All Access (Chasing Cross Book One) (A Brothers of Rock Novel)

by Karolyn James

  **

  Johnnie stared at Jess. Her eyes were shut and her breathing became heavy and relaxed. He held her, realizing just how wild the idea had been. If Johnnie had been alone when the idea struck, he would have eventually talked himself down. He would have stood on the balcony of the hotel, gone to check on the band members, and played guitar. Anything to keep his mind off getting away.

  But with Jess, it was like a whole new feeling. He felt younger, more spontaneous, but only in the desire of her eyes. Plus, the interview...

  What a joke.

  Johnnie didn’t want to believe that Peter had anything to do with that. It was common knowledge that Johnnie wrote the songs for Chasing Cross, letting the band add their music and ideas later. It had worked since the early days. People assumed that because of his good looks and rockstar stature, he could handle the stage and fame on his own. Johnnie could, but the desire to do so was something completely different.

  The band was the band and that’s all that mattered.

  As long as the guys wanted to play, record, and tour, Johnnie had an obligation to keep the band together.

  But the song...

  Johnnie closed his eyes and put his head back. Now the song played in his head. He wrote the damn thing in the mountains, in the same cabin he was heading to right now, with Jess. He remembered recording it, listening to it ten times. Recording more tracks on top of tracks, deleting tracks. Eventually, it became a stripped down version of itself, three guitar tracks and Johnnie’s voice in its purest form. Peter called right after he finished the final track and had it playing in the background. That’s when it all began. Peter had an ear that Johnnie could only be in awe of. The man couldn’t play a note on an instrument and couldn’t sing if someone held a gun to his head. But he could pick out a song that could make someone famous.

  And that’s what he told Johnnie, right on the spot.

  He could release the song as a side solo project. A way to supplement income, guarantee self security, along with a dozen other excuses that sounded nice but came with potentially heavy consequences.

  Johnnie didn’t need the money, even though Peter pushed it over and over. He got the label to agree to a large advance and even more of an advance if Johnnie would write an album.

  Big deal.

  Johnnie could do nothing for the rest of his life and have enough money to spend over five or six lifetimes.

  The smooth ride of the car felt amazing, not to mention the beautiful woman against his body. He opened his eyes and looked down at Jess again. Something about her just worked. She made everything feel calm and collected.

  Johnnie shut his eyes, this time smiling.

  He was going to the top of the world, to face the mountains and find peace. He already felt on top of the world with Jess and as she moaned in her sleep, he found peace.

  (15)

  Jess opened her eyes and took a deep breath. She blinked, her eyes adjusting to being awake. She turned her head to the right and rolled her neck. As she sat up, she realized she was already sitting. She saw Johnnie with his head back, sleeping, and everything came back to her. Part of her expected to wake up in bed, coming out of the best dream of her life.

  That wasn’t the case, at all.

  She looked forward and caught sight of the new backdrop for their time away.

  When he said mountains, he literally meant it.

  Without a single building or house in sight, the car pointed towards the bright blue sky, Jess could feel it as they climbed higher. Ascending away from the city, everything shaking off her shoulders and body.

  Everything but Johnnie.

  “Five minutes.”

  Jess looked and saw Johnnie was awake too.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Five minutes. Right up this road. Looks scarier than it is.”

  “It’s not scary at all. It’s... beautiful.”

  “Not when it rains or snows.”

  “You get snow up here?”

  “Sure,” Johnnie said. “If the weather is right. It doesn’t happen too often, but when the ground gets too wet and muddy, you can’t really move.”

  Jess scanned the perfect scenery. She smiled.

  “What are you thinking about?” Johnnie asked.

  “Rain,” Jess replied.

  “Rain? Why rain?”

  Jess looked at Johnnie. “I hope it pours for days.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. So much rain, they close the roads. Nobody can get to us.”

  “Oh, Jess, nobody will bother us here. I promise you. I haven’t even told anyone that I’m up here.”

  Jess sat up straighter. “What about your band? Your manager? Won’t they worry?”

  “For a minute or two,” Johnnie said. “They’ll figure it out. They know what happens when I have to leave.”

  “When you have to? Do you come up here a lot?”

  “I’ll be honest,” Johnnie said, “I usually come up here when my heart is heavy. When things aren’t feeling so good.”

  “How does your heart feel right now?”

  Johnnie took Jess’s hand and put it to his chest. “I feel good. I feel like I’m doing exactly what I should be doing.”

  “Are you sure your band won’t care?”

  “They understand,” Johnnie said. “They’re probably just getting up anyway...”

  Johnnie looked away and swallowed. She closed her hand as much as she could, feeling the definition of his chest. More than ever she wanted this ride to be over. She wanted to see where Johnnie came to unwind. This was where he came to create music and spill his heart.

