Hit Man

by Lawrence Block

  Risky plan, he thought. Too many ways it could go wrong. If he’d been able to talk it through with Nelson first—

  Get a grip on yourself, he told himself.

  He was doing just that when Dinsmore and the wrestler turned up, the executive in a testy mood, the bodyguard looking sullen and bored. There was a bad moment when the hostess seemed uncertain where to seat them, but then she worked it out and led them to their usual table.

  Keller longed to get out of there. He’d been picking at his veal ever since it had been placed in front of him. It tasted flat, but he figured anything would just then. Could he just put some money on the table and get the hell out? Or did he have to sit there and wait?

  Fifteen minutes after his arrival, Dinsmore cried out, clutched his throat, and pitched forward onto the table. Half an hour after that, Keller turned in his rental car at the airport and booked his flight home.

  In the cab from the airport, Keller had to fight the impulse to have the driver stop so he could pick up something for Nelson. He’d changed planes in St. Louis, and he’d spent most of his time between flights in the gift shop, trying to find something for the dog. But what would Nelson do with a snow shaker or a souvenir coffee mug? What did he want with a Cardinals cap, or a sweatshirt with a representation of the Gateway Arch?

  “You hardly touched that,” the waitress in Omaha had said of his veal. “Do you want a doggie bag?”

  He’d been stuck for an answer. “Sorry,” he said at length. “I’m a little rattled. That poor man . . .” he’d added, with a gesture toward the table where Dinsmore had been sitting.

  “Oh, I’m sure he’ll be all right,” she said. “He’s probably sitting up in his hospital bed right now, joking with his nurses.”

  Keller didn’t think so.

  “Hey, Mist’ Keller,” the elevator operator said. “Ain’t seen you in a while, sir.”

  “It’s good to be back.”

  “That dog be glad to see you,” the man said. “That Nelson, he’s a real good dog.”

  He was also out, a fact the attendant had neglected to mention. Keller unlocked the door and entered the apartment, calling the dog’s name and getting no response. He unpacked, and decided to delay his shower until the dog was back and the girl had gone for the day.

  He could have had several showers. It was fully forty minutes from the time he sat down in front of the television set until he heard Andria’s key in the lock. As soon as the door was open Nelson came flying across the room, leaping up to greet Keller, tail wagging furiously.

  Keller felt wonderful. A wave of contentment passed through him, and he got down on his knees to play with his dog.

  * * *

  “I’m sorry you had to come home to an empty house,” Andria said. “If we’d known you were coming—”

  “That’s all right.”

  “Well, I’d better be going. You must be exhausted, you’ll want to get to bed.”

  “Not for a few hours,” he said, “but I’ll want a shower. There’s something about spending a whole day in airports and on planes—”

  “I know what you mean,” she said. “Well, Nelson, what’s today? Tuesday? I guess I won’t be seeing you until Friday.” She petted the dog, then looked across at Keller. “You still want me to give him his regular walk on Friday, don’t you?”

  “Definitely.”

  “Good, because I’ll be looking forward to it. He’s my favorite client.” She gave the dog another pat. “And thanks for paying me, and for the bonus. It’s great of you. I mean, if I wind up having to get a hotel room, I can afford it.”

  “A hotel room?”

  She lowered her eyes. “I wasn’t going to mention this,” she said, “but it’d give me a bad conscience not to. I don’t know how you’re going to feel about this, but I’ll just go ahead and blurt it out, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “I’ve sort of been staying here,” she said.

  “You’ve sort of. . . ”

  “Sort of been living here. See, the place I was staying, it didn’t work out, and there’s one or two people I could call, but I thought, well, Nelson and I get along so good, and I could really spend lots of time with him if I just, like—”

  “Stayed here.”

  “Right,” she said. “So that’s what I did. I didn’t sleep in your bed, Mr. Keller—”

  “Why not?”

  “Well, I figured you might not like that. And the couch is comfortable, it really is.”

