Typically these types of meetings would be held in the grand chambers, but Guinevere had told Arthur that he needed to be seen among the people more, so they went to Mr. Alogy’s place of business instead.
“Please, please,” Mr. Alogy said, motioning to the chairs in front of him, “have a seat. I have a lot to show you today.”
“Remember that I have a regency meeting in less than an hour, dear,” Arthur reminded his beloved.
“I’ll keep that in mind, sire,” Mr. Alogy replied with an odd look.
“No, I was speaking with my wife, good sir.”
“Oh! Right.”
The man went back to shuffling papers. He was clearly nervous, which was almost always the case with people who met with Arthur and/or Guinevere. Arthur had always tried his best to calm them down, but it rarely worked.
He turned to studying the room. There were stacks of paper everywhere, a tattered map on the wall that was stuck full of pins, and a painting of a walrus that seemed rather out of place.
“Nice office you have here,” Arthur said, attempting to put the man at ease.
“Thank you, sire. I apologize for the mess. I’ve been working night and day to prepare these documents for you.”
“That’s a kindness,” Arthur replied with a smile. “By the way, what precisely are these documents supposed to reveal?”
The man paused and looked up. “Your ancestry, sire.”
“Ah.”
Arthur looked over at Guinevere and shrugged.
“It’s important to know where we come from, dear.”
“I suppose,” conceded Arthur, “but I think it’s more important to know where we’re going.”
“Without knowledge of the past,” Mr. Alogy said as he sat the final stack in place and plopped into his chair, “we’re doomed to repeat it. Or so they say.”
Arthur found it difficult to argue that tidbit. He assumed every era held some of the same dynamics. Kings or rulers of some sort, peasants, soldiers, merchants, chefs, artisans, craftsman, and many other professions.
“What have you found, Mr. Alogy?” Guinevere asked, clearly far more interested in this venture down memory lane than Arthur was.
“Your parents were—”
“You know who my parents were?” said Arthur, instantly realizing what this was actually about.
He’d heard “ancestry,” sure, but he hadn’t put two and two together.
He’d never known his parents in great detail. His earliest memories were of his father being hauled off to fight a battle for the English Army and his mother handing up Arthur and his sister for adoption. Arthur had only been four years old at the time. He’d searched for years and years, but had never found his long-lost sibling.
“Are they alive?”
“I’m sorry,” Mr. Alogy said sadly.
“Sorry, my love,” Guinevere said while touching his hand. She then turned back to Mr. Alogy. “Let’s jump back to the farthest information you found, and work our way forward. My husband must meet with the regents soon, as he said, and I have a class to attend on the finer points of fist-fighting and drinking ale.”
“Fist-fighting and ale-drinking?” said Arthur, shocked.
“Let it go, dear.”
“Right,” said Mr. Alogy, clearing his throat. “Well, I was only able to get back as far as 72AD. There just weren’t very many records prior to that.”
Arthur and Guinevere glanced at each other.
“Apparently, there were two guards named Probius and Clearlyachickus—odd names, if you ask me,” Mr. Alogy said with a chuckle. Then he looked up and coughed. “Sorry. Anyway, they had a young child named Findus Excaliburus who went off on a search for a magical sword. He never found it, but his search took him to Britain where he met and married a woman named Agnes.” He peered up for a second.
Guinevere and Arthur looked at each other with mouths agape.
“Merlin was right,” said Arthur.
“And you’ll never say a word to him about it,” warned Guinevere.
Arthur was confused. “Why not?”
“Because he’ll hold it over my head forever, that’s why not.”
“True,” mused Arthur. “He’ll do the same with me since I was there when it happened.” Arthur then gave Mr. Alogy a strong stare. “That information never leaves this room. Do you understand?”
“Of course, my lord,” Mr. Alogy replied firmly.
“Good,” said Guinevere as her shoulders relaxed. “Now, continue, if you please.”
“Right. Right.” Mr. Alogy shuffled his papers again. “Well, uh, Probius and Clearlyachickus had another child by the name of Locatus Dadamnswordus, though his mother seemingly called him Billy.”
“Billy?” said Arthur.
“Correct. Now, Billy also set off to find this sword, but failed in every attempt.” Mr. Alogy flipped the pages. “Now, he finally gave up his search after marrying a Scottish woman named Liza. At this point, they stopped using the odd names, and had a daughter by the name of Igraine. She never hunted for the sword, though. Instead, she set about building a clothing empire. Mostly blouses, negligees, and things of that nature.”
Again, the two royals looked at each other.
“Well, she ended up marrying a man named Gorlois—”
“Is he my father?”
“No, sire,” Mr. Alogy replied. “Actually, rumor has it that a man named Merlin—”
“Merlin?”
“Different one,” Mr. Alogy said quickly.
“There was another man with that name?” Arthur said doubtfully.
