by Coralee June
“How do I always end up like this?” Mom asked.
“Like what?”
“Helpless, letting my daughter clean up my mess.”
I scoffed. “You had me when you were fifteen. You worked three jobs to raise me. You’ve always taken care of me.”
“We both know that’s a lie, Vera. You learned how to make dinner when you were eight years old,” Mom replied. “You were folding laundry at six. Watching yourself, getting yourself ready for school when you were barely five.” Soft tears sank down her defeated expression, but she looked proud of me in that moment. “You grew up fast. Faster than you should have.”
“So did you,” I replied warmly. “You took care of a baby you didn’t want when you were just a baby yourself.”
“You think I didn’t want you?” Mom said, crying harder now. “Is that really how you feel?”
“I know who my father is. I know you didn’t—”
“I wanted you, Vera. The moment I saw those two little lines on a cheap dollar store pregnancy test, I knew my life was going to change. Every good thing in my life starts and ends with you. You helped me find a strength within myself I never knew existed. Everything I do is because I want you to have a better life than I did. Because I love you so very dearly, baby. I might be a mess. I might not go about things the right way. I say the wrong thing. I let my ambition get in the way. And yes, I resent that my life was stolen from me, but I don’t resent you. I have failed as a mother if you think for even a second that I don’t love you.”
I stopped washing her hair and leaned back, my own tears flowing freely now. “I’ve felt like this obligation. Something holding you back.”
Mom reached out and cupped my cheek. “You push me forward. I wake up every single day knowing I have you in my life.”
I hugged her wet body, not caring that she was getting my pajamas drenched. “You don’t have to stay with Joseph, Mom,” I whispered. “We were plenty happy before. We can be happy again.”
“It’s not that easy, baby. He’s my husband.”
“He’s your abuser,” I replied.
That word sent a shiver through her thin body. “I don’t want to talk about this. He wouldn’t be angry if you’d stop this nonsense with Hamilton.”
It was like she slammed a wall between us, ruining the sentimental moment. Grabbing a nearby cup, she rinsed her hair of shampoo by dumping the water on her head like a baptism. I watched her for a moment before speaking. “I don’t know what I’m doing with Hamilton,” I admitted. It felt good to finally talk about him with my mother. Even if she didn’t approve, I needed to get it off my chest. “Sometimes, it feels like he could be the one, Mom.”
Mom’s mouth dropped open, but she schooled her expression quickly. “You’re too young to have the one.”
“We have this connection I can’t explain. I tried to stay away. It’s not just physical. But sometimes, I feel like I don’t know him. The Beauregards have a lot of secrets…”
“You don’t know the half of it,” Mom mumbled.
“What do you mean?”
Mom grabbed the conditioner and started coating the ends of her hair with it, working it up to her scalp with slow, methodical movements. “It’s better if you don’t know. I had no idea just how far their reach is…”
“More of a reason to get out while we can, Mom.”
“It’s too late for me, Vera,” she croaked.
“It’s never too late, Mom.”
Mom and I spent the rest of the night in silence. Every time I asked her what was going on with Joseph and the Beauregards, she closed off, sealing her mouth shut and refusing to talk to me about all of it. I wanted to pry the information from her lips, but I also didn’t want to pressure her into telling me things she wasn’t yet ready to share. She was hurting, she was a victim. I wanted to rush her to the police station and have Joseph behind bars, but I had to do things on her terms. In a time where her life felt out of control, it was important to make sure the decision to get help was in her hands.
When I woke up the next morning, I rolled over in bed, expecting to see my battered mother sleeping there, finally getting a peaceful night’s rest. But instead of her snoozing frame, her side of the mattress was empty. I shot out of bed and started wandering the apartment, my feet shuffling across the wood floors. “Mom?” I called out. Nothing.
In the kitchen, there was no sign of her. It wasn’t until I saw the scrawled note on the back of a receipt that I realized what she’d done.
Baby,
Joseph called. I got up early and drove home. Loved the girl’s night. See you soon.
