by Jenny Wood
“I think he thinks I’m no good for ya,” I answer honestly.
“As a friend?” He asks, confused. I sigh and sit my water on the table before turning to him.
“He says that he sees the way we look at each other,” I confess another truth. That one makes him smile.
“How do you look at me?” He flirts unabashedly.
“Like I wanna have more lunches with you,” I smirk, and he blushes.
“That it?” He asks, not backing down. I shake my head without a word.
“What else, then?” He asks, breathing heavier than he was a minute ago; his eyes are wide in anticipation and jumping from my eyes to my lips and back.
“I think we should probably talk about some things first,” I say, leaning closer and taking his face in my hand. I run my thumb along his lip, watching his tongue come out and get it good and wet, “but I’ve wanted to do this for days and dumb idea or not, I have to.” I war with myself for a split second before sealing my lips over his. His bottom lip, fitting between both of mine so good that I can’t help but suck it into my mouth and nip at it while I taste it. I swipe my tongue across his, earning the sweetest moan. Jase’s hands are on my face, deepening our kiss as his body leans heavier into me. Quickly, so, so quickly, this kiss has gotten out of control. I try to pull back, but Jase doesn’t like it.
“Come back.” He whines, not even opening his eyes, but finding my mouth with his. It’s too much, he’s too much, and right now, I don’t deserve it. I need to tell him the truth before this goes any further and if I’m honest, I really want to make sure he understands the severity of everything in my past.
“Jase, wait,” I say softly, pulling back but keeping him close. “We really need to talk about stuff,” I warn.
“Jody’ll get over it, just give him time.” He runs his fingers over my brow and down my cheek. The way he’s looking at me has me wanting to confess my every sin and pray that he’s the forgiving type. I’d never want to taint that look, and I know that I’m about to.
“Jase, there are things you don’t know about me that are kind of fucked up. I need you to know those things if you’re going to keep looking at me like that.” I tell him in the most honest way that I can without just blurting it all out there.
“What’d you do? Kill somebody?” He laughs and grabs my face before trying to kiss me again. He makes it about halfway before noticing my body has locked, and my eyes are huge. That is not how I wanted to start.
“Jacob.” He leans back, looking at me questioningly.
“Can I explain some things first?” I ask softly. That might help.
“You killed someone? No shit?” His voice, a little louder and I can’t tell if he’s about to panic or run. I sit back and give him space, waiting for his reaction.
“It’s more complicated than that.” I lie. It is, but it isn’t. At the end of the day, I did, in fact, kill someone.
“Who was it? What’d they do?” He asks, flat out. I take a deep breath and release it really slowly, wondering how I can best explain. I settle on the truth.
“A guy that my sister was seeing. He was married, a trucker; abusive. He’d swoop into town every once in a while and she they’d hook up, and he’d knock her around a little bit, and then he’d leave for a while again. It went on for a while, and when she’d come home a bloody mess, I’d go down to the bar that they hung out at when he was in town and he’d always be there, drunk as hell and bragging about my sister being his side piece when he had a wife at home. We’d scuffle, and I’d warn him to never lay a hand on my sister again, and within weeks, it was the same old thing, over and over.” I tell him. I can’t look at him, but I hope he can understand where I’m coming from with the need to protect my sister. In the end, I couldn’t.
“See, we lived dirt poor. Guys in and out of our trailer, always fighting and knockin’ mom around too. Drugs, alcohol, parties; it was never ending. All that shit we saw, that we lived; it made me want better. I wanted to get the fuck out of that shit town and make myself better than them. I wanted a job and a home and a family. I knew that shit so early on, it was laughable. Jaylee saw it and saw normal.” I say. I often wondered if we’d grown up with a different set of parents or in a different situation if we’d have ended up like we did. I wasn’t sure.