  Jess wanted to be the one he spills his heart to.

  The cabin came into view and Jess let out a sigh of both relief and happiness. It wasn’t some sprawling wooden mansion. It was indeed a cabin. A beautiful wood cabin with wooden pillars on the porch, wooden rails, and two wooden rocking chairs on the porch. The driveway area was made up of tan color rock with a knoll in the center of the driveway with a large black rock. It was misshapen and looked like it had no purpose being there.

  “What is that?” Jess asked.

  “That’s the rock that was supposed to kill me,” Johnnie said. He had a half smile on his face, as though he knew Jess would look confused after a statement like that.

  The car stopped, the driver looking in the mirror.

  “We’re fine,” Johnnie said. “You don’t have to wait.”

  Johnnie opened his door and walked around to open Jess’s. He took her hand and led her from the car before taking her bag. Johnnie made it three steps before placing it to the ground.

  Jess hugged herself because it was cooler than the city. With a soft breeze and shades of what felt like a perfect spring day, it was the kind of weather that in the sun was the right kind of warmth but night it was perfect for a blanket... or a fire... or a man.

  The car pulled away and Johnnie waved.

  “He just leaves?” Jess asked.

  “That’s his job. Don’t worry, I have a vehicle. But I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

  Jess smiled. “Tell me about the rock.”

  Grass had been planted around it and small purple flowers bloomed. It looked like a shrine.

  “Well, when I bought the cabin, I was told that some rocks are big enough to fall.” Johnnie pointed to a large hill that was a couple hundred feet away. The tip of the hill appeared to touch to sky.

  Jess imagined its peak disappearing into a morning fog when the weather proved right.

  “I didn’t think anything of it,” Johnnie said. “But one night after a thunderstorm, I went to use the bathroom. That rock rolled off that hill. It crashed through the cabin and crushed my bed. But I wasn’t in it.”

  “It rolled that far?” Jess asked.

  “The first cabin was built against the hill. After that rock hit it, I had it rebuilt here. I’m tol
d it’s far enough away. So far, so good.”

  Jess eyed the scene, trying to imagine something like that happening.

  Johnnie took her bag, her hand, and lead her to the cabin. He opened the door and allowed Jess to walk in first. She looked around the cozy place, inhaling its fresh smell. The walls were lined with guitars, hanging in cascading position. There were so many colors and shapes, Jess had no idea that many guitars existed. In the living room a large stone fireplace was part of the back wall while in the corner was a small recording set up.

  Guitars.

  Amplifiers.

  Drums.

  Computers and equipment.

  “That’s where I write,” Johnnie said stepping up behind Jess. “If you go look out that window all you can see is mountains. Mountains running into mountains until they become a blur. It’s the most intense thing to stare at.”

  “I bet it is,” Jess said as she looked over her shoulder.

  As far as she was concerned, she was already looking at the most intense thing.

  Johnnie.

  “What do you think of the place?” Johnnie asked.

  “It’s perfect,” Jess said. “It’s comfortable. It’s... you.”

  “That’s what I was going for. I don’t bring people here. This is my personal space. Where I come to write, to think, and sometimes to bleed.”

  “Anything else?” Jess asked.

  “Like what?”

  Jess wanted to say love, but just the word coming to her mind made her freeze.

  “I don’t know,” she managed to say.

  Johnnie touched her hips, pulling her back so his body touched hers. He slid his lips and down her neck, not kissing her, but still savoring her. Jess turned her neck, giving Johnnie more to enjoy. With her hands at her sides, it just didn’t feel right, but she knew that if she dared to reached back for Johnnie, her hands wouldn’t be stopped. Her body raged for Johnnie in ways she hadn’t felt for a man… ever. The time that had passed since she’d been touched, pleasured, felt like a lifetime and when the tip of Johnnie’s tongue touched Jess’s neck, she shivered in a way that made her feel pure again. As though any other man that had touched her, held her, had her, meant nothing, which created an even bigger desire for Johnnie.

  When Johnnie came to the bottom of her ear, she felt his nose nuzzle her earlobe first, a sweet gesture, followed by his lips, a not so sweet gesture.

  Jess groaned as she felt Johnnie’s warm breath against and in her ear.

  “Want to see the rest?” Johnnie whispered.

  “The rest of what?” Jess asked, slightly in a trance.

  The rest of the cabin? The rest of Johnnie?

  “Follow me,” Johnnie said.

  He slithered his way off Jess, leaving her lingering but not disappointed. She never saw a man move like him. Everything was casual, and when her body wanted to feel frustrated, Johnnie just looked at her with his eyes, showing her the dark depth, the comfort, and the temptation that waited.

