Pumpkin Spice Secrets

by Hillary Homzie

  “With cameras,” she says, staring right at me, “you know exactly what’s happening. There are no more secrets.”

  Fiona glares at me. My heart thumps hard.

  Jana was not just talking about security cameras, of course.

  She was talking about us.

  I feel light-headed. Biting my lip, I tell myself to get a grip. I can do this.

  Some kids pound on the floor really hard. Others whisper, obviously surprised how heated this is all getting. I’m obviously not.

  Jana clasps her hands and smiles knowingly at me. Now it’s my turn.

  I stand up and slam my stack of note cards onto the chair. Jana thinks there is no way I can do a decent rebuttal. Well, sorry. She is wrong.

  “My opponent said that cameras give a sense of security, a sense of safety,” I state. “However, that is not true! All cameras do is make everyone paranoid and feel watched. Cameras tell students that they can’t be trusted. That kind of atmosphere is bad for education, friendship, and happiness!”

  Kids stamp their feet on the floor. Jacob pounds on his desk. Jana’s eyes grow big. Fiona’s mouth drops open. I can tell they expected me to stammer and squeak like a mouse.

  I continue, feeling bolder. “Constantly being watched by a camera makes you feel guilty even before you’ve done anything wrong. Just because the school has cameras doesn’t mean that all is going to be well. FYI, Jana, your example was so off!”

  Ms. Yoon holds up her hand. “In debate, please remember not to use names. Thank you.”

  “Excuse me,” I say. “I mean, my opponent talked about night vision security cameras, which doesn’t make sense. Since when do we go to school at night?” Then I talk about how expensive cameras are. And how it’s better to put money toward teachers’ salaries. I can see Ms. Yoon smiling at this.

  Even more kids stamp their feet on the floor this time. Smiling, Jacob thumps on his desk.

  I dig deeper and discuss the expense of maintaining cameras. And how the cameras themselves could be stolen.

  I continue, “This is not a war zone. But my opponent is turning it into one, and so that’s what it’ll become. War!”

  “Whoa!” someone calls out. Fiona compulsively neatens the stack of note cards she no longer needs. Jana blinks hard. Jacob, on the other hand, looks thrilled.

  There’s more vigorous banging on the floor. Grinning, Jacob pumps his arm into the air like I’ve just made an impossible goal.

  Ms. Yoon waggles ten fingers at me, which means I have only ten more seconds.

  “My opponent said that cameras could be put everywhere,” I say. “Sorry, but surveillance cameras are an invasion of privacy. Plus, it’s just a set-up for abuse. Imagine how easy it would be for someone to get hold of a certain bit of information and use it against somebody to”—I bang the desk with my fist for emphasis—“completely ruin her life!”

  Bryce takes his notebook and uses it like a fan. He nods over at Jana, who is gripping her desk with her hands, and then over at me, my fists still tightly clenched. “Those two need to take it outside,” he says. “They’re ready to rumble.”

  “No talking, audience,” reminds Ms. Yoon. “Now each of you gets up to one minute to respond. This will be your final point.”

  Jana starts. “Some people just can’t be trusted,” she says, crushing the note card in her hand.

  Fiona nods her head in agreement.

  “If you turn your back for one second,” continues Jana, “they do what they’re not supposed to do. And they’ll never tell you what they’re really up to. The only way you’ll know is if you have a camera to show you, because there’s zero trust. We need cameras to make sure people follow the rules.” When she sits back down in her seat, her face is bright red. The sound of thundering feet fills the room.

  “Okay, Maddie, you’re up,” says Ms. Yoon. “You have one minute for your last statement.”

  I stand up. “A lack of trust creates a toxic environment,” I say. “When there’s no trust, people feel like they can’t tell anybody anything. So then they do things behind other people’s backs. Sometimes there’s no other choice! Not having cameras creates a better community.”

  Lots of kids stomp their feet on the floor and there’s even general cheering. Jacob is the loudest, a proud grin on his face. And suddenly a strange thought pops into my mind. I realize that I haven’t been nervous. I’m good at debating! And it feels good to be good at it. It’s weird to know you’re talented at something at the same time you’re being upset.