Xoxo,
Mom
I quickly grabbed my phone and dialed her number, but it went straight to voicemail. It was about a five hour drive from here to DC. What time had she left? Certainly she wasn’t there already.
I didn’t have a car, or I would have gotten on the road right then and chased her down. I needed more time to convince her that she deserved better than Joseph. This wasn’t safe. What if Joseph killed her? Fuck! I knew how this would play out. Mom needed my support more than ever. I refused to let Joseph break her.
I didn’t want to call Hamilton so soon, but I really did need his help. It wasn’t like I could knock on Jared’s door, and I didn’t know Jess well enough to ask her to drive me to DC. I called him and was directed straight to his voicemail. “Where are you, Hamilton?” So much for, call me if you need anything.
Deciding that I couldn’t just sit here waiting, I got dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a gray, knit sweater and slipped on some boots before ordering an Uber to Hamilton’s townhouse. Much to my annoyance, the driver treated the ride like a leisurely stroll. My leg bounced as I rode. I clutched my cell phone in my fist and stared out the window at the passing buildings. The moment I pulled up to his neighborhood, I unbuckled and threw myself out of the car once we parked. Hamilton’s motorcycle wasn’t out front, but his Range Rover was. I knocked on the door, and the only thing to greet me on the other side was Little Mama’s barks. I could hear her pawing at the door and whining to get to me. I didn’t have a key, or I would have opened it up to check inside.
“Where are you, Hamilton?” I said with a curse before calling him once again. Maybe it was a bad idea to come here. Maybe I just needed to hop on the first train to DC and call the police. Fuck. I should have just taken her to the hospital last night. I was so scared that I’d push her away if I forced the issue, but she ended up leaving anyway.
But what would I do once I got there? Could I go up against Joseph alone? If the Beauregard reach was as bad as everyone claimed, could I even go to the police? Where was Hamilton? I left him in rough shape last night. He was already struggling with the anniversary of his mother’s death and seeing Jack. Then, I left him alone. What if he did something reckless?
I dialed his number again, and it went to voicemail. “Hamilton. Please call me back. Please. I’m sorry about last night, okay?” I paced in front of his house for a moment longer, and once I was certain that he wasn’t home, I called Jess, who answered on the fourth ring.
“Hello? It’s the asscrack of dawn, and I work tonight. This better be good.” She sounded groggy.
“Do you know where Hamilton is?” I asked, my voice rushed and desperate. Jess must have picked up on the worry in my tone, because when she spoke again, she sounded more alert.
“I thought he was with you?”
“We got into a fight last night,” I admitted. “My mom showed up. She needed medical attention and—”
“Wait. Slow down. What?”
Hot tears fell down my face, and I chewed on my lip. “I need to find Hamilton. I think he’s the only person who can help me. Joseph hurt her, and she went back to him. Why did she go back, Jess? I could have helped her. We could have gotten through this. I don’t know what to do.”
“Where are you?” Jess asked.
“At his house. He isn’t here. Where would he have gone?”
>
Jess went quiet for a long moment. “I’ll come get you. I think I know where he is.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, I replied, “Thank you, Jess. Thank you so much.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” she snapped before hanging up the phone.
I had a plan. I had somewhere to go. I had help.
I just needed Hamilton.
25
Jess pulled her Honda Accord up to the gate in front of Jack’s home where two guards stood scowling at her scuffed and dented ride. The cloth seats smelled like cigarette smoke, and she was wearing sweats, as if she’d rolled out of bed. I waited for her to pull up the drive, but she didn’t. “I can’t go any further. I was kind of banned from Jack’s home three Christmases ago when I gave Joseph a black eye,” she explained sheepishly. “But I’m willing to bet Hamilton is here.”
“Why would he come here? Jack is home and he hates him. If anything, Hamilton should be avoiding this place.”
She let out a sigh. “It’s weird how the places that bring us the most pain can also provide us with comfort when we need it most, yeah? You called your mom when Saint was tracking you down. Hamilton comes here when his world is crashing around him. Go to the backyard. Follow the trail into the woods that leads to the community park. You’ll find him at the base of a sycamore tree between Jack’s property and the house next door.”
