The Bull Rider's Baby Bombshell

by Amanda Renee

  “Thanks for squeezing that subtle guilt trip in there.” Wes braved a glance at the triplets, but his face showed zero emotion. How could he not smile when he looked at them? “What I was trying to get at, don’t women usually receive baby swings and all sorts of big items at their showers? My sister-in-law had a huge baby registry. Aside from what you showed me in the closet, I don’t see any other gifts in the house.”

  “I bought her the car seats and a triplet stroller along with a monthly diaper subscription. Her friends gave her gifts, but there was never a swing. Aren’t they too small for them?”

  “Are you kidding me?” Wes sat his drink on the counter. “I bought Belle this awesome Bluetooth infant seat that swings and rocks, mimicking the mother’s movements. You can control it from your phone and adjusts in multiple positions so they can sleep, play, eat...you name it. I even gave one to Dylan’s fiancée, Emma, for their new daughter. Here—” Wes tugged his phone out of the front pocket of his jeans and tapped the screen. “This is the video I took the other day of my nephew Travis—Belle and Harlan’s kid—in his.”

  “Wow. He looks so much like the girls. Especially Mackenzie.” Jade looked from the phone to the triplets who remained entranced by the man continuing to ignore them. Wes growled under his breath and Jade returned her attention to the large automated infant seat. “That looks really nice. The girls would love that. Where can I order one or three?”

  Wes took the phone from her. “I got it covered.” He tapped the screen again. “What’s the address here? I can never remember the house number.”

  “You don’t have to do that. They look expensive.” For a man who claimed he didn’t want kids, Wes certainly knew his way to an infant’s heart.

  “I can afford it.” A hint of annoyance evident in his tone. “It’s something I should have done months ago. Liv was my best friend and I never even bought her a baby gift. Regardless of my part in this, I shouldn’t have shut her out the way I did.”

  “Seventy-five.”

  “Seventy-five what?”

  “You asked the house number. Seventy-five Brookstone Lane.”

  “Oh.” He entered the address into his phone. “I was expecting another guilt trip. My mistake.”

  “Let’s just say I was silently agreeing with you and leave it at that.”

  “Fair enough. Unfortunately, I can’t get next day air shipping since today is Friday, but they will be here on Monday.”

  “When do you go to South Dakota?” Not that she cared what he did. She hated to admit it, but last night she’d felt more comfortable with him there. A floor separated them and they had barely said a word to one another after he agreed to stay. Regardless, she’d worried a little less. Then again, she probably would have felt the same way if Maddie had stayed over. And since she had volunteered, maybe that was a better idea.

  “Tuesday evening. I will be back sometime on Thursday. Don’t forget I have two christenings tomorrow, a family celebration tomorrow night and a prewedding party on Sunday. I don’t expect to be around much during the day.”

  “About that. I may have overreacted. You’re home for such a short time and this is a special week for your family. You should be with them. Especially since you don’t plan on coming back to Saddle Ridge. Maybe it is best if I hire someone.”

  Wes stared at her, causing her to shift uncomfortably. Sarcasm or some other retort would have been better than nothing. With Maddie around at night, she’d only need help during the day. Possibly even two people, since she needed time to work. There had to be a nanny service nearby where she could hire someone reliable and less...less Wes. She didn’t want to like him, but after their talk last night and his infant seat gesture, she found herself doing just that. Although she owed him an apology of her own after what she did to him in school. “About last night—”

  “I thought you didn’t want a stranger around.” Wes’s tone bordered on accusatory.

  “Only because I didn’t want to explain Liv’s absence. The guardianship papers make it legal and I don’t have to worry what anyone else thinks. Not that I want my sister’s personal problems broadcast around town.” Although people might be more sympathetic to postpartum depression than Liv skipping out on her babies for a month because of a job.

  “What are you going to say when someone asks where she is?”

  “I don’t want to lie. It makes things more complicated. I’m sure she assumed people would find out the truth. A thirty-day absence is hard to hide.”

