by Ana Huang
He was right. People saw what they expected to see.
“Why are you in D.C., anyway?” I asked, switching subjects. “You said you were in town for a last-minute trip?”
“Can’t say, or my agent will kill me.” Asher finished his drink. “But I have several meetings in the U.S., and one of them is in D.C.”
I was surprised his U.S. trip wasn’t all over the news. Then again, I didn’t follow sports updates, so maybe it was, and I just didn’t know.
“Does it feel weird, being so famous?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine having my every move dissected.
“It was, but I got used to it.” He flashed a sardonic smile. “Can I tell you a secret?” When I nodded, he said, “I never wanted to be famous.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Come on.”
Some celebrities shied away from the spotlight, but Asher seemed to thrive in it. He was always dating the latest supermodel, driving the fastest car, and attending the hottest party.
“It’s true.” He leaned back in his chair. “There’s a certain liberation to being a so-called nobody. No expectations, no pressure, just me and my love for the game. For the longest time, I held myself back because I was afraid of hitting the big time. Me, a nobody from Berkshire, playing for the biggest clubs and against the best players in the world? I didn’t deserve it. But I love football—or soccer, as you Americans call it—and that mindset affected my game. I didn’t even realize until my old coach called me out on it. And now…” Asher shrugged. “Like I said, I got used to the fame. But more importantly, I can play to my potential. I just had to get out of my own way.”
I didn’t deserve it.
The words echoed in my head and filled my lungs with sudden, icy realization. Oh God. Maybe the reason why I—
“Enough about me,” Asher said. “Let’s talk about why that guy is staring at me like he wants to rip my head off for the past fifteen minutes.” He tilted his chin toward someone over my shoulder.
Had someone finally recognized him?
I turned, and my realization gave way to shock when I saw Josh sitting a few tables over. I had my back to the door, so I hadn’t noticed him arrive..
Instead of looking away, Josh held my gaze, his eyes dark and his jaw lined with tension. The air suddenly crackled with an electricity that lit up my nerves.
“He’s the guy from the wedding, right?” Asher drew my attention back to him. Amusement glowed in his eyes. “Boyfriend?”
“Not really.” Not anymore.
The amusement deepened. “It’s complicated, then.”
“You could say that.” Complicated, messy, and one of the few beautiful things I’d experienced in my life.
Even though I was no longer looking at Josh, the sparks from our two seconds of eye contact remained.
I didn’t deserve it.
I just had to get out of my own way.
Any interest I had in continuing drinks with Asher dissipated into dust. “I’m so sorry, but—”
“Go.” He waved me off. “I had a feeling our night would be cut short. And I’m ninety percent sure my cover is blown, so save yourself while you can.”
I followed his gaze and spotted two men beelining toward us, their eyes fixed on Asher with the enthusiasm of overzealous fans.
Yikes. “Good luck.”
Asher laughed. “Thanks for that, and for keeping me company for a few hours. If you’re ever in Manchester, let me know.”
“I will.”
I got out of there right as the men reached our table.
“Are you Asher Donovan?” one of them asked. “I’m a huge fan! That goal you scored against Barcelona last year…”
I shook my head, hoping Asher didn’t get mobbed once everyone figured out who he was. But like he said, he was used to it. I had a feeling he could take care of myself.
I, on the other hand, had a bigger issue to deal with.
Instead of approaching Josh, I exited the bar and lingered on corner of the sidewalk outside. The Bronze Gear was getting more crowded, and I didn’t want to hold a conversation in there.
As expected, Josh appeared less than a minute later.
“You’re not very subtle,” I said. Despite the thick summer heat, goosebumps peppered my skin.
“I’m not here to be subtle, Red.” He stopped in front of me.
Warmth dripped from the air and into my veins. “What are you here for, then?” I attempted to sound lighthearted despite the flutters in my chest. “Are you stalking me, Josh Chen?”
“Are you trying to forget me, Jules Ambrose?”
I gulped at his dark tone.
“Because if you are…” Josh took another step toward me. “It’s not going to work.”
The flutters went wild. “You have an awfully high opinion of yourself.”
A hard smile cut across his face. “I promised I’d give you all the time you needed, and I will. But I’m not going to sit back while you date other guys, Red.”
“I told you it wasn’t a date.”
“And I told you I don’t share. Not when it comes to you.” Josh’s eyes burned into mine. “I don’t give a fuck if he’s a multimillionaire and plastered on every magazine in the world. He could be the King of fucking England, but he’ll never give you what I’m willing to give you.”
The goosebumps multiplied. “What’s that?”
“Everything.” He’d closed the distance between us until our mouths were only centimeters apart. I stood my ground, but the electricity from earlier returned in full force and buzzed through my veins. There were a handful of other people on the sidewalk. They weren’t close enough to hear us, but it didn’t matter anyway. The rest of the world didn’t exist when Josh was near me. “My heart. My soul. My dignity. What do you want me to do, Jules?” His voice splintered into something jagged and painful. “Do you want me to fucking beg? Say the word, and I’ll be on my knees.”
Moisture gathered behind my eyes. I shook my head, my chest aching.
What are you so afraid of?
