by Jenna Bernel
“He’s not a king. He’s not even my father. My father is William Madison, restaurateur, human, rocky love life, but still mostly normal.” For some reason, I think saying it out loud will somehow make it all true. I have never missed my dad more than I do right now, and I wish so desperately to be as human as him.
“He is our king, Dani. He made this place whole again. The rest is for you to decide, but he’ll always be a king to the people of Cali,” Alec says, placating me.
“Why did he have to have that stupid statue made? It’s so freaking embarrassing.” I pout, thinking of the ten-foot version of me for all to gawk at. My style is so much more subtle than that monstrosity.
“Despite what you know and maybe what you’ll ever think, Dani, he loves you. He’s proud that you’re his and of your gifts. And truthfully… Now, don’t get mad, but I think he just likes seeing you every day. I’ve spent more time with him than most, and it tears him apart to be away from you, trust me,” Alec confesses. Ugh, nope. He’s right, I don’t believe that for a minute.
“I think I need some fresh air. Can we go outside?” I ask, changing the subject immediately. No one forced him to abandon me, so I don’t know how that can translate to an “Oh, how I miss my daughter, woe is me” routine.
Alec begins to walk back toward the doors from which we came. Damn him for being so nice, I think as I follow a step behind. The warm air tickles my skin when we step outside. It feels so good. I can’t believe how perfect the weather is here, considering Chicago is about to face the dreary, ugly gray of winter. I catch up with Alec and we walk side by side through the headstones of the perfectly manicured graveyard.
“This day is weird,” Alec says, looking down at me.
“I couldn’t agree more.” I nod my head along with his sentiment.
“Are you going to stay with Henry? You know I’d be much more comfortable with you at my house,” Alec says, and I look up at him suspiciously.
“Yeah… I bet you would,” I retort. I can’t help myself; he made it too easy.
“Oh, come on, Dani. You know what I mean,” he says, for once having an excuse to roll his eyes at me.
“I know, I get it, you’re very protective. But you yourself said this is the safest place for me to be, so I’ll be fine, OK?”
“Yes, but what if you wake up in the middle of the night and have a question, or you turn again, or just need to talk?”
Geez, I am starting to feel like a helpless little kid. “Alec…” I grumble, wishing he would let it go. We walk in silence for a bit and he finally sighs in defeat.
“This is him.” Alec stops in front a headstone and bows his head in respect. For some reason I expected to see fresh flowers in front of a perfectly clean, grandiose stone monument. Instead, it looks very ordinary: a simple light-gray stone with moss growing over the name, like it hasn’t been visited in ages. I bend down and wipe away the green moss that covers the etched lettering. David… I think, rolling his name around in my head.
“All because of him?” I ask, standing back up, and Alec nods.
“Yes. They’re a true testament to how far a person will go for love.”
I almost laugh, but hold it back.
“The five-hundred-year rampage of a woman scorned, death, wars, the possible destruction of everything on earth, and you think this has anything to do with love? Sounds more like revenge to me.”
“We’re Nephil, Dani. Our capability for deep, binding love is one of the things that make us special; it’s what gives us our Grace. Yes, it’s been an epic battle to the point of chaos, but it did and will always be something that stemmed from love. Many mistakes were made, but Stella is one of our own. No matter how much the people want her dead, want to deny her her heritage, she was born Nephil. She is one of us, just like you…just like me,” Alec says, swallowing hard and looking ever so compassionate and human, like he is giving her eulogy. Good, he needs the practice. Because when I find her, I’m going to kill her. And not because it’s my birthright, not because I’m the only one with the power to do so, but because I will enjoy it, every second of it.
“Oh God, not again… No! Don’t!”
Alec’s words are the last thing I hear before I feel a sharp, painful pulse at the base of my neck and everything goes dark.
Chapter 7: No Control
“That was completely unnecessary!” I hear the voice through a distant fog in the background, but I can’t bring myself to open my eyes.
“She was turning again. I can’t allow this in Caliontre; it could cause a panic,” a strong voice retorts calmly.