  The girls finished their bottles, and she rinsed out each of the plastic liners before tossing them in the trash. She’d learned her lesson yesterday after the garbage can stunk to high heaven. The liners were more trouble than they were worth. She’d use regular bottles for their next feeding.

  “I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about any of this.”

  Jade turned off the faucet and dried her hands before facing him. “You and me both. I think it was a mistake to involve you. I should’ve thought it through. Hell, I should’ve thought everything through.” Jade prided herself on efficiently moving from one thing to another. That principle worked great in business, not so much in her personal life. “It bothers me that my sister was so emotionally distraught she had to abandon her kids in order to get help. You’re telling me what you should’ve done for her and I’m thinking to myself how wonderful I thought I’d been by donating my eggs and enduring all the hormone injections and doctor visits. My body was bruised and my mood swings and hot flashes triggered by the hormones almost caused my entire team to quit. Never mind all the time I had to take off work.”

  “I had no idea it was that involved. My part was over in—well, you know.” A tinge of pink creeped up his neck as he quickly reached for his drink.

  “Despite my research, it had been more involved than I’d ever imagined. But she called me a hero for doing it and kept thanking me for the sacrifice.” Jade lifted Hadley into her arms. “I thought I’d been this great sister by taking off even more time for the delivery, plus all the things I’d purchased for Liv and the girls. I was so busy congratulating myself, I missed the obvious. I should have been more aware of her needs and made sure she had the proper help. And I shouldn’t have left so soon after the girls came home from the hospital.”

  “If she didn’t want Maddie’s help, what makes you think she would’ve welcomed someone else’s?”

  “Because Liv had talked about hiring a nanny once she went back to work, even though she was working from home. I can appreciate why she wouldn’t want a nanny during those initial bonding months, but the point is I hadn’t noticed a problem because I was too busy trying to escape.”

  Wes exhaled a slow breath and stared at Audra. She met his gaze and held the stare. And then smiled.

  “Oh my God, did you see that?” Wes laughed. “She smiled. She actually smiled.”

  “Or she has gas. Either way, that’s the first time I’ve seen any of them make that face. I think she likes you.”

  “Yeah, well.” Wes cradled the back of Audra’s head and scooped her into his arms. “Don’t get attached to me, kid.” He sat in the chair across from Jade and slowly rocked the infant. “I sympathize with your guilt. I’m sure Maddie does, too. But from what I’ve read on the postpartum depression websites, a lot of women try their hardest to cover up how they’re really feeling because they don’t want anyone to know they’re not bonding with their children.”

  “And many times they are crying for help and nobody’s listening.” She had replayed every phone and video conversation over in her head last night and one thing stuck out more than anything else... Jade had purposely kept the calls short. She had made one work excuse after another to get off the phone, ignoring her sister’s needs.

  “You can analyze it to death, but it won’t change anything. All we can do is accept what’s in front of us and take it day by day. As m
uch as I want to walk away, I can’t. Whether we like it or not, we’re a temporary team.”

  Jade hated temporary. The first sixteen years of her life had been filled with temporary. Temporary meant loss. And nine times out of ten, loss brought pain along for the ride. Even if she left tomorrow, there would be pain. As unconventional as they were, sitting around the kitchen table and holding the daughters they’d created felt natural on some alternate plane. If her heart wasn’t ready to let go now, how would it ever be ready in a month?

  * * *

  WES HAD NEVER been more terrified in his entire life. He thought he could handle being alone in the house with Hadley, Audra and Mackenzie, but he’d underestimated their cuteness factor. Jade had tried to put them down for a nap before she left, but they were having none of it. So Wes relented to baby playtime on the mat in the center of the living room. Thank God they were too young to roll over and crawl away giving him some semblance of control. Gripping his finger was one thing. Gripping his heart was altogether different.

  He checked the wall clock. Jade had only been gone for fifteen minutes. That was barely enough time to get to the attorney’s office. He groaned. And she was clothes shopping afterward...he was doomed.

