Journey of the Heart

by Marjorie Farrell

  “Whatever does he want, Michael?” asked Elizabeth as she climbed down from the wagon.

  “I have no idea, a ghra,” muttered her husband.

  “Buenos dias, señor, señora,” said Chavez, with a sweep of his sombrero. “I wonder if I may ask you a favor?”

  Michael gave him a quizzical look. “Ye’re askin’ me a favor, boyo?”

  “We are all good neighbors now, señor, no?”

  “No” was what Michael wanted to reply. “I’ll believe Mackie and his men are good neighbors when rattlesnakes are!” But he had promised himself that he would act in good faith with Mackie. “So it would seem, Señor Chavez. What can I do for Mr. Mackie?”

  “Oh, I am not speaking for Señor Mackie now,” Chavez replied, looking a little sheepish, to Michael’s surprise. “This is for myself. You see, I have grown very fond of Señorita Hart and would like to spend more time with her. But knowing there have been hard feelings between us because of my job, I did not want to ride out to your ranch unless I would be welcome.”

  “You wouldn’t be very welcome, boyo,” Michael answered bluntly. “Especially not by Sadie’s brother, I’m sure. But I am a fair man and as you said, we are trying to be good neighbors in this valley. If Miss Hart has no objections, then we don’t, do we, Elizabeth?” he added, reaching for his wife’s hand. He could feel her tension, but she came through, as he knew she would.

  “If Sadie wished to further her acquaintance with you, Señor Chavez, then you may call on her anytime,” said Elizabeth.

  “Muchas gracias, Señor Burke, Señora. I appreciate your willingness to tolerate my presence even if you can’t welcome it,” Chavez said with a dry little smile.

  “Oh, Michael, must we allow him to come?” asked Elizabeth after Chavez strode away.

  “I know he disturbs you, a ghra, but I must go along with the game Mackie is playing on the chance that it is not a game.”

  “It has been very quiet for a while,” Elizabeth admitted.

  “Yes, but I am taking the biblical advice very seriously, Elizabeth. We will be as wise as serpents even as we act as gentle as doves.”

  * * * *

  “We met someone in town who wishes to call on you, Miss Sadie,” Michael announced that evening at supper.

  “Jimmy Murdoch?” asked Cait, giving Sadie a teasing smile.

  “No, it was Juan Chavez.”

  “Oh,” said Sadie weakly, paying very careful attention to a slice of tomato on her plate.

  “He must have brass balls to think he can come calling on my sister,” Gabe exclaimed, and then realized what he had said. “I, uh, beg your, pardon, Mrs. Burke. I wasn’t thinking where I am.”

  Michael had a hard time keeping a smile off his face. But he knew Gabe’s concern was justified.

  “Mr. Burke, Sadie and I have talked about this already, and I’ve told her there’s a good chance Chavez is doing this just for Mackie,” said Gabe more calmly.

  “Gabe, I am surprised you would insult your sister that way,” Elizabeth said sternly. “I am not looking forward to a visit from this man, but to suggest that Sadie might not be attractive to him….”

  “Begging your pardon, ma’am, but she knows I don’t mean it that way. I just can’t trust him and I wonder that you can.”

  “It isn’t only a matter of trust, Gabe,” said Michael. “We’ve got to go along in hopes that things stay peaceful. I wouldn’t keep Pete Wilson off the place, so how can I keep Chavez?”

  “Well, Sadie can keep him off. All she has to do is tell him she doesn’t want to see him again.” Gabe looked over at his sister, challenging her with his eyes.

  “But I do want to see him again, Gabe,” Sadie replied in her best schoolteacher’s voice.

  “Well, Miss Sadie has spoken, Gabe,” said Michael. “When Chavez comes calling, there’ll be no insults offered the man.”

  “No, Mr. Burke,” growled Gabe. He pushed himself away from the table and excusing himself, stomped out.

  “Oh, dear,” said Elizabeth.

  “Don’t worry about Gabe, Mrs. Burke,” said Sadie. “He just needs to learn that his little sister isn’t so little anymore.”

  Sadie was in her nightgown and braiding her hair for sleep when she heard a soft knock on her door.

  “Come in,” she called.

