Something Like Summer

by Jay Bell

  “I still shouldn’t have kissed him.”

  “Get over it,” Jace snapped. “What’s more important to me is what you’re going to do now. You’re stuck with an old-fashioned guy. I like monogamy. I don’t want to have a threesome or share you with anyone. So now you need to decide if you can handle that or not.”

  “I think I can,” Ben said.

  “Good.” Jace nodded. “The next thing you have to figure out is what you’re going to do about Tim. I’m not going to forbid you to see him. I’m not going to say you can’t be his friend. I’m going to trust you now as much as I did before. There’s no point in going on otherwise. But I want you to ask yourself if you can resist doing something like this again.”

  The question weighed on his mind the rest of the drive home. Was it possible to love two people at the same time? Jace seemed to think so and Ben’s heart was in agreement. Couldn’t Jace and Tim hit it off? They could all be in love and pile into bed at night. Then again, the jealousy Ben felt while Jace talked about his own close call made him wonder if he could really handle such a scenario.

  No sense in dwelling on that fantasy, since Jace wasn’t willing. What mattered now was whether Ben could get himself under control enough to just be friends with Tim and nothing else. Tim’s strong pursuit wasn’t helping, and he didn’t seem likely to back off, judging by the determined expression on his face when they left the water park cave. Even if he did, Ben knew himself well enough to know that he would start chasing. Tim could never only be a friend, because every time Ben looked at him, all he saw was his high school sweetheart.

  Choosing between Jace and Tim wasn’t easy. Jace was kind, worldly, and loving. Tim was wild, mysterious, and passionate. Both were sexy. But one had never given up on Ben, even though he now had good reason to. Jace had stuck by him over the years. Tim had not.

  “I’ve made my choice,” Ben said, reaching over to take Jace’s hand.

  “Good.” Jace flipped the turn signal and took the exit ramp for Austin. “Now there’s one final thing we both have to face.”

  “What’s that?”

  “How to apologize to Allison. We left her at the park.”

  Ben groaned. With all that had happened, he’d completely forgotten about her. Earning back Jace’s trust and saying good-bye to Tim no longer seemed such a daunting task compared to the hurricane of anger he’d face when she found her way home.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  How did someone go about deliberately ending a friendship? Television dramas were full of breakups, but those usually involved moments of high passion. Breaking up with a friend was more subtle and calculated. Were there any guidelines to be followed? Was breaking up in person required? Or did one friend simply stop calling the other and let the bond gradually deteriorate into nothing?

  Ben had no choices remaining. He had already called Tim, telling him that they needed to talk. In retrospect, he probably should have been more specific. What if Tim was getting his hopes up? Ben had considered meeting him in public, but worried that one of them might cry, which would be embarrassing.

  Instead he was on his way to Tim’s house, trying to decide if he should stop to grab some drinks somewhere. Getting drunk with Tim wasn’t advisable, but a beer could help make this talk easier on both of them. Even better, Ben could have an alcohol-free beer and leave a six-pack for Tim to nurse his wounds with.

  He pulled into a strip mall and parked in front of one of the small liquor stores that were often found nestled up against major grocery chains. An unexpected sight attracted his attention on his way into the store. In the parking lot sat a large blue van with both of its rear doors open. A baby gate stretched across the opening, rattling occasionally as something tried to escape. A disheveled woman adjusted the gate before replacing a fallen sign that read “Free Puppies.” Memories of Wilford prompted Ben to investigate.

  “Looking for a puppy?” the woman asked as he approached.

  “Not really, but I sure miss having one,” Ben answered. He looked over the gate to see only one puppy left, its tiny body a fat sausage decked out in a fur coat two sizes too large. The dog stopped romping around to consider him with a smooshed face. “Is it supposed to look that way?”

  The woman snorted. “Totally normal for a bulldog. They only get uglier when they’re older, but you’ll have fallen in love by then.”

  “He is sort of cute,” Ben admitted as he watched the puppy try to scale the gate. When it failed it crouched and barked instead.

