Holding On To Love

by A. E. Neal

"Yeah...good...just changed my mind about drinking after all. You want another one?" I asked, trying to sound a little less like being on the verge of crying my eyes out.

  "Sure. Same." She said, holding her bottle up. "You sure you're okay?"

  I nodded, ignoring her question and headed toward the bar. I inhaled deeply as I walked and shook my head. I shimmied in between a couple of older men who looked like they'd both worked a long day at the office and desperately needed a strong drink.

  "Excuse me." I said leaning my shoulder through the gap between them.

  Neither said a word, they just shifted in their seats to give me enough room to get up to the bar.

  "Thank you," I said to the gray haired man on my left.

  He picked up his glass and downed the remaining liquid, "Welcome, honey." He said in a raspy voice, like he had smoked two packs of cigarettes a day his entire life.

  The bartender rounded the corner with an empty glass in his hand. He slid a paper coaster in front of me and smiled, "What can I get ya?"

  He had short spiky almost-black hair and light stubble on his chin to match. I noticed he had a few freckles spotted along his cheeks and beautiful pale blue eyes.

  "I need another light beer for my friend and I'll have a double tall rum and coke, please." I said smiling.

  "Sure. Comin' right up," he said reaching into the cooler for the beer. He popped the top off and set it in front of me. "I've got clean glasses coming out of the wash in a minute. Can I bring your drink to you?"

  I nodded.

  "Where you sittin'?" He asked.

  "My brother's in the band, so we've got the table next to the stage...uh...over there," I said pointing to where Kennedy was seated.

  "Well, shit. Why didn't you say so?" He chuckled. "Which one's your brother?"

  "Zac. He plays the bass," I said.

  "Well these are on the house then," he said smiling widely.

  "Thanks, I appreciate that, but it's really not necessary. I can pay for them," I said.

  If it was at all possible, he smile grew even wider and he started laughing, "Nonsense. These and any other drinks you have tonight are on me."

  "But—" I began to protest before he cut me off, "No arguing," he said waving his finger back and forth in front of me.

  "Okay..." I said shaking my head. "If you say so."

  "My name's Finnegan, by the way. My friends call me Finn," he said reaching his hand out to me, winking. I sensed a hint of an accent in his deep, raspy voice. Irish maybe, but it sounded as if he'd lived his entire life in the states.

  I took his hand in mine. "Ally. Nice to meet you, Finn." I smiled.

  "Nice to meet you, Ally. The band's about ready to go on, you better get back to your friend," he said pointing at Kennedy.

  "Thanks, Finn," I said picking up the beer.

  The pub was packed with people. I nudged my way through the sea of sweaty bodies, but not before being elbowed in the boob twice and having some girl's stiletto almost amputate my pinky toe. A spot cleared next to our table and I rushed through before I narrowly missed being knocked over by a shirtless frat boy who was chanting something ridiculous and chugging beer straight from the pitcher.

  "Holy shit! This is insane!" I shouted, slamming Kennedy's beer on the table.

  "I know right? Thanks for the beer, friend." She smiled and took a swig. "Where's yours?"

  "Finn, the bartender, said he'd bring it out. Oh— and our drinks are free all night."

  The noise levels were growing and I thought to myself that the pub was mostly likely at capacity now.

  "What?" She shouted and leaned over the table to me as I sat.

  "Free drinks. All night," I said almost shouting.

  "Awesome. How the hell did you manage that?" She asked, smirking.

  "I told Finn— The bartender— That Zac was my brother," I said proudly, feeling like I'd conquered Mount Everest.

  "You are a fucking rock star, Ally," she said tipping her beer towards me.

  A moment later, Finn appeared with my rum and coke in hand.

  "Here you go, Ally." He said as he set the glass on the table.

  I smiled up at him and said, "Thanks Finn."

  "No problem. If you need anything else, Amy will be around." He said pointing at the tiny brunette waitress who was leaning against the far end of the bar, chewing on the end of her pen. "Just give her a wave. You ladies need anything else while I'm here?"

  "Yeah. Hey Finn— this is my best friend Kennedy," I said nudging Kennedy with my elbow.

  She smiled and said, "Hi Finn, it's really nice to meet you. Thank you for the drinks too."

  "Sure, anytime. You ladies enjoy the show," he said as he turned and walked back to the bar.