  It was Caitlin. “I am sorry to bother you, Sadie. I just wanted to talk for a few minutes.”

  “Sit down, Cait,” said Sadie, gesturing to her bed.

  Cait was quiet for a minute as she watched Sadie’s deft fingers plaiting her hair.

  “I envy you your straight hair, Sadie,” she finally said. “I can never get mine to stay in a braid.”

  “Is that what you came to talk about?” asked Sadie, turning away from the mirror and smiling. Cait ducked her head. “No, I guess I was just wondering why you said yes to Chavez’s calling on you. You know it upsets Ma. And Gabe is beside himself.”

  “Yes and he can stay that way, for all I care. I’ve already told him I’m free to choose my own company. Though I do not like to upset your mother,” Sadie admitted.

  “But why would you choose Chavez over a nice cowboy like Jimmy?”

  Sadie was tired over all the noses being poked into her business. “Why did you choose Gabe over Henry, Cait?” she asked sharply.

  “Why, I didn’t choose Gabe, Sadie,” she sputtered. “I just decided that I didn’t really love Henry the way he deserved to be loved. And that New Mexico was my home.”

  “That’s true, so far as it goes,” said Sadie calmly. “But from what I hear, you’ve got some feelings for Gabe you didn’t have for Henry.”

  “How could he have told you that?” whispered Cait, blushing hotly.

  “He didn’t volunteer it. I did some good guessing based on what I know of him, Cait. And I don’t need to talk about it, because it really isn’t any of my business, is it?” she said pointedly.

  “No, I guess not, except that he’s your brother.”

  “But I wouldn’t presume to tell him what to do. Give advice, maybe, but never orders.” Sadie sighed. “I only brought it up so you’d understand. I feel an attraction for Juan Chavez. I know he’s done things I wouldn’t want to know about. But I don’t think he is quite as bad as he’s painted. And I don’t think it’s a good idea to antagonize him or Mackie right now. Though self-sacrifice is surely not the reason I’m seeing him,” added Sadie with a grin.

  “I apologize, Sadie. I was just worried about Ma.”

  “If your ma had asked me not to see him here, I wouldn’t. Not after all her kindness to me, Cait.”

  “I just hope you don’t get hurt, Sadie.”

  “Life isn’t worth much if you hold back for fear of getting hurt, Cait.”

  After Cait shut the door quietly behind her, Sadie collapsed on the bed. She had sounded so sure of herself, hadn’t she? But it was hard not to let Gabe’s words get to her. What if what had happened the other day had meant nothing? But she couldn’t believe that, not feeling the way she had with Juan.

  After all the fuss, when Juan Chavez didn’t appear for three days, Sadie was ready to believe anything about him. But then, late one afternoon, Elizabeth spied Mackie’s buggy driving up to the ranch.

  “I wonder what Nelson Mackie wants now,” she muttered and then, as it got closer, she recognized the driver. It was Juan Chavez, all dressed up in a suit and tie!

  “Sadie, I think you have a visitor,” she called into the house.

  Sadie and Cait had been cutting up vegetables for stew and Sadie hurried out, forgetting she had her apron on. Juan Chavez stood there looking for all the world as though his name should be John Smith, dressed as he was.

  “My lord,” said Sadie without thinking.

  “I was hoping you would go for a buggy ride with me before supper, Miss Hart,” he said formally.

  “Why, yes, I would love to,” she answered, starting down the steps.

  “Sadie.”

  “Ye
s, Mrs. Burke?”

  “Perhaps you would like to give me your apron. I’ll need it to cook supper.”

  Sadie looked down and grinned. Here she was, acting like a foolish girl with a beau come courting. But she had been waiting for three days! She untied the apron and smiled as Chavez handed her into the carriage. “I won’t keep her long, Mrs. Burke,” he said.

  Sadie was quiet until they reached the road. “Señor Chavez, or should I say, Mr. Chavez, for you don’t look at all Mexican dressed like this.”

  “I thought I should dress respectably when I called upon a respectable woman, Miss Hart,” he replied stiffly. She looked over at him in disbelief and saw that Juan Chavez, El Lobo, had a twinkle in his eye.