  Johnnie slipped his fingers into Jess’s hand and led her through the living room. They paused at the window near all the instruments. Jess couldn’t help herself as she reached out and flicked one of the guitars. The notes were mixed and dry and sounded terrible. It amazed her to think that Johnnie could take that guitar and create something beautiful from it.

  “What do you think of the view?” Johnnie asked.

  Jess stared up at Johnnie. Her eyes danced along his jaw line, making their way slowly, memorizing his subtle and sexy features, until their eyes were locked.

  “Looks good to me,” Jess whispered.

  Johnnie laughed. He reached up with one finger and placed it against Jess’s cheek. He turned her head to look out the window.

  The view was breathtaking. Just like Johnnie had said, mountains on top of mountains, going so far that it almost hurt to try and understand it. Jess wondered how many miles she could see right then. With the clear sky, the only limitation was that of perception. She understood why Johnnie could find solace up here, a chance to explore life and humans and relationships, enough to write life changing songs. Then again, she could also understand how coming up here in pain could be a bad idea. The loneliness, the reminder of how big the world was, and the intense quietness and opportunity to explore your own thoughts.

  “Come,” Johnnie said and started walking.

  He led Jess through an open kitchen with lots of windows and lots of light. Skylights were throughout the middle and on each side hung plenty of lights for nighttime. The largest window was above the sink.

  “Faces east,” Johnnie said. “When you wake up, you can stand here with a cup of coffee and watch the sunrise. Or... go out that door...” Johnnie pointed to a door next to the kitchen counter. “...and stand on the deck.”

  Johnnie opened the door and Jess peeked out to see a deck that ran half the length of the cabin. It had a small bistro set and as Jess stood on her toes to look more, she realized the deck was very close to a drop off. Her fear of heights kicked in and she stepped back.

  From the kitchen, Johnnie showed her the bathroom, and then took her upstairs to a small loft that had a small bedroom, half bath, and an open floor where Johnnie had a desk with more guitars and more recording equipment. The more Jess lost herself in the vibe of the cabin the more she realized she needed something like this too. Her own private space to hide in. The cabin wasn’t set up for entertainment. It wasn’t set up for living. It was set up just as Johnnie wanted it, for himself. She began to think about her advance, her next advance, her royalty statements. It still didn’t feel completely real to be paid for her writing. She couldn’t imagine spending money on anything, not after struggling for so long, waiting for her break.

  “And then, there’s one more room,” Johnnie said.

  They were back on the main floor. One door was left to open and Johnnie did it with a smile on his face. As the door opened, Jess knew what room it was going to be.

  The master bedroom.

  The first thing she could sense was Johnnie. His smell, all over the room. A large bed. A tall four drawer dresser. A leather couch. A calm aura throughout the room. A small fireplace on the opposite wall of the bed. No television. No computers. No recording equipment. But yet a single acoustic guitar. An old guitar, looking beat up and worn out. It was on the floor, like a corpse, but Jess figured that’s how Johnnie wanted it.

  “I save the best for last,” Johnnie whispered as he positioned himself behind Jess again.

  This time when he touched her hips, Jess knew everything was going to happen. She hurried and turned around, not wanting to just be on the receiving end of Johnnie’s desire. She wanted to explore her own.

  Her hands touched his face, both hands shaking as she did so. She tried to calm her breathing but it was no use. Her body was engaged, her nerve endings tingling everywhere. The most sensitive of areas ached for Johnnie. As one of his cool hands moved under her shirt, and touched her warm skin, she took heavy breaths.

  Jess felt Johnnie’s fingertips climb up her body. He moved over her breast, his large hand cupping her. His other hand slid around to Jess’s lower back and he pulled, forcing her to him. He looked down with honest eyes and a devilish smile.

  “Jess...”

  “I don’t want to talk anymore,” Jess whispered.

  “What do you want then?” Johnnie asked.

  “You.”

  Jess moved to her toes and Johnnie met her. Their lips touched and their mouths opened. The kiss was instantly hotter than backstage at the concert. The intention this time oozed with sexual need. The kiss last night was simply fantasy, a chance to explore. Right now, this was embedded cravings finally coming to life.

  Johnnie moved both hands back to Jess’s hips. He squeezed and lifted her, carrying her straight to his bed.

  Jess sat down and leaned back, her legs already open, watching Johnnie tower
over her. His hands caressed her face and moved beyond. When he touched her breasts, over her shirt, Jess moaned and thrust her chest at him. He continued down, curling his fingers around the bottom of her shirt. Jess sat up and lifted her arms in unison as Johnnie took her shirt off. When the shirt covered her face, in that split second of time, she realized just what was happening.

