The Inner Struggle: Beginnings Series Book 7

by Jacqueline Druga

  “Where did he get the toy?” Frank motioned his head to the teddy bear in the incubator.

  “Henry made that for him. Isn’t it cute?” She smiled and headed back to her work in the other room.

  Frank looked once more at the teddy bear then at Nick as he settled into the chair to hold him.

  <><><><>

  “Now remember, Ellen,” Dean told her as he sat in the dining room of her home, “Describe it to me as detailed as you can. Detailed.” He raised his eyes in a thank you to Henry who set a cup of tea in front of him.

  Ellen peered in the microscope. “You don’t know what slide I have?”

  “No.”

  “But if I know what I’m looking at, why don’t I just tell you.”

  “Because I want to train you to see it.”

  “I do.”

  “No.” Dean shook his head. “See it. Every detail of it. If there are abnormalities I want to know by your description. So think of it as a Dean quiz game.”

  “O.K.” She shrugged and looked in. “Ready? Round top. It has a tail and . . .”

  “A sperm.”

  “Can I finish?” Ellen asked him. “It’s not a sperm.”

  “You said tail.”

  “You said to describe it.”

  “You did.”

  “Not completely,” Ellen argued. “I’m giving fine details.”

  “A tail is fine details.”

  “If you would have let me finish.”

  “Go on.” Dean held up his hand.

  Ellen looked at Henry. “He thinks he’s on Jeopardy or something, buzzing in first.”

  Henry snickered. “He should have known it wasn’t a sperm. Why would you describe a sperm?”

  Dean answered, “Because there is one in the samples.”

  Henry’s eyes widened. “Oh shit Dean, you brought sperm into my house and it’s on my dining room table.”

  “It’s encased in glass, Henry.” Dean tried not to laugh.

  “Still Dean,” Henry cringed and stood up, “can you get it off my table.”

  “Henry.” Dean tried to calm him.

  “Who’s sperm is it Dean?” Henry asked.

  “Does it matter?”

  “Yeah it matters,” Henry stated. “If I don’t like the person I certainly don’t want his sperm in my house.”

  Ellen chuckled. “Henry, lighten up. It’s just a sample and it’s dead now anyhow.”

  “And you,” Henry pointed at her, “how can you be so calm about working with someone’s sperm. There’s something sick about that.”

  “Please Henry, I’ve handled lots of sperm in my life.” She shifted her eyes to Dean. “No smart comments.”

  Dean shook his head. “I’m silent.”

  Ellen smiled. “Henry just . . .” She gave a sneaky look, reached into the sample box, and pulled out a slide. “Look Henry.” She touched it to him. “Sperm.”

  “Uh!” Henry stepped back. “That isn’t nice, Ellen. That isn’t. I just know I’m going to have bad dreams tonight.”

  Dean couldn’t hide his laughter. “Ellen, this man actually had sex with you.”

  Ellen raised her eyebrows and looked into the microscope. “I often wondered what it was like, since I missed it.”

  “Clinical,” Dean said.

  Henry scoffed. “I told you that it didn’t count since we don’t remember it.” His head jolted to a knock at the door. “I’m saved. Go on with your sick game you two.” Shuddering, Henry moved from the dining room toward the door. He wasn’t the least amused at their laughter. Shaking his head, he opened the front door. “Frank.”

  “He doesn’t need your gifts, Henry.” With a firm extension of his hand, Frank shoved the tiny teddy bear into Henry’s chest, turned, and walked away.

  An immediate knot formed in Henry’s stomach as his heart suck as low as it could go. His hands gripped the toy as he stepped back and shut the door.

  “Who was at the door?” Ellen asked.

  “Um . . . no one.” Henry looked down at the toy. “Probably just . . .” He swallowed emotionally. “…Denny messing around again.” Briefly he closed his eyes.

  “Henry.” Ellen’s voice seemed so distant. “I’m just about to describe mucus. Come on over.”

  “In a minute.” He shifted his eyes to the table then sadly walked to the steps to take the toy upstairs. He’d hide it away, hoping at another time he could give it to Nick. But right then, it was much too painful to have in his view.

