Drawing the Line

by KD Williamson

  Alvin grinned and then roared with laughter. “I’m just foolin’.” He waved a hand toward Mark and Emmet. “They’re used to it.”

  “Yeah, it’s taken me forever to figure out when he’s kidding. I still don’t know fifty percent of the time,” Emmet chimed in.

  “That’s the beauty of it, my man.” Alvin looked back at Rebecca. “You can call me Big Al.”

  Emmet nudged him, hard. His eyes bulged. “No, she can’t.”

  “Why not? Y’all do.”

  “It’ll sound creepy when she says it,” Emmet answered in a stage whisper.

  “Creepy?” Alvin frowned. Then, his eyes widened. “You mean porny?”

  “Big Al,” Rebecca cut in flatly. They were obviously used to this being a men’s club. She had to show them things really didn’t have to change all that much. A club was a club.

  A loud bark of laughter shot out of Alvin’s open mouth. “Oh, I like her, and that didn’t sound porny at all.”

  Mark looked heavenward and shook his head.

  Emmet smiled and sighed in what Rebecca could only assume was relief.

  “Mmm, well, if being around us doesn’t send you running in a week, I’d say you’re a keeper.” Mark patted her elbow.

  Rebecca wanted to pull away, but she didn’t. “Could be.” Despite their propensity for unwanted touching, she was starting to like them already, but they didn’t need to know that. Not yet. She’d left a group of good people in Savannah, and it bolstered her to know she might have one here in Atlanta as well.

  Rebecca scanned the dusty room, made dingier by the harsh fluorescent lights above them. Lieutenant Benz was the only one lucky enough to see the sun. Part of the room was taken up by slate-gray filing cabinets, a huge whiteboard dotted with pictures from open cases, fake potted plants, and a rather fancy microwave cart beside a mini fridge.

  The rest contained clunky desks pushed together in twos. Emmet’s desk was the only one organized with filing baskets and separate containers for pens and pencils next to a large, sleek computer monitor. The one in front of his was bare except for an identical monitor and phone.

  “I hope this is okay.” He rapped his knuckles on the new desk. “It seemed better space-wise to push ’em together. It’s been the three of us for so long, but if you need more room. I’m sure we can—”

  “No, this is fine.” Rebecca had the feeling that Emmet was going to try to talk her to death, but she had plans to work on him. He’d learn.

  She placed the box on her desk and sat in her chair, adjusting it for her height. Rebecca looked inside, and her gaze landed on a memento she’d kept from her time at the academy. Applying had just been something a little more interesting to do with her sociology degree after her boring-ass job in human resources had been dissolved, leaving her unemployed for a while. The academy experience had been hell on her body, especially for a person who exercised sparingly. Every night, she’d gone back to her apartment and thanked her mattress for its kindness. So while her body wept, her mind woke up. In a way, it had been perfect timing since the world she built with Dani was a step away from falling in on itself.

  Rebecca reached in and removed the paperweight she’d been staring at, letting its heaviness soothe her. It was clear, perfectly round on one end, and in the center was the world. Whenever she felt out of sorts or unsure, she held it, and, for that time, she had the world. It didn’t have her. The store she’d gotten it from was nothing more than a tourist trap, and Rebecca had paid way more for it than it was worth. Still, she had to have it. She needed something to mark the occasion as the night Rebecca decided to take the academy seriously.

  Her coffee mug came next. It was huge, bowl-like, and had a disgruntled-looking black-and-white cartoon cat that bore a likeness to Peyton. Nine times out of ten, she filled it with Coke instead of coffee. By the time the box was empty, her desk was still sparsely accessorized, but it was hers. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. At least this part of her new beginning had started off well.

  Rebecca’s pocket vibrated. She fished out her cell phone to see a text from Rick.

  I’m done around 8 or so. Ur takin me out for drinks. Still gettin cold shoulder. Tequila will help me figure out a way to warm shit up.