  This was going to happen.

  With Johnnie from Chasing Cross.

  Johnnie threw the shirt to the floor and Jess put her hands back on the bed. He quickly moved again, his hands touching her pants. She watched Johnnie’s fingers work with ease and she lifted her lower half off the bed, allowing Johnnie to slide her pants down.

  That’s where Jess drew the line, for the moment. She sat up and went for Johnnie’s shirt. Her hands took their turn, moving up his rippling stomach and hard chest. On the way back down, she let her nails touch him and dig at him, enough that she felt Johnnie’s skin shudder. He groaned and stared down at her, still smiling.

  “Wild one,” he whispered.

  “You have no idea,” Jess said.

  She lifted Johnnie’s shirt and placed her lips to his stomach. She kissed up and then down, going right to where his jeans began. That’s when her tongue came forward, tasting him, teasing him as she played, trying to reach into his pants.

  Johnnie took his own shirt off and while Jess felt she had some kind of power in the situation, she lost it all when Johnnie undid his own belt and opened the button on his jeans. He slipped his thumbs not just into his pants but also into his boxers. He pushed, allowing his boxers and jeans to go low enough that Jess had to stop. She gasped for air, watching the very beginning of Johnnie appear.

  His hands moved and touched Jess’s shoulders, leaving her moaning, feeling tortured. She looked up at Johnnie and the look in his eye told her he knew exactly what he was doing.

  Jess slid back on the bed, all the way to the pillows. She lay with her knees bent, gently arching her back. She reached behind herself and unsnapped her bra. Her fingers then touched her neck and she slowly drew lines down to her breasts. At her bra, she paused and bit on her lip.

  Johnnie stood at the foot of the bed, his hands balled into fists.

  “You drive me mad,” he said.

  “Good,” Jess said.

  “No, you don’t understand. I’ve never had a woman do this to me...”

  “Do what?” Jess asked.

  Johnnie opened his mouth to speak and Jess moved her fingers down, sliding her bra off her chest. She took it off and threw it towards Johnnie. It landed on the end of the bed. Johnnie’s eyes didn’t move from her.

  Jess’s chest felt heavy, aching for Johnnie. She touched herself, gliding her fingers along her nipples, feeling them throb with each touch. She moaned and sighed then started to set her sights on her panties. But when she regained her focus, Johnnie was already on the bed, moving towards her.

  He hovered over her chest, breathing on her. His warm breath made her shiver. He came down, touching his nose to her left nipple. He moved slowly but with force.

  “Oh, Johnnie,” Jess whispered.

  Johnnie moved to the other side of her chest. His lips grazed her, the tip of his tongue tasting her.

  His left hand touched her side and then came across her stomach in a hurry. She felt his fingers turn and slip into her panties. He rubbed along her smooth skin, following the curve of her body. His fingers danced along her folds, touching her core, carefully moving.

  It only lasted a few seconds but the pleasure that soared through Jess’s body made it feel as though it had been happening for hours upon hours. Her hand reached down, finding Johnnie’s pants. She made no hesitation as she worked her hand into his pants and boxers, running her hand along his thickness. She desperately wanted him inside her.

  Johnnie swayed his hips, working himself out of his jeans and boxers, kicking them to the floor. His right hand now had a fierce grip on Jess’s panties and he pulled at them, without remorse, and Jess could feel the gentle fabric starting to tear. Jess lifted her hips off the bed, touching Johnnie’s bare body. She groaned and sought relief but it was too late, Johnnie tore her panties. She looked down at them, dangling off her hip.

  “Sorry,” Johnnie whispered even though he didn’t sound sorry at all.

  “Might as well finish the job,” Jess whispered.

  She kissed Johnnie, seeking the warmth and comfort of his mouth.

  As they kissed, Johnnie reached across Jess’s body and pulled at the other side of her panties. They tore with ease under his commanding strength. Then they were gone and Johnnie wasted no time lowering himself to her.

  Feeling Johnnie at her entrance, Jess let out a much needed cry.

  Johnnie slipped his right hand behind her neck and kept his left hand on the bed, his elbow locked, allowing enough room between he and Jess so they could both watch him enter her.

  The kiss ended as the sex began.

  Jess tried to look down, catching a quick view of Johnnie as his sex pressed into her body. That was all she could manage. Once the penetration increased, so did the pressure. Jess let her head fall back under the comfort of Johnnie’s hand behind her neck. With a hard thrust, he filled Jess’s body. He held in place and stared at her.

  Jess caught her breath even though her heart continued to race. The pleasure already started to reach a climatic state. She had the urge to apologize to Johnnie but she could see it in his eyes... he needed this as much as she did.