  <><><><>

  It was a repeated action. Frank became more and more annoyed with while he did his dishes. There was a soft rumble coming closer, then a jolt. It crashed into him and ricocheted his knees into the cabinet under the sink. “Brian.” Frank turned around, hands wet, and pushed the walker from the kitchen into the dining room.

  It was a game to the boy a few weeks over one. Laughing so hard, then charging his little bare feet forward, and careening his walker as he came full speed into Frank’s legs again.

  “That’s it.” Frank shut off the water, grabbed a dishtowel, and dried his hands. “Need to be mobile or not, your little ass is banned from this contraption.” Frank picked up Brian who seemed to hold on to the walker with his feet. “Let go.” Frank struggled with the baby, lifting him and the walker high. “Let go.” Frank gave a soft shake and the walker tumbled down with a bang to his foot. “Fuck.’ He kicked it out of the way. “In the living room.” Under his arm, he carried Brian and set him on the floor next to Alex who drew. “Watch him while I finish dishes.”

  “He’ll eat my color sticks.”

  “So, it won’t hurt him. Eh.” Frank waved his hand at her. “Forget it. And go to the bathroom.” He marched to the steps. “Josh,” he yelled up. “Come down and watch Brian while I do the dishes.” Frank looked at the baby who picked himself up and stood at the couch. “Now please.” Hearing the confirming footsteps above his head, Frank moved to the couch and towered over the baby who looked up to him. He pointed down. “Stay put.”

  “Da.” The baby spoke the only word he knew.

  “Yeah that’s right,” Frank told him. “And who’s the coolest.”

  “Da.”

  Frank smiled and stepped back. As he did, he watched Brian let go of the couch. Thinking his son was about to take a serious nose dive, Frank hurried back and to his surprise, he watched Brian step awkwardly--without holding on--to him. He shrieked about the boy’s third step causing Brian to fall down. “Alex, did you see that?”

  “No.” She colored.

  “Ha, Brian, you walked.” Frank glowed and picked his son up. “Try again.” He helped him to his feet. “Stand up.” Brian tried to sit. “No, stand.” Frank steadied the baby and moved back. “Come on.” He held out his hands and Frank laughed loudly when Brian walked to him. “Oh, this is so great!” He picked up the baby. “I have to show, El.” Excitedly he raced to the door, stopping when Josh came down the steps. “Watch the kids. I’ll be right back. Brian walked.”

  “Where are you taking him? To practice it?” Josh asked.

  “Yes. For Ellen.” Holding the baby, Frank flew from the house.

  <><><><>

  Dean saw Frank as he stepped from his house, walking at an extremely quick pace, and holding Brian like a sack of potatoes. The baby flopped about as Frank carried him. “Frank,” Dean called out. “Bringing one back?”

  “No, I’m taking him to . . . Where are you going?”

  “To pick the kids up.”

  “Wait.” Frank raced into Dean’s house through the door Dean was trying to close.

  “Frank, what are you doing?” He watched Frank sit on the floor.

  “Sit down, Dean. Come on.”

  “Why?”

  “Just sit down.” He saw Dean begin to sit. “Not there, closer, man. He’s not that good yet. Soon.” He waited until Dean sat down and Frank lifted Brian and set him firmly on his feet. He brought his lips close to Brian’s ear. “Go to Dean. Go on.”

 
; Dean’s mouth opened, his eyebrows raised, and his eyes widened when he watched Brain step forward. Repeating Frank’s actions, Dean shrieked, scaring Brian into falling.

  “Aw Dean, you made him fall like a drunk. Try this again.” He lifted Brian up and smiled as Brian took the four steps to Dean.

  “Hey,” Dean spoke with enthusiasm lifting Brian into his arms and kissing him. “Good job!” Dean laughed as Brian kissed him in that wide baby biting manner.

  “O.K.” Frank snatched him up. “I have to show Ellen this before he forgets.” He carried Brian to the door. “I’ll meet you back here.”

  “Frank.” Dean called to him stopping him as he walked out. “Thanks. Thanks for sharing that with me.”

