The Inner Struggle: Beginnings Series Book 7

by Jacqueline Druga

  “Sir,” Dr. Raynes followed him, “May I ask who it was that was accidentally exposed?”

  “It wasn't an accident. It was deliberate and a mistake on my part. A stupid mistake. All along I’m thinking getting rid of him is best, when it never dawned on me to bring him to us and make him work in our favor.”

  “Who?”

  “Robbie Slagel,” George said his name for the first time in a long time, with a smile.

  <><><><>

  Ellen squeezed her hands as she held them in the pockets of her lab coat, squeezing the nervousness out as she watched Dean from the clinic lab door while he worked. The day before he had pretty much avoided her like the plague he worked on. Since some time had passed, Ellen figured it safe to talk to him. With a deep breath, a wide smile, and a chipper voice, she walked in. “Morning Dean.” She approached him and he moved aside.

  “Ellen.”

  “How about me returning to work at the clinic?”

  “I see.” He walked around the counter.

  “Did you see the samples I did bright and early?”

  “Yep.” He slid to her another sheet of orders. “You didn’t do these.”

  “I was coming back for them.” She kept her tone upbeat. “I went to see Henry. He’s up and about.”

  “Good for Henry.” Dean returned to his work.

  “He’s doing pretty good for a man who supposedly has partial amnesia.” She giggled. “Isn’t that funny? I’ve been testing him for two days and he’s answered everything right. Joe thinks I’m dumb. I know what he’s up to.”

  “And I know what you’re not up to.”

  “Excuse me?” Ellen asked with a smile.

  “Your work.” He pushed the orders closer to her. “These need to be done.”

  “Dean, I’m trying to talk to you.”

  “Ellen.” He finally faced her. “I don’t care. I don’t want to have idle conversation with you. Now, do what you are here to do . . . work.”

  Ellen’s mouth opened in a gasp. “I thought you’d be a lot better with me today.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “Because it’s stupid why you’re mad.”

  “You would think that.” Dean turned away from her.

  “You know what, Dean?” Ellen stepped back. “Fuck you.”

  “Fuck me? No Ellen.” He snapped at her. “Fuck you!”

  “I can’t believe you just said that to me.”

  “Why not? Oh wait, yeah, that’s right, Ellen double standards again. You can do what you want and no one is allowed to say anything.”

  “Why are you being such an asshole?”

  “Because I’m tired of being the nice guy.”

  Ellen laughed in a taunting manner. “I have news for you. You were never really that nice.”

  “Come on Ellen, you can’t come up with anything better than that?”

  “I’m trying to stay calm here, Dean.”

  “Don’t.”

  Ellen stormed to him. “Boy, you are just looking for a fight aren’t you? Let me tell you something, you don’t know what you just started.”

  Up from his work, Dean raised his eyes. “Ellen.”

  “You and your fuckin attitude.”

  “Ellen.” Not only his voice, but Dean’s eyes scolded as well.

  “Holier than thou stupid shit.”

  “You would think you would have got the hint when you walked in here that I didn’t want to deal with you. Stupid shit is thinking you can try egg me on more.”

  “I don’t need to try to egg you on more, Dean, I’m the master of pissing people off.”

  “Well Master, there is nothing you can do to piss me off anymore.”

  “You don’t think?” Ellen raised her eyes.

  “I don’t think.”

  “Watch me.” With a sweep of her arm in a dramatic move, Ellen cleared the counter of the thirty or so folders Dean had spread out there, spraying papers in the air and all around.

  Letting out a loud, shrieking grunt of anger, Dean threw his hand up. “What the hell was that about!”

  “Pissing you off.”

  “You’ll pick every single one of those up!”

  “And you’ll kiss my ass!”

  The whistle and the semi-clapping stopped their fight right there and then when Frank stood in the lab door, holding Nick. “It warms my heart to see you two getting along like this.”

  Dean curled his top lip as he began to pick up papers that were everywhere. “Shut up, Frank.”

  Frank snickered, “Quite the mess you have here, Dean.”

  Dean snarled as he bent down and then looked at Ellen who stood with her arms folded amongst the mess. “You’re just gonna stand there?”

  “What? You think I’m helping you?” she snapped at him.

  “If you aren’t, then leave.”

  “No!” She yelled and bent down some to him, “because it’s pissing you off me standing here.”

  “You started this.” He looked up at her.

  “Bull shit Dean, you started this when you gave me your shit.”

  Frank held his hand over Nick’s ear. “Language please.”

  Dean shook his head. “It’s about time someone gave you shit.” He picked up more papers. “You know what, El? You deserve it.”

  “Oh yeah?” Ellen raised her eyebrow. “Well you deserve this.” She gave a short swift kick with her foot and sent the papers even further.

