Still Surviving

by A. M. Johnson

Tiffany’s eyes glittered, as she laughed harder than I’d ever seen her laugh before. Her arms wrapped around her stomach as she tried to control her breathing. “Oh god, that’s…that’s so funny,” she stammered.

  I bit the side of my cheek, trying to suppress my grin. “I’m glad I amuse you.”

  “It’s just crazy. I never would have ever… I mean, there you sit in this extravagant as hell car with all your tattoos and muscles, and… God, that smile, Seth, it’s enough on its own… and you want this.” She pointed at herself and frowned.

  I held the steering wheel with one hand and wrapped my other around her thigh. The fabric of her skirt moved easily as my fingers drifted along her skin. “Why wouldn’t I want you, Tiffany? The way you create, your passion for your art, it’s the same way I feel about music… you’re gifted. You’re sexy as fuck… you taste like sin, and I can’t get your smell out of my head. Just thinking about you gets me going.”

  I wanted to show her. I wanted to pull over on the side of the road, bury my face between her legs, and taste that sinful as hell pussy again and again until she couldn’t take it, until she begged me to stop.

  She was quiet, and I took my eyes off the road to look at her. Her cheeks were flush, and her breath came quicker with each second of my stare. “You make me crazy, too.” She looked up at me from under her long, thick lashes, and I smiled.

  “You have no clue, Angel, what I could show you…” I brought my eyes back to the road but slid my hand further up her thigh, and she shivered.

  She let her head fall back against the seat as she opened her legs just enough for me to slip my hands between them; her mouth parted as I pulled my fingers across the center of her panties.

  “Show me, Seth.” She bit her lip as I added a bit of pressure.

  There wasn’t a rush; I didn’t need to greedily take every minute. I had her in this moment. I had her now and planned to have her in my life as much as possible… That shitty feeling I had earlier completely dissolved.

  We had all the time in the world.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Seth

  THE SNOW WAS FALLING pretty damn hard as I pulled into the driveway. One of these days, I needed to trade in this car for a four-wheel drive. I couldn’t believe it was almost February. These past three and half months had been fucking golden. The Heathman account was acquired. The money I’d get from that would be rolling in soon, and I’d be able to make a real life for myself. My father was slowly figuring out that I wasn’t going to be spoon-fed his shit anymore, and he was really trying to make things work with Jeff and me.

  Hopefully, in the next two weeks, I’d have enough cash to buy out Frank and make Blue Bar Music mine. Frank was getting old, and Todd was always complaining how Frank couldn’t keep up with the trends and that the business was becoming harder on him. Todd and I discussed becoming partners more than a few times, and after Tiffany left to work at Magnolia full time, Frank was more than happy to discuss retirement.

  The car idled as I watched the fat, wet flakes fall onto my windshield. The Christmas lights were lit on the gutters, and the wreath that Lily had placed on the front door shook in the icy wind. Todd’s lazy ass still hadn’t taken down the Christmas decorations. It didn’t bother me though, the holidays made me think of her. My mind was always on Tiffany these days. She was this permanent fixture that was always shining behind my eyes. We’d shared so fucking much of each other in this short span of time that I wasn’t sure how I’d ever lived the life I had before her. How had I lived for so long without breathing, without seeing, without fucking tasting this unspoiled reality? I was glad that Tiff was the only woman to have ever shared my bed, because all those girls before her didn’t exist anymore, and I was glad that I didn’t ever have to picture them there. She was my only one… my only one.

  The snow started to accumulate on my side view mirror. Tiffany was supposed to come over later, but this weather was starting to get worse. It looked as if I was going to pick up Tiff after all. I didn’t like the thought of her driving in this at night. My plan for tonight was to surprise her by taking her to look at the house I put an offer on up in the Avenues. The neighborhood was nice, and Tiff had mentioned a few times she loved that area.

  We trusted each other, we had faith in our relationship, but I wasn’t stupid. We both had years of pain that was finally and gradually starting to ease. Each step for us was big… first birthdays, check; first Christmas, check; moving into together… the jury was still out. Living alone was something I was okay with; I just wasn’t sure if I was ready… or if she would even want that. Tonight would… I hope, hold some answers.