  Frank smiled, snuggled Brian with a kiss, and raced the few doors down to Henry and Ellen’s. He knocked once and became impatient. “El!” He opened the door then stepped in. “El.” He saw her on the couch. “El you have to see this.” He saw Henry walk in from the dining room. “El, check out Brian.”

  Ellen swung her legs over the couch. “What am I watching?”

  “Can you sit on the floor or will it be too much for you?”

  “I can sit on the floor.” She lowered herself down. “Now what?”

  “Watch this.” Frank’s eyes lit up.

  Henry stepped closer to see what was going on. He watched Ellen’s excitement as Brian stepped to her. He listened to both of them laugh in such excitement, leaning to each other and making Brain do it over again.

  Frank clapped his hands as Ellen hugged Brain. “Make him come back to me.”

  Ellen set him down. “When did he do this, Frank?”

  “Just a few minutes ago. I had to rush and let you see. You would have seen it second but fuckin Dean stopped me and made me show him. Man.” Frank tilted his head. “I saw it, El. I saw his first steps. Brian is the first one of my kids I ever saw do that. I saw his first step. There’s just something to be said about seeing your kid do something for the first time.” He gushed. “Let him go so he can walk to me. Come on, Brain.” As Frank extended his hands out, he looked up at the same time as Ellen when they heard the front door close. Henry was gone.

  <><><><>

  It seemed that his own house was the only house with a light still on. Henry knew he had been gone a long time, but he didn’t realize how long until he wandered back onto his street. With his hands in his pockets, Henry approached his house, not wanting to see who he did when he got there… Frank.

  Frank stepped out onto the porch. “Where have you been?”

  “Excuse me, I’d like to go into my house now.” Henry tried to get by him.

  “Really? Do you realize that fifteen minutes after you left, El was worried and wanted to go look for you herself. She sent me out to find you, Henry. Three times I went out.”

  “Did you really look?” Henry asked with an edge.

  “Yeah, I looked. I was worried.”

  “Yeah, right.” Henry took a breath and reached for his door again.

  “Six o’clock you walked out. It’s two in the fuckin morning. You were this close.” Frank’s words were sharp as his hand cut outward. “This close to me closing down the perimeters and going beyond the wall to find you. Security searched this entire community. We thought something happened to you.”

  “That would have worked out just perfect for you, wouldn’t it.”

  “Henry, I don’t think you realize . . .”

  “No Frank, I don’t think you realize. I don’t want to stand here and talk to you. I owe you no explanation on where I was and I think you know why. You won, Frank. You won. If you wanted to break me, you did it. My heart is broken right now and I give up. It’s a losing battle because you have to keep pushing and pushing the point, just like you did when you brought Brian over. You got what you wanted. You got Nick and your family and I know damn well you aren’t stopping until you get Ellen back too. Just keep in mind, Frank, right now she is still my wife and until you succeed in taking that away from me too,” Henry swallowed, “stay away from her.” He brushed by Frank and walked into his house, closed the door and locked it. He stood there, trying to control his breathing.

  <><><><>

  Frank stood a long time outside on the street facing Henry’s house, wanting to go back in. He felt a need to talk to Henry. But when he watched the lights in the house go out, Frank knew it was time to go home. Sometime in the journey back to his own house, he took the long way, the real long way, through town and to the clinic. Nick was strong on his mind as well as Henry. Letting the night nurse know he was there, Frank walked into the dimly lit nursery and directly to a sleeping Nick.

  He was quiet as he pulled up the chair close to the baby. Frank rested his elbows on his knees, bringing his cupped hands to his chin, flicking the roughness of his goatee back and forth across the tops of his fingers. Frank stared upon Nick. The more he looked at Nick, the more he saw Henry.

  Henry.

  What had happened in the past five days? One week earlier, he and Henry were discussing who would do what with the baby. Now Frank couldn’t walk by him without striking out verbally against him. One thing was for sure, Frank knew that he couldn’t possibly have that much contempt or hatred for Henry if he was so worried about him when he didn’t come home. The discovery of that certainty hit Frank as he looked at Nick. No matter how much wrong he felt Henry did to him, Nick was the recipient of the most wrong.