“When Jaylee got pregnant, she waited for a while before telling anybody; I think because she didn’t want to be forced to get rid of it. Mama would’ve made her, and the married guy already had a kid and a wife; he wouldn’t want his affair to get pregnant. Still, she did, and when he found out, he beat her into a coma.” I say out loud. Sometimes it still doesn’t feel real, and I wonder what kind of fucked up nightmare lasts so damn long. Jase slides his hand in mine and squeezes just slightly, giving me his strength is what it feels like.
“She never came out of it. She had no brain function, and within days, her organs were shutting down. We couldn’t even keep her alive long enough to save the baby.” I whisper passed the lump in my throat. “When we unplugged her, I lost my shit. I hunted him and found his family home, and I wanted to take his life in return for the life he took from me. It isn’t rational and I know I’m not God. It wasn’t my say on what happened to him, and I know that. Logically, I know that, realistically, I know that. But I needed him to pay for what he’d done. I needed to hurt him like he hurt me.” I finally looked up at him, wanting to beg him to understand. I paused at the wetness on his face; he was crying.
“What’s wrong, why are you crying?” I whispered, cradling his face in my hands and wiping the trails of tears from his face. One right after another, they didn’t stop. “Baby, stop. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you all that. I’m sorry.” I murmured, wiping the proof away from whatever it was that he was thinking about me at that moment. I wanted to take it back; I wanted to take back telling him because in no world would I want to be the cause of this man’s pain.
“Stop.” He croaked, holding my hands still on his cheeks, by my wrists.
“I’m sorry,” I said again when he opened his eyes and looked at me. His heart was broken, I could see it as plain as day on his beautiful, expressive face. I knew better than to tell him and I did it anyway because I wanted to be honest with him. I wanted him to know the real me before anything happened and I should’ve known that it couldn’t have. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against his and breathed him in for just a second. I needed just a second before I could let him go and watch him walk away.
Jase
“Stop.” I almost begged. I needed him to stop talking because the torture in his voice was excruciating. The agony in his words and the way he was trying to rewind what he’d said were too much. My heart broke for him for so many different reasons. No wonder he was so closed off all the damn time. How could somebody go through this over and over again? They couldn’t. It’d be easier just to keep everyone away as not to have to relive it.
“Finish it. Then what happened?” I ask quietly. His head was still shaking back and forth like he was trying to rid himself of the memories. I covered his face with my hands, much like he did mine and waited until he opened his haunted eyes and begged him to tell me. “Finish it, Jacob, tell me,” I said. Hesitantly and heartbreakingly cautious, he pressed his swollen, puffy lips to mine and just held them there. It was sweet and reverent, and I wiped the wet from his face like he did me.
“I went to prison.” He pulled back and whispered with his eyes closed. I closed mine too.
“How long?” I whispered, holding my breath in dreaded anticipation.
“Six and a half years.” He whimpered, and it was my undoing. I threw my arms around him and pulled him into me. I held onto him as tight as my arms would allow. He was big; much bigger than me and I wanted to fuse myself with him and give him what little strength I had.
It felt like hours that we sat that way; wrapped up in each other’s arms, crying and consoling. He murmured apology after apology, and I begged him to hear tha
t I understood. I got it. I didn’t blame him, not really. I’d never been in that sort of situation, and I couldn’t tell you what I’d do if I ever were; but the thought of someone hurting someone that I loved, never mind killing them and getting away with it, made me downright murderous. Could I do it? Who’s to say, probably not; I wouldn’t have the balls. But if I were pushed to do something to protect my family, your damn right I would. The circumstance is a little different, and in no way, am I saying that it’s okay. But he done his time, he paid his penance, and he’s suffering from it every day. What can I do? What can I say? He’s suffering enough.
“In prison. There were things that I had to do to-“ I cut him off.
“What did you have to do? Did someone hurt you?” I ask, floored at the thought that someone might’ve hurt him in prison.
“That’s not what I’m saying.” He amended. “I mean, people tried to fuck with me, and it was kind of a do-or-die type of lifestyle. Every day I was on edge, every day I had to watch my back, or something could’ve happened. I did things I’m not proud of and I don’t even think I can tell you some things.” He explained.