“She can control her instincts. She’s not going to hurt anyone anymore than I would. I know her. Why can’t you trust me?” I now recognize the protective edge in that voice and I realize Alec is talking about me. Why do people always talk about me like I’m not sitting right here? Wait, I am here, aren’t I?
“We don’t know that for sure anymore. She’s never been this out of control before, and I was protecting her as much as I was our people. I need them to continue to see her in a positive light, not worry a fear-mongering mob will come after my daughter in the middle of the night! Caliontre is and will always be a place of love and peace as long as I run it.”
“Well, she’s certainly not going to see you in a more positive light when she finds out you Ring Pulsed her and wakes up to this.” Alec’s warning sends a panic through me. Daughter? Shit.
“Watch yourself, Alec. You’re on thin ice as it is with your continual undermining and insubordination, and even more so with Roman,” he warns with all the power and confidence of an authority figure.
“What else is new…”Alec mumbles, and I can picture his irritated face because usually I’m the one provoking it. Maybe I should just lie here and play dead for the rest of the day. I feel funny, anyways. Oh no, did I turn again?! No, I didn’t. I can feel my heart beating in my chest, but I still feel so cold, as if I’m in a constant state of in-between. Why can’t I get a handle on this lately? I’m not Stella; I still have my Grace. I still have my Grace. I repeat the chant in my head over and over until I almost begin to believe it.
“I’m not—”
“Hush! She’s starting to wake up,” the supposed King of Caliontre quickly cuts Alec off.
“Sir, honestly I’m looking out for you when I say I don’t think you should be here when she wakes, especially when she wakes up to this. I don’t think she’s ready to see you.” Alec has never been more right than when he uttered that statement. I give Christoph a couple moments to take Alec’s advice as I pretend to stir and slowly wake.
“Nonsense,” Christoph brushes off the warning. Big mistake. I swear I can feel my blood beginning to boil at the thought of seeing him when I open my eyes. All I can feel is the hot, angry blood bubbling in my veins, and it’s a sharp, unnatural contrast to how cold I feel.
“Fine, it’s your funeral,” Alec whispers under his breath, and that’s exactly what I’m worried about. Christoph is right about one thing: I don’t think I’m in control anymore. For all I know, I can turn and rip him to shreds at any moment.
I feel so much pain and resentment coursing through me, and it’s all because of him. He did this to me. My whole life is about control, and now the very thing I held on to for a little piece of consistency has been stripped from me. The hot, rapid flow of blood tauntingly avoids the space around my heart, keeping it on ice. I don’t like this. I don’t know what to do. Deep down, I know I don’t want to hurt anyone, except maybe Stella. I swallow hard, trying to compose myself, and slowly flutter my eyes open, instantly searching for Alec in my line of sight so I don’t do something really stupid.
I’m immediately struck by my harsh surroundings. I’m lying on a bed in what looks like a dungeon, reminding me much more of a back room at one of the vamp-club gatherings at The Basement than the warm light-filled cemetery that smells of freshly cut grass and flowers I was just in. Did they bring me back to Chicago? Good. Not that I belon
g anywhere, but I certainly don’t fit in with all the beautiful Nephil and their happy, sunny dispositions mocking me with every smile.
As my foggy vision becomes clear, I see a face hovering over me, eyebrows knitted together with concern. I’m speechless for a moment as I take in this man’s features. I see so much of myself in him that it’s scary. I’ve never looked a thing like my parents, but I always just assumed that I received all the recessive genes in the family. It never occurred to me when I was told the truth about my birth father that I’d be a female replica of his face.
My stomach roils as it sinks in, and I fly upright, leaping into the air so high that I can touch the fifteen-foot ceiling with my fingertips. Landing on the ground, I do a somersault to break my fall and hop up in a crouching defensive stance, almost snarling, as if I really am in vamp form.