  Despite how it happened and how Frank felt about the paternity, it was clear Nick was Henry’s son. Frank, more than anything prided himself on being a good father. He loved being a father. As angry as he was at Henry, he felt badly for using the child as punishment.

  He spotted that right hand corner of the incubator, the one that held that toy that very afternoon. That toy stayed strongly on Frank’s mind after he had made his first sweep of town looking for Henry. The same toy Frank searched the house up and down for while Ellen was taking a shower. Something so small, but it meant so much, in a good way and in a hurtful way.

  Looking like a sneak, Frank lifted some from the chair and peered into the next room to Glen who read a book. Seeing the occupied clinic worker, Frank reached forward and lifted the top to the incubator. Reaching into his back pocket he pulled out the small teddy bear Henry had made. He looked at it once, gripped and almost buried in his hands, then Frank sat that toy in the corner of the incubator where it belonged. Pressing his lips to the tips of his own fingers, he gently touched them to Nick’s cheek, closed the top to the incubator, and sat back down to watch the baby some more.

  CHAPTER NINE

  JULY 2

  “Any signs of illness at all?” Dean asked, looking up to the speaker in the wall of the communication center as if he were looking at Robbie.

  “None,” Robbie answered. “We all feel fine. I did a check of everyone about ten minutes ago.”

  “Excellent.” Dean smiled. “All right. It’s ten o’clock now. Two more hours, if still the same, pack up and come home, Robbie.”

  “Yes. Thank you, Dean. Dad?” Robbie called out. “You still there?”

  “I’m here.”

  “See in about three hours.” As Robbie hung up the phone, his faded voice yelling to his men, ‘we’re heading home’ was heard before the call was disconnected.

  Dean ran his hands through his hair. “O.K., I have to head out. Let me know when they get here, Joe, I still want to check every single one of them for infection before we let them inside.”

  “Got that.” Joe stood from his seat next to Mark who was monitoring. He looked at the signal which still flashed from Robbie’s location. “He is so close. Soon he’ll be back.”

  With a pat to Joe’s back, Dean walked by him. “Talk to you in a little bit.” He hurried past Frank who stood there.

  “Dean, wait up.” Frank chased him.

  “I’m busy, Frank.” Dean walked faster down the tunnel.

  “Wait.” With four long steps, Frank caught up to him.
“Did you think about it?”

  “Yes,” Dean said.

  “So you’ll do it.”

  “No. I thought about it. No.”

  “Dean, come on. You have to do this. What will it take to get you to do this?”

  “What will it take to get you to see I don’t want to be hypnotized.”

  “What are you afraid of?” Frank asked as they walked.

  “Being an idiot maybe. Forgetting things I should know.”

  “Remembering things you put away in your mind?”

  “Why are you so convinced it’s not a dream?”

  “Why are you so convinced it is?”

  “Why are we going back and forth like this? It drives me crazy.” Dean stopped walking. “Look, I don’t want to do it but let me speak to Godrichson about it and then I’ll give you a definite answer. O.K.?”

  “I’ll settle for that.”

  “Good. Now go to work or something.” Dean shooed his hand as he went into the cryo-lab.

  “Man, he has such attitude.” Frank looked down at his watch. “Maybe I’ll head to the clinic before I do my rounds. Yeah.” Tapping on the open cryo-lab door, Frank gave a gesture to Dean to let him know just because Frank was being nice to him lately, he still didn’t like him. For no reason at all Frank flipped Dean off and headed up to the street level.

  ````````

  Was Henry really hearing a baby crying, or was it just his imagination? He stopped to listen while picking up a folder for Ellen from the clinic lab. He knew there was no way he could hear a baby. Nick was the only one in the nursery and that was pretty much a ways from the lab.

  Walking with the folder, Henry thought he heard it again. Turning in the hall, he followed it. It ceased the closer to the nursery he got. It was his imagination. Ten or so feet from that long window, Henry felt pulled to do something he said he wouldn’t do. Go back and see Nick just one more time. It really wouldn’t hurt. Would it?

  Tucking his folder under his arm, he pushed open the nursery door. Patrick was walking in from the other side.