by Amanda Renee
Jade had headed back to LA eight days after the girls were released from the hospital. “She never told me.”
“She probably wouldn’t have told me if I hadn’t been staying here. It really upset her.”
“I bet.” Jade imagined her sister thought not being able to breast-feed as the ultimate failure.
“Have you ever mixed formula before?”
“Can’t say that I have.” Jade sighed.
“Come on.” Maddie motioned for her to follow. “There’s kind of a formula to making formula and it all starts with boiling water.”
By the time Maddie walked her through the steps, Jade understood why women opted to breast-feed. Even though the can came with directions, she took detailed notes, not wanting to risk a mistake.
“Just remember to toss out any mixed formula after twenty-four hours. You can make a large batch of it, but it’s not like milk. You can’t keep a gallon in the fridge for a week. If any of them don’t finish their bottle, toss it because their saliva can contaminate the formula.”
“Got it. I’m assuming this is the bottle sterilizer?” Jade pointed to a large dome-shaped appliance sitting on the counter.
“Yes. You can also run their pacifiers through there. But—” Maddie opened the cabinet next to the sink and removed three bottomless bottles and a box “—it’s more convenient to use these with the liners. That way the nipples are the only thing you’ll need to clean. Just toss the liners in the trash.”
After a crash course in infant feeding, Maddie left for the night. Jade peeked in at the girls before heading to the guest room to change. She stood in the doorway as she’d done earlier, almost afraid to get any closer to the children who were biologically hers. She still had a tough time wrapping her brain around it. If she intended to take care of them until Liv returned, she needed to remember Liv was their real mother, not her.
She tiptoed across the room to their cribs, choking back tears. They were beautiful, and she’d help create them. The inexplicable desire to hold them overwhelmed her. She wanted to tell them how much she loved them and that she’d never abandon them. How bad had things gotten for her sister to walk away from her children?
She reached over the side of the crib and lightly ran her hand over one of their matching white-and-pink cotton bunny onesies. Matching! How would she tell the girls apart? They were fraternal triplets, but they looked alike to her. Especially at this age. Liv and Maddie could tell them apart, but Jade hadn’t spent enough time around them yet. If it wasn’t for the large A, H and M stenciled on the wall above their respective cribs she wouldn’t have known who was Audra, Hadley or Mackenzie.
“What if I mix them up?”
Hadley stirred at the sound of her voice but didn’t wake up. Jade scanned the room. She needed something to distinguish them from each other. Nail polish came to mind, but she feared they’d chew it off. She ran back downstairs to Liv’s office and dug a black permanent marker out of the drawer. She’d have to write their first initial on the sole of their foot until she researched a better solution online. Maybe the pediatrician could offer a suggestion. She had to call there anyway to find out when the babies’ next appointment was. First, she had to fabricate a plausible excuse as to why she was calling and not her sister. She didn’t want to arouse suspicion about Liv.
One triplet began to cry as she reached the top step. She ran into the room, pulled off the marker cap with her teeth and wrote a large H on the bottom of Hadley’s foot when the odor of a full diaper smacked her square in the jaw.
“Good heavens. For a tiny little thing, that is one big stink.” Jade lifted Hadley into her arms as Audra began crying. Within seconds, the room was full of shrieks and smelly diapers. She couldn’t pacify or change the girls fast enough. She wasn’t even sure how to get them downstairs to feed them. Maddie would. Jade went to pull her phone from her pocket before remembering she left it in her bag. “Okay, I guess we’re going down one at a time.”
Mackenzie started crying louder than the other two before she reached the hallway. “What is it, sweetheart?” She cradled her against her chest, afraid to put her down. “You have a clean diaper and I will feed you in a few minutes.” Mackenzie’s tear streaked face turned red while her tiny arms flailed in the air. Jade adjusted the baby’s position and sat in the rocking chair. “Shh, I’ve got you. I know you miss your mommy, but I’m here.”
Mackenzie’s cries continued along with her two sisters and Jade wondered if Liv had postpartum depression or if she’d needed a sanity break. She easily saw how this could try even a saint’s patience after a while. Jade couldn’t do this alone. She needed help.
* * *
WES SAT IN LIV’S driveway for ten minutes before he got the nerve to walk up the porch stairs and knock on the door. Once he did, he heard a baby cry from inside. He hadn’t even considered he might wake them up. He hadn’t considered much on the drive over except that he hadn’t given Jade his phone number and he didn’t have hers. His concern for Liv was worth the risk of seeing the girls.
Wes’s heart pounded in his chest as a cold sweat formed across his brow. His biological daughters were inside that house. It was the closest he’d ever been to them and all he wanted to do was run. Why hadn’t he called Liv’s house and left a message on the answering machine if Jade didn’t answer? Because he hadn’t thought this through. The reality he’d created three children with the bully responsible for the beatings he’d received in the high school locker room struck him harder than a runaway Mack truck.
“Maddie, I need you!”