  (16)

  Johnnie brought his body down to Jess. His chest pressed against hers. He could feel her soft, warm breasts. As he moved his hips, starting with a soft motion, Jess’s hands went to his back, holding him for a second and then she began to claw at him. Her nails weren’t very sharp but as she moved her hands, Johnnie groaned at the scratching feeling.

  Her body was warm, tight, satisfying. With each gentle pump he offered her, she looked at him with sincere eyes; eyes that didn’t just enjoy the moment and the pleasure but eyes that understood how important the moment was.

  Johnnie let his fingertips slide down the side of Jess’s body, feeling her try to jump as he touched ticklish spots. He couldn’t help himself. The more she jumped, the better everything felt. At her hip he moved around until he was cupping her backside. He squeezed and lifted to seek more of her body.

  As his speed grew faster, leaving the gentler passion move into oblivion, Jess began to moan louder, wanting more, asking for him. Johnnie moved as his body dictated and slowly, Jess started to find the confidence to rock at him.

  Together, they had each other, their bodies touching, the heat growing by the second. They savored one another, Johnnie kissing her lips, moving down to her chin, and finally tasting her neck. His tongue found hints of perfume and as Jess sweat, the warm aroma crept up Johnnie’s nose, bringing back all the feelings he felt backstage at the concert.

  How hot the moment had been they shared.

  How he almost lost her, again, because he couldn’t just tell her what he wanted.

  “I want you,” he whispered as his lips traveled up her neck towards her ear.

  “What?” Jess asked, ending it with a gentle moan.

  Johnnie slowed himself and kissed across her cheek, back to her lips. He touched her lips but didn’t kiss. Instead, he spoke, so Jess hear him and feel his lips as he said it.

  “I want you,” he said. “I should have said it before. In the café. At the show. I want you, Jess.”

  “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m in your bed, with you,” Jess said.

  Johnnie felt her move her lower half as she slid against him. He grunted and thrust, unable to control his instincts.

  “I just wanted you to know that,” he said.

  Jess put a thumb to his lips and traced them. “You have me, Johnnie... you have me...”

  Jess moved her thumb and Johnnie kissed her. Thi
s time the kiss grew intense as did Johnnie’s movements. There was no stopping him now, but he was sure that Jess wouldn’t stop him anyway.

  The only time their kiss took a break was when Johnnie reached climax. Jess opened her mouth and let out a cry and Johnnie waited as he watched her. When he finished, he didn’t exit her body but he did kiss her. He kissed her for what felt like hours but only passed as minutes.

  He rolled from Jess’s perfect body and pulled her, forcing her to her side to face him. His fingers traced along her face as she stared at him. They were never so open before. He knew he had brought Jess to a tender moment of honesty.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked.

  “How it can be real,” Jess whispered.

  “What can?”

  “All of this...”

  “Jess, it is.”

  “That’s what my heart keeps telling me.”

  “Listen to it then.”

  Johnnie placed his hand to her chest. Not quite near her heart as he cupped her breast, but close enough for him.

  Jess moaned and smiled, then closed her eyes. Within seconds, he watched her drift off to sleep. His blood was pumping too hard and too fast to even consider sleep. This was the first time in a long time he’d made love to woman. Anything recent had been sex... and even less than that. It had been fucking. The attempt at satisfaction which, for all Johnnie knew, was just his feeble attempt at pleasing the rockstar ego that sometimes followed him like a rabid animal.

  Johnnie rolled to his back and took a deep breath. He smiled and shook his head, realizing it was the first time he’d had sex in this very bed. Of all the wild things his life had given him, including the financial security to have a secluded cabin like this, he did everything he could to keep it hidden. Bearing his soul on stage for the fans, pouring lyrics and music into each song, refusing to have someone even suggest the idea of bringing on a songwriter to assist, it all left him feeling exposed. All the time. Each song had its own story and purpose and Johnnie was the man behind it.

  Slowly, Johnnie shifted himself out of the bed. Jess didn’t stir an inch. He found his clothes and then stood at the bottom of the bed, watching her sleep. On her side. Her hair slowly falling towards her face. Her soft lips. Johnnie licked his lips, still tasting her. She was completely naked, looking like a posing model, her body in a crescent pose. Her left arm covered some of her breast, the erotic sight made Johnnie’s body feeling warm and ready to go again.

  He dressed and took a blanket off the leather couch in the room and placed it on Jess. He then left the room, found her bag, and silently carried it back into the bedroom for her.

  The silence of the cabin was sometimes the loudest noise in the world. With the silence came no distractions and with no distractions came no excuses. Johnnie stood at the window in the living room, looking out to the mountains. The guitars, drums, and other instruments were before him, silent, still, but he could hear them in his mind.