  The driveway hadn’t been shoveled, and my boots fell deep into the new powder. Todd needed to come shovel this shit. Lily was really starting to show now that she was moving into her last trimester, and Todd was working overtime so she could stay home more. That meant I really needed to get the hell out of here — secure the place I’d been looking at this past week and get the full burden of Blue Bar music off of just Todd’s shoulders.

  The condo was a bit chilly because Lily was always hot. Today was no different as I walked through the front door.

  “Oh God, just leave it open. It’s stifling in here.” Lily was sitting on the couch in shorts and a tank top, her hands resting on her round belly.

  “It’s freezing in here, baby, you’re gonna get sick.” Todd walked out from the kitchen and handed her a bowl. “How was the firing range? Guess you had to shoot inside today?” I shut the door and shrugged my coat off and hung it on the wooden rack.

  Lily took the bowl from his hand and smiled at me awkwardly. Hell no. “Are you eating my fucking cereal?”

  “Reese’s Puffs are the only thing I can eat that’s sweet and doesn’t make me still want to hurl,” she whined, and I tried to feel bad, but I didn’t.

  “Get your own damn cereal.” Yes, I was being a child, but fuck; don’t touch a man’s food.

  “Are you seriously arguing with a pregnant woman over food?” Lily cocked her eyebrow at me as she spooned a mouthful passed her lips.

  I huffed and ignored her, letting my annoyed glare fall on Todd. “Yeah, we shot inside. It was cool. Jeff and I need to hang out more. We haven’t done that in a long time.”

  “I’m sorry I ate your cereal.” Lily didn’t look sorry. “Again.” She smirked, and I almost did as well. She was like the sister I never had or wanted.

  “Don’t say sorry to this shithead.” Todd pushed me hard on the shoulder. “Dude, I’ll buy you more.”

  “I know. It’s just… it’s mine.” Lily rolled her eyes and continued to shovel down my goddamn cereal. I suppose I deserved it though. I messed with her a lot. I guess this was payback for the frozen underwear. “You working tonight, bro?” I asked as I dropped down onto the couch next to Lily. She squeaked as the milk from her bowl spilled, my weight on the cushion caused her to lose her balance and her hold slipped on the spoon. I couldn’t suppress the laugh as she narrowed her eyes at me. “Sorry, Hell Cat.”

  She grumbled under her breath, and Todd gave me a dirty look. “Yeah, Tiff coming over?”

  “She should be. I may go pick her up instead if this weather doesn’t let up.” I switched on the TV and started to zone out when Lily jumped.

  “Holy hell, he’s getting so strong.” Lily’s smile was so big there was no way I could stay mad at her.

  She jumped again. “Seth, give me your hand.” Her voice was childlike with excitement.

  I was confused. “Why?”

  “I want you to feel the baby.” She gawked at me like I was an idiot for asking.

  “Uh, hell no. That’s fucking weird.” My lips pulled down into a frown as Lily gave me an annoyed glare.

  “Oh my god, give me your freaking hand.” She placed her bowl down and scooted to the edge of the couch.

  “There is no way I’m fucking—“ Lily grabbed my hand and placed it against her stomach. I felt a small kick, and I swallowed. Lily
’s smile grew.

  “You feel that, Seth?” She locked eyes with me. The unique yellow color was vibrant as the unshed tears pooled at the corners of her lids. I nodded. She took my other hand in hers and placed it on the other side of her belly.

  It felt as if something was rolling inside her, and then the small sensation, the gentle bump against the palm of my hand made me smile without my permission. “Holy shit, Lily.”

  “Crazy, huh?” Her lips spread into a grin. She titled her head down, a few tears trickling down her cheek, and whispered to her belly. “Hey, baby boy, this is your uncle Seth… better stay away from his cereal okay?”

  Lily’s laugh was full and it caused the baby to move; she cringed. I immediately moved my hands. “You okay?”