“Isn’t that your spot?” I asked.
“It is. But I don’t think he needs me right now. I’ve never seen Hamilton give a shit about someone else besides me. He’s always been too scared to. You should go. I think it will help him.”
I nodded once. Although I felt pulled in so many different directions, I still wanted to make sure that Hamilton was okay. I ached to hop on a train and stop my mother from running back to Joseph. Part of me also craved crawling in a hole and processing everything that had happened these last two days. It was a lot. I hated it.
I pushed open her car door, and the movement made the rusted metal groan loudly. “Oh and, Vera?” Jess called just as I stepped out of the car. I straightened my shirt and looked at her.
She smiled softly. “If Hamilton has his head shoved too far up his ass to help you, I’ll drive you to wherever your mother is, okay? I’ll park right here and wait for you. I already called off of work.”
I was speechless. “Really?” I asked.
She waved her hand. “Don’t get all emotional. I like you. Infinity likes you. Sometimes I wonder if you have anyone looking after you. I guess I’m just trying to say that you aren’t alone.”
“Thank you,” I replied before swallowing the emotion crawling up my throat, and shut the door. As promised, Jess moved to park on the street, and I watched as she pulled out her cell and started mindlessly scrolling, waiting for me.
The guards let me in after I showed them my ID. I was thankful that Jack still had me on the approved guest list. I wasn’t sure how much longer he would allow that. Especially after last night. Between the faked pregnancy, my involvement with Hamilton, and Joseph’s abusive ways, it was only a matter of time before shit hit the fan.
Following Jess’s instructions, I walked around to the back of the house and found the trail she spoke of. Trees lined either side of me as the eeriness of the quiet woods made my steps cautious, my heart a pounding, rebellious monster in my chest. Each shadow looming over me felt like it held secrets. Each step made my skin chill. Every muscle, bone, and tendon in my body was still and on full alert. Something was wrong. I felt like I was on the edge of something major, but I didn’t know what.
“You’re a joke. I’m willing to pay premium—” Hamilton’s voice carried through the air, though it sounded far away and dulled by the wind and surrounding trees.
“You backed out of our last deal. It was supposed to be easy. One picture with you and Vera. Now you’re asking for more when you haven’t paid up.”
The blood in my veins turned to ice. What? Who was he speaking with?
Leaves crunched under my boots as I walked closer. “Saint, I told you. I want Vera out of this. I have a good story that will ruin my brother.”
Saint? No. No.
“Nothing will ruin your brother! You gave me the faked pregnancy scandal, and Jack had it shut down in minutes. I’m blacklisted from most publications, and the ones I am allowed to work with aren’t reliable, trustworthy, or meaningful enough to make a difference. There’s no merit in trash.”
“He’s beating his wife,” Hamilton growled.
“Not to sound heartless, but people won’t give a shit unless you have proof. A video. Pictures of it happening. No one ever believes the victim when the monster is a man in a position of power. It takes concrete evidence, and even then, you still have to smack people upside the head with it. It won’t do anything. I’m in fucking hiding now because approaching Vera put me on the radar.”
“Yeah, well your theatrics are to blame for that,” Hamilton replied, his tone sarcastic. I pressed on, hiding behind the large trunk of a tree while peering at them. Hamilton was wearing the same outfit as last night, and Saint was sitting at the base of a large tree, picking at his nails.
“Look. I’m glad you got the story on the faked pregnancy. Only you could weasel information out of a bridesmaid while fucking her. You must have a magic dick, because she spilled everything. Honestly, that story probably saved what little of a career I have left. I can’t believe Lilah Beauregard went to such lengths to fake a pregnancy. Maybe she deserves a shitty husband. I’m a firm believer in karma.”
Hamilton kicked Saint in the shin and growled. “No one deserves Joseph’s cruelty. Even Vera’s shitty mother.”
