A. Warren Merkey

by Far Freedom

  “We think you’re doing very well, Patrick. What do you want to talk about?”

  “That depends.” That depends on courage. If it was only my own life to risk, I could do it. I found the courage once to put Koji away. That was nothing compared to this. Phuti. Aylis. Zakiya. Nori! Even the irascible Iggy. How can I save them?

  “Depends on what?” Zakiya asked.

  “On trust. And you can’t trust me.”

  “I want to trust you, Patrick. Why do you think I shouldn’t?”

  “I don’t trust myself. I’m a liar. I’m a participant in crimes.”

  “I can’t judge you, Patrick. I have my own burden of guilt to bear.”

  It pained him to see the truth of her statement in her eyes. A life too long lived served both of them badly. Given enough time, what poor choices could be avoided? None. He was still stuck, not between heaven and hell, but between Hell One and Hell Two - until she took one of his hands, making him look down at her hand holding his. It was too real, too desirable, and too undeniable. He started to shake. He pulled away from her as a wave of vertigo struck him. He heard a medical alarm. In a few seconds Nori appeared in the hospital room, followed soon by Mai. Nori checked him quickly, before stepping aside for Mai.

  “There’s nothing wrong physically,” Mai said.

  But everything wrong mentally. He gave up denial. He began to take responsibility. “I remember you singing.” He couldn’t look at her anymore. He couldn’t look at any of them.

  ” You remember?”

  “I never forgot you!”

  “Why did you pretend not to remember, Patrick?” He just shook his head and closed his eyes. She let him have his self pity. “I wish we could both be happier finding each other again, Patrick.”

  “That was one reason I wanted Mai to come with us,” Aylis said. “She has experience with patients with aberrant behavior. I assumed that, if they survived physically, they might not survive emotionally. There are things Mai can do to adjust their brain chemistry. It won’t fix them, but it may help.”

  “You’re starting with Koji?” Zakiya asked.

  “He may take the longest to repair. All three will be in treatment at the same time. I have nearly a hundred specialists I’ve trained for trauma and regenerative surgery. More have volunteered, just as thousands have volunteered to wear the Navy uniform and retrain for military duties.”

  “They have physical augments.”

  “Mostly combat-related. Shall I remove them, for safety?”

  “No. I have another idea for safety.”

  “I heard that an order went to Iggy to install a hundred cannons.”

  “The cannons may not be important. Time is important. It will take time to manufacture them and install them.”

  “The cannons are only a delay?”

  “I hope they’re never used. With time our wounds will heal, our anger soften, and new possibilities for action may arise. It will also give us time to deal with Alex and Setek and Koji. Perhaps the arming of the ship will slow their efforts to take over the ship.”

  “You think they will try to do that? Yes, of course they will! I keep forgetting who they have probably become and remembering who they were. This is so terrible!”

  “Why are you pregnant?” Patrick inquired bluntly, since he was not sharp enough to do it cleverly.

  “So you do have something to say.” Pat said so little to her, she who had known him best, his fellow expert in the life sciences. He led her to important discoveries in human biology through comparative studies of alien life. He didn’t know yet that without his research during the Frontier voyages she probably would not have founded the Mnro Clinics. Aylis had taken all the credit and had become the “Mother of Immortality.” But someday she would distribute credit to all of the others who deserved it.

  Aylis walked among the flowers, followed by Patrick, who despite the serenity around them, seemed anxious. Aylis took his hand and led him through the English garden at a leisurely pace. She patted the back of his hand absently, comfortingly. He seemed to relax a little, but he kept looking at her in puzzlement with his bright green eyes.

  ” You couldn’t have wanted it.” That Aylis was raped disturbed Patrick deeply. He even felt responsible in some way. Patrick knew the four of them shouldn’t have stayed in barbarian space so long, thus prompting Aylis and Zakiya to risk their lives in search of them. Alex, Setek, and Koji had lost perspective and soon after had lost the real meaning of their lives. Whether their rescue would be a rebirth or an abortion remained to be decided. That two unborn children should be so close to what might become an extremely dangerous situation was a terrible risk.

  “The baby? No, not at first.” Where had he got those green eyes? Aylis always wondered. Patrick was an animal as exotic as any he studied in the far reaches of space. She never heard a true word about his parentage but she knew he was no Scotsman. It occurred to her that she might be able to find his genetic identity in the database of the Mnro Clinics, if she would ever gain access to them again. He was slender and brown. When his hair grew back it would be sandy and curly. Patrick fell silent, perhaps because he sensed the tension the subject of her fetus caused. “Tell me about your travels, Pat. Did you find any interesting creatures?”

  “Nothing much.” Patrick had lived and breathed the medical science needed to keep his friends alive - at least in their bodies. They were so aggressive in their investigations, Patrick could find little time for anything else. He had to

  find periods of relaxation and recuperation and isolation from the other three, in order to be ready to face the nightmare responsibility of repairing them. He had slept much of his life away, sealed in a stasis coffin until Koji would wake him.

  “But your journeys covered such a vast volume of space. There was even a vein of habitable planets mentioned in your logs.

  “They would bring me specimens - when they thought about it.”