  “She, actually. This one’s a girl. Do you have a home big enough for a dog?”

  “Well no, but--” Everything clicked into place. “My friend has a huge house and he lives there all alone. I think a dog would be perfect for him.”

  The woman clapped her hands together, her eyes filled with desperate relief before becoming shrewd. “Now, the dog is free, but I’m asking a twenty dollar donation. Completely optional, but all proceeds go toward getting mama-dog spayed.”

  The woman took Ben’s money, as well as any contact information she could shake out of him. She was obviously concerned about the puppy’s welfare, but Ben was sure they were both making the right decision. After she handed the puppy over to him, its surprisingly powerful legs treaded air as it strained to lick his face. Then it peed down the front of his shirt. Ben laughed and brought it to his car.

  Driving the rest of the way to Tim’s house was a small nightmare, the puppy bouncing around the car like a rubber ball. Tim met him in the driveway, his jaw dropping when a puppy jumped out of the car.

  “You got a dog?” he asked.

  “No, you got a dog,” Ben corrected.

  It took a few moments of explaining, but Tim quickly took to the idea. “I don’t have anything a dog needs. We’ve got to go shopping! Let’s go!”

  “What, now?”

  This wasn’t exactly what Ben had planned, but what could he do? Was he really supposed to drop off the puppy and say a quick good-bye? So after borrowing a clean shirt, he was dragged off to a pet megamart with Tim and the puppy, who had been dubbed Chinchilla. Tim filled a shopping cart to the brim with more toys and food than most dogs needed in a lifetime. He ordered a dog house that would be delivered the next day and signed up for training classes. Chinchilla was going to live a good life.

  Once they were back at Tim’s—and now Chinchilla’s—home, Ben almost forgot the real reason he was there. They sat on the floor together, trying out different toys and laughing as Chinchilla made a fool of herself. She tore around the house, barking and making messes. Already the house felt more alive.

  “This was a nice surprise,” Tim said eventually. “I thought you were coming over to tell me that Jace wants my head on a platter.”

  “No.” The smile faded from Ben’s face. “He was very understanding about everything, but there is something we need to talk about.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “I can’t handle this,” Ben blurted out. “My feelings for you, I mean. They never went away--”

  “That’s a good thing,” Tim interrupted.

  “No, it’s not. I love Jace. I’ve been with him for over two years, and I plan on staying with him.”

  Tim reached out and grabbed his arm, as if he were afraid Ben would try to flee. “I can give you everything he can,” he promised. “More even.”

  Ben knew arguing would be fruitless. “I’m with Jace,” he said. “And that’s how it’s going to stay.”

  “Okay,” Tim said, releasing his arm. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”

  “Yeah, it does, Tim, because that’s not how I see you.”

  “That’s not how I see you either, so why fight it?”

  “Because I love Jace, and I’ve already hurt him more than I ever should have.”

  “And you don’t love me?” Tim challenged. “I know you do, because I feel the same way.”

  Ben struggled to remember if Tim had ever said “I love you” when they were younger. W
as he even saying it now, or just implying that he did?

  “I have to go.” Ben stood. “I don’t think we should see each other. For a while at least.”

  “Benjamin, wait!” Tim called after him.

  He ran for the car, and as he pulled away, he saw Tim holding Chinchilla back so she wouldn’t run into the street. Tim looked hurt, but at least Ben knew that he would no longer be alone.

  * * * * *

  Whatever academic gods were out there received multiple daily prayers from Ben, mostly as pleas to help him complete his finals and put formal education behind him. Other times he thanked them for providing limitless distraction during a difficult situation. The first time he had said good-bye to Tim had been against his will. Now it was his own doing, but he still couldn’t say this was what he wanted.

  Scholarly pressure accelerated time until two months had gone by, and even though Ben thought of Tim every single day, his relationship with Jace was back on track. Some weeks they barely managed to see each other, but when they did their relationship was just as loving and intimate as before. If Jace harbored a grudge, he didn’t show it.