  “My goodness, you actually have a sense of humor,” said Sadie, speaking her thoughts aloud.

  Chavez laughed. “That is yet another thing I like about you, Miss Hart. You really are not afraid of me.”

  “Should I be?”

  “To tell you the truth, Miss Sadie Hart, I don’t know. Perhaps you should….”

  “Perhaps I should be more afraid of myself,” Sadie told him.

  They had turned east, away from town, and after a mile or so, Chavez pulled the buggy off the road and into a cluster of trees. “I thought it would be more comfortable in a buggy, Miss Hart,” he said, putting his hand over hers and stroking it as he had the first time they touched.

  “What would be?” she whispered.

  “This,” he said, pulling her back against the seat and kissing her.

  Oh, it was as wonderful a sensation as she remembered, the feeling of turning liquid in his arms. She curled against him as he cupped her breast, but after a minute he pulled back.

  “You make me feel quite…breathless, Miss Hart, but we can’t repeat the other day.”

  “We can’t?” Sadie asked, with only partially humorous plaintiveness.

  “You know we can’t. It was another reason I dressed in a more gentlemanly fashion,” he added with a smile.

  “I wish we could,” Sadie said, sounding shameless but not caring.

  “Oh and so do I, querida,” he murmured, pulling her into his arms for another kiss. She could sense what he was holding back and this time it was she who pulled away.

  “It’s good I told Mrs. Burke it would be a short ride, Sadie.”

  “Juan….”

  “Yes, querida,” he said, his arm tight around her shoulders.

  “Gabe…well, you know he is furious about me seeing you…he says you are only doing this for Mackie….”

  “And what do you think, Sadie?” he asked, stiffening.

  “It is hard to know what to think, Juan,” she whispered.

  “I confess, querida, that the first time I danced with you, it was done more to annoy your brother. But by the end of that dance….” Juan paused and then continued in a strained voice. “When Mackie gives orders, I obey them. I’ve been obeying men like him all my life, Sadie. But no one can order me to feel or not to feel. Neither Nelson Mackie nor your brother.” He picked up the reins and turned the buggy back toward the ranch. Sadie reached out and put her hand on his and he pulled the horses up.

  “I am sorry, Juan.”

  “Porque, querida? You have every right to ask me what I am doing here.”

  They rode back in silence, Sadie leaning against his arm. When they pulled up in front of the ranch house, Gabe was leaning against the corral, waiting.

  “Oh, dear,” said Sadie.

  “Never mind, querida,” Juan replied as he helped her down. “I will see you again soon?”

  “If you want,” she said.

  “I want.” He looked out of the corner of his eye and saw Gabe walking over to them and, leaning down, he gently dropped a kiss on her lips before climbing back into the buggy. By the time Gabe reached her, the buggy was turned around and Gabe could only take his anger out on his sister.

  “What were you doing, letting him kiss you like that, Sarah Ellen?”

  “I was enjoying it, that’s what I was doing, Gabe. I thought you were going to let this go!”

  Gabe groaned. “I’m sorry, Sadie, it’s just that I don’t trust him.”

  “Then trust me, Gabe.”

  “I’m trying, I’m trying.”

  It wasn’t until later that night that Sadie realized Juan had never really answered her question. He hadn’t denied that his pursuit of her was Mackie’s idea. Indeed, he had admitted that his actions were not his own, but dictated by men like Mackie. Only his feelings were not, he had told her. She would just have to trust herself to those feelings and if she was being a fool to do that, well, she guessed she’d find out soon enough.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Sky did not mind the saddle the first few days Gabe lunged him with the stirrups tied up, but he showed off his bucking ability as soon as he felt them banging against his sides. Gabe was laughing and cursing him as he tried to make him go in a small circle, and Cait, who had just come out to watch, was taken aback.

  “Surely this isn’t a good sign, is it, Mr. Hart?”

  “He’s fighting a little just like any newly broke horse would, Miss Cait, rather than standing there shivering, and that’s fine with me. But it does mean a little while longer before you can ride him. I’m going to wait a day or two myself,” he added with a grin.

