Killing Monica

by Candace Bushnell

Pandy stood up and laughed. “Did the hat give me away?”

  SondraBeth dropped her pose and smiled. “Maybe.” The herons, startled by the movement, raised their silvery wings and sped across the water like two small, shiny jets.

  “Beautiful,” Pandy murmured.

  “Aren’t they?” SondraBeth leaned over and splashed her face with water. She slicked back her hair and looked at Pandy. “Are you coming in? The water’s fine.”

  “Sure,” Pandy said in surprise. She removed her shorts and took a step toward the water. SondraBeth shook her head and laughed.

  “You have to be naked, too. Otherwise it’s not fair.”

  “Oh.” Pandy considered her request. Normally, Pandy did not do naked, especially in front of other women. Even when she was a little girl, changing rooms had been a hurdle. She could never figure out how much nakedness was exhibitionist, and was torn between wanting to look around and wanting to act like it wasn’t any big deal. She admired women who had mastered this issue, and longed to be like them, but an ingrained self-conscious embarrassment at her body’s flaws always prevented her. SondraBeth was apparently free of such mundane concerns, but on the other hand, she actually did have a perfect body—or once had, anyway, before she became so thin. And she had certainly performed her share of sex scenes, albeit tasteful ones, in front of the camera. Pandy supposed that after a while you became desensitized, like all those topless sunbathers in France.

  What the hell, she thought, unfastening her bikini top and sliding out of the bottom. She carefully folded the pieces into little squares and wrapped them and her phone in her shorts. A slight breeze tickled the fine hairs on her arms. Having made the decision to shed her clothing, she no longer had any reason not to own her nakedness. She strode confidently into the water.

  The bottom was slightly squishy; she felt like she was walking in a bowl of oatmeal. Pandy laughed and raised her arms to balance. SondraBeth smiled approvingly. “Cool, isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” Pandy said.

  “You can walk for miles, and it doesn’t get any deeper.” She started splashing farther out.

  “Amazing,” Pandy murmured as she followed her.

  “You’re amazing, too,” SondraBeth said. “Think about what you created. An entire world came out of your head. Think of all the people who benefited.”

  The sun and the warm air were like a dozy lullaby.

  “I don’t ever want you to think that I don’t appreciate what you’ve done for me,” SondraBeth said.

  They were now so close that Pandy could imagine their breasts touching. She flushed at the thought. She took a step back, and SondraBeth took a step forward. Pandy could feel SondraBeth’s warm, salty breath on her lips. “Peege,” she murmured softly, her eyes closing.

  For one wild second, Pandy thought SondraBeth was going to kiss her. If she did…

  But instead, SondraBeth’s eyes popped open. A tiny reflection of the sun burned in each pupil, turning the irises iridescent green.

  Then she blinked and laughed. “What in God’s name are we going to do about Doug Stone?”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  WHY DO we have to do anything about Doug Stone?” Pandy grumbled a few minutes later, marching behind SondraBeth in the soft sand as they trooped back to the golf cart.

  SondraBeth reached into the cart, felt for a bottle of water, and poured it down her throat. Scales of salt fell off her face as she tipped her head.

  She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Why shouldn’t we?” she asked.

  “I’ve been thinking about it,” Pandy said, swinging into the driver’s seat. “And I realized that I’m totally over Doug. While you were out there posing, I finally felt like I just didn’t care.”

  SondraBeth paused to give Pandy a curious look. “Really?”

  “Yeah.” Pandy shrugged and turned on the ignition.

  “That’s too bad,” SondraBeth said, sliding into the passenger seat. “I was thinking it might be fun to invite him to join us.”

  “Here?” Pandy gasped, looking over her shoulder as she backed the cart over a pile of broken shells.

  “Why not? It might be fun.”

  “But I’m already having fun.”

  “You, PJ Wallis, are scared,” SondraBeth said teasingly.

  “Well, as you said, I am all squish and elbows,” Pandy replied cheerfully.

  The sun blazed through the windshield. “Whoa!” Pandy jerked the wheel to avoid an iguana the size of a large house cat.

  “It’s just too bad, is all. I’m sure if he knew you were interested—”

  “He’s with Lala Grinada, remember?”

