by Noelle Adams
Emma straightened up. “Of course. What do you mean?”
“Did something happen?” Carol was still speaking so softly that no one else could hear. She shifted her eyes to clearly indicate Noah, who was sitting unmovingly, his head downcast and his elbows on the armrests of the chair.
Emma’s heart did a little skip at the sight of him. Then she turned back to Carol, mouthing, “Not here.”
To her relief, Carol just nodded.
Emma wondered what it was about her appearance or expression that had clued Carol in. But her friend had always been incredibly perceptive—intuitive rather than observant like Ginny was. Emma certainly hoped there wasn’t a big sign broadcast across her forehead that declared she’d just been making out with Noah Hart.
Ryan came back with the drinks then, and a few minutes after that, a doctor came up to talk to them.
After facing a cool inquisition from Noah, the doctor concluded that the worst of Nan’s injuries was a broken hip. But she also was weak and dehydrated from lying outside for so long injured. She would need to stay in the hospital for at least a few days, maybe longer.
There was a palpable air of relief among them at this mostly positive news. Emma reached over to rub Ginny’s back, and her friend smiled at her gratefully.
“Can we see her?” Ginny asked the doctor.
“Sure. We gave her some medication so she might be sleeping, but you can go in.” His eyes took in the number of them. “Maybe not all of you.”
So Noah and Ginny went to see Nan, and Ryan headed home since he’d left his animals out and needed to get them rounded up for the night.
“I might go over to Nan’s and clean things up and lock up,” Patrick said, standing up and coming over to her. “The door and windows are still open and I hate to leave it like that all night. Are you going to stay here?”
“I think so,” Emma said, feeling bad that she hadn’t even thought about the house. She was usually a lot more practical than this. “Just in case Ginny and Noah need anything.”
“I’ll stay with her,” Carol said. “I can drive her back.”
Patrick nodded, slung his leather saddle bag over his shoulder—since he never went anywhere without it—and walked toward the hospital exit.
As soon as he was out of earshot, Carol asked, “What happened with Noah?”
Emma leaned back in her seat with a little groan. “I don’t even know.”
“Well, you might not know the implications of it, but you know the actual events. What happened?”
“We kissed again.”
“On my God, Emma, you two just can’t keep your hands off each other.”
“I know. I wasn’t going to do it again. I was going to be so smart. What’s wrong with me?”
“It seems pretty obvious that what’s wrong with you is that you have it bad for Noah.”
Emma dropped her head into her hands briefly. “I know.”
“And he seems to have it pretty bad for you too.”
“I don’t know. I mean, he’s into me physically. That much is obvious. But he doesn’t want any more than that.”
“How do you know?”
“Look what happened last time.”
“I know. He thought it was over, but it clearly wasn’t. What if he’s reconsidering?”
“I can’t just let him play with my heart.”
“Noah wouldn’t do that. He’s known you most of his life, and he’s best friends with your brother. He’s not just going to play around with you. If he keeps pursuing you, even after everything, then he wants more than just sex.”
Emma looked up, a sliver of hope cutting through her chest that she just couldn’t stamp out. “You think so?”
“Of course.”
“He just kissed me, though, and he kept saying he shouldn’t be doing it. I’m not sure he’s really pursuing me.”
“Then wait and see. He’s got a way out, with what’s happening with poor Nan. If he really wants to be with you, then you’ll know soon enough.”
Emma let out a breath, feeling better at Carol’s good advice. Carol might be prone to believe the most romantic interpretation of any scenario, but she wasn’t a fool, and she would never lead her friend into bad decisions if she could help it.
“Okay,” Emma concluded. “I’ll just wait and see.”
***
Two days later, and Emma was still waiting.
She hadn’t had an answer one way or the other, but she couldn’t assume Noah was just stalling or avoiding her. She hadn’t seen him alone at all—not even for a minute or two.
He’d spent most of the last two days and nights in Nan’s hospital room.
Emma knew—everyone knew—that Noah felt guilty about never visiting his grandmother, and there was no question that this prolonged vigil was a manifestation of that guilt.
But nothing anyone said could make him leave.
On the third day, Emma stopped by the hospital after work, the way she’d done each day before. She was worried about Nan herself, and she wanted to make sure Noah and Ginny were all right.
Before she could reach the room, Ginny met her in the hall.
Ginny had been at Tea for Two earlier, since Nan’s life wasn’t at risk and she was unwilling to leave all the work to Carol. But she must have gone home to change clothes since she was wearing a pair of baggy sweats and a T-shirt from their high school football team. Her hair was pulled back in a long ponytail, and she’d taken out her contacts and put on her glasses.
“Emma,” she said, as she strode over to meet Emma in the hallway. “Thank God you’re here.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I mean, nothing new. You just need to help me.”
“Of course. Help you do what?”
“I’m going to stay with Nan tonight. You’ve got to help me get Noah out of there.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s been here for forty-eight hours straight. He’s about to drop. He’s got to go home, and he just won’t. You’ve got to help me get him out of here.”