  * * * *

  Three days later, when Gabe put his foot in the stirrup, Sky only sidestepped a little and then stood quietly while Gabe mounted. Gabe had decided not to use a bridle for a while, so all he had was the hackamore for control. But Sky stepped out quietly enough for his first time under saddle, and Gabe kept him to a walk. After a half hour, he began to work on neck-reining.

  If the horse had been a joy to work on the lunge line, he was even more responsive to the direct contact with a rider and by the end of another hour, Gabe had him doing figure eights. He was so intent on what he was doing that he didn’t even notice that he’d gathered an audience. It was only when he dismounted that he realized that the whole Burke family as well as Jake and Sadie were watching.

  “Ye’ve worked a miracle, boyo,” said Michael when Gabe walked the horse over to the fence.

  “Not really, Mr. Burke. He’s a good horse,” replied Gabe, his love for Sky apparent in his voice. “He should be ready for Miss Cait to ride in a day or two. But she’ll have to stay in the corral for a while before taking him out,” he added.

  Cait gave her congratulations and as she walked back to the house wondered where the eagerness and reckless desire to ride her horse had disappeared. Earlier in the summer, she’d not been able to wait. And now she knew she’d be astride him in a few days and that knowledge meant nothing. Well, not nothing, but she didn’t feel the way she’d expected: impatient and excited. But maybe all that would come back.

  But two days later, although she’d experienced anticipation and fear, wondering whether he would tolerate a different rider, and a great deal of satisfaction as she walked Sky around the corral, and even got him doing figure eights at a trot, she knew that the bond she had formed with him two years ago wasn’t the same. It didn’t feel that different riding Sky than to ride any one of their horses and she felt a pang of sadness. And when she dismounted and watched Gabe ride him, taking him from a walk to an easy lope around the corral, she understood. Sky responded to Gabe’s subtle signals almost before they were given, as though he and Gabe were in constant communication. The understanding between Gabe and Sky was like that between her father and Finn, and from the stories he’d told, what he had with Frost. In every way except technical ownership, Sky was Gabe’s horse.

  It hurt for a few moments as she realized it, for Sky had been hers before she went off to school. But time and terror had intervened and it was Gabe who had brought back the horse’s trust, not she.

  Later that night, she sought out her father. He was sitting on the porch, his chin tilted back, enjoying one of the cigars he’d brought back from town. He didn’t smoke ofte
n, but when he did, it had to be outside, for Elizabeth would not have the smell in the house.

  Cait sat down on the steps and watched the moon rise. It was a three-quarter moon, and its bright light blacked out the stars.

  “ ‘Tis beautiful, isn’t it, Cait?” Michael murmured.

  “Yes, Da.”

  “I am very glad you decided to stay.”

  “So am I, Da.” Cait hesitated. “Da, I have something to ask you.”

  Michael heard something in his daughter’s voice and realized she’d sought him out for a purpose. He let the chair’s legs down and putting out his cigar, came to sit down on the step next to her.

  “Ask away,” he said lightly.

  “Before I went away to school, there was a way in which Sky was mine, beyond the fact that you gave him to me.”

  “I remember the day the little bugger walked up the porch and tried to push his way into the house after you,” said Michael with a low chuckle.

  Cait smiled. “Yes, I’d forgotten to close the corral gate properly.” She hesitated and then went on in a shaky voice. “Da, that feeling isn’t there anymore.”

  “He hasn’t given you any trouble riding him, has he?”

  “Oh, no, he is well-behaved and well-trained. But it feels not so different from riding Snowflake. It’s Gabe who Sky would follow into the house now, Da.” She was silent for a moment and then said: “Sky is Gabe’s horse in every way except one.”

  “ ‘Tis true that you can see something special between them,” Michael answered slowly, realizing what his daughter was going to say next.

  “I want Gabe to have Night Sky, Da.”

  “Are you sure, Cait?” he asked, putting his arm around her.

  “I am, Da. He’s worked so long and patiently. And he’s been so loyal to you, Da. Oh, I wish Sky still felt the same about me,” she added with a little catch in her voice. “But I want Gabe to know that if he should ever decide to leave, he can take Sky with him.”

  Michael pulled his daughter close to him in a hug. “Ye’ve a generous heart, Cait.”