  “Oh, that. That means nothing.” SondraBeth waved this away. “Besides, he might not still be with her.”

  Bouncing over the rutted track, Pandy remembered Doug braced above her. When she’d gripped his smooth, muscled arms, she’d noted, curiously, that his skin felt as soft as cashmere. In that moment, she’d told herself she must be the luckiest woman in the world. And in the next moment, she’d realized it couldn’t last. It was just too perfect. Like a scene in a movie.

  “Naw,” Pandy said now, steering the cart up to the house. “I’m done.” As she opened the door, the cold air-conditioning hit her like a slap. SondraBeth closed the door behind her. Pandy suddenly felt like she was being sealed inside a refrigerator. She walked across the polished living room floor to open the French doors. She inhaled the warm air and turned back into the room.

  “The thing is, I had my fun with Doug,” Pandy said. “I mean, I had sex with a movie star, right? That’s not something that happens every day. On the other hand, it’s never going to be my life. So why bother?”

  “Oh, right.” SondraBeth yawned pointedly. “I forgot that’s all Doug is to you. An actor. A notch in your belt. He is a person, you know? But if you’re really not interested…”

  “It’s not that. I mean, of course he’s a person.” Pandy sighed; she hoped SondraBeth wasn’t going to get all huffy about being an actor again. She looked at her watch. “Do you think it’s too early for a drink?”

  “Probably,” SondraBeth said. “I’m going to take a Jacuzzi.” She went into her room and closed the door.

  Pandy shook her head and went into her own room.

  She sat on the bed and picked up the remote. Apparently it was siesta time, but Pandy wasn’t tired. She got up, went out to the balcony, and looked at the ocean.

  Suddenly bored, she marched across the living room and knocked on SondraBeth’s door. “Squeege? Maybe you’re right. Maybe we should call him. Just so we can make fun of the fact that he’s with Lala.”

  SondraBeth yanked open the door and pulled Pandy into her room.

  Frowning as if she were in some kind of agony, SondraBeth plopped down onto the bed. “I’ve been thinking, too. About this whole Doug Stone business. And I realized it’s not really about him, or you. Or even you and him. It’s about her, Lala Grinada. She’s trying to fuck with me. She’s trying to send me a message.”

  “She is?” Pandy asked.

  “Yes. Don’t you see it? She’s sending me a message through you. And Doug.”

  “Hold on,” Pandy said with a laugh. “How did I get involved in this? I don’t know anything about a message.”

  “She hates you because you put the kibosh on her playing Monica. And now, she intends to get even. With both of us.”

  “By having sex with Doug?”

  “She knows you and Doug were together. She knows you and I are best friends. And because of that, she knows that by hurting you, she’s hurting me, too.”

  “I doubt she’s smart enough to figure that out.”

  SondraBeth banged her hand on the pillow. “And by hurting us, she’s hurting Monica.”

  “Oh, jeez.” Pandy sighed. “Is this what you were thinking about when you were going all stork out there? Getting even with Lala Grinada? If that’s the case, I’m definitely going to need that drink. Let’s go to the club.”r />
  “Fine.” SondraBeth swung her feet off the bed and wrapped a sarong around her waist. “All I’m saying is that this isn’t personal. It’s business.”

  “Business.” Pandy nodded dutifully.

  SondraBeth lowered her gold Ray-Ban sunglasses, and giving Pandy her brilliant Monica smile, added, “Monica business.”

  * * *

  Arriving at the club, Pandy went directly to the bar, worried that the heat was somehow getting to SondraBeth. But as she took a seat and the bartender flipped a cocktail napkin in front of her, the world seemed to right itself on its axis.

  “Hey,” said the bartender.

  “Hey, yourself,” Pandy said.

  “The usual? Rum punch?”

  “Sure,” Pandy said with a smile. She raised her glass. “To drinking your cares away,” she added as the bartender replied with the island’s mantra:

  “You got something better to do?”

  “Nope,” Pandy said hopefully, glancing behind her for SondraBeth.

  She saw several iguanas, but SondraBeth seemed to have disappeared. Perhaps she’d gone into the bathroom, Pandy thought with relief. “To the heat,” Pandy said, raising her glass with one hand and wiping the back of her sweaty neck with the other.