  “They wouldn’t let you take field trips, Pat?”

  “No. I spent most of my time in stasis.”

  “You must have done something. You could never let your brain stop wondering. Like the rest of us. There are always questions to try to answer.”

  “I did some anthropology, Aylis.”

  He seemed unwilling to speak at length, unlike the old Pat who would always go on until you made him stop. She had to keep telling herself that no matter how familiar her old friends might seem to be, they were new friends, and different.

  “Phuti and Zakiya will want to know everything about that. So will I. Give me a sample.”

  “The diaspora of the human genome is much larger than we theorized.” Pat frowned. “It’s like a plague. There is also good evidence of an active nonhuman species present in the galaxy. Perhaps along another collision seam on the other side of the hub.”

  Patrick stopped and pulled his hand away from Aylis’s hand. “You will resist them, won’t you?”

  “Koji and Setek and Alex? We’ll be careful.”

  “Careful? You have no idea! Have you read their encrypted logs?”

  “We don’t want to discuss them with you, Pat. It’s for your own safety. But we do get the understanding from reading their logs that they may not remember us.”

  “I barely remember you myself.”

  “Eventually I will have to test your memory, Pat. You and I and the others of our age are at the forward edge of a great human experiment. We are learning, as we live to an advanced age, how the human brain will retain its memories and other functions.”

  “I do remember you, Aylis. I remember all of you. I don’t trust any details of what I seem to remember but I do trust the feelings I have for you. I warn you again: don’t trust any of us!”

  “Pat, give yourself time to get to know us again and learn what we had to do to find you. Perhaps you won’t feel as worried as you do now. No matter how terribly life has changed them, we intend to do everything we can to heal Setek, Alex, and Koji.”

&nb
sp; They resumed their walk, turning down the hillside toward the lake.

  “How much farther, Aylis? My legs are tiring.”

  “Just a little farther.”

  They completed the walk to a cluster of apartments near the lake. Aylis showed Patrick his residence. When they finished the tour of his rooms, Pat dropped into a soft chair. He was perspiring. Aylis went to the kitchen, filled a glass with water, and brought it to him.

  “This is water!” Patrick pulled the tumbler away from his mouth with a frown and set it down.

  “I’ve done a bad thing, Pat. I added something to your plumbing to temporarily circumvent any attempt on your part to become intoxicated. But you can still enjoy the taste of scotch, if that’s important to you.”

  “Damn, woman! Oblivion is important to me! Continuous reality is probably lethal to someone as sensitive as I am.”

  Aylis laughed. “What you need is a friend, not a bottle of scotch.”

  “I lost interest in relationships when Iggy took Ana away from me.”

  “You were never interested in permanent female relationships.”

  “Maybe not. I think Iggy rescued me from disaster. How is Iggy? How well does he remember Ana? I want to talk to him.”

  “Get some rest and I’ll see if Iggy will pay you a visit tonight.”

  Aylis got up to leave. Patrick stood to show her to the door. “There are some things I used to try to do to them when I was putting them back together, to lower their level of hostility. If you have to revive them, I want to help.”

  Section 032 Koji

  “Can you hear me?”

  “Patrick?”

  “Do you know who you are?”

  “Hoshino Koji. You tricked me, Patrick.”

  ” I hoped you would forget that.”

  “I was getting old enough to die. You could have waited.”

  “You were too quiet, Koji. You scare me when you’re quiet.”

  “There was never any reason for your fear, Patrick. Unless I have forgot some error I made. Who won the game?”

  “What game?”

  “I don’t remember. There was always a game.”

  “That was a long time ago.”

  “It’s dark. Is there something different?”

  “Yes, there’s something different, Koji.”

  Zakiya stood up as the illumination increased. She was encouraged by the calmness of the dialog between Patrick and Koji. She was encouraged by the lowered intensity and frequency of her memories of Koji. She was sadly satisfied that she was so exhausted of emotion that she could treat Koji’s revival with objectivity. She lost Sammy. And because he grieved too well, because she couldn’t find words to console him, she lost Freddy.

  She approached where Koji lay, watched him begin to rise from the bed, and waited for him to notice her and react. She could detect the instant he saw her and could not detect a reaction. He sat up on the edge of the bed, legs dangling, then dropped onto the deck. He flexed his legs. He stood slightly taller than Patrick. He faced Patrick, as though ignoring her.

  “Introduce me to her,” Koji said to Patrick.

  “She isn’t one of my holograms, Koji.”

  Koji pushed Patrick, sending him stumbling backward. Patrick held up a hand as a signal to Zakiya that he wasn’t concerned. He had warned her that physical contact - sometimes rough - was needed by Koji and the others to test reality when they awoke from regeneration. Koji looked at Zakiya. He studied the room which was little more than white walls and ceiling surrounding the bed on which he awoke. He approached her.

  Her combat reflex was active, measuring Koji’s parameters. She would not need it; a machine intelligence was monitoring Koji for signs of aggression and would anesthetize him instantly.