  “That was quite a rebuttal, girls,” says Ms. Yoon. Others nod in agreement.

  Jacob gives me a high five.

  But I’m really not feeling so great.

  Because Jana is racing out the door. Tears stream down her cheeks.

  The bell rings and I can hear Ms. Yoon say, “Girls, is there something else going on?”

  But I don’t have time to answer. Without a moment’s hesitation, I race after Jana.

  Chapter Twenty-two:

  GEESE AND A PUSHY PIGEON

  “Jana, we need to talk. This is all just because of a misunderstanding,” I say. Somehow, I’ve cornered her by her locker.

  Jana glares at me. “Excuse me,” she says icily. What she really means is, get out of my face.

  I step away from her locker. “Please,” I blurt. “I couldn’t sleep all weekend.”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Jana snarls.

  Most of the kids passing by hurry, but a few slow down to stare at the girl drama. I want to crawl inside a locker.

  Jana turns her back to me and spins the combination to her locker. “What’s there to say?”

  So much. Everything.

  Jana yanks open her locker door and shoves her backpack onto the hook. “I promised myself I wouldn’t talk to you ever again. The only reason I just spoke with you earlier was because I had to, because of the debate. I swore I’d only surround myself with my real friends.”

  I fold my arms. “You mean like Fiona? Yeah, I saw all of those photos on Snappypic. You and Fiona posted like twenty of them. ‘Me with my BFF’ and then all of those cheesy red hearts. So much for her being the Betrayer.”

  Jana breathes slowly. She slams her locker shut with a resounding thud. “It’s all messed up.” Her eyes look moist, and she rubs them.

  Seeing her all emotional gets to me. I start sniffling too. My throat knots.

  Kids flood the hall. Eyes are everywhere. I’m feeling like we’re in a fishbowl.

  “Jana, can we”—I pause and flatten myself against the lockers as a group of sixth-grade boys zoom past with their sharp elbows—“take a walk or sit down somewhere?”

  “Fine.” She sucks in her cheeks, and my heart lifts just a little.

  Together, we move down the hall, navigating around the throngs of other kids, and head outside to the cafeteria patio where there’s a bunch of picnic tables. No one else is out there. The wind whips our hair into our mouths and slaps against our skin. The clouds look purple and bruised, like it’s about to rain.

  Jana plops down onto a picnic table bench.

  “I think that’s kind of wet,” I say, sitting across from her.

  She folds her arms. “Whatever. You suddenly care about me now? You’re worried? After making it obvious to Jacob that you decorated his locker? And making him think my note was from you!”

  “I didn’t do that!” I protest.

  “Oh, I’m supposed to believe you now? After all the things you’ve done. All of your flirting with Jacob right in front of my face?”

  “Well, you never pay attention. I didn’t think you’d even notice.”

  Jana hops up from the picnic table. “What are you trying to say about me? That I’m a self-centered jerk? Not a good friend? So, why even be my friend if I’m so horrible?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying.”

  She slaps her hands on her hips. “What are you saying?”

  I burst into tears
. “You’re my best friend. I don’t want it to be like this. You made a point of putting up those pictures just to hurt my feelings. And guess what? It worked.” I pull out a tissue from my backpack and dab at my eyes. “I don’t want to be your friend if you treat me like this.”

  “Well, what do you expect me to do when you steal Jacob?”

  “I didn’t steal him,” I say. “I liked him too, before you even knew him, and he has his own choice about who he likes. But I thought you’d stop liking him. Over the summer you liked Jesse, then you thought Toby was awesome, and then Arnie.”

  Jana softly laughs. “Well, yeah.”

  A pigeon lands on the pavement below my feet. “Shoo!” I say, flapping my arm. “There’s no food here. Go!” Insistent, the pigeon bobs up and down.

  “They’re such pests.” Jana opens her bag and pulls out the leftover crust from her sandwich. “Here,” she says, throwing the crust across the patio. The pigeon is there instantly. “Now he won’t bother us for another fifteen seconds.”

  “How do you know it’s a he?”