  “He just got a rib.” Lily scooted back into the couch, and I handed her the bowl of cereal.

  “You have a human… inside you.” The words came out before I could stop them. “That’s so fucking strange.”

  “Isn’t it?” She chuckled, and Todd cleared his throat. “Should we tell him the name then?” Lily smiled up at Todd, and he nodded.

  “We’re naming him Lyric A. Dixon… A for Alistair which is Todd’s middle name and his Dad’s name… which you know…” She gave me a worried look, “…well what do you think?”

  “I think Seth is a much better name than Lyric.” My face was deadpan serious.

  “You’re an asshole.” Todd shook his head and grinned.

  My mouth separated into a broad smile. “Always, bro… always. It’s never going to change.”

  THE COLD AIR OF the condo caused the steam to linger as I pulled my heavy, dark red sweater over my undershirt. My hair had gotten long on the top and hung down well into my eyes, the sides still short. My fingers ran through the wet strands as I pushed them to the side. My blue eyes glanced quickly over my appearance in the mirror. I hadn’t been nervous with Tiff in a while, but tonight felt important, and I couldn’t shake the edgy feeling that was building just underneath the surface of my skin. My phone vibrated and drew my attention away from my anxious stare.

  Tiff’s name flashed in my notifications, and I smiled like a damn idiot.

  Tiff: I’m snowed in.

  Shit… I knew this was going to happen.

  Me: I’ll come get you.

  Her response didn’t take long.

  Tiff: No, I’ll get a ride from Rand.

  I tried to not feel disappointed.

  Me: I have something planned.

  Tiff: Do you now… do tell.

  I laughed and shook my head as I typed out the next text.

  Me: I don’t want to ruin it… it’s not dirty. Don’t get your hopes up.

  Tiff: Too late.

  Those two words… those two damn words. She knew every button.

  Me: Now I’m definitely coming to get you. My plans can wait. I want to bend you over that fucking front desk and taste you. See how long it takes before you lose control… this time.

  Tiff: Seth

  Me: Angel

  My smile was evil. I could picture her sitting in her booth, looking over her phone, cheeks flushed, at the desk that Rand sat in.

  Tiff: I’d like that.

  I typed quickly. I was ready to play this out in reality.

  Me: Take your panties off. I’ll be there as soon as I can

  .

  Tiff: Just be safe. I’ll be here, waiting… xoxo

  I grabbed my wallet and keys before I headed for the front door. Lily was sleeping on the couch, and Todd had left for work. I quietly grabbed my coat and opened the door.

  “Seth, drive carefully.” Lily’s sleepy tone was cute.

  “Keep your bun in the oven.” My smile spread as she grinned back at me.

  “Tell Tiff I’ll see her later.”

  I nodded just as I shut the door behind me.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  Tiffany

  “HE’S ON HIS WAY THEN?” Rand grabbed his bag and pulled it over his shoulder.

  “He said he was coming.” I looked at the clock. The shop closed early on Wednesdays, and it was a little after eight.

  “I have a feeling that’s always his plan,” Rand smirked, and I furrowed my brow.

  “You’re disgusting.” I threw a pen at him, and he ducked in the nick of time.

  He laughed. “Am I?” He titled his head to the side and let his eyes run along the length of my frame. “That man gets you, Tiff, I can tell. You blush every time he walks in here or texts you. Hun, if he batted for my team, I’d let him do whatever he wanted. No. Hard. Limits.”

  “Rand, get the hell out of here.” I tried to sound angry and shocked, but my giggle erupted anyway.

  “See you tomorrow. Behave and drive safely. This weather sucks.”

  The front door chimed and I waved, “Bye, babe. You be careful, too, please.”

  “Every day of my life.” He waved back.

  I walked over and locked the door. The windows were fogged from the heat of the shop. It was freezing outside, and I hated how long it was taking Seth to get here. It’s crazy how much love can take you every which way. I had never cared about another man like this, not one. This Christmas was the first holiday since Anna died that I actually felt like I had a family. Being with Todd, Lily, Molly, and Seth… celebrating with Liz and Sawyer, having dinner with Seth’s family — it was like I was a part of something again, I was finally home. Seth gave me that; Seth gave me everything I ever wanted. He had no clue how much he had done for me. My heart was no longer black with fear and regret. I didn’t need my parents. I had a family now, and it started and ended each day with Seth… with the love he gave me.