  Bile rose in her throat along with a familiar flash of guilt. She texted back. Ok. When she didn’t get a reply a couple minutes later, Rebecca sent another text.

  Sorry.

  Dani moved forward in the elevator closer to the control panel as people got off and a few entered.

  “Hold the elevator!”

  Because she was generally a nice person, she pressed the button. When Dani looked up to see who it was, she decided being nice was overrated. She released the button and ignored the stares of the people around her despite them nearly burning her.

  Rick eyes widened, and he practically ran.

  The doors started to close. He shoved a hand, then a foot, between the dwindling space, stopping it. Rick gave her a tight smile before moving to the other side. As big as the hospital was, Dani wasn’t surprised that they’d run into each other, even though he usually lingered on a completely different floor in orthopedics. Still, his presence must have been her penance for not taking the stairs like she usually did in non-emergency situations.

  Dani tried to move to the back of the elevator, but Rick grabbed her arm and ushered them both out.

  She pulled away, but he stepped in closer, placing a hand on her back and steering them toward the door that led to the tenth floor landing.

  “I don’t think I can keep doin’ this. For real. We gotta talk.”

  Her shoulders tightened. None of this should have been happening. Weren’t things happy and normal just last week? The power Becca had over both of them could only be described as impressive. It had to be to pull their world out of orbit.

  Dani moved away from him.

  Rick dropped his hand and looked down at her. “I can’t force you, but…roof, please?”

  Dani was tempted to just turn around and go about her day, taking the easy way out instead of trying to remove a chunk out of the wall forming between them.

  “Please?” He glanced down at his feet and then back at her.

  Rick was trying. Dani had to give him that. She nodded and followed him up five flights of stairs. Even though it had only been a few days since they’d talked, it felt like much longer.

  They were going to have to sift through this whole mess. Might as well start tending to the wound now rather than later. Otherwise, infection would set in and spread, and left unattended, the tissue around the area could go into a state of necrosis. Regardless of her feelings, she didn’t want that to happen to them.

  When they got there, Rick paused and looked out at downtown Atlanta. Dani did the same. Various buildings jutted up out of the landscape like sentinels. Despite the chill in the air, the sun, high and bright, beamed down on them. Everything seemed so small from this vantage point, people and cars included. In turn, she felt bigger and so did the problem.

  “It’s not a big thing now, but back in med school, when I used to let it drop that you’re my best friend, people would give me a side eye.”

  Dani let the words seep into her. Instead of overthinking it, she let her gut do the talking. “Why, because I’m white, or because I’m a lesbian?”

  Rick shrugged. “I don’t know. Hell, both? Dependin’ on the company I kept.”

  She turned her head slightly, glancing at him. Rick continued to look out at the city instead of at her. “Okay. What does that have to do with this…train wreck?”

  “I don’t know, but you don’t think it’s weird how we just meshed that first year?” Rick finally looked at her.

  “No, I don’t. You made it easy to trust you. Talk to you.”

  “Same.”

  “That part of us kinda fee
ls messed up right now.”

  “I know.” Rick peered down at his feet.

  Anger roared and swirled inside her. Dani crossed her arms across her chest. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so pissed at you.” She exhaled noisily. It felt good to say it out loud.

  “I know.”

  “You were like my rock when Becca left.”

  He didn’t say anything.

  “I never cared that you guys talked, but the way you’ve been acting. Is there more?”

  Rick pressed his lips together and ran a hand over his head. “Yeah…yeah, there is. I visited her in Savannah, and when she came here we hung out too.” He released a long breath like saying all that was some kind of relief. Maybe it was.

  Dani’s breathing went ragged. “How long?”

  He cleared his throat. “Uh, since a few months after she left.”

  “I’m not a kid!” The words exploded out of her. “You didn’t have to keep any of that from me.” It wasn’t like the information was going to make her fall apart. “She’s your friend too. I get that.” Dani paused. Her fists clenched. “God, I wanted you to take sides when things first went to shit, but I never asked you to. Never!”