  I raised my glass, "Cheers to new friends and free drinks, " I said clinking my glass against Kennedy's beer.

  "Cheers," she said happily.

  A tall, broad shouldered, dark figure appeared on the dark stage. He reached for the microphone stand, tapped the top of the microphone and it whined loudly. The noise of the crowd quieted and all heads turned toward the stage.

  "Ahem..." He said, clearing his throat. "Uh...Danny— I need light, please." He said and low ambient light filled the stage, still making it impossible to see the man clearly. "Ah— that's better... And how is everyone doing tonight?" He asked, the anxious crowd whistled and clapped in response.

  "Good...good. Glad to see you all came out tonight." His deep voice boomed through the speakers. "Welcome to Epic. For those of you who may not know. I'm Brody McCabe."

  More whistles and this time a group of college girls shouted in unison, "We love you, Brody!"

  He laughed, "Well, well, well. Such an anxious group of beautiful ladies we have here tonight." More screams followed. You would have thought we were attending a Justin Bieber concert with the constant shrieking that was taking place a few feet from our table. I rolled my eyes. Groupies.

  A spot light fell onto Brody and I felt my cheeks flush when I immediately recognized his face. My embarrassing run-in from Shaker's stood center stage. He was wearing a tight black t-shirt that outlined the curves of his sculpted chest and arms perfectly. His free hand was tucked into the back pocket of the dark jeans and he shifted his weight back and forth, causing the recognizable silver belt buckle to flash against the light. I sucked in a sharp breath as my gaze dropped to the significant bulge in his tight jeans. I fantasized at the thought of what treasure I might find underneath the pair of jeans he was wearing. He began speaking again, but my heart was pounding so furiously...I didn't hear a word he said.

  I leaned over to Kennedy still keeping my gaze locked on Brody and nudged her arm...hard, causing some of her beer to splatter onto the table. "Oh my God— that's the guy from last night." I said tilting my head toward the stage.

  She whirled around to face me. "What? That's the sex-god from Shaker's?" She shrieked.

  "Shhh...Yeah, that's definitely him." I said shielding my look of embarrassment from his view with my hand.

  "Holy shit, Al. You were right, he is a fucking god. Are you sure that's him?" Her gaze was now locked on Brody's masculine physic and her jaw hung wide open.

  "Positive." I said as he glanced at me, holding my gaze with those beautiful green eyes for a moment before looking over the crowd.

  A million dirty thoughts rolled around in my head like a tumbleweed caught in a wind storm. The heat spread across my cheeks and my heart continued to thump in my ears.

  What the hell is he doing here? I wonder if he'll recognize me? Thank goodness Kennedy fixed my hair. I wouldn't want him to see me looking like a mess. Wait! What the hell am I thinking? I don't even know the guy. He could turn out to be a serial killer or something. Oh, dear God. I'm losing my mind!

  "Are you okay?" Kennedy asked, sensing my uneasiness.

  I swallowed hard, "Yeah...I'm good. I-I think." I felt the blaze from my cheeks work it's way down my neck and across my chest, "Hot in here. Don't you think?" I as
ked, fanning my face with the paper coaster.

  She let out a snort and laughed, "Oh my God. You're totally hot for him, aren't you?"

  I set the coaster down and slapped my hand over her mouth.

  "Be serious, Kennedy. I don't even know him..." I scoffed, "and shut up, he might hear you."

  She threw her head back and laughed again.

  I shook my head and snapped back to the real world as Brody continued, "We have a special guest tonight! One of my all-time favorite cover bands and friends...give it up for HashTag!" He announced and the curtains drew back. Zac stood to next to Alex, who held his electric guitar by the neck and Chris, who was seated behind his drums, calmly held his drumsticks waiting for his queue. The crowd erupted. Kennedy whistled and clapped furiously. I joined in, clapping and even shouted out a few 'Woos'.

  Brody set the microphone back in its stand, hopped off the front of the stage, grabbed a short platinum-haired girl in the front row by the waist, leaned her back and kissed her. This wasn't just a friendly peck on the cheek. No...I'm talking full fledged tonsil hockey. She stood on her tip toes and wrapped her hands tightly around his neck as he kissed her...deeply.