“Did you… you know, was there anyone else?” I asked cautiously.
“No.” He was adamant about that at least, and I couldn’t help but be relieved.
“I’m sorry about your sister,” I tell him sincerely. He dropped his head onto my shoulder, and I clutched him tighter.
“I’m exhausted.” He mumbled into my shirt; taking a big deep breath and letting it out. Holy shit, I was too; still hungover as shit and emotionally rung out from Joker’s confession. I felt like I could sleep a year.
Having put my phone on the table after Jody calling me earlier, I pushed Joker back and told him to lay down. He looked at me skeptically until I crawled over him on the somewhat good sized futon and laid down with him. We were both lying on our sides, facing each other and I put my head on his chest and tangled our legs together to get comfortable. He grabbed the heavy throw off the back of the couch and tossed it over both of our bodies. I was warm and comfortable, and he smelled so good. I was asleep in seconds.
An alarm was going off in a very close proximity and it wasn’t mine. I felt the large body under me jolt, but then squeeze me to his body like he was afraid he’d knock me off of him or something. I pressed my face into his chest and smiled.
“Are you wiping your slobber on me?” He asked in jest. His voice was gruff and sexy, and when I looked up at him, if it could be believed, he was even more gorgeous than he normally was with his face soft from sleep and his smile unguarded. I leaned up kissed his lips, just a chaste, press of mine to his. We’d been asleep all night, from the looks of it and I wasn’t one of those guys that could go all breathing hot, shit mouth into other guys faces without brushing. Still, he looked so inviting; I couldn’t help but.
“I wanna go to lunch with you today,” I tell him, earning a megawatt smile.
“Okay.” He agreed. Smiling at each other like idiots until his alarm goes off again, we both twist and turn on this little ass futon until we’re both safely off of it and heading to the small bathroom. He lets me use it first, and then we swap, but he opens the door when he stands to brush his teeth. Watching him in the mirror with the cheesiest grin on my face, he rinses and hands it over when he’s finished. Taking off his clothes while he watches me brush his teeth, he steps into the shower before he loses the boxers. I was a little disappointed that he didn’t let me see, but it was cute to watch him be so confident until reached that point. It made me curious.
“It’s only six-thirty!” I half yell when I glance at the clock in the kitchen. “What the hell do you have an alarm set for six-thirty, for?” I question. Nobody in their right mind should be up so early.
“I workout before work.” He peeps his head out of the shower and wiggles his brows at me. “Wanna go for a run with me?” He asks.
“Pass,” I say immediately. “Hard pass.”
“You don’t work out?” He asks, eyeing up my front at any hint that there may be any muscle under my oversized sweatshirt and jeans.
“No, and running? Why?” I scoff. Athletic, I am not.
“Feels good, clears my head.” He answers, shoving his head back under the water and rinsing off. I smell the delicious scent of his shampoo and body wash, and it’s taking every ounce of sanity that I have, not to strip down and jump in there with him. I refrain, for now. Once he’s done in the shower, his head pops out to see me still standing there. I’m smiling huge and his glare when he realizes that I have his towel and he can’t reach it from where he is.
“Could I have my towel please?” He asks nicely.
“Yes, you may,” I answer just as polite.
“Will you hand it to me, please?” He loses the touch of nicety.
“No, I may not,” I answer back, no less polite.
“Jason.” He warns.
“Jacob.” I taunt. He drops his head to his chest but not before I see the smile. He looks up at me through his lashes, showing just a little bit of his toned chest from behind the glass. He sucks his bottom lip inside of his mouth and nibbles on it for just a second before looking back to me.
“Baby,” he whispers sexily, locking the breath that’s caught in my throat. “Will you please hand me my towel?” He cocks his head and smiles so sweetly. My feet are moving without my telling them to, and they don’t stop until my lips are a breath away from his.