  Rick eyes were soft and apologetic. He reached out to her but dropped his hand at the last second.

  “If I hadn’t dragged it out of you, when were you going to tell me she was back? Or was the plan for her to just knock on the door?”

  His head reared back like he’d been slapped.

  Dani welcomed the violent rush of emotions. “Oh my God!”

  “No! I wouldn’t have let that happen. I—”

  “Did you want me to say thank you?”

  “I was just trying to—”

  “Protect me? I didn’t need that. I needed to trust you.”

  “I know! Okay? I fucked up, and I’m sorry. I’ll take some responsibility for all this, but it’s not just me. It’s her and it’s you!”

  Dani stepped away from him, totally taken aback. “What?”

  “Yes, keepin’ things from you made the situation easier, but I didn’t think you were ready to hear that I was spending time with her. You went from wantin’ to know everythin’ about what she was doing to actin’ like she never existed. I didn’t know if it’s because you weren’t over her or what, but the shit you put yourself through every day? You’ve closed yourself off—”

  “You don’t get to tell me I’m not ready. I did what I had to fix—”

  “But you haven’t! You haven’t fixed anything! You’ve done to everybody else what you did to Becca. It’s been four years since…”

  Rick’s words cut through her. She needed to stop the bleeding. “So I made you lie to me?” Dani threw the blame in his corner, putting a bandage on the additional cut he’d opened so she could ignore it.

  “That’s not what I’m sayin’!” Rick threw his hands up.

  “Then what are you—”

  “I don’t know. This is all fucked up and it hasn’t even really started yet. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to be pissed at me. I don’t want you to hate me. I thought I was doin’ the right thing. I really did at first. It all just got away from me. You’re family, both of you, and I’ve been tryin’ so hard to keep things goin’ that I didn’t see…” He shook his head.

  Dani swallowed and realized that he was bleeding too. “I don’t hate you.”

  “I don’t know how to fix this. Tell me what you need. I’m down for whatever.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Should I j-just…” Rick’s voice cracked. With a shaking hand, he rubbed his head again. His faced scrunched up as if he were in pain. She’d never seen him look so lost. “Cut her off?”

  The part of Dani that hurt wanted to say yes, but she was still rational. Still an adult. His fear jumped out at her, and Dani didn’t want to compound it. How wrong would that be? “No,” she said softly. “No.” Dani strengthened her tone. “It’s all out in the open now. We have to find a way to deal with it.”

  Rick released a long, tremulous breath. “Yeah, I guess we do.”

  “Okay, we’ll talk more at home. I have to go or I’m going to be late for Noon Conference. We’re having a guest who’s going to finish out the lecture series on genetics.” She stepped away from him.

  “I’d better get back too.”

  As Rebecca sat down on the other side of the restaurant’s table, she glanced at Rick. He looked at her, watched her, but his eyes were kind of vacant. Concern tied her stomach in knots. “You been here for a while.”

  He brought a glass to his lips. The liquid inside it was brown. The smell of alcohol wafted toward her from his Crown and Coke, a very strong one. It was his thing. Rick sucked down the rest of the contents and crunched on some ice. He smiled and laughed. “I’m so lit right now.”

  “Damn it.” Rebecca stared at him.

  He laughed even harder.

  Had all this broken him? “I’m sor—”

  “Stop sayin’ that. Doesn’t help anythin’,” Rick practically yelled.

  “I don’t know what else to say.”

  “Then drink and shut up.”

  That was probably not the best of ideas. One of them needed to stay sober. As if on cue, a waitress came over. Rebecca would have thought they’d end up at a real bar, not some restaurant that was a TGI Friday’s knock off. It was Atlanta; there were so many other better places to go.

  “I’m Amy. Can I get you an appetizer and start you off with a drink?” She smiled and glanced in Rick’s direction as well. “Another Crown and Coke for you, sir?”