A chill ran down Wes’s spine at the sound of Jade’s desperate plea. He grabbed the knob and flung the door open, causing it to bang against the interior wall. “Jade!” He ran toward the baby cries, uncertain what he might find. He stuck his head in the numerous rooms that branched off the center hall of the old farmhouse. “Jade, where are you?” he asked as he reached the kitchen, only to find Jade, barefoot and disheveled holding one screaming infant in her arms while the other two wailed from bouncy chairs perched on top of the table.
His heart stopped beating at the sight of them. His daughters. His. They had his DNA, his genes, his—Wes grabbed the doorjamb.
“Thank God you’re here.” She took a step toward him.
He shook his head, trying not to break eye contact with her for fear he’d look into the eyes of one of his daughters. “Why are they crying?”
“Wes, meet Audra.” She held the infant out to him. “Please help me.”
His arms rose automatically to take her without hesitation as his body betrayed his will. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see the life he’d helped create. The weight of Audra in his arms made her all that more real. Her cries stopped as a soft mew emanated from the tiny bundle. He didn’t want to look. But he couldn’t not look. He needed to see his daughter.
“Oh my God.” His heart sprang back to life.
“What is it?” Jade frantically asked.
“She’s beautiful,” he whispered.
“They all are. We made quite the heartbreakers.”
He lifted his gaze to hers. The edginess had faded to a gentle softness. Even with her stained blouse and what appeared to be a black marker streak across her left cheek, she exuded beauty. “I guess we did.” He lowered his eyes to the other two girls contentedly sucking on the bottles Jade held for them. And then he saw more black marker. “Did you write on their feet?”
“I had to. I couldn’t tell them apart. They’re not identical, but they sure look that way to me.”
Wes cautiously stepped forward as if walking on ice. He’d held a baby before. He’d been around plenty of children in his twenty-nine years. Somehow, these three seemed more fragile than any of the others combined.
“The nose on that one is a little more upturned.” Wes glanced at the infant’s foot. “What does the M stand for?”
“L
iv never told you their names?”
“She sent me a birth announcement, or what I assumed was one. I never opened it.”
“Wow, you really haven’t spoken to her in months because she chose those names in January.”
“I stopped taking her calls when she told me she was having triplets.” He reached for the third bottle sitting on the table and held it up. “May I?”
“Be my guest. She refused to eat for me.”
Wes sat in the chair across from her and held the bottle to Audra’s tiny lips. She hesitated for a second before eagerly drawing on the nipple. Her eyes reminded him of Jade’s...big, blue and the color of the Montana sky on a bright summer day. He wished somebody would pinch him because feeding his daughter was the most surreal experience of his life.
“I hate that I didn’t call. It bothered me then, but it bothers me more now. I can’t help wondering if my abandonment contributed to her leaving.”
“I won’t criticize you for walking away because if Liv and I weren’t sisters, I may have done the same thing.”
Jade’s candor surprised him. “So, you still haven’t told me what the M stands for.”
“Mackenzie and the other is Hadley.”
“Audra, Mackenzie and Hadley.” His cheeks hurt from smiling. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m—” He wasn’t sure how to introduce himself.
“You’re a friend of their mother. That’s all we can ever be.”
Ten minutes ago, Wes didn’t even want to be a friend to anyone connected to the children, now it hardly seemed enough.
“How is this supposed to work? You can’t even feed the three of them on your own.”
“That’s not fair.” Jade held a bottle up to the light to see how much formula remained in the liner. “This was my first try. Although I’m not sure what my sister was thinking when she told Maddie to call me. I’m not exactly mother material. My job’s super demanding and consumes most of my time.”
“What do you do?”
“I own a high-end event management company in Los Angeles. You could say I’m a party planner to the stars. I’m surprised my sister didn’t tell you.”
He would never have guessed she’d chosen that career path. He figured she would have chosen... Wes stared at her, not recognizing the woman she was today. He’d never given much thought to what she did after high school. Once she’d moved away, he had been thrilled to have her out of his life. Even though her cruelty still stuck with him.
“Your sister rarely mentioned you.”
Jade recoiled at his comment. “Well, that’s nice. At least you didn’t tell her how much you hated me.”
Just as much as you hated me. “I met your sister the day of my father’s funeral. We were both at the Iron Horse, saddled up to the bar. She recognized me and offered her condolences. At the time, I was too lost in my grief to realize who she was. That was the night she and her husband called it quits. She was hurting and I couldn’t see past my anger over my father’s death.”
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but I’m glad you two found comfort in each other.”
Wes nodded. “That old saying about misery loving company is true. We were two lonely souls drowning our sorrows. The next day I didn’t even remember her name, but we kept meeting there night after night and as time went on, we met less at the bar and more in a booth with coffee and a bite to eat. It was only then I realized she was your sister. I couldn’t have gotten through those days without her.”
“I tried talking her into moving out to LA when Kevin left. She refused to leave this place. We’d bounced around so much in foster care that once she had this house, hell would freeze over before she left it.”
“She didn’t really discuss where you two had lived while growing up, but I got a real sense that home meant everything to her.” Liv had sidestepped most references to her childhood, and he’d assumed she’d wanted to keep that door closed forever. He understood where she’d been coming from and never pressed further. “Our friendship started out consoling each other over what we’d lost. My father and her husband. Once we got that out of our systems, our conversations shifted to the future and what we wanted out of life. She talked a lot about wanting a family of her own.”