  After a late study session in the library one evening, Ben had decided to go home, a term that now referred to Jace’s apartment. He had barely stayed a night at his duplex in the last month. Normally Allison wouldn’t tolerate such a thing, but she was busy with her own finals. When Ben leapt up the stairs to the apartment, he saw someone tacking a note to the door.

  The stranger turned when he heard Ben approaching, eyes and mouth wide in surprise. With eyeliner, base, and powder on his young face, he was only a microphone away from being in a boy band. Surprise became disinterest before the stranger turned away, evidently feeling Ben’s presence was of no consequence.

  The boy band reject was already walking away when Ben saw that the note was addressed to Jace. His name was surrounded by hand-drawn hearts. Underneath these was a long series of X’s and O’s followed by the name Aaron.

  “Hey!” Ben called after him.

  “Oh,” Aaron said when he turned around. “Are you Jace’s roommate or something?”

  “I’m his boyfriend,” Ben challenged.

  “Yeah, right,” Aaron laughed. “’fraid I beat you to that one! Make sure he gets that note, ‘kay?”

  Aaron turned and walked away. Ben felt like grabbing him by his over-styled hair and dragging him back for some answers, but he figured the note would tell him all he needed to know. He tore it off the door and went inside, ignoring Samson’s purrs of greeting.

  The note was written in purple ink in a handwriting that was annoyingly loopy and feminine. It read:

  Surprise! Bet you didn’t expect to see me so soon, huh? My parents sprung for a ticket. Guess I should have called ahead to tell you I was cumming. At least I hope I will be. How about a rerun of what we did in your hotel? Then again, maybe not. I’m still sore! Just in case you forgot my number-

  Ben glanced at the number to confirm that it was a cell phone from a different area code. Blood boiling, he let the note fall to the ground and ran outside to chase after Aaron. He circled the block to no avail. When he came back, Jace was struggling to get the key into the door, arms loaded with bags of groceries.

  “Hey!” he said happily when he saw Ben. “You ready for dinner?”

  “A note just came for you,” Ben said, trying to keep his face impassive.

  “A note?”

  Ben gestured for him to go inside. Once they were in the apartment, he swept the note off the floor and handed it to Jace. Ben searched his face as he read it. Jace looked puzzled, as if he didn’t understand, but Ben knew he had the best poker face in the world.

  “Is this some sort of joke?” Jace asked.

  “Come on. Where were you last week?”

  “A lot of places,” Jace replied.

  “Including Boston?”

  “Yeah. So?” Finally recognition dawned on Jace’s face. “You think-- No, this isn’t from that kid. I haven’t talked to him since.”

  “Since what, exactly?” Ben demanded, wondering how many boy-toys Jace had scattered across the U.S. Like a sailor pulling into port, he probably had one waiting for him in every state.

  “You know the story. Nothing happened. This is--” Jace gestured with the note. “I don’t know what this is.”

  “It’s perfectly clear what it is,” Ben shouted. “Or is there another gay guy next door named Jace, and Aaron just happened to pick the wrong door?”

  Jace set down the note, took a deep breath, and looked Ben in the eye. “I’ve never cheated on you.”

  “Then how do you explain it?”

  Jace shrugged and considered the question for a moment. “If I had to guess, I expect Tim thought this might--”

  “Tim? Get a grip, Jace! He’s not Moriarty! I saw the guy who put this on the door, and it sure as hell wasn’t Tim.”

  Jace’s jaw clenched, his patience finally nearing its end. “I don’t know what’s going on, but if anyone deserves to be under suspicion, it’s you!”

  That was enough to send Ben over the edge. Their words became more heated and ugly with every sentence. Blinded by rage, one of them screamed it was over. Afterwards it was too hard to remember who.

  Ben ended up back at the duplex after driving recklessly through town. What he needed was to talk to Allison. Unfortunately she wasn’t home. He waited for two hours, pacing the house and trying to make sense of his thoughts when the painting caught his eye. Two hearts, overlapping in a swarm of fiery colors.