  Mackenzie intently watched the musical, plush butterfly mobile he had set up over their play mat. Jade hadn’t been kidding when she said Travis and Mackenzie looked alike. They were cousins, born days apart from one another, yet they would never know it. Wes choked down the unfamiliar lump in his throat. The startling realization that Travis and the triplets would be in the same grade, possibly even the same class all through school sucker punched him in the gut.

  “How did I miss that before?” If they looked alike now, he could only imagine the resemblance as they got older. People were sure to question it. Jade had already asked Liv to move to California. Somehow he needed to convince them both that was the best thing for all of them. Then maybe he could visit his family freely again. Although in the back of his mind, he already knew he would forever associate Saddle Ridge with the three girls he would never see after this week.

  Wes’s eyes began to tear. “How could you do this to me?” he asked the triplets. “You weren’t supposed to be cute. You weren’t even supposed to let me like you. How can I not like you? Have you looked in the mirror?” Audra smiled again as if she understood. “You’re adorable. I see a lot of your mom in you. I guess I shouldn’t call her your mom since Liv gave birth to you. She’s your mom. But your aunt Jade, she’s a special woman. She went through a lot to help bring you into this world. And your mom, she’s going through a lot too. But when she comes home, she’ll be better than ever.” At least he hoped so.

  He couldn’t help but have the same fears Jade had. What if Liv relapsed? What if raising triplets on her own proved to be too much? Jade’s lifestyle and work schedule didn’t mesh well with raising children. She’d even admitted to not wanting kids of her own. And neither did he. But once he retired from bull riding next year wouldn’t he have the time for a family?

  Wes rocked back on his heels. What the hell was he thinking? He’d never planned on having kids and even if he had, his daughters weren’t his to raise. Liv didn’t want him parenting her children. She’d made that painfully clear when she proposed the idea. Up until that point, he had only casually mentioned not wanting kids. So when Liv became adamant about him not being in the girls’ lives, it hurt. Not because he wanted to be a father. But because she thought so little of him. The fact she had been hurt and shocked when he moved away had surprised him. How could she have expected them to stay friends? In the back of his mind, he’d wondered if Liv would try to rekindle her relationship with Kevin once the babies were born. Even more reason for her to be happy he was gone. The Liv he knew had become a walking contradiction.

  Wes ran his fingers lightly over the bottoms of Audra’s feet. “Are you ticklish yet?” Her big blue eyes reflected innocence at its purest. “There’s a big world out there waiting for you to conquer it.” Her little legs kicked, and he noticed her foot was marker free. “Did your aunt Jade finally figure out how to tell you apart? I always knew. Yes, I did.” He lifted her into his arms. “And I’ll always remember you as being my first daughter to smile at me.”

  A tear rolled down his cheek, and he quickly wiped it away. Contrary to what his former ex-best friend thought, Wes enjoyed being around kids. He adored Harlan’s eight-year-old daughter, Ivy, and a good 50 percent of his job at the rodeo school in Texas involved him training young children to compete.

  Liv had insulted him when she’d assumed it wouldn’t bother him to run into his own kids. If that hadn’t screamed how she really saw him, he didn’t know what would. In hindsight, that should have been his sign to turn Liv down. If she had used an anonymous donor, they could have stayed friends after he moved. Instead he chose to sacrifice it all to give his friend what she wanted most in this world. A known biological father to her children, even though he was technically unnamed.

  None of what he did changed how much he hated the idea of marriage and settling down. That had more to do with his parents’ dysfunctional marriage. A detail his brothers managed to leave out whenever they remembered the good times. A fight usually followed every one of those good times. Ironically, the only brother who understood was the one who had killed their father.

  “You’re going to have the best life. Even if I can’t be here to see it, I’ll make sure you’re okay. Better than okay. Think of me as your fairy godfather. I’ll always watch over you.”

  As the girls began to fall asleep, Wes attempted to figure out the logistical nightmare of getting three infants off the floor and down the hall into their bassinets. “How did Liv do this?”