  He was a big man, as big as Alex or Setek, and powerfully muscled. He looked down at her as he walked around her. He positioned himself before her at a measured distance. He put forth his hand, apparently for her to take. Zakiya reached for his hand slowly and took it slowly, willing her combat reflex to disarm. Koji held her hand firmly and stared into her eyes without hinting at his own thoughts or feelings. He suddenly pulled on her hand and observed her reaction. He smiled when she retained her balance and composure.

  “What is this uniform you wear? What is your rank?”

  “Union Navy. Admiral.” Here was Koji, a stranger, who yet evoked wonderful memories from a lost time and place. “My name is Zakiya.” She moved his hand up and down. She was ready to release his hand, but he was not ready to release hers.

  “You know me. I don’t know you.”

  “I once knew a man whose face you wear and whose name you use.”

  “Do I need to guess who you are? Zakiya is a strange name.”

  “My full name is Zakiya Muenda Gerakis.”

  “Three names. Three times nothing. Are you just an admiral? Is that all there is to you?”

  “Do you remember Alex?”

  He released her hand. He touched her face. He backed away from her to look her up and down. ” Sometimes I remember that name. We have many names. We have many faces. Patrick! This is taking too long! Who is she?”

  “His wife,” Patrick replied.

  “His wife. His?” Patrick nodded when Koji glanced at him. “Perhaps I should restrain my impulses. The question of reality is a troubling question. You must be important, His Wife. Admiral. No fear in your eyes for the likes of me. Perhaps tears?”

  “I’m sorry, Koji. I thought an old friend was reborn. It may be a stillbirth.”

  “Emotions will get you killed. Don’t weep for me.”

  “Without emotions we’re already dead.”

  “I agree. I’m dead. If I appear to be alive, it’s only momentum. Show me where I am.”

  The room’s walls and ceiling disappeared, as image emitters created the illusion that the floor and those standing on it were winked to the middle of the ship’s commons. “This is the main biosphere of our ship,” Zakiya said. “It’s the principle residential area and covers about six square kilometers. That’s the hospital over there, where we currently stand in real space.”

  “Impressive, but I don’t like illusions. I want to walk. I’m also hungry.”

  “Let’s walk.”

  Koji stopped in the corridor outside the room and surveyed the people who stood waiting for them to pass. He bowed to them and proceeded. Near the main entrance Koji paused briefly as he noticed Nori standing alone in a lounge area, watching him.

  “Did you see someone you know?” Zakiya asked as they emerged onto the plaza into morning sunshine.

  “I saw a young woman who was pleasing to see. Should I know her?”

  ” She’s your daughter.”

  “I have no daughter.”

  “Her name is Nori.”

  “Do you remember her, Patrick?”

  “I was told that is she. She hasn’t spoken to me, however.”

  “Who else is on this ship to weaken us? We don’t go to war with our children.”

  “I have bad news for you on that point, Koji,” Patrick said. “There are over ten thousand people on this ship, mostly civilians, and a few of them are children. And pregnant women.”

  “This is no warship, not with trees and lakes. At least it appears real.”

  “Real and fast, Koji. This is a jumpship.”

  “I would appreciate it if you didn’t offer so many facts so soon, Patrick,” Zakiya said.

  “And that’s all I know about the ship,” Patrick quickly added.

  “You command this ship, Zakiya?”

  “I command the mission.”

  “What armaments do you have?”

  “None yet but be patient. Wait until the others awake.” Koji walked off at a rapid pace. Zakiya jogged to catch up to him. Patrick turned back. “You’re being monitored, Koji. Don’t act like a barbarian.”

  Koji stopped and turned on Zakiya. “I kill barbarians! You are the people I protect.” They resumed walking.
/>   “Koji, you don’t remember your daughter. Do you know why?”

  “No.”

  “Do you want to know why?”

  “No.”

  “Do you want to know your daughter?”

  “No.”

  “Do you know what you want, Koji?”

  “The next dead barbarian.”

  “Nothing more?”

  “Are you trained to practice psychiatry?”

  “Are you capable of humor, Koji?” Zakiya had a long list of suggestions from Mai concerning Koji’s mental health. She felt incapable of such analysis. She was barely able to continue the conversation while under attack by her auxiliary memory. It was not as quiet as she hoped it would be.

  “Patrick wasted much time at psychotherapy. I know I’m mentally damaged. Talking won’t repair me. If you didn’t reprogram or surgically alter my brain, I remain capable of doing what I must do.”

  “Will you never be happy again, Koji?”

  “I’m happy when I kill barbarians.”

  “You were the rescuer, the retriever.”

  “The barbarians call me the Executioner. Alex and Setek inserted themselves into situations to gather intelligence. If things went wrong, I extracted them by any means necessary.”

  “You had the worst job, Koji.”

  “I had lost subtlety and patience. I can’t see a barbarian and not try to kill him.”

  “Will this be another insertion for them, Koji?”

  “Perhaps. You will resist their intentions.”

  “You will rescue them?”

  “Yes.”

  “What do you think they will do?”

  “All I know is that they have paid too much to become what they are.”

  “I would mean so little to Alex?”

  “I don’t know how little. I only know we must defeat the barbarians. Perhaps I’m wrong. Perhaps you would be a good thing for Alex. There are too many barbarians. I can never kill them all.”