this girl was suitable, whether she was worthy of Robert or not, I did not know, nor do I still, Poppy. I did not want to know. I wanted to know nothing about her. It was enough that I had a rival. In fact, it was too much. Nevertheless, I realised she was a mortal soul and loved by God. So I prayed for her, whoever she was, that God might help her recover quickly from the emotional turmoil of having loved Robert.’

  ‘You prayed for her?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘So how did you learn of his coming home?’ Poppy enquired, her heart languishing in the pit of her stomach. Yet she might find out so much more by quizzing Virginia. ‘Did he write to you from Brazil?’

  ‘Oh, no. When he went, he told me he would write to neither me nor this other girl, for fear of being swayed by a reply. Nor has he. Well, not to me at any rate, and I trust him not to have written to her either. No, a note arrived from his mother yesterday. He was due to sail from Rio de Janeiro towards the end of June. He should be back home at the end of this month.’ She put her hands together as if saying a prayer, and closed her eyes momentarily. ‘Oh, Poppy, I can’t wait to see him again …’

  ‘I can imagine …’

  ‘But I’m on absolute tenterhooks. I mean … He went with the intention of trying to forget this girl. But what if he’s decided he loves her after all and not me?’

  Poppy was suddenly filled with renewed hope. All was not yet lost. ‘If he did, would you be able to forgive him? Would you be able to forgive her?’

  ‘I have already forgiven him. Harbouring a grievance like that can only add to the hurt and humiliation. No, I’m not strong enough to withstand such feelings, Poppy. It’s so much easier to forgive. But her? Whether I would release him from his promise to marry me so that he could marry her … Well, that’s a different matter …’

  ‘Maybe you should say some more prayers, Virginia.’

  ‘I pray that Robert will regain his common sense and return to the straight and narrow a wiser, more mature man … What would you do in my situation, Poppy?’

  Poppy took another glass of champagne from the waitress who was hovering close by with the tray and pondered her reply.

  ‘Are you sure you won’t have a glass, Virginia? I can strongly recommend it in your position. It can do you no harm.’ She turned to the waitress. ‘Thank you. I think my friend will have one after all … Take it, Virginia. Sip it. Don’t be afraid of it. Even Quakers must sup sometimes … Go on … Take it …’

  Virginia took the glass from Poppy. Tentatively, she put it to her lips, moistening them with the liquid. Even more tentatively she touched the tiny drop of champagne that lingered there with her tongue, all the time looking intently at Poppy.

  ‘It doesn’t taste of much … Slightly bitter, if anything …’

  ‘Well, have a good old mouthful. Give it a chance … Go on, drink it.’

  Virginia sipped it tentatively, then immediately rubbed the tip of her nose with the back of her hand. ‘It tickles my nose,’ she said with a grin. ‘No, it’s not so bad, is it?’

  ‘It’s not so bad. You don’t have to drink gallons of it. Just a couple of glasses will do you no harm at all. It’s when folk drink to excess …’

  Virginia nodded her agreement. ‘So tell me, Poppy. To hark back to my situation … What would you do?’

  ‘I’m possibly not the best person to ask,’ she answered honestly. ‘I don’t know, and that’s the truth. You know how strong your own feelings are for him, though.’

  ‘Yes. They’re intense. Oh, they’re so intense, Poppy.’

  ‘Then you have to suppose that the feelings this other girl has are no less intense. You have to suppose that her love is at least as strong as yours, Virginia.’

  ‘Goodness, yes. I suppose so. I’d imagin
ed it to be trivial, but you could be right.’

  ‘Somehow, Virginia, I can’t see any sense in competing for him. He must be coming back home because he has made his mind up which girl he wants …’

  ‘Yes, I suppose so …’ Virginia conceded. ‘You see, I knew you would see things clearly.’

  ‘So we—you must respect his decision. There would be no sense in trying to change his mind if he told you he wanted the other girl. There would be no sense in trying to blacken her name, for instance.’

  ‘Just so long as this other girl realised it too.’

  ‘Oh, I’m sure she will—would, Virginia …’

  They remained unspeaking for a minute or so. Poppy was still reeling from the shock, mulling over the import of what she had learnt. It was Virginia who broke the silence.

  ‘Poppy, may I ask a favour of you?’

