by Jenna Bernel
I burst out laughing. I can’t help myself. But it feels good to laugh. Alec just made a Star Trek reference. Alec.
“Shut up…” he says, knowing what I took from that, and he playfully tickles my ribs, which only makes me laugh more.
“OK, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just didn’t take Mister Cool, Confident, Panty-Melting Alec for a sci-fi nerd,” I tease, swatting away his hands to stop the tickling. We both abruptly stop laughing once my word slip sinks in.
“Panty-melting?” His cheeks slide up as he attempts to bite down his smile, and he looks downright devilish, like his eyes are about to devour me whole.
“You know how other girls look at you, Alec, don’t play dumb. Emphasis on other girls. But I’m sure if they knew what a nerd you really are, they’d happily keep their panties intact,” I say, trying to make light of it.
“I only care how you look at me, Dani,” Alec says, stepping closer and refusing to let this moment of tension pass as he searches my eyes for permission to take me right against this rock wall.
I gulp, my heartrate picking up, and his eyes flicker to it in a flash, hearing its accelerated rate. Evan’s face speeds across my mind as Alec is mere inches from my lips. I put my hand up to his chest to create a barricade, because if his mouth meets mine, I am not confident I’ll stop. Especially after that embrace we just shared as he brought me back from the brink of turning again. There is a vulnerability about this moment that makes me feel weak. Something in my heart tells me to let him in, that it is somehow important to have him there close. But my head just won’t have it.
“Okay, Romeo, that’s close enough. I’ll see you on the other side.” I step through the portal and the last thing I hear is Alec call out in frustration.
The wind is knocked out of me. I felt like I almost died the last time I stepped through a portal to get here, but this is different. Maybe because I had stepped through without thinking about it, or because Alec slightly warmed my cold heart before I pushed through. This time, except feeling like I’ve been punched in the stomach and completely out of breath, I don’t have the excruciating pain that I had before. I’ll take another punch in the stomach any day over the cold stabbing me like I swallowed a thousand small machetes.
I land hard on my back, bouncing a little on the cushiness beneath me. Alec lands right next to me and I don’t see anything behind him. I thought maybe I’d see the dark matter of a portal on the other side, but I guess it doesn’t work that way. My eyes focus as I catch my breath and the gauzy material draping the canopy billows softly in the breeze.
I look away from Alec and see that the sun has begun to set, even though it will never fully sink down to blacken the sky. Wow, we must have been in that cave much longer than I thought. I blush, realizing I just spent the afternoon hugging Alec and not much else. I shake my head. He’s getting to me and I have to stop. I remember the last time I let him in and it only burned me, bad.
Alec and I can only work as friends. And besides, it’s Evan that I want. A shudder of pleasure hits me as I recall that amazing kiss we shared. I am hungry for Evan; he makes me feel normal, and that is something I desperately crave again. He is my only true connection to the real world. I miss him. I prop myself up on my elbows and look down at Alec with a scowl on my face.
“Really? You Portal Jumped us into your bed? Could you be any more transparent?” I grumble, and he raises his eyebrows and smiles not so innocently.
“What? I said I was going to make you dinner, so my place is the most logical option.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure landing us in your living room would have accomplished that just the same,” I say, punching his arm, and he laughs. I hop off the bed and roam down the hall, exploring Alec’s home.
“Go ahead and make yourself comfortable,” Alec says sarcastically as I open the medicine cabinet in the bathroom down the hall.
“Hey, if you’re going to land me in your bed, I’d say that gives me free rein to poke around.”
“Do you need something specific? Because that’s not where I keep the protection.”
“You’re impossible!” I grab the nearest weapon, a bottle of toothpaste, and chuck it at him. He laughs, catching it midflight.
“If you must know, I’m looking for some aspirin,” I confess, because I do really need it. This day has been so freaking long, and I have a headache burrowing all the way through the back of my scull from the whirlwind of information I’ve had to absorb.