  Was it so bad?

  To want more?

  To find something different?

  To settle?

  Johnnie knew his name as a solo act wouldn’t draw the crowds Chasing Cross did, and that was okay. But what it would do though is give him freedom. Small clubs. Small venues. Smaller crowds. All acoustic. Laid back.

  Time trickled on and Johnnie eventually sat down in front of the computer monitor at his recording desk. He saw himself in the blackness of the screen and hurried to turn it on. He turned on the rest of the computer and recording equipment. When the computer loaded, the only icon on the desktop was the file for the new song. Johnnie kept it there, smack dab in the middle, because of how excited he had been after finishing the song. He moved the mouse to the file and clicked on it. It highlighted the audio file but didn’t open it.

  Sighing, Johnnie double clicked and watched as it opened.

  It began to play but there was no sound. The speakers were turned off and Johnnie left it that way. He watched the seconds move and it somehow felt metaphoric to him.

  He thought about the band.

  Danny was blood, yet the rest of the guys were close enough. They deserved to play and write as long as they wanted to.

  Johnnie reached for the speakers and turned them on.

  The song played, Johnnie’s voice leading against acoustic tracks.

  The song was beautiful.

  Nothing could be added by the band even though he felt something was still missing from it.

  Shit.

  Johnnie closed his eyes and lowered his head. He wished Jess were awake, and with him right then. She could take his mind off this... and maybe she could fix his ailing heart.

  (17)

  Jess sat up and the blanket fell from her chest. When she saw her bare breasts, she gasped and picked the blanket up. She looked left to right but before she could say a word, she heard music.

  Coming from the living room.

  Johnnie.

  She kicked the covers off and stood from the bed, taking the blanket with her. The first thing she saw were her torn panties on the floor. Her mouth fell open and even in the privacy of her own company her cheeks turned red. Never before had she had someone so aggressive. And not for one second did Jess worry about Johnnie as he overcame her. She fully opened to him, in more ways than one.

  She stepped over the panties and saw the rest of her clothes, scattered on the floor like she was a messy college girl. Not at all. That mess of clothing was from the best kind of lust. Unfiltered. And just what Jess wanted and expected from Johnnie. She took note that Johnnie’s clothes were gone which explained the music playing outside the room. Before she could curse herself for not having panties, she saw her bag, waiting just within the door.

  It made Jess’s heart thud. What a romantic touch. Something so subtle meant so much. It meant that the sex wasn’t just sex. It wasn’t just Johnnie taking her to the cabin for a romp or two. Sure, he had said sweet words while he was deep inside her. Jess had been down that road before - the empty promises that came with a hookup.

  But Johnnie took the time and care to bring her bag into the room...

  Calm down, right now.

  Jess felt old demons creeping in. The ones she picked on Marie for all the time. The ones that made her try to fall fast. The difference was that while in the past those demons wanted her to fall for someone but she never did. Now, staring at the bag on the floor, she realized that maybe she didn’t quite fall for Johnnie yet, but she certainly had tripped... the second she saw him on stage.

  After finding panties that weren’t torn in her bag, Jess dressed and left the bedroom.

  She walked slow, wanting to hear the song.

  It was a new song, definitely. Then again, Jess was technically somewhat of a Chasing Cross virgin. But Johnnie had been talking about a new song...

  She moved into the living room and saw Johnnie standing at the window.

  The song continued. Something about the tone and vibe was so much different than a Chasing Cross song. The clean sound of the guitars and Johnnie’s voice made it powerful and with purpose.

  Jess noticed Johnnie hung his head. Every few seconds he would shake his head. His right hand was outstretched, his middle fingers moving along the strings of a guitar.

  The song came to an end and Johnnie side stepped to the computer. He reached for the mouse and Jess knew she had to say something.

  “For the record, I like it,” she said.

  Johnnie jumped and spun around. He quickly blinked and smiled.

  Was he crying? Jess asked herself.

  No way, she refused to believe that.

  “Hey there,” Johnnie said. “Sorry if I woke you. Not used to company. I try my best to keep it down... but the more it goes, the more I turn it up.”

  “No, that’s fine. I’m sorry I fell asleep, again. Not used to being up so late and traveling so much.”

&
nbsp; “Welcome to the life,” Johnnie said. “I’m going to play this again.”

  Jess watched a different Johnnie before her. Not the passionate man from the bedroom. Not the rockstar on stage, commanding a crowd. Not even the fired up man during the phone interview with the magazine.

  This was a much different kind of Johnnie.