  It should scare me… to fully give my entire soul to another person, but it didn’t. There was just no doubt in my mind that I was his. These past few months proved that I had truly started to live again.

  I pulled the blinds shut and turned the front lights off. Rand’s desk was barely lit. My booth was the only one that had its lights still on. I chuckled as my fingers grazed the surface of the wood desk. Seth could be loving… he could make me feel like I was the most precious thing on the planet. But I also liked the darker sides of him. His firm touch, his rough words, his power… it was fierce, and I craved it. It was different with him. He didn’t want to hurt me… he wanted to push my boundaries, show me how he could own me one second and sooth me the next. Hard and soft, lust and love… it was just his way, and it was exactly what I needed.

  My phone rang, and I pulled it from my pocket and saw it was Seth calling.

  “Hey there.” My lips pulled into a broad smile.

  “Hey.” I could hear the smile in his voice and if I closed my eyes I could picture it.

  “Are you almost here?” I let my eyes fall shut and let his voice filter through the speaker. His smile clear in my mind. That crease in his cheek, not quite a dimple, made his face light up even more.

  “I’m stuck in traffic, babe. Probably another thirty minutes… at least. I feel bad. I should have just let Rand bring you home. Are you alone?”

  “I am… should I start without you?” I smirked as he hissed on the other end.

  “Fuck, don’t say that to me… did you take your panties off like I asked?” His voice was deep and restrained.

  “No, not yet. I could… start without you if that’s what you wanted.” The soft tone of my voice made me cringe. I felt silly. I wasn’t good at this.

  “Fuck, that’s sexy.” His voice was thick with need. “Damn it, Tiff. I’m trapped in this traffic, and now all I can think about is you spread out on that desk with your hands between your legs… Talk about distracted driving.” His laughter was light.

  “I’ll wait, if it means you get here safe and soon.” My lips curved into a grin.

  “I’ll make it up to you.”

  “I’m sure you will. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  My smile was ridiculous as I hit the end button on the phone. My gaze fl
icked up, and I dropped my phone. “Holy shit, you scared me, Scott. What the hell!” I bent down and picked up my cell. “How long have you been here?”

  He was wearing his usual snug fitting jeans, his brown thermal shirt stretched across his massive chest. He looked tired though. “Long enough.” He brushed past me and started rustling through Rand’s desk drawer.

  “What does that mean?” The rude tone of voice he used wasn’t appreciated.

  He stopped what he was doing and glared at me. “How’s your boyfriend?”

  I rolled my shoulders back prideful. His sarcasm irritated me. “He’s running late… unfortunately.” He took a deep breath and continued to search through Rand’s things. “When did you get back?”

  I hardly ever saw Scott now that he managed the Vegas shop. He only came up here to meet with Tony or to see his family. I had heard he still kept his apartment for such occasions. Seeing him again stirred my stomach, but not in a good way.

  Scott apparently found what he had been looking for and shut the top drawer. “Yesterday. Don’t worry… I’m not here too long.”

  He sounded worn out and sad, and for some reason, I pitied him. “Scott… listen. I know things with us—“

  “There was never an “us,” Tiff.” Scott’s large frame hovered over me. He was too close, his familiar scent too heavy as he filled my personal space. “I just fucked you… that’s all you were… a worthless lay.” His vindictive grin spread as my eyes filled with angry tears.

  “You’re a son of bitch.” I started to turn, and he grabbed my bicep with a powerful grip.

  “Don’t ever fucking talk to me like that, you little bitch.” He pulled me hard against his body, his nails digging into my arm. His breath reeked of alcohol.

  “You’re drunk and you’re hurting me… let go!” I pleaded as I tried to pull away. He grabbed my chin crudely with his left hand holding me still.