“Sorry, I’m fresh out. Can’t say I’ve had one since I turned vamp. I’ll text my mom to pick up some on her way home from the clinic,” Alec says, pulling out his phone.
“But you have plenty of protection?” I look over at him. Something about that joke bothers me more than I care to admit.
“Could you be any more transparent?” Alec parrots my words back, looking up from his phone through his lashes in the come-hither way that makes my stomach bottom out. I shrug, trying to play off my tinge of jealousy.
“No. You’ve always been a walking contradiction, so nerd plus man whore suits you just fine,” I say smugly.
“Ha! I’m the walking contradiction?! Please,” Alec scoffs, turning to leave this exchange, but I don’t concede. I hate how he knows exactly how to get me riled up. It’s beyond irritating, and I think he does it on purpose.
I follow him down the hall. “What is that supposed to mean?” I say, giving a little shove to his back so he’ll turn around and face me.
“Nothing, Dani. It doesn’t mean anything,” Alec says quietly, and he walks backward, still looking at me as he makes his way into the kitchen. “You hungry? You must be.”
He begins to search through the fridge, pulling out various vegetables and throwing them on the counter for prepping. I collapse in a barstool at the kitchen island and watch for a moment. He didn’t really answer my question. I mean the walking contradiction part yeah, I get it but I’ll never admit it. I probably do toss around a lot of mixed signals, but who wouldn’t when they lead a double life? I had a good thing going, and as soon as Alec came into the picture, it’s been a mess! Lying more than I ever have to my friends, losing Eli to that devil Queen Stella, and then there’s us… Whatever this us is or was, it’s all very confusing. I just want to be a normal human, marry Evan, have his tall, dark-haired beautiful babies, and live in peace. I sigh in exhausted defeat. Being a basket case really takes a toll.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Alec asks as he takes out knives and pans from the cupboards. I lean in on my elbows, inspecting the food on the counter.
“Can I help?” I say, changing the subject.
“Sure, you can start washing the veggies off. Stuffed peppers sound good?”
I nod enthusiastically. “That sounds great!” I hop off the barstool feeling reenergized. I haven’t cooked nearly as much as I’d like to lately. I carefully rinse the big red bell peppers before handing them off to Alec, and he swiftly cuts the top, digging out the seeds. I go to preheat the oven and then grab a pot to prep the rice. Alec tosses me the bag and winks. This seems to be the one place we’re on the same page, and I can’t help but smile.
*****
“Wow, that was so delicious, thank you,” I say to Alec as I dab my mouth with a napkin.
“Hey, I can only take half the credit. You’re really a natural in the kitchen, Dani.”
Alec gets up with his plate and sets it in the sink, but pours one more serving of red champagne which he’s assured me is of the vegetarian oxblood variety. He tips the glass to me in offering, but I shake my head. The last time I tried it out of vamp form, it made my stomach sour.
“Why are you such a good cook?” I ask, clearing my own plate from the table.
“I wasn’t always a vamp.” Alec sighs heavily, leaning on the kitchen counter, and I join him.
“I used to bus tables at a restaurant in town. I’ll take you there sometime. Anyways, the owner, he really took me under his wing and taught me a lot about food. I sort of
became obsessed with it.” Alec stares down at his glass, slowly swirling the liquid until it almost spills out. He wants to tell me something but is hesitating.
“Why so obsessed with food?” I urge for him to continue.
“I don’t know. I got pretty good and started making dinner for my parents every Sunday. We’d all sit down together and eat like we were a normal family. I guess I felt like I had something to prove to everyone. That, and I knew that someday food wouldn’t mean the same to me that it did then, that my tastes would change.” Alec sighs again and takes a big swig from his drink, like he is punishing himself, and it makes me ache for him a little. I know what it’s like to put up the normal family front and still feel like a fraud, but I still don’t understand what he means.
“To be fair, I don’t think anyone here could be classified as normal,” I say, bumping my shoulder to his arm, and he huffs.