  I turned to Kennedy with disgust. "Um—Tell me when it's over, please," I mumbled.

  She giggled, tipping the beer bottle to her lips. "Wishing it was you instead of that trampy sorostitute?" She joked. I laughed at her choice of words. Sor-osti-tute: noun: A sorority sister who proudly wears designer sunglasses, drives a Land Rover that Daddy bought her and dresses like she belongs on a street corner, not in college.

  I reached back for my drink without turning my head. I kept thinking I'd turn around and witness the two, completely naked, going at it on the sticky bar floor in front of everyone, but Kennedy assured me they weren't. And then it hit me...I was insanely jealous. Jealous of that Barbie doll he was kissing and wishing it was me in his strong god-like arms instead. I swiped my drink, swirled the tiny red straw around the glass before plucking it out and taking three large gulps. Now, I'm not normally one for hard liquor. But, man, Finn made a damn good drink. The rum and coke was delicious and quickly coated my dry throat, sending warmth through my veins.

  "Hello everyone! We are HashTag and we hope you enjoy!" Alex shouted into the microphone and the crowd cheered rowdily.

  The band began playing one of their favorite songs, "Nothin' But A Good Time". I watched Zac intently as he plucked the strings on his Fender, he looked so comfortable and at ease in front of such a large crowd. It made me happy to finally see him in his element.

  The crowd cheered and Kennedy nudged my side with her elbow.

  "Ally— they aren't tongue fucking each other anymore. You can open your eyes now and act like a normal human being again."

  I turned to face her. "I'm sorry," I apologized.

  It occurred to me that I may have hallucinated Brody staring at me moments ago. I searched the pub for him and came up empty. I wondered where he ran off to and then I realized 'Barbie' was no longer with her friends at the front of the stage.

  Ugh. I'm going to need a lot more rum, stat.

  I straightened my back and spotted Amy, our waitress, a couple of tables behind us. I waved her over once she finished taking their order and she hurried to my side.

  "Ally, right?" She asked in a perky voice.

  "Yep. And you must be Amy?" I said, hearing the dread in my voice.

  She smiled brightly. "I am. What can I get for you?"

  "Another rum and coke, please...and whatever she wants," I said tapping Kennedy's shoulder to get her attention.

  "Huh? Oh...I'll have another beer and a shot of Patron, please." She said holding up her empty bottle.

  "Make it two shots," I added.

  "Sure thing, ladies. I'll be right back," she said and scurried off.

  Kennedy turned to me with a smirk, "Feeling a little brave, aren't we? I mean after what happened last night and all."

  I nodded. "Uh-huh." And I finished the remainder of my drink.

  The band continued to play into the night, with their versions of rock hits from the 80's and all I could do was fantasize about Brody in his tight, perfectly tailored jeans. I chugged the remainder of my third rum and coke. I wasn't drunk, but felt something stir inside me.

  The band finished their set around midnight, the crowd started to thin out and Kennedy disappeared to the bathroom. Suddenly, Zac appeared at my side. "Hey sis," he said nudging me in the ribs.

  I shrugged and smiled at him, "Hey bro, you guys did amazing. That was awesome...and..." I began before he cut me off mid-sentence, "Yeah, you seemed preoccupied. What's eating you already? You've been staring at your drink coaster for over an hour," he asked in a genuinely concerned tone.

  I shrugged my shoulders again. "I don't know. Really, it's nothing. I'm fine...promise," I said, attempting to sound reassuring.

  He smiled, put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed...too hard, "Seriously, kiddo. What's wrong? I can tell when something's up...you bite your nails," he asked reaching up to pull my hand away from my mouth.

  He was right, I was a mess. And what for? Over some random guy, I had never actually met? It was just that his presence did things to my body. He made the butterflies in my stomach flutter, my heart skip a beat, and my legs weak.

  I rolled my eyes. I was not about to divulge all my inner fantasizes to my older brother. Instead I asked, "Do you know Brody?"

  He sent me a wary look. "Sort of. We usually hang with him after gigs when we're in town, but Ally..." He responded, "He's not someone you need to get mixed up with, if you know what I mean." And I did, but someone needed to tell that to my body. Brody didn't look like any guy I had ever seen before, but his intense green eyes, muscular body and mussed chestnut hair made me want to forget my preconceived notions of him.

