Hating Him Wanting Him : A Contemporary Romance Collection

by Summer Brooks

  “It’s bad?”

  “Yeah…” he said, trailing off.

  I already had a guess in mind, but I hoped that no matter how bad it got, nobody would be talking about Mia, spreading rumors about her.

  I could say I didn’t owe Mia anything anymore, but I did owe her her privacy. It was because of me that she lost that to begin with.

  Exhaling, I had to consider my options right now. I could just focus on the football and let my own mind go crazy, imagining worst-case scenarios making me unable to actually watch from the sidelines… or I could face up to the rumors.

  “What are they saying?” I asked Marvin.

  He pursed his lips, deciding not to say. Instead he just handed me my phone.

  People were making memes about me, photoshopping joints and other drugs to photos of me in football gear.

  “Fuck,” I said, slamming a fist into a locker.

  “I’m sorry, man,” Marvin said.

  “This is serious,” I said. “People are spreading rumors that I did drugs.”

  Marvin raised an eyebrow. I shrugged at him. “Just go with the flow,” I told him.

  “Yeah… rumors. I hope you don’t get tested for drug use anytime soon,” Marvin said. “But if you’ve been staying clean, you shouldn’t have a problem passing a test.”

  “I have been,” I promised.

  “Man, it sucks having you out of the team. You earned your spot. I’m sorry about all this. I’ve got to get ready.”

  I looked to the coach. He was on his phone too.

  Coach Frost sighed and I saw him stand up. “Come with me, Howard,” he said, waiting for me to join him.

  I followed, doing as he asked.

  “One day you’re going to end up a pro football player, with a contract worth millions,” he told me, wrapping an arm behind my back. “But before that happens, you need to be able to focus completely on your football. I’m not asking you to drop everything else in your life, because that’s stupid, that’ll just make a single-minded loser who doesn’t have anything to fight for. But I am asking you to trust me, and work harder.”

  “I will, Coach.”

  “When I say work harder, I mean take everything that happens to you as a lesson. Just like being dropped today. I’ve got to manage a team, not an individual. The best team is the team that’s got the most discipline, not the most talent. If you don’t have discipline, you don’t belong on my team.”

  I nodded. “I’m going to do everything I can to prove to you that I belong.”

  “Then let’s go watch some football,” he told me. “Don’t let some rumors distract you for the moment. Show me that you can live in the here and now.”

  He patted me on the back, leaving me to it. I went out with the rest of the guys, wishing I was all suited up for play, but I could only spectate this time. The team was more than just me. I had to get over myself.

  We played well against Vanderbilt. I thought about Mia, wishing I could find her, wishing she was here. I kept glancing away from the field to look through all the bleachers at the stadium, hoping I would catch that blonde hair of hers.

  Of course, it wasn’t as simple as that.

  So I watched some football.

  I had been going to training, but I wasn’t permitted to join with the starters, leaving me to mostly exercise on my own or with some of the freshmen trying out for spots on the team. I didn’t know their plays, even if I was familiar with Vanderbilt having seen them play against us last season.

  Football seemed a lot less personal to me when I wasn’t involved in every single thing. Russel called out plays I wished I was the one calling out. Because he was the quarterback, I watched him closest, mentally identifying all the mistakes he made that I wouldn’t have, as well as clever tricks that showed that he had a pretty savvy sporting mind too.

  When the game came to a close and we won handily, I thought he did a good job — good enough to keep him a starter, but not good enough that he could hold down the spot if I was back in contention.

  I wished him well. Things were about to change, and there was going to be competition again.

  Coach Frost came up to me after he gave the post-game talk to the guys who played. “Must have hurt like hell to watch the game but not play, right?”

  “Yeah,” I confessed.

  “Russel doesn’t know it yet, but I got his medical report… and I think he’s at risk for a hamstring injury if he doesn’t watch himself. I’m putting him under observation. If you train well next week, you’ll be a starter again.”

  “Thanks, Coach,” I told him.

  He patted me on the back, repeating the motion he had performed in the locker room. “Well, normally I wouldn’t say this… but you should patch things up with your girlfriend. And I mean pronto.”

  I raised an eyebrow. That definitely jolted me from my depression. “Excuse me?”

  “The girl you’re with. That Mia or something. You know, I think she’s good for you.”

  I started to grin. “Yeah… I think so too.”

  “Heard a little birdie tell me that she’s actually here at the stadium. Not watching, but working at the tailgate. Why don’t you go find her? The sooner you get your act together, the better it’ll be for everyone.”

  My heart started to open up. “Thank you so much, Coach.”

  “Get the hell out of here, Howard. Go get the girl.”

  I did exactly as he said. I practically sprinted out of the stadium, heading towards the exit. I knew where the tailgate parties were, so if she had in fact taken the job Andy had been advertising, I was sure to find her easily.

  And there she was. Blonde hair, blue eyes, all of five six. She was petite and pretty, but when she looked up and saw me, she was more than that.

  She was gorgeous.

  I remembered how she looked the night she went to dinner with me and my family, wearing those dorky glasses.