“Anyway, he was friends with this fellow named Uther Pendragon and—”
Arthur sat up. “That’s my last name.”
“Yes, sire.”
“Go on, go on!”
“Uh… well, Uther was in love with Igraine, so he asked Merlin to help him put on a disguise so that he could look like Gorlois. He was doing this so that he could bone your mom.”
“What?”
“Sorry, sire! I mean, uh—”
“Just continue, Mr. Alogy,” Guinevere said, again patting Arthur’s hand reassuringly.
“Yes, ma’am. Uther’s disguise was a success and he ended up, well, scoring with your mother.”
“That’s disturbing,” said Arthur, no longer certain he wanted to know about his parents.
“Shall I continue?”
“Please,” urged Guinevere again.
“Gorlois was killed—”
“How?”
“I don’t know, sire. I couldn’t find information on that.” The man swallowed. “Well, as soon as that happened, Uther married Igraine and they had you and your sister.”
Arthur looked up. “What is her name?”
“Anna.”
“Is she alive?”
“No, sire.”
“Damn it all to hell!”
Arthur launched from his chair and began pacing around the room. There was so much information coming in at him that he could barely process it. His earliest ancestors were the two guards that Guinevere had offered their room to back in Ancient Rome; the next in line hunted for the same sword that he’d finally found, which secured him the title of King in England; and his father had apparently gone through the trouble of dressing like another man in order to have relations with his mother. He also assumed that his father had a hand in the death of his mother’s original husband, though he could only hope that wasn’t the case.
It was so much to digest that he was struggling to keep his emotions in check.
To make matters worse, there were horns sounding from all over the campus. This often happened whenever diplomats arrived, which made sense seeing that this was the day he was to meet with the local regency.
“Is there more?” he said finally.
“Yes, sire,” said Mr. Alogy slowly.
“Spit it out, man,” demanded Arthur.
“You also had a brother that nobody knew about.”
Arthur fe
lt his jaw go slack. “A brother?”
“Yes, sire.”
“Is he dead, too?”
“No, sire,” said Mr. Alogy. “In fact, I took the liberty of having a courier run all of this paperwork to him a few days ago. My guess is that he will read them and eventually visit you.”
At that moment the door burst open and the smiling face of Scottish Arthur stepped into the room. He was holding his arms out in grandiose fashion. In one of his hands was a wad of paper with a stamp that read “Gene E. Alogy.”
Arty’s face was lit up.
“Me bruddah!”
Arthur turned slowly towards Mr. Alogy.
“You’ve got to be kidding.”
Thanks for Reading!
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Available Books by John & Chris
Find them all on Amazon!
Tales from the Land of Ononokin
A Quest of Undoing • The Full Moon Event • Bob the Zombie • Gappy’s Gadgets • The Kidnapped Prince
Platoon F
The SSMC Reluctant • Angry Robots • The SSMC Voyeur • Earthlings • Synthetic DNA • Warped Conduit • Kidnap on Fantasy Planet • Veli Unveiled
The Intergalactic Investigation Bureau
Starliner
The Queen Arthur Adventures
The Ring of Veiling • Knights in the Future • Knights in the Past
Book Bundles (Big Savings!)
Comedic Fantasy Bundle #1: Ononokin Books 1-4
Platoon F: Pentalogy
Comedic Arthurian Bundle: The Adventures of Queen Arthur
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thanks to The Ring of Veiling and Knights in the Future launch group!
(listed in alphabetical order by first name)
Adam “Beefy” Pederick, Alex McKenzie, Allen Maltbie, Amy Simmonds, Andrea Tootell, Andy Crank, Annet Davidson, Aragorn Berner, Arto Suokas, Barrie & Muriel Mee, Benny Bennett, Bob Gouldy, Bob Topping, Brian Floyd, Camille Green, Candy Valdez, Catherine Currie, Cher Eaves, Chastity Jackson, Chris Hargrave, Chris Anthony, Chris Wakeham, Christopher Ridgway, Clare Short, Conrad Z-ro, Darrell Northcott, Dave Watson, David P. Ridgway, Diann Pustay, Earl Brown, Eric Hirsch, Eric Ludwig, Erin Mattox, Fergy Ferg, Geoffrey Ackers, Grant Taff Lewis, Gretchen Wickline Carter, Helen Wrenn, Helena Coker, Holly Roth-Nelson, Hugh Davies, Ian Nick Tarry, Igloo Q. Birdbath, J. Ed Baker, Jack Tufford, James Robinson, Jamie Smith, Jan Gray, Jason Mills, Jenna Burns, Jennie Nichols, Jennifer Willison, James Hannah, Jo Freeman, Jodie Stackowiak, Joe Simon, Joel Jackson, John Barbaretti, John Chappell, John “Yiaagaitia” Debnam, John “Murphyfields” Ladbury, John Scott, John Weaver, Julia Taylor, Keith Hall, Kevan Busby, Kim Phelan, Lee Goodrow, Leigh Evans, Les McCandless, Lesley Donnachie, Leslie Grotti Jost, Linda Carter, Lizzie Fletcher, Madeleine Fenner, Mags Kelly, Mahri McGregor, Mark Brown, Martin Smith, Matthew Wilson, Michael Crosby, Mike Black, Mike Ikirt, Neil Gurling, Neil Lowrie, Nic Jansen, Nick Moon, Nigel Brett, Noah Sturdevant, Paul Deakin, Paul McCarthy, Paul Raymond, Paul Turner-Smithson, Paulette “Elsolel” Kilgore, Phyllis McGrath, Rachel Blakeman, Richard Doubleday, Sammie Elestial, Sandee Lloyd, Scott Ackermann, Sean Ellis, Sharon Ward, Shirley MacDonald, Sion Morris, Stephen A. Smith, Steve Grossman, Steve Hayes, Steve Shamka, Tammy Wilson-Lewallen, Teresa Cattrall Ferguson, Terry Foster, Thomas Mayes, Tony Dawson, Tony Dodds, Tracey Herron, Traci Hoffman, and Yelaerb-Gnortsmra Hag Erialc.