“Liv’s not one to dwell in the past.” Jade sat both bottles on the table and lifted Mackenzie into her arms.
“No, she’s not.” Wes waited for Jade to grab a burp towel, but she didn’t. “You need to hold her a little more upright and against your shoulder. And you should have something to protect your shirt because she will spit up.” He stood, still cradling Audra in one arm while he opened and closed drawers until he found what he was looking for. He draped a towel over Jade’s shoulder, noticing the softness of her hair against his hand as he did so. “Watch me.” Audra had finished her bottle. He set it on the counter and shifted her in his arms. “Hold her like this and lightly pat her back.”
“How did you get so good at this?” Jade mirrored him.
“I’ve had practice. More than a man who never wants kids should.” Wes had seen enough dysfunction in his own family to kill any desire he’d ever had of settling down. His father’s death had fractured the final fragments that had held the Slades together. Getting tossed off a bull hurt a lot less than losing someone you love. Three of his four siblings had maintained a close relationship to each other, but their mom had taken off for sunny California. Much like Jade had. Nevertheless, he’d learned to keep an emotional distance ever since. “Any more thoughts where your sister might be?”
“Tomorrow I’ll call every postpartum depression treatment center I can find, including over the border in Canada just to be on the safe side. She’s an adult, so I’m not sure if anyone can legally tell me if she’s there, but I at least have to try.”
“Well, the reason I came here tonight was to give you my phone number and to get yours.”
“You could’ve called the house and given it to me seeing as you didn’t want to meet the girls.”
“That dawned on me while I was knocking on the front door.” Wes sniffed the top of Audra’s head. She smelled like new car smell for humans. “From the looks and sounds of things, it’s a good thing I did. Where’s Maddie?”
“I sent her home. She’d been here for over twenty-four hours. The woman hadn’t even had a shower or change of clothes.”
“It looks like you could use the same.”
“Thanks a lot.” Jade attempted to smooth the front of her shirt.
Wes laughed as he settled Audra into the empty bouncy seat and lifted Hadley into his arms. “I didn’t mean that to sound as insulting as it did. It was a poorly worded offer to watch the girls while you take a few moments for yourself.”
“Are you sure?”
“Considering I made a commitment to help bring these three into the world, I think I can commit to babysitting while you shower.”
“Thank you.”
“But...this is a onetime deal, Jade.” He didn’t want to delude her into thinking he’d changed his mind about being involved in their lives. “I’m here now, but once I walk out that door, I’m not coming back.”
He couldn’t—wouldn’t—risk his heart. It was already on the verge of shattering into a thousand pieces.
Chapter Three
Jade awoke with the worst backache of her life. She eased her body out of the rocking chair she had tried to sleep in last night. Staying in the guest bedroom down the hall proved futile after hours of tossing and turning. It didn’t help that she kept getting up and checking on the girls every few minutes. The video baby monitor was great during the day, but it was difficult to see at night when the only light in the room was an elephant lamp on the dresser against the far wall.
How had her sister done it alone in a house this size? It was the middle of summer and the place creaked whenever the wind blew. She co
uld only imagine how loud it was during the blustery Montana winter. There was too much house, too much baby and not enough time to breathe.
Liv had surprised Jade when she’d first mentioned in vitro. It had been one thing to want a baby with her husband, but as a single parent? Their mom had failed at single parenting ten times over. And she couldn’t help wondering if their mother was part of the problem. She had never bonded with them and vice versa.
Jade tried to remember the days after the girls were born. Liv had stayed in the hospital for three days and the girls had been in the neonatal intensive care unit for almost two weeks. It had been so hectic that she hadn’t noticed if Liv had bonded with the girls. Could she have missed the signs? Even though she’d been sore, Liv had been determined to get up and move around when she needed to. In hindsight, Jade shouldn’t have left so soon. Work had beckoned and despite her connection to the girls, she should have sucked it up and stayed an extra couple of weeks with her sister.
Jade quietly slipped out of the nursery and grabbed her phone off the charger in the guest room. It was a few minutes after five in the morning. Los Angeles was an hour behind them, but knowing Tomás, her assistant was probably awake. The man had been her shadow for the last five years. His attention to the finest of details and endless amount of energy kept her business running smoothly. He was the only person she would ever trust to handle any given situation the way she would.
The hardwood floors groaned as she made her way to the narrow staircase leading to the kitchen. She hesitated on the top step and listened for any sign that she’d woken the girls. Confident they were still asleep, she continued downstairs and beelined for the coffeemaker. Once the caffeine began coursing through her veins, she dialed her assistant.
“Good morning, gorgeous.” Tomás’s chipper voice boomed through the phone. “And how is our temporary mummy holding up this morning?”
“Let’s just say I made it through the night in one piece.” For the next fifteen minutes, she sipped coffee and filled Tomás in on yesterday’s events, including Wes. Tomás had been the one person she had completely confided in about her past. He knew the good, the bad and the ugly.