Emma’s stomach did a little twisting thing. “I’ll try. But he’s not going to listen to me.”
“He might.” Ginny pushed her glasses higher up her nose. “He won’t listen to me or Patrick or Ryan, but he might listen to you.”
Emma felt herself blushing. “I don’t think so.”
“Don’t act all innocent. I know you two have a thing going on, even though you’re trying to convince yourselves you don’t. Just please…” She gestured toward the door to Nan’s room down the hall. “Please just get him to go home.”
“I’ll try.” Emma took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She had no good reason to believe that Noah would listen to her—when he’d ignored his sister and his best friends—but she would have to try, if only out of loyalty to Ginny.
The truth was Emma was worried for Noah herself. She wanted to take care of him, if there was any way she could do that.
“I’ll let you go in alone,” Ginny said. “He keeps getting annoyed with me, and I’m just making it worse.”
Emma put on a smile as she entered the room, and she focused the smile on Nan when she saw the old lady was awake.
“I brought you daisies,” she said cheerfully, “to try to brighten up the room, Nan. How are you?”
Noah had straightened up as she entered, and she was aware that his eyes were focused unswervingly on her face.
But Emma kept her attention on Nan.
“Thank you, dear,” Nan said. “A cheerful heart is good medicine.”
“Is that really in the Bible?”
“Yes, of course, dear. There’s a word of wisdom for every occasion.”
Emma briefly wondered what the Bible would say to her situation—hopelessly falling for her brother’s best friend, when it was more than clear that he was emotionally unavailable. She could certainly use a wise word about it. Then she decided she didn’t really want to know.
After arranging the bouquet of daisies on a side table, Emma sat down, still pretending not to notice Noah. She asked Nan, “So how are you feeling today?”
“Better. A lot better. And I’d be doing even better if certain young men would stop hovering.” Nan gave Noah a significant look that proved this wasn’t the first time the subject had come up.
“Someone needs to be with you, Nan.” Noah’s voice was low and gruff and tired.
For the first time, Emma looked fully at Noah, and she was vaguely horrified by what she saw. He looked terrible, his face too pale and with two days’ worth of beard. There were shadows under his eyes, and something nameless lurking beneath his composed expression.
Something that really scared her.
“I have the whole hospital staff here,” Nan replied. “I don’t need anyone else babysitting me.”
“Ginny said she’s staying the night,” Emma said lightly. “So Noah can go home and get a shower and some rest.”
“Thank the good Lord,” Nan murmured.
“I’m not leaving,” Noah said. “Ginny can stay if she wants, but I’m not leaving.”
“Yes, you are,” Emma said blithely. “Everyone is sick of you, and no one wants you around when you smell this bad.”
Noah blinked up at her. He really was tired because he looked almost uncomprehending, as if he wasn’t sure what her words had even meant.
With a tender tug in her heart, Emma reached down, grabbed both of his shoulders, and pulled him up.
He wasn’t a small man. He was far stronger and heavier than she was. But he seemed incapable of resisting, and she was able to pull him to his feet.
“Thank you, dear,” Nan said from the bed, her wrinkled face reflecting relief. “Please take him home, give him some food, and put him to bed.”
“I’m not leaving,” Noah said, although he didn’t sit back down and he didn’t pull away from Emma’s hands.
“Yes, you are,” Emma told him. “Even Nan is worried about you. Do you want to make things worse for her?”
Noah glanced over at his grandmother, and a new expression flickered on his face, as if he just realized that she might genuinely be worried about him.
“Please let me take you home, baby,” Emma murmured, taking his face in her hands.
She was shocked when she heard herself use the endearment. She had no idea where it had even come from, except some overflow of tenderness for him that she couldn’t possibly hold back.
Noah had called her the same thing when they were tangled together in passion, but this was different.
It was deeper.
It seemed to mean something.
Noah stared at her for a minute, and she saw that softening in his expression—the one that happened when he finally let his real self out instead of the cool man he tried so hard to be. “Okay,” he said at last. “Okay.”
Emma almost slumped in relief.
“God be praised,” Nan said. Then she gestured for Noah. “Come give me a kiss before you leave.”
Noah leaned over the bed to kiss her cheek, and Emma heard Nan murmur, “I know you feel guilty, dear. But you won’t get rid of the guilt by torturing yourself. You’ll get rid of it by doing better. And by letting us love and forgive you.”
The words were obviously meant for Noah’s ears alone, but Emma heard them anyway.
Noah looked stunned, dazed as he straightened up. He didn’t say anything.
“Take him home, please,” Nan said.
Emma put her hand on Noah’s back and pushed him forward slightly. Something emotional was happening inside him, something that was almost paralyzing him. It seemed to be shuddering inside him, just on the verge of releasing.
When she got him to the doorway, Ginny was leaning against the wall across the hallway. Her face relaxed in deep relief on seeing them.
“Thank you,” she mouthed to Emma, straightening up and then saying in her normal tone, “I’ll stay with Nan tonight. You can come back tomorrow if you want to.”