Saint groaned and rubbed the spot on his leg where Hamilton kicked him, while peering up at Hamilton with a scowl on his thin face. “I’m just saying. You wanted a scandal. You fucked your niece—numerous times—for the cause. I could have had that taboo treat on the cover of at least a few publications, but you vetoed it. It wouldn’t have ruined the Beauregard name completely, but it would have at least made your family look bad. We tried. Unless you’re willing to pull out the big guns or take down Joseph yourself through illegal means—which is still an option—there isn’t much I can do anymore. My reputation as a journalist is in the toilet. I don’t blame you, Hamilton. You’re my brother, man. I’m here for you. Jack did our mom dirty. I still think you could weasel out a scandal from Vera. I mean her mother had her when she was fifteen. If the court records weren’t sealed, I bet that would be something worth sharing. Jack wouldn’t have done that without a reason, you know?”
Hamilton frowned. I could see the way his beautiful mouth turned sour. “Vera is off-limits.”
Saint rolled his eyes. “You get a taste of pussy and grow weak. I thought we were going to bring down Jack for our mother?”
“Your mom. My mother is dead. I’m not doing this for the woman that gave me up. I’m doing this for—”
“Nikki. Yeah. I know. We all know. I tried, okay?”
Silence greeted me as I processed it all. Saint was Hamilton’s half-brother? It was all a lie.
It was all a motherfucking lie.
I stepped out of the shadows and toward the two of them in disbelief. “Was I just a joke to you?” I asked, my voice wavering with anger and disgust. At my words, Hamilton snapped his gaze to me, his determined face falling at the sight of my tear-stained cheeks.
“Petal.” My nickname sounded like a plea. A prayer. A cry for help.
“Don’t call me that,” I snapped. “Don’t you dare.”
Saint stood up and let out a sigh. “Hey there, Vera. I’m so sorry for my role in this. It’s nothing personal, you see. Just trying to do right by my mother.”
“You’re brothers,” I commented.
“Only by blood,” Hamilton explained.
“Only by any way that actually counts,” Saint replied. “I’ll let Hamilton explain everything. I can’t stay in one place for too long. Ever since the faked pregnancy exposé, J
ack’s put the pressure on the police to have my head. I’m not yet sure if I mean that figuratively.”
Saint got up, wiped his hands on his jeans, and whistled while walking away. “You sent him?” I asked. “The man who has been stalking me—harassing me—the man who wrote an article painting my mother and me out to be gold diggers is your brother. Someone you hired.” I was in shock. I clutched my chest while staring at an uneasy Hamilton. I couldn’t tell if he wanted to hug me or run from me. “The night at the club. With Jess and Infinity. You set that up, didn’t you?” Though my tone sounded like a question, it was rhetorical. I already knew the answer.
“Vera. I’m so sorry—”
“Were you just going to kiss me? Share our fuck fest scandal and let the world gossip about us?”
“I decided that night not to go through with it. I swear I didn’t want to hurt you,” Hamilton rushed out.
“Right. How can I believe you, Hamilton? And you’re the person that leaked my mother’s fake pregnancy? You knew? All this time you fucking new.”
“Colleen told me the night of the wedding,” he explained. “She was drunk and feeling chatty after we had sex. I wasn’t expecting to find anything out. I went there to stir up some drama, get drunk, and remind Joseph that I knew the truth. I never planned on learning what your mother was doing. It just kind of snowballed from there. I started talking to you because I thought maybe you had some insider information I could exploit. I saw an opportunity.”
I nodded and wrapped my arms around myself. “So I was an opportunity? Even better. Were you thinking about revenge when we fucked, Hamilton? Were you thinking about destroying the Beauregard name when I was riding your face? Was I an easy target?”
“No. No. Maybe at first but—”
“Fuck you. Tell me why. Tell me what was so important that you took my heart and stomped on it.”
“Joseph was on drugs,” Hamilton cried out. “Probably still is. He’s gotten better at hiding it now. You can put addiction in a designer suit, but it’s still addiction. I hate him. He used to beat the shit out of me. Every fucking day. Jack was juggling two monsters. Mom’s depression and Joseph’s demons. I was caught in the crossfire of his image, and I hated it.”