  She’d tried to keep her impact on his apartment minimal, she told him, stripping her bedding from the couch each morning and stowing it in the closet. And it wasn’t as though she were hanging out there all the time, because when she wasn’t walking Nelson she had other clients to attend to.

  “Dogs to walk,” he said. “Plants to water.”

  “And cats and fish to feed, and birds. There’s this couple on Sixty-fifth Street with seventeen birds, and there’s something about birds in cages. I get this urge to open the cages and open the windows and let them all fly away. But I wouldn’t, partly because it would make the people really crazy, and partly because it would be terrible for the birds. I don’t think they’d last long out there.”

  “Not in this town,” Keller said.

  “Just the other day one of them got out of his cage,” she said, “and I just about lost it. The windows were closed so he wasn’t going anywhere, but he was swooping and diving and I couldn’t think how to get him back in his cage.”

  “What did you do?”

  “What I did,” she said, “is I centered all my energy in my heart chakra, and I sent this great burst of calming heart energy to the bird, and he calmed right down. Then I just held the cage door open and he flew back in.”

  “No kidding?”

  She nodded. “I should have thought of it right away,” she said, “but when you panic you tend to overlook the obvious.”

  “That’s the truth,” he said. “Let me ask you something. Do you have a place to stay tonight?”

  “Well, not yet.”

  “Not yet?”

  “Well, I didn’t know you were coming home tonight. But I know some people I can call, and—”

  “You’re welcome to stay here,” he said.

  “Oh, I couldn’t do that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Well, you’re home. It wasn’t really right for me to stay here when you were out of town—”

  “It was fine. It meant more company for the dog.”

  “Anyway, you’re home now. The last thing you need is a houseguest.”

  “One night won’t hurt.”

  “Well,” she said, “it is a little late to start looking for a place to stay.”

  “You’ll stay here.”

  “But just for the one night.”

  “Right.”

  “I appreciate this,” she said. “I really do.”

  Keller, freshly showered, stood at the sink and contemplated shaving. But whoever heard of shaving before you went to bed? You shaved in the morning, not at night.

  Unless, of course, you expected to have your cheek pressed against something other than your pillow.

  Cut it out, he told himself.

  He got into bed and turned out the light, and Nelson sprang onto the bed beside him, turned around the compulsory three times, and lay down.

  Keller slept. When he awoke the next morning, Andria was gone. The only trace of her presence was a note assuring him that she’d come walk the dog at her usual time on Friday. Keller shaved, walked the dog, and rode the train to White Plains.

  It was another hot day, and this time Dot was on the porch with a pitcher of lemonade. She said, “Keller, you missed your calling. You’re a great diagnostician. You gave the man a little time and he died of natural causes.”

  “These things happen.”

  “They do,” she agreed. “I understand he fell in his food. Probably never get the stains out of his tie.”

  “It w
as a nice tie,” Keller said.

  “They said it was cardiac arrest,” Dot said, “and I’ll bet they’re right, because it’s a hell of a rare case when a man dies and his heart goes on beating. How’d you do it, Keller?”

  “I centered all my energy in my heart chakra,” he said, “and I sent this bolt of heart energy at him, and it was just more than his heart could handle.”

  She gave him a look. “If I had to guess,” she said, “I’d have to say potassium cyanide.”

  “Good guess.”

  “How?”

  “Switched salt shakers with him. The one I gave him had cyanide crystals mixed in with the top layer of salt. He used a lot of salt.”

  “They say it’s bad for you. Wouldn’t he taste the cyanide?”

  “The amount of salt he used, I don’t think he could taste the meat. I’m not sure how much taste cyanide has. Anyway, by the time it occurs to you that you don’t like the way it tastes—”

  “You’re facedown in the lasagna. Cyanide’s not traceless, is it? Won’t it show up in an autopsy?”

  “Only if you look for it.”

  “And if they look in the salt cellar?”