“Yeah, but it’s different. People respect you here because they love you, Dani. You’re Christoph’s daughter and they think of you as our savior. People respect me because they have to and because…because they fear me, always have. I just wish I could make them see.” Alec shakes his head as if in a far-off place recalling some memory I can’t extract from his mind. I step in front of him and brush the dusty gold fringe of his bangs out of his eyes. Alec is my friend, and no matter how much pain I’ve wanted to inflict on him these past few weeks, this is different. This pain is something I know, something we share, and I hurt for him because I’ve felt how cutting it can be.
“I understand, Alec. I see you for everything you are. You’re not alone either, I promise,” I say, softly resting my palm on his cheek and looking up into those watery blue eyes.
“Do you?” His voice almost cracks with emotion, and he captures my hand against his to keep it held tightly to his cheek. Both of our breathing pick up, and the air becomes heavy between us. I don’t think, it’s like my head is a tornado but my heart is in the calm eye of the storm, releasing me from my shackles. I twist my fingers in his hair and lean in to touch his perfect lips to mine. A sharp knock at the door makes me jump back a foot, and I let out a little yelp. It was a sign. I’ve officially lost it.
Alec grumbles, “Perfect timing, Mom.” He looks beyond enraged over the interruption, but I’m thankful. I don’t know what’s come over me. Alec sets down his glass and moves through the living room but freezes when he gets close to the front door. I take a deep breath and smell it too. Even through the scent of roasted peppers still lingering in the air I can make out the rosewater smell of a powerful vamp billowing from under the doorframe.
“Come now, I can see your shadow.” I recognize Roman’s low voice and my muscles instantly relax. It is easy to forget that he lives in Caliontre among the Nephil.
Alec forcefully opens the door like he’s good and pissed. I still don’t understand why their relationship is this way. Of all the vamps I’ve met, Roman seems like the kindest, except for that brief encounter I had with Eli before I turned him Nephil. Roman is the rightful King of the Seventh Circle, and that’s the way it should be. He’s how vamps used to be, how they should be, so even though he has stone-like qualities every bit to be expected of a vamp, I don’t quite understand Alec’s hostility.
“What are you doing here?” Alec asks bitterly as Roman walks through the door and heads straight for me.
“Your mother asked me to drop this off for her. She’s had a very busy week. And besides, I wanted to check on Daniella myself,” Roman says, dropping a bottle of aspirin on the counter before clutching my arms with concern.
“Are you all right, dear? I’m sorry I lost my temper yesterday. I’m used to Alec’s disobedience, I just didn’t expect it from you.”
“Bah!” Alec scoffs, crossing his arms, and I see the muscles spring to life in his jaw. Roman turns around to look at him. “Don’t start,” he says sternly before returning to me, and I look past Roman to see Alec fall on the couch as he swallows down what looks like the tantrum he wants to throw. I press my lips tightly together. I have to say I’m a little amused. It’s funny to see someone else get Alec all riled up. What is it with these two?
“Annie told me you turned again. She’s very concerned, as am I. How are you feeling?” Roman’s steely eyes bore into me and there is something about him, something about his compassion that makes me trust him.
“Annie?”
“Alec’s mother,” Roman explains.
“Oh, of course. I’m fine. I mean, I feel much better, thank you.” I search for the aspirin Roman brought, since I do have a little bit of a headache still, and he grabs the bottle from the counter, popping the top and gently putting a couple of pills in my palm. I take them gratefully, snagging the glass of water off the dining table and joining Alec, who is still pouting in the living room. I sit across from him, getting comfortable on an oversized chair before tipping my head back to take the pills. When I return my gaze to Alec, Roman is behind him at the couch resting his palm on his shoulder, and Alec visibly stiffens.
“Your mother mentioned she’d like to host dinner soon. Daniella, will you join us?” Roman extends the invitation and I’m very confused. Us?
“Absolutely, I’ll be there,” I say, sitting up straighter trying to figure this out. But why would Roman be there?
“She expects us on our best behavior.” Roman looks down at Alec and gives his shoulder a little squeeze. Alec’s jaw muscles spring to life once again as he nods tightly.