  She looked perfect then, but she was perfect now too.

  We both walked to each other, and it felt as if the crowds were parting to give us way.

  “Mia,” I said, when I was close enough.

  She had tears in her eyes. I thought she was going to keep this distance, but instead she ran straight into my arms.

  “I love you, Mia,” I said, lifting her up and hugging her close.

  “I love you too, Bryant.”

  “I’m so glad I said it. Now I want to say it a thousand more times. I love you, I love you, I love you. I want to see us have a future together.”

  Mia cried into my chest, kissing my shirt as she did. “So where do we go from here?”

  I thought back to the only place I wanted to go. The house that I rented and allowed all the people that mattered to me most to share that space with. Where Marvin would stumble out of his room holding a video game controller, where Tyrone would call me out for doing dumb things… the house where Mia would ask me to carry her to her bedroom, because we needed to make love.

  “Let’s go home.”

  Epilogue: Mia

  Three years later…

  Watching Bryant on TV was something I never got used to, even after all these years. His charm and charisma really got through, making commentators and interviewers even more excited about his potential as a quarterback.

  But an interview after a big game was one thing. This was a longer back-and-forth on ESPN, talking about what he was expecting for the draft…

  Because it was finally here. After three years of playing football at Florida, after clinching a championship for the Renegades against all odds the season after we had first started dating… Bryant finally made it to the draft.

  People were calling him one of the most exciting prospects of the decade, a quarterback already being compared to some of the greats.

  I was about to graduate with my journalism degree. I thought about starting out on the sports desk. Maybe this way I could get an insider view into the world that my boyfriend had dreamt of entering for years
.

  The commentator interviewing asked him his opinion on the physical showcase of his skills that he had to do on camera on the days preceding the first day of the draft.

  “Well, it’s exciting to be here in Seattle, I’ve never been more excited about my future,” my boyfriend said. “But on draft day itself I’m going to be back home in Indianapolis, with my family, and my beloved girlfriend Mia.”

  “Your most ardent fans back in Florida say that the jump in your performance in your junior season could be directly attributable to a strong understanding you had with Mia, who you say helps you in every aspect of your personal life,” the commentator replied.

  “That’s right,” Bryant smiled, looking at the camera. “We’re a team. I couldn’t perform as well as I do, day in and day out, without her support. A woman like her truly is something to cherish.”

  “Will she move out with you as you find a new home at whichever franchise might pick you?”

  Bryant contained his pride for a second, knowing he was in front of a camera broadcasting his interview live to millions. “Well, let’s just take it one thing at a time, how about that?”

  “Thank you, that was Bryant Howard, Florida University’s highly rated #11, a quarterback with a considerably impressive record in the past two college football seasons.”

  He flew back to Indianapolis, with a camera crew following him everywhere — this sort of move made us all even more excited, because they wouldn’t be shadowing him everywhere unless he was practically guaranteed to be selected.

  “It’s a question of which round of the draft he gets picked,” my dad whispered to me, the night before. “Bryant’s good, but with the hype around him, he might end up going to one of the lower-ranked franchises in the first round of the draft. That’s not exactly a bad thing, but I’m sure Bryant wants to play for one of the big teams. He wants championships. Maybe even a Super Bowl…”

  “You’re really excited about this, Dad!” I laughed.

  “Hey, he’s a good kid. Your mom took a while to warm up to him, but ever since she started going to brunch dates with his mom, everything’s been easy. I’m just glad to have him around,” my dad responded.

  I was full of pride for my quarterback.

  We were all waiting for him to arrive from the airport, his family and mine gathered at his mother’s place.

  “Lucy, Antonio! So good to see you! And Eugene, too!” Rita said, greeting my family when they arrived. I had stayed the night there, helping Bryant’s mom and sister prepare tacos for our viewing party.

  “An extra big batch, since we’ve got some very hungry camera people too,” his mother beamed. “Bryant asked if we should’ve just flown to Houston for the draft, but I think you deciding to watch it from home makes way more sense.”

  “He gets a little annoying when he’s this tense,” I laughed. “Besides, things may be different now, but family is still family. And Bryant knows that. Better to have it here at home.”

  A few minutes later, Bryant arrived, looking as nervous as we all were. The camera crew following him tried to needle him with questions, hoping to get shots of him looking anxious in front of the camera.

  I got in the way. “The commissioner’s going to start proceedings in a few minutes, why don’t you guys grab a taco first?”

  If Bryant was a first-round pick, acknowledging his incredible talent… we’d find out which franchise was going to trust him and offer a mega-contract in less than ten minutes.

  But there was also the possibility that most of the 32 teams had a different idea of what they wanted, resulting in all sorts of trades, and the possibility that Bryant wouldn’t be announced until later rounds…

  Or possibly at all.

  That seemed far-fetched. The media attention on him was far too strong.

  I had already read enough articles about him that I could probably write one myself. Maybe that would be the first article I would pitch to a big newspaper — life as the journalist girlfriend to a future NFL superstar, following him from today’s big day.