  “When Dinsmore had his attack,” he said, “a few people hurried over to see if they could help.”

  “Decent of them. You don’t suppose one of them picked up the salt cellar?”

  “It wouldn’t surprise me.”

  “And got rid of it somewhere between the restaurant and the airport?”

  “That wouldn’t surprise me either.”

  He went upstairs to make his report. When he came downstairs again Dot said, “Keller, I’m going to start worrying about you. I think you’re going soft.”

  “Oh?”

  “There was only one reason to pick up the salt cellar.”

  “So they wouldn’t find the cyanide,” he said.

  She shook her head. “If they ever start looking for cyanide, they’ll find it on the uneaten food. No, you figured they wouldn’t find it, and somebody else would use that salt and get poisoned accidentally.”

  “No point in drawing heat for no reason,” he said.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “No sense in killing people for free, either.”

  “Oh, I couldn’t agree with you more, Keller,” she said, “but I still say you’re going soft. Centering in your heart choker and all.”

  “Chakra,” he said.

  “I stand corrected. What’s it mean, anyway?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “You will soon enough, now that you’re centered there. Keller, you’re turning human. Getting that dog was just the start of it. Next thing you know you’ll be saving the whales. You’ll be taking in strays, Keller. You watch.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” he said. But on the train back to the city he found himself thinking about what she had said. Was there any truth to it?

  He didn’t think so, but he wasn’t absolutely sure. He’d have to talk it over with Nelson.

  5

  Keller's Karma

  In White Plains, Keller sat in the kitchen with Dot for twenty minutes. The TV was on, tuned to one of the home shopping channels. “I watch all the time,” Dot said. “I never buy anything. What do I want with cubic zirconium?”

  “Why do you watch?”

  “That’s what I ask myself, Keller. I haven’t come up with the answer yet, but I think I know one of the things I like most about it. It’s continuous.”

  “Continuous?”

  “Uninterrupted. They never break the flow and go to a commercial.”

  “But the whole thing’s a commercial,” Keller said.

  “That’s different,” she said.

  A buzzer sounded. Dot picked up the intercom, listened a moment, then nodded significantly at Keller.

  He went upstairs, and he was with the old man for ten or fifteen minutes. On his way out he stopped in the kitchen and got himself a glass of water. He stood at the sink and took his time drinking it. Dot was shaking her head at the television set. “It’s all jewelry,” she said. “Who buys all this jewelry? What do they want with it?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Ask away.”

  “Is he all right?”

  “Why?”

  “I just wondered.”

  “Did you hear something?”

  “No, nothing like that. He seems tired, that’s all.”

  “Everybody’s tired,” she said. “Life’s a lot of work and it tires people out. But he’s fine.”

  Keller took a train to Grand Central, a cab to his apartment. Nelson met him at the door with the leash in his mouth. Keller laughed, fastened the leash to the dog’s collar. He had calls to make, a trip to schedule, but that could wait. Right now he was going to take his dog for a walk.

  He headed over to the river. Nelson liked it there, but then Nelson seemed to like it everywhere. He certainly had a boundless enthusiasm for long walks. He never ran out of gas. You could exhaust yourself walking him, and he’d be ready to go again ten minutes later.

  Of course you had to keep in mind that he had twice as many legs as a human being. Keller figured that had to make a difference.

  “I’m going to have to take a trip,” he told Nelson. “Not too long, I don’t think, but that’s the thing, you never really know. Sometimes I’ll fly out in the morning and be back the same night, and other times it’ll stretch to a week. But you don’t have to worry. As soon as we get back to the house I’ll call Andria.”

  The dog’s ears pricked up at the girl’s name. Keller had seen charts ranking the various breeds in intelligence, but not lately. He wasn’t sure where the Australian cattle dog stood, but he figured it had to be pretty close to the top. Nelson didn’t miss much.