  “Because he’s a problem bird.” She pauses, and I can see that her eyes are moist.

  An awkward silence spreads between us. I hear the branches of the trees creaking in the wind.

  “I missed you so much during my slumber party,” Jana’s words gush out in a torrent. “It wasn’t the same without you. Every time I was doing my nails and I’d go, ‘I really like this flamingo-pink color,’ I was also thinking, so would Maddie. Or when we were picking out movies to watch—I know how much you like comedies. I was scanning to see the best one, and I realized you weren’t there.”

  “But on Snappypic it looked like you were having so much fun.” My words sound whinier than I want.

  “Trust me”—she shakes her head—“it was just okay. Not great. My dad picked up this pecan cheesecake from Costco, and nobody ate it. The pizza was soggy, and I forgot that Katie was gluten-free. Things just didn’t go right. If you had been there, it would’ve been so much have been better.” Her bottom lip quivers. “I miss you sooooo much!”

  Then all once Jana starts to cry, noisily, sloppily, with short sucked-in breaths and hiccups.

  I hand her a tissue, and we’re blowing our noses at the same time.

  “We sound like geese,” I point out with another hiccup.

  “Speak for yourself.” I worry she’s annoyed, but her lips tug into an almost-smile.

  “I miss you. I can’t stand us being like this,” I say. We’re both crying again. It’s a good kind of cry, though, like when you come inside a warm room and take off a heavy winter jacket after being in the freezing cold, and you feel so relieved. You’re lighter and freer.

  The wind picks up. Dry leaves rattle across the patio. It smells crisp and cold and earthy, like fall. Summer has really passed.

  The pigeon finally flies away. “We scared him, I guess.”

  “Good,” says Jana.

  “So,” I say, and hesitate. The silence stretches out between us again.

  “So,” says Jana.

  We have to get to our next classes soon, but I know I have to explain. I have to tell her everything. “I’m really sorry that I kept so many secrets. But it all happened because I didn’t want to lose you as a friend,” I say. “I was trying not to be a betrayer, like Fiona.” Then I go on to describe the whole pumpkin spice scenario at the Friendly Bean. How Elvie gave me big-sister advice to be loyal and follow the BFF Code. How I was trying to tell Jana all about Jacob right away, but she had no service over Labor Day weekend. Then on the first day of school, when we stepped into the caf, just when I was going to tell her about this new adorable guy, she gushes about her new crush—Jacob. Jacob, of all people. There are almost three hundred boys at Northborough Middle and she picked Jacob.

  “Oh my gosh.” Jana slaps one cheek and then the other. “That’s it. I so remember. You said you had news.” Her eyes narrow in understanding. “You should have just told me. Instead you kept on lying. Even about how you first heard that crazy ginger song.” Jana bounces off the bench and starts to jump up and down to keep warm. Neither of us has on warm coats. “Brr, the temperature really dropped.” She rubs her hands together and I’m doing the same. “I’d have been, well, a little upset, if you had told me that day, but I would’ve understood.”

  I shake my head. “No, you wouldn’t have, Jana. You’re used to being the one with all the crushes, and used to guys always liking you. You’re so cute and fun and silly. Things usually go your way.”

  Jana fidgets with the strap on her bag. “Okay, I would’ve been angry. But I would’ve come around. Eventually.” She thinks for a second. “Now all that stuff about the Friendly Bean makes a lot more sense.”

  I nod. “Oh, and Elvie works there now!” I go on to describe Elvie’s former secret—her job and her plans to learn the electric bass and start her own band. How my parents didn’t want her working because they were afraid she couldn’t keep up her grades. How she proved them wrong.

  “Yay, go Elvie!” says Jana, and she plops back down on the bench.

  “I know.” I have to keep on pushing my hair out of my face because of the breeze.

  “Can we get a discount at the Friendly Bean now?”

  “Maybe.” And then I decide to say what I’m truly afraid to ask. “So you’re not mad any-more?”