  “Yeah,” Rebecca answered for him. “Get me the same.” One wouldn’t hurt.

  “Will that be all?” Amy asked.

  Rebecca was as far from hungry as she could get. “That’s it.” She peered at Rick. Changing the subject would probably be a good thing. He had more going on than the mess he’d been dragged into. It was downright selfish to act like he didn’t. “How are your parents?”

  He blinked at her, so she repeated the question.

  Rick shrugged. “Same. I guess.”

  “Bullshit. You talk to them every week, and there’s always a story to tell, especially since children that age can be disgustin’.”

  “But they both teach high school.”

  “Exactly.”

  Rick’s eyes lit up a little bit. “My dad caught his favorite student givin’ some guy a blow job in the boy’s bathroom.”

  “Two guys?”

  “No.”

  “Oh, that would’ve been more interestin’.”

  His mouth lifted at the corner. “That’s what I said.”

  Rebecca let out a choked laugh. “Figures. You need to tell your mom to give you the recipe for her macaroni and cheese.”

  “I have it. I was gonna make it for you as a comin’ home surprise, but things kinda went to hell.”

  Because of her. “Oh. Yeah, guess so.”

  Amy returned with their drinks.

  “Seein’ anybody?” Rebecca was grasping at straws which made her feel three different shades of pathetic.

  For a second, Rick’s forehead scrunched. “You already know the answer to that.” Any other time, he would have called her out for not paying attention, but after a few drinks Rick seemed a little sluggish. “I gotta tell you though. Shit’s gettin’ old.”

  Rebecca was close to asking him what shit, but she sipped on her drink instead, waiting for him to continue.

  “I dunno, wouldn’t it be better if I just had the one woman who got me and the whole doctor thing?”

  She almost spit out her drink. Dani had said something similar. “That would take someone really special.”

  Rick gulped down half his Crown and Coke and peered at her over the glass. He set it back down. “Yeah, it would.” He fish
ed out a piece of ice and popped it into his mouth, crunching on it. After a few seconds, Rick muttered, “Thanks for tryin’ not to be a shitty friend.”

  “You’re welcome.” That was pretty much the only thing she could say to that.

  “Still shittiness all the way around. I talked to Dani and told her everythin’.”

  A million questions clogged her throat, but Rebecca swallowed them back down.

  “She doesn’t hate me, but she doesn’t like me right now either.” He paused and took a long pull from his glass. “I offered to kick you to the curb.”

  Is that what this was? After seven years of friendship that had started at some random party, they were at good-bye? Rebecca gripped her glass hard enough to shatter it. Fear closed in on her, and it was accompanied by a sudden sense of loss. Still, she didn’t say a word.

  “She said no, but maybe that’s the best thing…”

  She couldn’t blame him. She couldn’t blame Dani. None of that stopped her heart from ramming against her chest.

  They stared at each other.

  Rebecca had a chance to be the hero in this scenario, but she didn’t want to be. Rick was all she had left here. She had the guys from her former squad. They were all…friendly, but Rebecca only let them in so far. “There’s gotta be a way we can work this out.”

  “That’s what Dani said.”

  She closed her eyes. Hope settled over her. It was thin, fragile, but there.

  “No lie though. I don’t even know where to start.”

  After downing the rest of her drink, Rebecca added, “Yeah, me either.” Regardless, he was worth the effort, and so was their friendship. Desperately, she hoped that he thought the same.

  An hour or so later, Rick stood. “I gotta pee.” He stumbled and almost fell while trying to scoot the chair out of the way.

  Rebecca jumped up to help him. She wrapped an arm around his torso. He leaned on her and almost sent her sprawling. She righted herself and followed the signs to the bathroom, ignoring the looks they got along the way.

  Waiting, Rebecca put her back against the wall. After more than five minutes passed, she made up her mind to stick her head in to make sure he was all right. The door almost hit her in the face.