  “She’s due to walk you tomorrow anyway,” Keller said. “I could probably just stick a letter of instructions next to your leash, but why leave anything to chance? As soon as we get home I’ll beep her.”

  Because Andria’s living situation was still as tenuous as her career, the only number Keller had for her was that of the beeper she carried on her rounds. He called it as soon as he got home and punched in his number, and the girl called him back fifteen minutes later. “Hi,” she said. “How’s my favorite Australian cattle dog?”

  “He’s fine,” Keller said, “but he’s going to need company. I have to go out of town tomorrow morning.”

  “For how long, do you happen to know?”

  “Hard to say. It might be a day, it might be a week. Is that a problem?”

  She was quick to assure him that it wasn’t. “In fact,” she said, “the timing’s perfect. I’ve been staying with these friends of mine, and it’s not working out. I told them I’d be out of there tomorrow and I was wondering where I’d go next. Isn’t it amazing the way we’re always given guidance as to what to do next?”

  “Amazing,” he agreed.

  “But that’s assuming it’s all right with you if I stay there while you’re gone. I’ve done it before, but maybe you’d rather I don’t this time.”

  “No, that’s fine,” Keller said. “It’s more company for Nelson, so why should I object? You’re not messy, you keep the place neat.”

  “I’m housebroken, all right. Same as Nelson.” She laughed, then broke it off and said, “I really appreciate this, Mr. Keller. These friends I’ve been staying with, they’re not getting along too well, and I’m kind of stuck in the middle. She’s turned into this jealous monster, and he figures maybe he ought to give her something to be jealous about, and last night I just about walked the legs off a longhaired dachshund because I didn’t want to be in their space. So it’ll be a pleasure to get out of there tomorrow morning.”

  “Listen,” he said, impulsively. “Why wait? Come over here tonight.”

  “But you’re not leaving until tomorrow.”

  “So what? I’ve got a late evening tonight and I’ll be out first thing in the morning, so we won�
��t get in each other’s way. And you’ll be out of your friends’ place that much sooner.”

  “Gee,” she said, “that would be great.”

  When he got off the phone Keller went into the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee. Why, he wondered, had he made the offer? It was certainly uncharacteristic behavior on his part. What did he care if she had to spend one more night suffering the dirty looks of the wife and the wandering hands of the husband?

  And he’d even improvised to justify her acceptance of the offer, inventing a late evening and claiming an early flight. He hadn’t booked the flight yet, and he had no plans for the evening.

  Time to book the flight. Time to make plans for the evening.

  The flight was booked with a single phone call, the evening planned almost as easily. Keller was dressing for it when Andria arrived, wearing striped bib overalls and bearing a forest-green backpack. Nelson made a fuss over her, and she shucked the backpack and knelt down to reciprocate.

  “Well,” Keller said. “You’ll probably be asleep when I get home, and I’ll probably leave before you wake up, so I’ll say goodbye now. You know Nelson’s routine, of course, and you know where everything is.”

  “I really appreciate this,” Andria said.

  Keller took a cab to the restaurant where he’d arranged to meet a woman named Yvonne, whom he’d dated three or four times since making her acquaintance at a Learning Annex class, “Deciphering the Mysteries of Baltic Cuisine.” The true mystery, they’d both decided, was how anyone had the temerity to call it a cuisine. He’d since taken her to several restaurants, none of them Baltic. Tonight’s choice was Italian, and they spent a good deal of time telling each other how happy they were to be eating in an Italian restaurant rather than, say, a Latvian one.

  Afterward they went to a movie, and after that they took a cab to Yvonne’s apartment, some eighteen blocks north of Keller’s. As she fitted her key in the lock, she turned toward him. They had already reached the goodnight kiss stage, and Keller saw that Yvonne was ready to be kissed, but at the same time he sensed that she didn’t really want to be kissed, nor did he really want to kiss her. They’d both had garlic, so it wasn’t a reluctance to offend or be offended. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he decided to honor it.