  Why the hell not? He would go see Tim. He could confront him, even. Maybe Jace was right. Maybe this was some crackpot scheme to get them to split up. If so, it had apparently worked. Some of the anger ebbed away, replaced by sorrow. They hadn’t really broken up, had they?

  Tim’s car was in the driveway of his house, but so was another he didn’t recognize. Ben thought of Aaron, certain that he was here and conspiring with Tim over their next move. He pounded on the door. Tim answered almost immediately, looking surprised but happy.

  “Benjamin!”

  “Who’s here?” Ben growled, feeling like an over-possessive husband.

  “Just someone from school,” Tim said.

  Ben pushed past him and stepped over Chinchilla, whose whole butt wagged in greeting. He stomped into the living room to discover a mousey girl pouring over multiple spiral notebooks.

  “Is that your car outside?” Ben asked, suddenly feeling stupid.

  “Huh?” the girl replied, finally noticing him. “Yeah. Do I need to move it?”

  “No. Sorry.”

  “Actually,” Tim said, entering the room, “we’re going to have to do this tomorrow. Something’s come up.”

  “There’s only two days left!” the girl complained.

  “I know. We’ll really nail it tomorrow, promise,” Tim said.

  The girl didn’t look convinced, but she gathered up her things and left.

  Ben sat on a couch, head spinning. Chinchilla yapped at his feet before piddling in excitement. Tim was there almost instantly with paper towels. He eyed Ben with concern as he cleaned it up.

  “You didn’t leave a note on Jace’s door, did you?” Ben asked. “Or have someone else do it?”

  “No. Why? What happened?”

  Ben started to explain, getting worked up again in the process. Tim interrupted him to run to the kitchen. He came back with a couple bottles of beer. Ben’s words poured out, some angry and others confused. Tim didn’t offer any advice; he only made sympathetic noises and occasionally asked a question.

  Once Ben’s demons were expelled, another round of beers was fetched and they began talking about their end-of-studies stress. Both of them were under pressure, but Tim was taking it much easier than Ben. Considering that he was already independently wealthy, he had little need for a degree.

  “Why are you even bothering?” Ben asked him. “I’d drop it all in a second if I were in your shoes.”

  “I pr
omised Eric.”

  They heated up a couple of frozen pizzas and downed them with another round of beers. The light had left the day now, along with Ben’s sobriety. He rarely drank, so three bottles of beer was his version of a binge. When their buzzes began to wear off, leaving them tired, Ben followed Tim upstairs and made a clumsy pass at him. Tim gently pushed him away and redirected him to one of the guest rooms. If Ben needed any more proof that Tim was innocent in the recent scandal, this was more than enough.

  Ben slogged through the next two days of classes with his brain to the grindstone-- not the traditional saying, but exactly how he felt. For once Tim wasn’t on his mind. The rift between him and Jace drove him to distraction until Ben finally gave in and called.

  “Where are you?”

  “Chicago.”

  “Are you flying back tonight?”

  “No. Not for a couple of days.”

  “Oh.”

  “Look, Ben, I think we both said things we didn’t mean, but I think we should take a break.”

  Ben couldn’t respond.

  “You have a lot going on right now with school,” Jace continued. “I understand how much pressure you are under. I remember. Focus on your finals and your thesis and make sure you graduate. Once that is out of the way, then we can talk, okay?”

  “I guess.”

  “Good. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Ben hung up the phone, feeling empty inside. Jace’s suggestion was perfectly reasonable. Unfortunately, it was opposite of what Ben needed. He had expected Jace to say that being apart was too hard, that he was sorry for their argument. Instead he seemed to have flipped his emotional switch to “off.” Ben couldn’t do that. As he curled up on the bed and cried, he wished more then anything that he could.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Three days later and four finals were out of the way. The last thing Ben had to worry about now was his thesis. He didn’t understand why they had to be so damn long. The topic he had chosen was how pronunciation and intonation had subtly changed over the decades. This theme had seemed a good way of combining his degree in English literature with his love of singing, and while it was interesting, he was tired of trying to track down the source of every fact. He was tempted to have one single source under his references, listed simply as “the internet.”