  Jana gazes down at her hands pressed against the metal table. “No, I’m not really mad. I mean, I was. I didn’t get it.” She glances up at me, and her eyes are filled with understanding. “I thought you had gone behind my back. But really, it was a misunderstanding. And it’s silly to try to ‘claim’ a person—plus, Jacob is clearly more interested in you.” She pauses. Jana rarely pauses in the middle of talking. She’s like one of those Energizer Bunnies that doesn’t need a new battery. “Now about my crush—”

  “I can so totally tell Jacob, you know, to forget about our whatever, thing. It’s so not worth—”

  “I don’t like him,” blurts Jana. “I don’t like Jacob.”

  “What?” Now it’s my turn to leap off the picnic table and jump up and down in place to keep warm. “I’m sooooo confused.”

  “I mean, I did like him. Sure. But there’s someone else.” She blushes. “Lukas.”

  “But you always complain about him!”

  “Yeah, well, I kind of like him. A lot.”

  “Really?” I stop bouncing. “Oh my gosh. That’s why you asked me what I thought about him!” I cover my mouth. “I totally didn’t get it.”

  She nods and gets a silly grin on her face. “Yes, really. He’s so funny. I can’t stop laughing when I’m around him. I guess I was annoyed because I didn’t want to like him. But I do!”

  “So you forgive me?” I ask hopefully.

  “I’m really sorry for uninviting you from my slumber party.” Jana shakes her head. “It wasn’t right.”

  “Well—” I study the pavement where a line of ants scurry across to the caf. “How were you supposed to know what the truth was if I didn’t tell you? Plus I actually think it helped my debate.”

  “I know,” says Jana. “You were so heated up. I’ve never seen you like that. You were really mad.”

  “Maddie,” I joke. “That’s my name.”

  “Well, you were really good. I’m serious.”

  I’m thinking again about how at the end of the debate, instead of feeling nervous, I felt strangely confident. It seemed like something I was good at. I kind of want to do more of it. My dad is a litigator—maybe he passed on some of his lawyer genes.

  “Thanks. I actually really liked doing it,” I say. “Maybe I won’t do indoor soccer over the winter, and I’ll go out for the debate team instead. I want to try it out. It just might be my thing.”

  “That’s awesome,” says Jana. “I mean, I’ll miss you on the soccer team. But that’s okay. It’s not like I can’t see you in school, or hang on the weekends.”

  “Exactly.”

  Jana
’s eyes gleam and her dimples bookend her mouth.

  “So, now that we’re talking again,” I say, smiling, “I can give you this.” I unzip my backpack and slip out the wrapped present I have for Jana. “I actually brought it to school, hoping that maybe we could, somehow, make up.”

  I hand it to Jana and she eagerly tears it open, shredding the purple tissue paper. First she sees the silver key chain that reads Every tall girl needs a short best friend. She cracks up. “I love it!”

  “There’s more,” I say. “See?”

  Jana paws through the tissue paper and finds a small white box. Lifting the lid, she pulls out the soccer ball necklace. “Wow!” Her whole face lights up. She holds up the necklace, staring. She shakes her head in surprise. “I’ve been wanting this! I seriously have a desperate need for this necklace. But it was so expensive and—” She studies me, her eyebrows lifting. “How did you know?”

  “That day at the mall. Remember? When we were buying stuff for your party and to also decorate Jacob’s locker? I saw you staring at this necklace as we passed by the jewelry store. It was pretty obvious you wanted it.”

  “Only because you’re my best friend,” she says quietly. “And FYI … I knew too.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I knew that you liked Jacob. And he liked you. I could tell during lunch and Social Studies. At first, I just tried to ignore it. But honestly, it was hard to miss.”

  At this, butterflies flutter like crazy in my stomach. Everything’s all tingly and bubbly. “Really?”

  “It’s okay. I get it.” She studies the present and looks up at me. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” I bite my bottom lip.

  Jana’s eyes rise to my hairline. “I really like your headband. It matches your shirt.”

  “Thanks! Elvie gave it to me.” I pull it off and twirl it around.

  “Really? She never does stuff like that.”

  “She was being nice to me.” I thought about our conversation in the family room on Sunday. Some-times you have to just forgive people.