  He wished he had thought to bring the car seats in from the mudroom. It would have made baby transport much easier. That reminded him. He needed to install the car seat bases into Jade’s rental car. Would they all fit side by side? Two yes, three...no way. Liv had talked about leasing a large SUV but he didn’t know what she had eventually chosen.

  He tugged out his phone and one-hand typed a quick text message to Jade.

  Swing by rental car company after attorney. Need a larger vehicle to fit three infant seats in one row.

  Since he wouldn’t be around much this weekend, he wanted Jade prepared for any emergency. She and Maddie didn’t need to fumble with fastening the seats into two cars if the unexpected happened. He’d take the vehicle down to the sheriff’s department and have Harlan or one of the other deputies double-check he’d installed the seats properly. Besides, it would give him a chance to explain his disappearance to his brothers. By now they had probably assumed he was shacked up with one of his old girlfriends while he was in town. If it hadn’t been for Jade, he would’ve been. Unfortunately, for the past two nights, she’d taken center stage in his dreams.

  That wouldn’t have been a bad thing if he hadn’t still resented her for the pain she’d caused him in school. He understood her reason now, and he felt horrible for the role he had played, but it hadn’t lessened the damage she’d done. He had been beaten up many times in the locker room after she’d spread around that he had used her as a front because he was gay. The rumor had followed him on the high school rodeo circuit and home. While his brothers only ribbed him about it in the beginning, his father had taken the rumor as gospel and had berated him daily. Her lie had made it impossible for a friend of his to come out because he feared the same treatment from their classmates. Her cruelty had affected far more than just his life. The sad part was, he had started their feud.

  After opting to use the bouncy chairs, he successfully made it into the downstairs nursery. Then a whiff of something rotten almost caused him to gag. “What is that?” He covered his nose. “Did something crawl in here and die?” He quickly scanned the room and inspected each crib. “I can’t leave you girls in here.” He slid their bouncy chairs into the hallway and the odor
followed them. Hadley kicked her little legs and made a sour face. “Is that smell coming from you?” He leaned closer and gave her the stiff test, almost passing out in the process. “Oh, that’s just not right. How can someone so small and beautiful smell so rotten?”

  After changing Hadley’s diaper, he decided he’d be proactive and change the other two, just in case. By the time he’d settled them down for a nap, he needed one himself. He also needed to fumigate the room. Located in the back corner of the house, the nursery’s open windows offered a nice cross breeze. Northwest Montana got hot in the summer, but most of the time they didn’t need to run air-conditioning.

  Unwilling to leave them alone in the room, Wes eased into the antique rocking chair in the corner. He ran his hands over the worn wood. He had been with Liv when she stumbled upon it at the county yard sale. He never imagined sitting in it and watching his children sleep. Now he didn’t want the moment to end.

  Chapter Five

  Other than the few minutes he’d spent with Jade when she returned from the attorney’s office yesterday, he hadn’t seen her or the girls. Maddie had stepped in his place as soon as she’d gotten off work last night. He hadn’t even been able to say goodbye when he dropped off Jade’s new rental SUV after he had the car seats inspected at the sheriff’s department. He’d phoned Jade twice, but she kept reiterating she had it covered and she didn’t need him. Once again, he felt cut out of the triplets’ lives. And while that had been the original plan, he didn’t like it so much now.

  Watching Harlan and Dylan stand up as godfather for each other’s children left him a little sad and lonely. Three of his brothers had kids—five among them—yet they’d never asked him to be a godfather. Dylan and Garrett had done it twice. That just showed how his brothers saw him. He guessed he couldn’t blame them. His reputation had been far from stellar and he had begun to distance himself from them after their father’s death. They were always cordial to each other and even joked around some, but the closeness they had once shared continued to fade. Harlan had made more of an effort recently, but now it was too late for Wes to stay in Saddle Ridge. Even if he wanted to be the girls’ father, Liv didn’t want that. And he couldn’t risk his heart breaking every time he ran into them.