Noah didn’t reply. He didn’t seem capable of replying. Emma just kept urging him on with a hand on the back as she walked him through the hall, down the elevator, and then out the door to her car.
“Let’s stop and get something to eat on the way home,” Emma said lightly, when Noah had fastened the seatbelt of her passenger seat.
He looked over at her and opened his mouth, but no words came out.
She nodded as if he’d agreed. “Chicken okay?”
It felt like something was going to happen, like Noah was finally going to let go of whatever he was holding onto so tightly.
She was a little scared of what would happen when he did, but she knew one thing for sure.
He needed her. And she was going to be there for whatever it was he needed.
***
Noah had no idea what was happening to him. He was never like this. He was never weak or helpless or out of it or pitiful.
He was used to always being in control, but he couldn’t seem to control anything at the moment.
He was tired. Absolutely exhausted. It had been foolish for him to go so long without sleep. There was no reason for it. He knew this in his mind, although something else was driving him far harder than his mind was capable of doing at the moment.
He walked into Nan’s house with Emma right behind him, and for a moment he thought he might just drop to the floor.
He hated being like this.
He hated it.
He just couldn’t be anything else.
“Eat first, or shower first?” Emma asked. Her tone was matter-of-fact, which he appreciated. If she’d sounded like she was babying or coddling him, he would have instinctively resisted.
He tried to answer, but his throat still wouldn’t work.
Emma nodded, as if he had said something. “Shower, I think. You’ll feel better after that.”
He didn’t argue. He just let Emma gently push him down the hallway to the main bathroom for the house. She leaned over the tub to turn on the water.
“I’ll get you something to change into,” she said after straightening up. “Those clothes you’re wearing should never see the light of day again.”
They smelled bad. He knew they did. It made him feel even worse.
Emma left the bathroom and returned in a few minutes, holding a pair of pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. She frowned at him. “If you don’t take off your clothes and get in the shower, I’ll undress you myself.”
Noah took a quick breath. He was too exhausted to even get aroused at the thought of showering with Emma.
That was proof of how battered he was.
He definitely didn’t want Emma to feel like she had to undress him so he pulled his shirt out of his trousers and started to unbutton it.
Evidently taking this as a sign of positive progress, Emma stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door.
Noah felt like he was sleepwalking as he pulled off his clothes and stepped into the shower. The water was hot and heavy on his skin. It felt good and almost painful at the same time.
He stood under the spray and shook slightly as waves of emotion and exhaustion washed over him.
He’d never felt like this before. Not once in all his life.
Or maybe he had—that year after his father had left. He’d been almost thirteen, and the only place he’d felt safe to cry was in the shower.
But that was a lifetime ago.
He had no idea how long he’d stood under the spray, but he was startled when he heard Emma’s voice come from the slightly opened bathroom door. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” He was surprised—and pleased—that he was able to form the one word.
“Your food is getting cold. Don’t take too much longer.”
Prompted in this way, Noah found the soap and managed to use it. Then he turned off the water, dried himself on, and pulled on the clothes Emma had brought him.
He came out to the kitchen with wet hair and bare feet.
Emma was putting chicken and biscuits on a plate, but she turned at his approach. Her expression changed when she saw him.
Something in between affection and sympathy filled her face.
“Sit down and eat,” she said, her voice reflecting none of the deep emotion he could see in her eyes. “Then you can go to bed.”
He did as she said, and he knew he ate a plate of food, although he was barely conscious of taking each bite.
It was strangely silent in the house. Nan usually had the television on, and the lack of it sounded bleak, barren, so wrong.
When he’d finished, he gulped down a glass of water, and then he stood up.
He had absolutely no idea where he was going, what he was doing, what was even happening.
He blinked at Emma in disorientation.
“Oh baby,” Emma whispered, raising one hand to his cheek. “Are you okay?”
He didn’t know the answer to that question.
“Why don’t you go to bed?” she said, after a moment.
He didn’t object. He didn’t do anything. He couldn’t seem to move.
She turned him around and put her hand on his back to guide him down the hallway and into his bedroom. She must have straightened up his covers earlier because the bed looked made.
He stared down at it, his vision blurring slightly.
“You’ll feel better after you sleep,” she said. “You’re just too tired.”
He didn’t know if that was true. It felt like he was falling apart. And he suddenly couldn’t stand the idea of Emma leaving this room, walking away from him, being anywhere else but in his arms.
“Stay with me,” he rasped.
“What?”
“Sleep with me.”
She hesitated for just a moment. Then, “Okay. Get in bed. I’m going to take a quick shower too, and then I’ll see if I can find something of Ginny’s to change into.”
Noah did as she said, and he must have spaced out because no time seemed to have passed before Emma was climbing into bed beside him.
He reached for her urgently, pulling her into a tight hug. Her body was warm and soft, and she smelled like soap.
Like Emma.
He wanted to keep breathing her in for the rest of his life.
She wrapped her arms around him and held him just as tightly as he was holding her.