“Get out! I don’t want you here, get out!” I scream loudly, and the shrillness in my voice echoes like nails on a chalkboard in this cave-like room, making it sound even more forebodingly harsh. Christoph doesn’t waver, doesn’t even shrink at the uncomfortably high decibel bouncing off the walls. Instead, I’m taken aback that he beams a huge smile at me and dares to step closer, his arms splaying open like he’s going to hug me.
“Get away from me! Don’t you dare touch me!” I scamper backward in shock at his audacity until my heels hit the wall behind me. He stops in his tracks, and I can see Alec behind him put a hand on his shoulder, letting him know to take my threat seriously, that he too is worried I will turn and have no control over my instincts. I meet Alec’s eyes, and if he weren’t a vamp, I think there might be watery tears surfacing. He’s not looking at me like he did before; he’s looking at me as I have always feared anyone will look at me: like I’m an unrecognizable freak! Oh God, he’s losing faith in me.
This. Is. Bad.
“Daniella, do you know who I am?” Christoph says it almost sweetly, as if maybe I’m confused about his identity and that’s why I’m reacting so poorly. He tilts his head as if I were a small skittish dog ready to lunge at him, and in a way that’s not entirely untrue.
I suddenly can’t speak. I can’t really place it, but I know by the way Alec is looking at me that I must be doing something wrong, letting the vamp win. I clear my throat and straighten up to at least show I’m not a dangerous, beastly predator—not while Nephil, anyways.
I inspect the man in front of me very carefully. His short ebony hair with hints of auburn highlights is neatly combed back in subtle waves. He’s tall and very muscular, the strong build making him seem younger than I’m sure he is. His fair complexion is an alabaster canvas to the most prominent feature on his face, causing them to pop out like by a twist of unnatural magic, just like mine.
He is three large steps away, but I can see them clear as day even in this windowless room. I am fixated, narrowing in on them like a magnifying glass, using my keen vision to focus until it’s all I can see: his eyes. Those big amethyst eyes stare back at me confidently, unblinking. It is like looking into a mirror. Never have I imagined I would see a pair of purple eyes other than mine, and here I am staring at an exact replica: shape, size, same long dark lashes, everything.
“Daniella?” Christoph says again, bringing me back from my daze. I nod. Yes, of course I know who he is. I turn away from them. I feel heat rise in my cheeks as I stave off the tears coating my lashes. I feel like I’ve just been slapped in the face. William Madison. I will always be his daughter no matter what anyone says. But one look at him, Christoph, and I can no longer deny the truth. Christoph is my father.
I take a moment to compose myself. I have no idea where I am, but I know I don’t want to be in his company. I slowly turn back around to find my father’s eyes patiently waiting. The eyes that match mine in every way but this. I have no patience for this moment whatsoever.
“Yes, I know who you are,” I finally reply minutes later, my voice betraying how twisted my insides are with emotion. On second thought, I very much wish I were a heartless, uncaring vamp bitch right about now. This is a torture all its own. “Now get out. I won’t ask you again,” I say, feeling the bile rise in my throat.
“No,” he says with finality, not skipping a beat.
“Fine, then I’ll leave!” I scream, trying to find an exit to this dungeon, but I see none. I feel suffocated with claustrophobia. I begin frantically walking the circular room shaped like a gray cement igloo. There is no door, no seemingly obvious way to leave this place.
“Where are we? Let me out of here.”
“Not until you calm down,” Christoph barks. Good, he’s finally losing his patience.
“Calm down? How the hell am I supposed to calm down?! Do you have any idea what I’ve been through?! Do you have any idea what it’s like to live a lie, to feel so alone that you feel like you’re dying inside? Like you could just disappear into oblivion, because how can you even exist when no one even knows who you really are?!” The reality of my own words, they hit me in the gut so hard that I collapse to my knees.
It is hard to finally admit that to myself out loud, but it is true. I have felt so utterly alone, and I don’t know how to recover from the scars left behind. They’re invisible, and yet they shame me into emptiness every time I look in the mirror. Alec drops to his knees in front of me, wrapping me in his warm arms and rocking me as if I am a small child. I can feel his heat; I can feel his heart breaking for me at my confession, as if he’s been waiting for this moment. As if he knew all along what I am hiding. Even if his heart doesn’t beat, it feels much more real and full then any I’ve ever encountered before.