  ‘If it’s something I can do …’

  ‘Would you come with me to meet Robert that first time? I should feel so much more confident with you there to lean on. I mean, what if he turns away from me?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t think that is a very brilliant idea, Virginia. I really don’t.’

  Chapter 25

  Poppy did not stay till the end of the wedding reception. What she had discovered had shaken her inexorably and she no longer felt comfortable in Virginia’s company. She was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt over concealing information and facts that directly affected Virginia, which could materially alter the whole course of her life. Despite her concern for her own aching heart, Poppy was sensitive enough to acknowledge it. What if Virginia had somehow uncovered her secret or guessed it? What then? How foolish, how fiendish would she have felt, making a friend of the woman whose intended she was bent on acquiring? Best make herself scarce while the going was good.

  That was the main reason she felt she could not stay. Besides, it would have meant moving from The Dudley Arms to St Thomas’s church for Evensong. The prospect of more religion on top of what she had just learnt was too much to contend with. She’d had enough of anything and anybody remotely to do with religion for the time being. She politely made her excuses to Virginia and even before the wedding meal had begun she told Aunt Phoebe that she felt unwell and must return home.

  ‘Indeed, child, you do look rather peaky,’ Aunt Phoebe agreed. ‘I’ll ask for my cloak and bonnet.’

  ‘No, Aunt. There’s no need for you to come as well. Besides, you’ll want to go to church after. I can walk. The fresh air will do me good.’

  ‘Walk alone? In this town? I wouldn’t hear of it.’

  ‘But it’s Sunday afternoon. Everybody will be out walking.’

  ‘If you don’t feel well, then you will not feel like walking. Go to Clay and ask him to take you home. He can return for me when it’s time for church.’

  ‘Thank you, Aunt.’

  Poppy found Clay and he returned her to Cawneybank House. Esther met her at the front door and when she knew she wasn’t feeling well, made a great palaver.

  ‘Oh, please don’t fuss, Esther,’ Poppy pleaded. ‘I just need to go to bed and rest. I’m weary.’

  ‘Shall I bring you a cup of tea, miss?’

  ‘You’re very kind, Esther. Would you bring it to my bedroom, if it’s no trouble?’

  ‘Course, miss.’

  Poppy dragged herself up the stairs. Never in her life had she felt so disappointed, so humble and so foolish. The effects of the champagne exaggerated it all, of course, rendering it even more of a calamity. It made her feel lethargic, yet her emotions were running high and her desolation was intense. She undressed, throwing her fine new outfit across a chair without bothering to hang it up properly. Feeling very sorry for herself she donned her nightgown and drew the curtains to shut out the daylight. Esther brought in her tea. Poppy drank it gratefully and slumped sullenly onto her bed.

  There, at last, in the privacy of her own room, in the sanctuary of her own bed, she cried.

  If only she’d known. If only she’d known, she would never have befriended Virginia in the first place. Yet, having befriended her, she liked the girl and even admired her. How could she now realise her dream of being Robert Crawford’s wife, when achieving it would mean stealing him from Virginia, who loved him as much as she herself did? It was some shock to the system to meet face to face a rival in love, to know and understand how they felt, to realise that it was within your power to render that person an emotional wreck. Best not see Virginia again. Best avoid her in future. If she saw her, she was likely to confess that she herself was the other girl, the interloper who had diverted Robert in the first place.

  She tossed and turned. The day had been sultry and warm and her bedroom was overpoweringly hot in consequence. She kicked off the bedclothes and lay sprawled, uncovered except for her nightgown.

  And Robert would be home in four weeks.

  Robert would be home in four weeks.

  The shock of learning that alone … How would he let her know what he had decided? With a visit? By letter? A verbal message? Well, it was academic now. Even if he’d decided he wanted her after all, she could no longer accept him – on account of Virginia. Poppy would be heartbroken, but she could not respond to Robert in the way that, until today, she dearly wanted. She’d been living in a world of hope, of expectation, certain that Robert would take her and make her his. Only now, after getting to know Virginia with her inborn goodness and moral strength, did she realise how shaky this belief was. After all, she had never seen Robert and Virginia together. She did not know how they got on. She tried to imagine them in an embrace, but the image was too disturbing to sustain, so she shut it from her mind.