“That was easy.” He whispers again, and I can’t even care that he just played me. That was erotic as fuck. I look down and get a glimpse of what he wanted to hide and gasp at the solid length of his angry looking, dick. My eyes meet his again, and he raises his brows in question. I take a step forward in my clothes and all and knock him back against the wall with my body, covering his. My hands go to his waist, and his comes to my face while our tongues plunge and plunder. I raise my hands at the exact second that he rips my sweater over my head and it’s only a second, and our mouths are back together. Every growl, moan and hiss from his rough mouth is like touching my bare skin with an electrical current.
The second Joker gets my pants unbuttoned, I drop to my knees and rip the towel from his hands. He’s perfect, and I’ve never done this before, but I’ve never, at this moment wanted to anything more than I wanted to take him into my mouth. So, I did.
“Fuck, Jase,” He swore, grabbing my head and hanging on. I licked and sucked my way up and down his length while I palmed my aching cock in my free hand; the other one is clutching his hip so hard, I was sure it would bruise later, and I wanted that. I stroked myself with every grunt and curse that ripped from his lips. The sound of his breathing; heavy and hard, was better than any fantasy I’d ever had. When he chanted my name in warning, getting higher in pitch the closer he got had my orgasm barreling from the depths of some hidden place that I never knew I’d feel when I shot all over my hands and this shower floor. Tasting Joker’s come on my tongue had my spent cock, aching for more. When he slid from my mouth, and I rested my head against his hip, trying to catch my breath. I felt his hand glide over cheek, and his thumb outlined my lips. I looked up at him and smiled because I was happy, so incredibly happy and sated; but his face was unreadable. I wanted to ask if I’d done okay, but I didn’t want to be one of those guys; plus, his come in my mouth was an indicator that I’d at least done decently. But then why was he looking at me like I was something that he was trying to figure out? Why was his guard back in place, shutting me out from seeing any emotion at all?
I stood up on shaky legs and righted my pants. My shirt was a little bit wet, but luckily, only the sleeve was touching the water, so the rest of it was fairly dry. I tried not to look at him as I looked around to gather my stuff. He’d already told me he had plans to work out and go for a run this morning and I’d already declined to go with him, so, I didn’t have any other reason to stay.
“Hey.” He grabbed my arm when I stepped outside the bathroom door. I turned back, noti
cing he was still in his towel and looking just as sexy as he did a second ago.
“Hey,” I said back.
“I still wanna have lunch with you.” He said quietly. He still wanted to have lunch with me, was I crazy to be relieved? Having lunch with me gave me hope, whatever it was code for, I didn’t care; I was just glad it was code for wanting to see me again.
“I wanna have lunch with you, too,” I replied. He stepped closer until our bodies were flush against each other. My regretfully clothed body and his gloriously naked one pressed together. He stared into my eyes, making sure I understood what he meant before he leaned his head down and took my mouth. The man could work his tongue, and it made me dizzy, every time.
“Text me; I promise I’ll answer this time.” He promised.
“Okay,” I simply said. He let me go, and we both stood there for a minute before I finally turned and grabbed my phone and slid on my shoes before leaving. He texts before I’d even made it home.
Joker: Thanks for lunch ;)
I smiled like a fool for the rest of the day.
Monday was a lot harder than I thought it’d be. I’d gotten my assignments for the week and already logged in to do all four of my discussions. I had one class on Policing in the US; one Psychoanalysis of Repeat Offenders, Math and Criminal Law and Procedure. Math I found easy, so I’d done that one first. Discussions were to pick a problem and describe how we solved it in detail. Easy, it took me less than twenty minutes. The other three not only had me reading so damn much, anytime I took a break I just wanted to close my eyes and not see words for 5 minutes, but I also didn't even think to text Joker all day.
Finally, after all of my discussions were posted and I’d taken notes on a solid four chapters of non-stop reading in three different books; I quit for the night. I fell into bed with a headache and didn’t even worry about making supper for the house. I needed to get used to this new routine and maybe better systematize my time a little better. Closing my eyes and seeing a very naked Joker in the shower, I pull out my phone and text him.