Thanks to the Knights in the Past launch group!
(listed in alphabetical order by first name)
Adam Goldstein, Adam “Beefy” Pederick, Camille E. Green, Carolyn Jean Evans, Christopher Ridgway, Dan Sippel, Debbie Tily, Diann Pustay, Eden England-Woods, Fiona Sanders, Grant Taft Lewis, Helen Day, Ian Nick Tarry, Jackie Spencer, Jamie Smith, Jan Gray, Jodie Stackowiak, John Debnam, Karen Atkinson, Karen Brown, Lizzy Marjot, Lynette Wood, Mark Brown, Matthew Stuart Thomas Wilson, Michael Illingworth, Noah Sturdevant, Pamita Rao, Sandee Lloyd, Sharon Kennedy, Stephen Bagwell, Teresa Cattrall Ferguson, Ty Seale.
We’d also like to thank the following people for their contributions in helping to name the Roman guards in Knights in the Past…
(Listed in alphabetical order by first name. Note that there were many names contributed, but these were the ones that received the most votes!)
Allen Maltbie contributed: Cranius Rectus, Itchus Crotchius, Roidus Ragius, Drunkus Askunkus, Rotundus Posteriorus, Bodacious Bootius, and Dave.
Jamie Smith contributed: Tortoise Beatus Rabbitus, Horatio Harrassyurass, Dubius Phallaci, Dropa de Turda, and Hugi Bearus.
John Debnam contributed: Prematuria Jackulus, Hottus Totrottus, and Sextus Transmittus Disius.
John Ladbury contributed: Wankus Maximus.
Joe Simon contributed: Schlongus Longorius, Harrius Palmus, Rectumus Odiferous, and Chokus de Chickinus.
Mark Brown contributed: Slipus Outicus.
Nigel Brett contributed: Uranus Bleedus.
Noah Sturdevant contributed: Giganticus Mamarus and Isconstantly Flashingus.
Scott Reid contributed: Tinius Weenus.
Steven Palfrey contributed: Tittus Fascinaticus, Hernia Rupturus, Scratchus Continuous, Scabbus Scratchus, and Dribblus Mucus.
Teresa Cattrall Ferguson contributed: Tellus Anotherus, Folatio the Philanderer, and Senilius.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
John P. Logsdon
John was raised in the MD/VA/DC area. Growing up, John had a steady interest in writing stories, playing music, and tinkering with computers. He spent over 20 years working in the video games industry where he acted as designer and producer on many online games. He’s written science fiction, fantasy, humor, and even books on game development. While he enjoys writing lighthearted adventures and wacky comedies most, he can’t seem to turn down writing darker fiction. John lives with his wife, son, and Chihuahua.
On the web: www.JohnPLogsdon.com
Christopher P. Young
Chris grew up in the Maryland suburbs. He spent the majority of his childhood reading and writing science fiction and learning the craft of storytelling. He worked as a designer and producer in the video games industry for a number of years as well as working in technology and admin services. He enjoys writing both serious and comedic science fiction and fantasy. Chris lives with his wife and an ever-growing population of critters.
CRIMSON MYTH PRESS
Crimson Myth Press offers more books by this author as well as books from a few other hand-picked authors. From science fiction & fantasy to adventure & mystery, we bring the best stories for adults and kids alike.
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www.CrimsonMyth.com
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2016 by John P. Logsdon & Christopher P. Young
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form.
Published by: Crimson Myth Press (www.CrimsonMyth.com)
Edited by: Lorelei Logsdon (www.LoreleiLogsdon.com)
Cover art: Amy P. Simmonds (www.AmyPSimmonds.com)
Cover Text: Jake T. Logsdon (www.JakeLogsdon.com)
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