  And anyway, she pondered – shearing off at a mental tangent, her indignation rising in proportion to the effects of the alcohol – why should she play the obedient little woman and hang on Robert’s every whim and fancy? For nearly a year she’d pined like a witless lapdog waiting patiently for its master to decide whether he wanted to throw a morsel of food from his plate. She was no lapdog. She was a young woman, a respectable one at that these days. Why should she sit, anxiously waiting like some poor exploited hound, immobilised in thought and deed by a blind and senseless faithfulness that might never be rewarded?

  Look at the admirers she’d got. She could take her pick of any number of men, gentlemen who were actually available, gentlemen who were not stuck in some snake-infested jungle because of some harebrained, namby-pamby notion that they were emotionally confused. What kind of man was this Robert? Would he always be so indecisive, so immature? At least Bellamy was not like that. He knew what he wanted, and had to be admired for his perseverance in trying to get it. Well, maybe it was time Bellamy was rewarded …

  The alcohol got the better of Poppy and she drifted off into sleep, still mentally at odds with herself. She was awakened by an ominous crack of thunder. It was dark now and she wondered what time it was. Her window was open and through it she heard the unmistakable roar of a heavy downpour outside. Flashes of lightning, diffused by the curtains, pulsed in quick succession, to be followed almost at once by raucous, ear-splitting explosions from all directions. Poppy slipped out of bed and parted the drapes. She loved to watch a storm. The landscape flickered with a pinky, silvery sheen as nature set off its random display of monstrous fireworks, and she thought how beautiful, how spectacular it all was. A torrent of swirling water flowed down Rowley Road like a river in full spate. For some time she watched. She was fascinated by the huge spots of rain that splashed on the ground like transparent butterflies frozen motionless by brief lightning flashes.

  Reflected in the glass of her window, she became aware of the glow of an oil lamp as her bedroom door was opened. She turned around, half in alarm, half in curiosity.

  ‘I see you are watching the storm,’ Aunt Phoebe said softly, standing in her nightgown like a plump cherub. ‘I came to see if you were sleeping.’

  ‘The thunder woke me.’

  ‘Doesn’t it frighten yo
u?’

  ‘No, I love it …’

  ‘Are you feeling better now?’ She rested the oil lamp on the tallboy and stood by Poppy at the window.

  ‘I think so, thank you, Aunt.’

  ‘Was it something you ate, do you think?’

  ‘I don’t think so.’ She glanced guiltily at Aunt Phoebe and gave a little laugh of embarrassment. ‘More likely what I drank. I polished off three glasses of champagne and finished half of Virginia’s.’

  ‘Oh, really, Poppy,’ Aunt Phoebe admonished.

  ‘I know … Anyway, how was church?’

  ‘Church? Well, the choir was at full strength and in fine fettle. Mr Furnival and Mr Plumbridge were both recovered from their colds, and all the boys were present as far as I could tell. They sang a wonderful anthem. The Hallelujah Chorus from Messiah. It was very stirring.’

  Poppy turned and smiled at Aunt Phoebe as lightning illuminated her face. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t go … To tell you the truth, Aunt, I was too upset …’

  ‘Ah …’ Aunt Phoebe put her hand on Poppy’s arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze. ‘I suspected as much. Do you want to tell me about it … or can I guess?’

  Poppy withdrew from the window and sat on her bed. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed heavily. Aunt Phoebe turned around and watched her.

  ‘I feel so stupid, Aunt … and so guilty …’

  ‘Go on …’

  ‘How can I possibly harbour ideas of marrying Robert now I’ve made a friend of Virginia? I had no idea when I met her that she was Robert’s fiancée. If I’d known, I would’ve avoided her. But indeed I quite like her. She’s a good, decent soul. How could I do such a thing to her as to take her man? Well, I couldn’t … So I have to let go of the dreams I had … They were foolish dreams anyway.’

  ‘Has she told you that Robert has come to a decision as to whom he wants to marry?’

  ‘Oh, no, Aunt. She doesn’t know any more than I do. But she loves Robert so much. It would break her heart to lose him. I couldn’t let myself be the reason for that. I never had him anyway. He was never really mine. Nor was he ever likely to be, if I’m realistic.’