I didn’t deserve it.
I just had to get out of my own way.
Josh’s question from Bridget’s wedding echoed in my head. I didn’t have the answer then, but I had it now.
I was afraid of me.
Even when I started falling for Josh, part of me knew we wouldn’t work out as long as I was keeping a secret from him. But now that nothing stood in our way, I was terrified—of being hurt, of not being enough, and of actually being loved when I didn’t deserve it.
I wasn’t the little girl from Ohio anymore, but some things were so ingrained from childhood that they became a part of us without us even knowing. After a lifetime of being unwanted, I had no clue how to handle someone who wasn’t willing to walk away.
Maybe it was time I learned.
“Promise me we’re real,” I whispered.
I could drag this out, make triple sure he wouldn’t break my heart again. But I was so tired of resisting and sabotaging myself. After years of swimming against the current, it was time to sink into something I wanted for once, no matter where it took me.
And at the end of the day, no grand gesture matched that of making a promise…and keeping it.
Josh cupped my face with his hands. “I promise.” A tiny smile tipped his lips, and his eyes searched mine with cautious hope. “You’re stuck with me forever, I’m afraid.”
His words sank into my skin and filled every inch of me with their warmth.
Just let go, Jules.
After one last beat of hesitation, my lips parted in tentative invitation.
Relief exploded across Josh’s face before he took it, his mouth moving over mine in a deep, almost desperate kiss that made my toes curl. I melted against him, savoring the taste and feel of him again.
My chest loosened, and every nerve ending sparked with awareness.
Some kisses you felt in your bones. This one I felt in my soul.
“Twelve days, eight hours, and nine m
inutes. I spent every second thinking of you.” Josh’s lips brushed against mine as he spoke. “I thought I knew what I wanted before. Becoming a doctor, chasing the next high. Being the most popular, most liked person in the room. I thought those things would make me happy, and they did. Temporarily. But you…” He rested his forehead against mine. “You’re the only thing that could make me happy forever.”
I choked out a half laugh, half sob. “Careful, Chen. Keep saying things like that, and I might never let you go,” I said, mirroring his words from our first date.
That beautiful dimple of his appeared in all its glory. “I’m counting on it.” He curled his hand around the back of my neck and pressed another, softer kiss to my lips. “In case it’s not clear, I fucking love you, Jules Ambrose, even when you drive me crazy. Especially when you drive me crazy.”
“That’s because you’re a masochist.” I couldn’t contain my smile. “It’s okay. I love you anyway.”
It was my first time saying those words to a guy, but they didn’t feel strange. They felt like they’d always been there, just waiting for the right time and right person before they revealed themselves.
Josh’s hand stilled. “Say that again.”
“I love you,” I breathed, body thrumming, heart so full it could burst at any second.
A small grin blossomed on his face. “Damn right. I’m pretty fucking lovable, unless I’m being an ass…which I was for the week after you told me about the painting.” He glanced at the group of teenagers staring at us, and I realized we were starting to attract attention from passersby. “But maybe we should continue this somewhere more private.”
My apartment was only two blocks away. Stella wasn’t home, and we barely made it into my bedroom before Josh kissed me again and sank to his knees before me.
“Twelve days, twelve orgasms.” He pushed up my skirt, his breath warm against the sensitive skin of my thighs. “That seems fair, don’t you think?”
A small fire kindled in my lower belly. “What—”
My question died an ignoble death when he pushed my panties aside and ran his tongue over my clit.
Oh God.
I fisted Josh’s hair as he licked and sucked until my orgasm ricocheted through me. I didn’t get a chance to come down from my high before he delved in again, and soon, I was little more than a gasping, boneless mess. If it weren’t for his strong hands bracing my hips and holding me up, I would’ve already collapsed.
But despite the orgasms rocking through me and the thick scent of sex in the air, what we were doing didn’t feel like sex.
It felt like love.
53
JOSH
“This wasn’t what I had in mind when you said we’ll continue things at your house.” Jules’s soft grumble was muffled by my pillow.
I suppressed a laugh as I iced her shoulder with a towel-wrapped ice pack. “I never said what the things would be.”
After I thoroughly apologized at her apartment, we took the train to my house before Stella came home. The minute we did, I had Jules lie down in my bed so I could tend to her injuries.
She’ll fully heal in a few weeks, but the thought of her in any sort of pain, even if it was temporary, made my heart twist.
“It was implied. I feel misled. Bamboozled. Falsely advertised to.” Jules lifted her head to glare at me. “Where’s my makeup sex, Chen?”
My laugh broke free. “Were your earlier orgasms not enough?”
I skimmed my fingers up her neck to her face, where I pushed a strand of hair out of her eye. The entire train ride home, I couldn’t stop staring at her, afraid she would disappear if I looked away for two long.
There’d been every chance Jules wouldn’t forgive me for how I treated her, and I wouldn’t have blamed her if she hadn’t.
But thank the fucking Lord she had.
You fucked me, then you tossed me aside just like everyone else.
An ache pierced my chest at the memory of her words.
God, I was such an ass.
“Oral sex isn’t the same.” Jules’s words morphed into a soft sigh when I kissed her neck and gently stroked her wetness.