  Having managed to dodge the camera guys, Bryant finally came up to me, hugging me close. “How’s my baby?”

  “Pretty excited for you,” I said. “I think you’re going to do great.”

  Rita agreed. “We’re all so proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Mom. Oh, hey, Mr. Cowell, Mrs. Cowell — good to see you,” Bryant said, turning his attention to my family. “And Eugene, too.”

  Gene had a late growth spurt, and now that he was seventeen, he was finally starting to look less awkward. He liked Bryant a lot, and they had even become friends who regularly texted and hung out whenever they were both in the same place.

  And since Bryant bought the house we were living in near campus, Florida was formally home for us now. I even voted in the midterms as a registered Floridian voter.

  Our lives were building up to this moment.

  There were so many things that had changed since I had first arrived in Florida. Sam and I stopped being enemies, but this decision came with the conscious act of us no longer being friends, either.

  But that didn’t mean I bore any ill will for her. It hurt at first to lose someone I considered a soul sister, my twin… but sometimes people just change. And in Sam’s case, we definitely did.

  Her on-off fling with Marvin ended, and she found herself single for a while before dating a guy she met at a party. I didn’t know much about him, but they had to be doing fine, since it’s been two years.

  Bryant kissed my shoulder, wrapping an arm around my waist. “You know, the first thing I want to do when all this is over? I want to find an empty room and just… be with you,” he said, whispering in my ear.

  I shivered. That sounded really nice… exactly what I wanted right now. He had to fly off to Houston for the days leading up to the actual draft, showing off how physically fit he was in a bid to interest possible future teams.

  “Do you have a preference?” I asked.

  “I think I’d really like Tampa Bay. That means I don’t have to move out of state, plus they’re in a position where they definitely need to replace their main quarterback,” he mused. “This way I get to start playing immediately, I’m not benched for someone more experienced.”

  “They did great last year, so they won’t be making early picks in the draft,” my dad said, since he was standing close enough to overhear us. “That’s a solid choice, Bryant. I hope you get that.”

  My boyfriend smiled, extending a hand to shake with my dad. “You know… I heard my dad is coming too.”

  “He’s on the way, that’s right,” I murmured.

  Years ago this would have been a source of great dread, but even Bryant’s relationship with his father had changed ever since I first met him.

  Sergio couldn’t keep his bitterness for long. When he started to see that Bryant was happy… he caved. It didn’t mean he could transform overnight into being a nicer man, but he did show genuine interest in changing for the better.

  Bryant took a long time to trust his father again, and I knew that was still a work in progress.

  But what was sure was that they had an actual relationship with each other, for practically the first time in Bryant’s life.

  “Dad joked once that he would buy a team for me,” Bryant told me. “It wasn’t a very nice joke at the time… but I guess the worst thing that could happen is he starts massively investing into some franchise in hopes of getting me there.”

  “You don’t need his help,” I laughed. “If he wants to buy me a franchise, maybe I’ll consider you in my draft picks.”

  Now Bryant burst into open laughter. “Wow. You shouldn’t be a team owner, Mia. You were made to be commissioner of the whole damn league.”

  The camera crew were getting all sorts of really nice shots of me and Bryant enjoying ourselves. At least these weren’t live — not yet. Not til the announcement.

  We kept in close contact with the other Renegades who applied
for the draft. Marvin, Russel, Tyrone, Antonio… each of those guys had their own talent to offer, and their performances over the last three years made it clear that they were strong picks, just like Bryant.

  In fact, Bryant started joking about how he’d feel if Russel was a first round pick ahead of him. “Man, I’d feel pretty embarrassed. But Russel knows what he’s doing, you know? When you’re doing drills with your backup quarterback, training together all the time, doing the same practice sessions… you start to gain a trust for the guy. And I’ve always trusted Russel.”

  The main ESPN journalist with the crew picked up on that and started to ask Bryant questions about his teammates. I chose to step away for the moment.

  We were here in Indianapolis because this was where it all began. Bryant and I didn’t experience the best of beginnings, and over the years the acrimony between us grew until it felt like it could never end.

  It took me not being able to go to Florida University to finally let myself experience the changes I needed in my life to become better.

  Bryant was not the only one who had growing up to do at the time. I did too, and I was grateful to have had that opportunity to do so.

  “Commissioner’s speaking!” my dad announced.

  I started feeling so nervous I immediately exited to the kitchen. Maybe a taco would would help calm my nerves…

  Watching out the window, I thought about how lucky I was to have Bryant. When I first started getting to know him in college, we had all that drama get in between us, and for a second I even thought that that was it.

  It wasn’t. We grew from strength to strength as a couple, and with no more controversy about Bryant’s supposed playboy life, people stopped caring about the rumors and the social media attention.

  Fiona even gave up on making Bryant a target in the end, moving on to other topics. I actually even confronted her one time, offering to redo segments of her show for free.

  “Trust me, I’m a journalism major,” I said. “You’d get a lot more viewers if you had a lot more credibility. Right now people are watching your vlogs because there’s nothing else that captures the culture of our campus. What are you going to do when someone else inevitably enters the picture?”