  She looked out at the view. The milky watercolor sea ran right into the sky. The bartender turned to gaze at the ocean as well. “That’s what I call ‘the womb of the sea.’ It’s where the sharks and stingrays lay their eggs. I’ve seen hundreds of baby sharks out there the size of your little finger. And you want to know the weirdest part?”

  “Sure,” Pandy said, sipping at the fruity cocktail.

  “They’re born with all their teeth. Rows and rows of teeth the size of pinheads.”

  “Incredible,” Pandy said.

  She yawned and, picking up her glass, walked out to the pool. Dropping her stuff onto a chaise, she waded slowly into the water. She curved her hands like a spout and dove under the surface. She pretended she was a baby shark, swimming happily underwater. When her breath ran out, she popped up to find SondraBeth standing at the edge of the pool, looming over her.

  “I just remembered why I hate Lala Grinada so much.”

  “Really?” Pandy’s mood sank. She had been hoping that SondraBeth had forgotten about Lala by now.

  “I used to see her at auditions. I didn’t remember it was the same girl until you said the thing about the three hairs. Her hair was dark back then, and she hadn’t had her nose done. And she was such a snob. She acted like she was better than everyone else because she was English.”

  “So?” Pandy frowned, wondering why this particular fact would get SondraBeth so riled. She got out of the pool and dried herself off, following SondraBeth to an outside table at the restaurant.

  “She was rich,” SondraBeth said, sitting down. “You should have seen the way she used to look at me at auditions. Like I was a piece of lowly shit.”

  “Mm-hmm,” Pandy said noncommittally, knowing what was coming next.

  “She’s just like those girls I went to high school with. The ones who called me a slut.” SondraBeth picked up her knife and began tapping it on the table. “Lala needs to learn her lesson. And you need to be the one to teach her.”

  “Me?” Pandy squeaked so loudly, she flushed in embarrassment. She shook out her napkin and placed it on her lap. “Hey, kemosabe. I’m not part of this, remember?”

  “Of course you’re a part of it. How can you not be?”

  The waiter came over. Pandy tried to divert SondraBeth away from the topic of Lala by engaging in a detailed discussion of the specials. Unfortunately, this didn’t take long, as the “specials” were only two different types of fish.

  When the waiter walked away, SondraBeth leaned across the table and banged her knife again. “Goddammit. Why can’t you be there when I need you? When Monica needs you!”

  Pandy laughed. “What does Monica have to do with it?”

  “She’s your child. And you’re abandoning her.”

  “But—”

  “If someone did something to my child, I would never let them get away with it. I would hunt them down to the ends of the earth. And then I would kill them.”

  “Are you suggesting we put out a hit on Lala?” Pandy smirked. “I suppose you’re still in touch with those mob guys from Joules? Freddie the Rat? Maybe he could do it.”

  SondraBeth glared at her with disdain. She picked up Pandy’s phone from the table and held it out to her. “I want you to call Doug Stone,” she commanded.

  “And say what?” Pandy balled up a piece of bread and tossed it to an iguana.

  “Invite him to the island.”

  “No,” Pandy said stubbornly. She was reminded of the incident with the director. Like that scenario, this one was bound to go wrong. And she’d be left feeling like an idiot.

  “Why not?” SondraBeth asked.

  “Because I don’t want to look stupid.”

  SondraBeth sighed. She gazed out at the water. “I always have your back. Why can’t you have mine?”

  “I do,” Pandy insisted. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew there was no way out of the situation but to go along with it. “Fine.” She picked up her phone. “It won’t work, though. You said it yourself. I suck as an actress. I’ll never pull it off.”

  SondraBeth raised one eyebrow. “You’re a better actress than you think. If you call him, he’ll come.”

  Pandy rolled her eyes and decided she might as well get this over with. Doug probably wouldn’t answer anyway; if he did, she would pass the phone over to SondraBeth.

  The phone rang and rang. Pandy was about to hang up when Doug answered breathlessly, as if he’d been searching for his device.