  This man was humble, worried, and yet the look in his eyes as he dazed off told Jess that this song meant something to him. Maybe more than anything he had ever written. To Jess, it wasn’t the greatest song she’d ever heard, and maybe it didn’t even rival the song “Chasing”, but what mattered was what Johnnie felt on the inside.

  Johnnie’s left hand reached and gripped the neck of a guitar. He lifted it and swung it around, so smooth. It Jess tried something like that, the guitar would have went sailing through the air.

  He put a leg up on the chair, balanced the guitar on his leg, and started playing with the song.

  That’s when it really hit Jess.

  This was the song. The song Johnnie was meant to write and play by himself. There was no need for more instruments and layering. It was meant to be done as a man with a guitar, and a story to share.

  Jess stood like a statue for the entire song, watching Johnnie go through plenty of emotions. When it ended, he strummed the chords on his guitar.

  “I like that song a lot,” Jess said. “When you play it...”

  “It’s a good song,” Johnnie said. He looked at Jess. “But can I write an album around it?”

  “You can do anything you want. My first book... all I had was a scene in my head. I built the rest around it.”

  “With the band though?” Johnnie asked.

  Jess didn’t have a response.

  Johnnie sighed and put the guitar down. “Okay. That’s enough of that. I didn’t bring you here to drag you down with me.”

  “It’s okay,” Jess said. “I know how it feels sometimes.”

  “Come here, Jess.”

  Johnnie had his arms open. How could Jess resist? She walked to Johnnie and accepted his embrace. His arms were strong and perfect. He then lifted Jess and walked her to the door. He opened it and took Jess out to the deck.

  “This view freaks me out,” she said.

  “Why?”

  Jess put her feet down but didn’t let Johnnie go. She looked out to the mountains, to the peaks and valleys, to the world.

  “Because the world is so big,” she said.

  “It’s big to look at,” Johnnie said. “But if you’re with the right person, it’s the right size. It’s like holding it in the palm of your hand.”

  Jess looked at Johnnie, preferring his face over the lethal drops that waited.

  “How about we eat?” Johnnie asked.

  “Are you going to cook for me?” Jess teased.

  “Of course. I hope you like wine, that’s a rule here.”

  “There’s rules?”

  “My place, my rules,” Johnnie said.

  “What are they?”

  “The rules? They’re simple. First, we drink wine. Starting now. Second, when we’re close enough, we kiss. And finally, tonight, when it’s dark, we try to count as many stars as we can.”

  “That’s impossible...”

  “That’s the fun of it. Nothing wrong with chasing the impossible.”

  Johnnie cooked while Jess stood near him, sipping wine. He purposely walked by her any chance he got, and kissed her. Rules were rules. He called her out on breaking rule one claiming that sipping wasn’t drinking.

  After two glasses, Jess felt good.

  Warm.

  Happy.

  Good.

  “Can we put that song back on?” she asked.

  Johnnie froze, looking over his shoulder from the masterpiece dinner he cooked. “You want to hear it again?”

  “I can’t get it out of my head right now,” she said.

  “You like it that much?”

  “I love it that much, Johnnie.”

  Johnnie smiled, a sincere smile, and left the kitchen. The song began to play a few seconds later and when Johnnie’s voice kicked in, Jess started focusing on the lyrics. Not just hearing them, but feeling them.

  They ate dinner, and had another glass of wine, leaving Jess feeling even better. When she stood, hell bent on cleaning up, the room swirled for a second. She balanced herself and when she realized Johnnie had caught her, her cheeks blushed.

  “Not a wine drinker?” he asked.

  “Not really a drinker at all. I like my mind clear, so I can work.”

  “Me too. But sometimes I like to cloud my mind. Keeps things fun.”

  Johnnie helped Jess clean up and as they bumped elbows at the sink, they looked and smiled at each other. The hint of domestic bliss became overshadowed by intense romance as Johnnie did everything he could to touch and kiss Jess.

  “Can I ask something?” Jess asked.

  “You just did.”

  “Something a little more serious?”

  “Why not?”

  In the background, the song was coming to end after its tenth run. Jess could hear the music still and the words were now plastered in her mind.

  “Why does your manager want this so bad for you? What about your band?”

  “Oh, Jess, come here.” Johnnie turned and pulled Jess close to him. His hands interlocked around her lower back. Jess put her hands around Johnnie’s neck. “It’s not my band, Jess. It never was and it never will be.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” Jess said, feeling silly. “You’re the singer...”

  “And Rick’s the drummer. I can’t play drums like he can. Just like Davey and my brother. Those two together on guitar... it’s beautiful. Without them, what am I?”

  “Johnnie,” Jess said. “You’re still Johnnie.”

  “And that’s what Peter wants. He’s not a bad man, he’s a business man. For all I know, he could be asking the same of the other guys. For me, he thinks by going solo, it’ll just add more security to my life. I can get more personal, more stripped down.”