“You’re not alone, Dani. You’ll never be alone again. I swear on my life you won’t.” Alec’s face is buried in my hair, and his low rumble of a promise sends vibrations through me until I slowly feel my heavy breaths return to normal, avoiding the turn. I clutch on his back and nod into his shoulder; it’s all I can do to thank him. If I speak, I really will start to bawl my eyes out like a small child.
“Daniella, I’m so sorry. I never meant to cause you any pain. Ever. You must know that if I had any other choice, I would have done things differently. I would have had you here with me every single day.” The authority slightly wavers in Christoph’s voice. I open my eyes and peek up just enough to see him over Alec’s shoulder, and he reaches out his hand like he is aching to come over and comfort me too. But I bury my head back into Alec’s shoulder, shaking it as I do, and Alec holds me tightly, stroking the back of my hair down its length.
Christoph clears his throat. “Very well, my dear, I will give you some more time. However, there are things to discuss, and soon, I’m afraid. Unfortunately, our roles in this world are much bigger than us, and this way it will always be. Sacrifice for the greater good is never easy. Stella couldn’t live with that, but you must, just as I have.” His footsteps echo in the floor, but I keep my eyes squeezed shut. I just want this to be over. I hear heavy rocks cracking and shifting, grinding against each other in protest, and then nothing but the silence of my breath that I’d held until he left.
Chapter 8: Daddy?
“Let’s get out of here, Dani. You should eat something,” Alec whispers. If he weren’t still holding me upright, I would’ve collapsed and taken a nap right on this cement floor. He hasn’t wavered his embrace, hasn’t said a word as my chest bucks against his, trying desperately to keep the angry tears at bay. I let out a deep breath and pull my face away from his chest.
He blinks at me and forces a small smile, stroking my cheek with his thumb. I can see it in his eyes that he wants to kiss me, shower me with his love and make all my pain go away. I clear my throat from the thick tension building in the room and slowly unwrap myself from his embrace to stand. I feel stiff from sitting on this concrete, and now I’m wondering how long we were locked in each other’s arms. Alec drops his head slightly, as if he regrets saying anything that would separate us, and hops to his feet.
“Come on, I’m making you dinner,” he sa
ys, walking to the wall. I scrunch my forehead, now curious. How did Christoph get out of here? I should have looked up when I had the chance, but I couldn’t face him. I don’t know if I can ever face him, but I don’t think I’m going to have a choice.
I watch with fascination when Alec puts his hands together like he’s saying a silent prayer and a ball of light forms in between his palms. It glows like a sparkler on the fourth of July and looks very much like how Henry made the portal for us to get here. But this, Alec’s light. It is immeasurably more powerful than Henry’s, and I am in awe of it. It’s like it has a soul. You can actually feel it growing in the room. Alec traces an arch-shaped doorway on the wall and it leaves a blaze of golden fire in its path. He puts his hands to the center of the archway and pushes. It pulses, making a heavy cracking sound as the rock disappears in its wake and then, just like before, I am staring into a black hole of an abyss.
I come up next to Alec, shaking my head in disbelief. How incredible. I squint my eyes, in vain trying to see through the other side, but it is like trying to decipher a black hole in space.
“What is it?” I ask, stepping a little closer to inspect it.
“We call it Portal Jumping,” Alec says, holding on to my shoulder to keep me from stepping in.
“Portal Jumping? Like time travel? You’ve got to be kidding me,” I say, making a face of disbelief and craning my neck to look up at him.
Alec laughs. “No, not time travel. If we could do that, we would have gone back and prevented this whole mess from happening. You know in Star Trek when they step onto a platform and can teleport to where they need to be? It’s sort of like that, only we can make the platform. It’s our most powerful gift, and my personal favorite.”