“You want me inside you, Red?”
A shudder rolled through her body. “Yes.”
My already-stiff cock hardened further at the breathy hope in her voice, but I held strong. “You have a shoulder sprain, Jules, not to mention bruises all over. You could exacerbate your injuries.”
She let out another, less pleasurable sigh. “This is what I get for dating a doctor, isn’t it?”
“Hmm.” The corner of my mouth tipped at her exasperation. “There are benefits to dating a doctor, though. For example…” I pushed one finger inside her while I kept my thumb on her clit. “I’m very good with anatomy.”
Jules’s grumble melted into a string of moans as she arched into my hand. I kissed my way down her chest and bare stomach, and her moan turned into a cry when I spread her open and delved in with my tongue. Stroking, sucking, licking. Worshiping her like it was penance and she was my salvation.
“Josh…I’m going to…” Jules’s soft gasp arrowed straight into my heart. “Inside me. Please. I want to come when you’re inside me.”
I paused and groaned. My heart hammered so hard I felt it in every inch of my body, and my cock was close to exploding. “You’re killing me, Red.”
We shouldn’t. She was injured. They were mild injuries, but still. The smart thing would be to wait until she was fully healed.
But God help me, I couldn’t deny her anything when she was pleading like that.
Against my better judgment, I lifted my head and rose until we were eye level again.
“It’s going to be a little softer today, okay?” I brushed another strand of hair out of her eyes.
Jules nodded with such enthusiasm I almost laughed again, but any humor died when I rolled on a condom and pushed inside her, inch by inch, until I filled her completely.
Her moan mingled with mine.
She felt so fucking good. Tight and wet and made for me, like she was the jigsaw puzzle I’d been missing all my life.
My skin misted with sweat from the effort of holding back an orgasm, and I let out a soft warning growl when Jules tightened around me.
“Can’t help it.” Her breaths came out in short pants. “You’re too big.”
Whenever we went even a few days without sex, she had to adjust to my size all over again.
“And you take every inch beautifully.” I pulled out, then slid back in with a slow, smooth glide. Jules squirmed a little, but her muscles gradually relaxed, and pride lit my chest. “That’s it. Just like that. You’re doing so well.”
Jules’s face flushed with pleasure. “Josh…”
“Your pussy was made for me, Red. Every part of you, made for me.” My own breaths harshened as I increased the pace. The sensual, languorous rhythm was a one eighty from our usual rough, furious fucking, but in a way, it was even hotter.
I could savor every glide of my cock into her and every one of her whimpers and moans as I fucked away every bad memory from our last time together.
“Don’t hold back,” I growled when her teeth sank into her bottom lip. I could tell from the tenseness of her muscles that she was about to come. “I want to hear your sweet screams.”
I reached down to rub her clit, pressing with just enough pressure to tip her over the edge while I picked up the pace. A cry of pleasure ripped from Jules’s throat. Her back arched, and I grunted at the sensation of her tight pussy walls pulsing around me.
My chest expanded at the sight of her like this—completely undone and so beautiful I couldn’t look away if my life depended on it.
“That’s it.” I rubbed my thumb over her cheek and leaned down to kiss her. Hard. “Good girl,” I whispered. “I love hearing you scream for me.”
Jules’s whimpers shot straight to my cock, and it didn’t take long before I came with a loud groan.
I rolled off
her, not wanting to jostle her shoulder, and we lay there in contented silence until we caught our breath.
Sex was great, but this part? The one where we basked in the glow and each other’s presence? It was even better.
I turned on my side and wrapped an arm around Jules’s waist, drawing her closer. I never gave a fuck about cuddling before her, but I loved having her in my arms. It just felt…right.
“How’s your shoulder?”
“Still attached.” Jules laughed at my scowl. “It’s fine. See? We had sex, and I didn’t die.”
“Not funny.” I didn’t even want to joke about her dying. “I’m checking your shoulder again later, just in case.”
“Yes, Dr. Chen,” she teased. “Do you offer these kinds of hands-on checkups to everybody, or am I special?”
“I only offer them to my most stubborn, infuriating, pain in the ass patients. The ones I can’t stop thinking about. Luckily…” I smoothed my palm over the curve of her ass. “I only have one of those.”
Jules’s breath hitched. “Lucky me.”
“Lucky you,” I drawled, a cocky smile forming on my lips.
“Arrogant ass.” She laughed before her face turned serious. “Do you still have the painting? Max’s associates will come looking for it, and I don’t—”
“I took care of it.”
“How?”
“You’ll see.”
She winkled her nose. “Cryptic much?”
“It’s a surprise, Red. You’ll see,” I repeated.
Jules huffed and dropped the subject, but I could tell she was intrigued. Nothing piqued her interest like a surprise.
Now, all I had to do was figure out how to reveal it…after I figured out how to retrieve those musical tickets I destroyed last week. I could fold both things into one.
I grazed my knuckles over her back in lazy strokes, content just to listen to her breathe, while she yawned and buried her face in my chest. Now that the high from sex was wearing off, exhaustion lined her face and shadowed her eyes.