  “Well, if it isn’t PJ Wallis,” he drawled smoothly, sounding like he’d been hoping she would call.

  Shocked, Pandy giggled and said absurdly, “Paging Doug Stone.”

  “Paging you right back. Where are you?”

  “I’m with SondraBeth Schnowzer. We’re on a private island in the Turks and Caicos.” She smiled at SondraBeth, who gave her a thumbs-up. Taking a breath, Pandy summoned her sexiest voice. “Want to come?” she asked.

  “To the island? With you and SondraBeth?” Doug paused while Pandy found herself silently begging him to say yes. This, in spite of how she’d insisted she was so over him.

  Ugh. She was being such a girl.

  “When do you want me?” Doug asked.

  Pandy’s eyes widened as she realized that he might actually be joining them. She sat up straighter, and with a sly wink at SondraBeth, purred, “How about now?”

  SondraBeth motioned wildly for Pandy to hand her the phone so she could give him instructions. And then, like two teenage girls who have just pulled a prank on a boy they both have a crush on, they collapsed onto the table in riotous laughter.

  * * *

  Doug arrived early the next afternoon. He took a short hopper plane from the big island of Providenciales, arriving with two island staffers and several cartons of supplies. It was windy, and as Doug emerged, head tucked, from beneath the flap of the door, the plane began wobbling back and forth like a mechanical toy. Doug looked startled and then slightly afraid.

  “Run, Doug, run!” Pandy shouted from the golf cart next to the runway, where she and SondraBeth were waiting to pick him up.

  “Run, Doug, run!” SondraBeth seconded.

  Doug was dressed in a flowing white shirt and camo pants, a canvas duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He came right up to Pandy and slid his hand under her hair, tilting her head back and giving her a showy kiss.

  “I’m so glad to see you two lovebirds back together,” SondraBeth said with a smirk.

  “Enough.” Pandy giggled and pushed Doug away.

  “Hello, friend.” SondraBeth smiled coolly at Doug and, taking on the persona of the grand lady, coyly tipped her head for a kiss on the cheek.

  Pandy felt an unpleasant click and realized that
she was jealous. This was not good. It had taken but one kiss to stir up all those scrambled feelings of being “in love” with Doug—feelings that she rationally knew weren’t real, but which were capable of causing pain nonetheless.

  And so, as she often did when faced with the chance of being hurt, Pandy became ridiculously silly instead.

  “Run, Doug, run!” she said again.

  Immediately this became the theme for the afternoon, with Pandy and SondraBeth shouting the phrase every time Doug went to refresh his drink, came out of the ocean, or even headed to the bathroom. “Run, Doug, run!” It never failed to spin them into gales of laughter.

  Dinner was raucous; they behaved as if they were some kind of remarkable threesome. When SondraBeth got up to go to the bathroom, Doug ran his fingers down the back of Pandy’s neck, a gesture that snapped her senses into overdrive.

  “How is she?” Doug asked with sudden seriousness.

  “Who?”

  “SondraBeth,” he hissed, as if she had some kind of fatal disease.

  “I think she’s okay,” Pandy said sardonically, wondering at Doug’s question. He’d spent the whole afternoon with them. Couldn’t he see how well SondraBeth was doing?

  Doug smiled. “I’m glad you two are still friends.”

  “Why wouldn’t we be?”

  Doug slowly drew the tip of his finger over the top of her hand. His touch was so light, her skin seemed to swoon. “It’s hard for women to be friends in this business. There’s a lot of competition and backstabbing.”

  “So I’ve heard. Like with SondraBeth and Lala Grinada.” Pandy finished her glass of red wine while Doug reached for the bottle to pour her another. Thanks to the sun and the rum punches they’d consumed all afternoon, she knew another glass of wine was the last thing she needed, but she took it nonetheless.

  “Speaking of which, what is the story with Lala?” Pandy demanded.

  “Her?” Doug shrugged. “She’s just a friend.”

  “Really?” Pandy asked with exaggerated curiosity. “That’s not what SondraBeth said. She said you and Lala were seen together all over Paris.”

  “So?”

  “She said Lala went after you. To get even with her, over Monica.” Pandy shook her head as if the theory were too ridiculous to contemplate.