  "Yeah, I get it. He's just a jerk, who sleeps with a different girl every night," I said, straightening my back. Amusement filled Zac's grey eyes and he shook his head. "I'm right, aren't I?" I asked, but he didn't respond. "HA! I knew it!"

  He smiled, and pushed his long blonde hair out of his eyes. "Come on....I'll introduce you," he said, taking my hand.

  "Wait!" I squeaked, "I need to tell Kennedy where I am...she'll worry."

  "Okay, but hurry up. I still have to load our shit into the van," he snapped.

  I cornered Kennedy at the far end of the bar and told her that Zac was taking me back to see his band mates. She agreed and let me know she'd meet me back at our table later. She didn't protest, which lead me to believe she was on the prowl and had her prey in sight.

  Zac was at my side tapping his wrist as if we were on a time constraint. I followed closely behind my brother through the doors adjacent to the stage, my heart pounding and my legs suddenly heavy. This was it, I was finally going to meet him. He held my hand tightly and steered me through the dark hallway, passing a few doors, that read "Manager's Office" and "Employees Only". The last door on the right read, "Dressing Room" and written below in handwriting on a clean sheet of white paper, it read, "#HASHTAG, BAND ONLY, NO GROUPIES ALLOWED".

  Zac opened the door, his band mates stood in the fairly large dressing room that housed a long leather couch, a couple of wingback chairs and an ornate Japanese shoji screen against the far wall. The walls were littered with band flyers and concert posters. Brody wasn't amongst the group of guys.

  The band congratulated Zac with pats on the back and Chris handed him a bottle of scotch. "Drink up, my friend! This is an epic night!"

  The band laughed, Zac drank from the bottle and handed it to me. I looked over the bottle carefully, "Um—are you sure I should drink this, guys?" I asked cautiously.

  The guys erupted in laughter, "Go on! Just drink it!"

  One thing I was well educated in, was my scotch and this particular brand happened to be Andrew's drink of choice. I glanced at the label and noticed this was a twenty-one year old bottle. I gasped and spoke up, not realizing I didn't have a captive audience. "This
bottle is twenty-one years old...casks that once contained premium Caribbean rum and then aged for 21 years and four months...and you asshats are drinking it like it's water!" I shouted over the music that was now playing at deafening volumes.

  The band broke out into hysterical laughter and Alex shouted, "She sure knows her scotch! A woman after my own heart!" He laid is hand over his heart and batted his dark eyelashes at me.

  "Just keep it in your pants, Alexander. God only knows where it's been," I joked, rolling my eyes.

  I turned to my brother and Chris who were also laughing; shook my head and swiped a bottle of water that was neatly arranged on the coffee table. I twisted the cap and drank it's contents.

  Silly boys.

  I sat in a large arm chair in the corner and listened to Alex's fond memories of some girl that got away. Which included very detailed sexual positions, some of which I'd never heard of before and it made me blush.

  The bathroom door cracked and 'Barbie' stepped out, dressed only in a white lace bra and a jean mini skirt. I felt the blood boil in my veins at the sight of her.

  So, this is where Brody had run off to. A bathroom? Wow, that's classy. What a freaking whore!

  She waved to the band and disappeared into the hallway. A moment later, Brody swung the bathroom door open and stood in the doorway, both hands gripping the frame over his head. He was shirtless. An intricate, tribal-like tattoo covered his left breast and wrapped around his shoulder, it had been hidden under his shirt all this time, no wonder I hadn't seen it until now. The muscles in his arms flexed and I dropped my gaze down his chiseled abs and perfect "v" just visible over his waistband. He closely resembled a tanned, tattooed, God.

  The guys let out hoots and whistles. Alex shouted, "Way to go, man! I tried to bag her last time, but she was a prude bitch. Guess you broke her in for me!" More laughter erupted. I kept my gaze focused on Brody and his wide, dimpled smile appeared. "Yeah, you just didn't have what it takes to tame a wild cat like her!"

  He pulled a white shirt over his head and ran his fingers through his hair. He froze momentarily when he caught me staring at him and winked. My cheeks flushed and my stomach did a cart-wheel. He moved towards the couch, sat in between Alex and Zac and leaned over to Zac. He whispered something in his ear, which caused Zac to laugh and Brody slapped him on the back.