  “I like you stripped down,” Jess said.

  Johnnie smiled. “I’m sure you do. It’s just business. People see us and think it’s all about music. There’s so much more to it. Everything little decision... from touring to how the tracks are listed on the new album...”

  “What do you want?”

  Johnnie puckered his lips. “You know, we’re breaking the second rule here. Look how close we are, and we’re not kissing.”

  Jess considered pressing Johnnie since he obviously ignored her question. But kissing him... well, that she couldn’t pass up.

  Their lips touched, making up for a few broken rules, but Johnnie slowly opened his mouth, adding his tongue, tossing the rule book out the window. He pulled at Jess, keeping her body tight to his. Jess never enjoyed kissing someone so much. She moved to her toes to kiss Johnnie harder.

  “Jess...”

  She kept kissing him.

  “Jess... wait...”

  Jess finally succumbed and bit at Johnnie’s lower lip.

  “I’ll make it up to you in a bit,” he said. “Let’s go outside and look at the stars.”

  It felt so juvenile, but when Johnnie slipped his hand into Jess’s, it felt so right. He opened the door again and Jess marveled at that situation. It was just so many hours ago that Johnnie stood on the stage, commanding thousands of people with rock n’ roll music. And now he commanded Jess to the back deck to look at stars.

  The air was cool, more crisp than before. Jess instantly shivered, waiting for Johnnie to wrap his arms around her. Even if it wasn’t cool out she would have shivered. She needed Johnnie to touch her as much as possible. Her mind reminded her that for each second that went by was another second counting down until reality would come. Reality meant waiting for her agent to call. Johnnie facing his decision. The two of them havi
ng to leave the cabin.

  But for now...

  Jess looked up.

  She thought she could show off her intelligence and find at least one of the constellations in the sky. Everyone knew the basic ones, right?

  That idea shattered to pieces as Jess saw more stars than she’d ever seen in her life. There were clusters upon clusters. The sky looked nothing like it did in the city. She couldn’t find one star that made sense. That didn’t matter though. The sight was beautiful. Breathtaking even.

  Johnnie squeezed Jess, and locked his arms around her.

  “Makes you feel alive, doesn’t it?” Johnnie whispered.

  “Makes me feel small. Makes you wonder about the world, the universe...”

  “Makes our problems seem so small. That’s why I love it up here.”

  “I love it here too,” Jess said. “With you.”

  Johnnie rubbed his cheek against hers and let out a breath. “Sometimes I think about stopping all together.”

  “Stopping what? Coming up here?”

  “No. Music.”

  Jess broke from Johnnie’s lock and turned to face him. “What?”

  “Being on the road is hard. Dealing with the business, the band, the life of it all. And now with this song...”

  “You should be amazed at your ability. How many years after your first album and you can still write a song like that?”

  “What if I want it to be mine?” Johnnie asked. “Everything you’ve ever written... has it been plastered across the world?”

  Jess swallowed. She shook her head. “No, it hasn’t. That’s because it wasn’t very good.”

  “I’m sure it was good to you.”

  “And if I had a song like that, Johnnie, I would share it. Do you realize how important music is to people? How important your music is?”

  Jess considered telling him about Marie’s personal story and the song “Chasing”, but she didn’t want to make Johnnie feel uneasy. There was something about being a creative artist that was beautiful but also held a curse. Jess could only wish someday people would tell her how important her books were, but she knew better. She wrote for the thrill of entertainment.

  Johnnie wrote from the heart.

  “Then keep the song,” Jess said. “Keep it for yourself.”

  “I tried that once,” Johnnie said. “I ended up writing almost thirty songs and felt like I was alone, homeless, with no purpose, and that I was cheating the band and our fans.”

  Jess opened her mouth but stopped. Against the small light of the evening, she saw the way Johnnie’s face looked. Beautiful, troubled. She saw the color of his eyes and could see how open he was at that moment.

  “Just don’t cheat yourself,” Jess whispered. She touched Johnnie’s face, and her own body reacted.

  “I think we need more wine,” Johnnie said.

  “I think we need to follow your second rule... we’re way too close right now...”

  “Fair enough.”

  Johnnie kissed Jess and she felt his passion running through her. The passion of a man who acted as a fatherly figure to the rest of Chasing Cross. The man who made heavy decisions while bearing his heart and soul. Jess knew he needed someone in his life to be there and she wanted to be that one.

  Her hands slid around to the back of Johnnie’s neck and she subtly dug her nails into his skin, just enough to signal to him that their star gazing adventure was over.

  Johnnie broke the kiss and backed away. “Wait right here...”