Roman whisks to the door like a graceful cat. I’d swear he was floating if I hadn’t seen his steps for myself. He gingerly opens the door and looks at me warmly.
“Have a lovely evening, Daniella. I will see you very soon.” He nods to me and I nod back as the pieces start to fall together.
“Good night, Son,” Roman says to Alec and disappears out the door a split second later. Everything in me seizes, and I look from Alec to the door over and over again, but my brain refuses to accept the truth.
“Son?” I finally squeak out, thinking maybe I am mistaken and this is just some sort of term of endearment.
“Son,” Alec says quietly, refusing to meet my eyes, and my breath hitches.
Chapter 9: The Other Way to Turn
“So…” My voice is trembling. We’ve been sitting in Alec’s living room in a stale silence for what seems like an eternity. I need him to say it out loud. If we don’t talk about it, I don’t know how else my brain will start to decipher this enigma.
“Yes, Dani. Roman is my father,” Alec confirms, and my jaw drops to the floor, unable to hide my shock. Again, silence. Just when I think I have a grasp on this complicated web of our intertwined lives, I find out I’m nothing but a helpless fly caught in a delicately woven trap far beyond my comprehension.
“So if Roman is the rightful King of the Seventh Circle, that would make you…” I trail off. That aspirin did nothing to quell the headache forming behind my eyes.
“Yes, Prince. The first and only Prince of Demons,” Alec says quietly. He has no problem doling out my life story but seems very hesitant to come to terms with his own.
“I’m the first and only Princess too, if that helps,” I offer in a pathetic effort to comfort him.
“Hah, yeah, I’d much rather be the Princess of Angels.” He says it sarcastically but there is genuine envy in his voice.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I try not to scold, but after everything we’ve shared, it’s really starting to bother me how little I know about him.
He shrugs. “It’s not exactly something I’m proud of. Roman doesn’t mind the isolation, being feared; he’s proud of who he is and I think very homesick, though he’d never reveal that weakness. Me? I’m right where I want to be, but nobody wants me here.”
My heart breaks for him. The things he said after dinner, the hostility between him and Roman—it all makes so much sense now. Alec, like me, has felt like an outcast, maybe even a freak, and that wears on you whether it’s true or not. We
don’t want to admit it as humans, angels, or demons, but on some level we all care and crave acceptance.
“I’m sure that’s not true. You’re probably just keeping up a wall to protect yourself from letting people in. Believe me, I understand.”
“I let you in.” Alec finally meets my eyes. “And it broke me anyways.” He looks away again.
“Alec…” I say, exasperated. He can’t blame me, it wasn’t my fault he betrayed us.
“What? What, Dani? You want to blame me?! I was just doing my job, playing my part, fulfilling my birthright. Do you think I want this? Do you think I asked for this life? I was put in an impossible situation with the Kings of the two most powerful realms in creation breathing down my neck. And Eli! You think I could freaking control Eli?! Once I approached him, there was no stopping him, he was going to protect you the best way he knew how, and if I didn’t facilitate his capture, he would have gotten himself killed! Fine then, blame me! If that helps you sleep at night then I’ll carry all of your burden for the rest of my eternal life!” Alec slumps back into the couch looking every bit the human as he pumps out a slow, steady breath as if he’d been holding it since the day Eli was captured. He’ll let me take out my pain on him, blame him, hate him. He’ll let me grieve for my friend the only way I know how. I’m so selfish. I never thought how this all affected Alec. How his life was out of his control as much as mine was. I look down at the floor and smile, feeling more connected to him, to someone. It feels nice.
“Are you smiling?” Alec asks in disbelief.
“No,” I lie.
“My pain is funny to you?” He raises his eyebrows, looking like he’s ready to blow again, and I get up to sit beside him on the couch.
“No, of course not. It’s just…seems like you’ve been waiting a long time to get that out. It must have felt pretty good. I know I always feel better after telling you off,” I say, patting his knee trying to lighten the mood, and he shakes his head, but I see his cheeks trying to hide his smile.