  “Ellen!” Dean stormed in a stand.

  “Dean!”

  “Guys!” Frank intruded with an enjoyable laugh.

  A screaming ‘Frank!’ emerged from both of them.

  Getting out his last laugh, Frank held his hand up. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m enjoying this immensely . . .” He cringed when they yelled his name again. “But . . . but mind you, I have never seen you two fight like this in all the years we’ve been here and that includes when Ellen cheated on you, Dean.”

  Dean saw red, his faced showed it too. If steam could protrude from him it would have. He marched to Frank. “You would just bring that up at this moment wouldn’t you?”

  Frank shook his head, “No, you can’t be getting mad about that now. There’s a statute of limitations or something like that.” He grinned widely. “This is so great.”

  Dean’s hand pointed outward. “Tell me something, Frank. I need you to prove something for me.”

  “You mean that I’m strong? Or how about that I’m sexy? I’ll pose, Dean.” He heard Dean growl in anger. “Dean, chill.” Frank contained his laughter. “Man, are you pissed. What did you do, El? Good job.”

  Ellen shuffled her way through the papers, making more of a mess. “Let’s go, Frank.”

  “No.” Dean stopped him. “I need to know something simple, Frank. Did you sleep in bed with Ellen last night?”

  Ellen spun around and faced Dean. “That is none of your goddamn business.”

  Dean lowered his voice to a whisper as he faced Ellen closely, “Maybe not, but it would prove my point.”

  “A-bout what?” Ellen said so sarcastically.

  “That everything you said to me in the hall the other night was just another Ellen tale.” He turned to face Frank, trying to hide his irritation at the arrogant happy look on Frank’s face. “So did you?”

  “Well.” Frank cleared his throat.

  “Don’t answer him, Frank,” Ellen instructed.

  “Well . . .” Frank continued, “seeing how it really isn’t any of your business but more irritation hinges on my answer so I’ll answer you.” Putting his face close to Dean’s, Frank smiled. “Yes.”

  “Frank!” Ellen yelled.

  Dean’s head spun to Ellen then back to Frank who laughed a single ‘ha’. “Thanks Frank.”

  “No problem.” He watched Dean began to leave. “Oh Dean . . . she was naked too.” Dean kept walking and Frank stuck his head out the lab door. “And Dean? I touched her breasts.” Laughing he refaced the lab and Ellen too. She did
not look happy. “What?”

  “You’re an asshole too.”

  “Yeah, so. I know this. Can we take Nick to see Henry now?”

  “In a minute.” Ellen stormed by him to catch glimpse of Dean leaving the clinic. “Dean!”

  Dean flung open the doors more in Frank fashion than in his own and walked to the street.

  “Stop it right now!”

  Dean stopped walking. Holding his hair back he faced Ellen. “What is it?”

  “This fighting is really stupid.”

  “I’m really mad, El.”

  “And now so am I. Where does that get us?”

  Dean was silent as he stared at her.

  “Look I’m not going to argue with you anymore. I’m not going to try to convince you of anything about us. After the other night and especially after today, I don’t want to.”

  “If you’re not going to argue, Ellen, why are you saying this?”

  “I need to and you need to hear me.”

  “I’d really rather not hear you unless it has something to do with medicine.”

  “Fine.” Ellen held her hands up. “That’s fine.” She stepped back. “If that’s the way you want us to be, then that is the way you got it. From this moment on Dean, no more. I will work with you but that’s as far as it goes. But let me let you in on a little secret, Dr. Hayes. You didn’t need to get so possessive and jealous over me. Whether you choose to believe it or not, I would have been there for you every step of the way, not because I had to, because I wanted to. I wanted to be with you but not anymore.” She backed up. “And just to show you I’m a better person then you give me credit for, I’ll clean up that mess I made in your lab.” She started walking back to the clinic.

  “Ellen.” Dean followed her and took hold of her arm. “I needed you this time not to be with Frank, especially this time. But you just couldn’t do it, could you?”

  Ellen’s jaw twitched slightly as she looked in Dean’s eyes. “I guess not.” She pulled from his grip, turned her back to him and headed into the clinic.

  <><><><>

  It should have been something Robbie expected when the other two went. In actuality, he did. But it was something he didn’t want to face…the quiet. No breath sounds, no movement, no shivering, or calling out for help. A still Greg, laid in his make shift bed. His face held a look of peace that had long been gone during his agony and suffering.

  So unlike the plague that ended the world, there was no convulsions at the end, no out of control illness, just quiet, peaceful, death. It happened so fast, Robbie wasn’t ready. The last he had checked on Greg was an hour before and when he returned to him to wipe him down and give him something, Greg was gone.

  Greg was the first survivor to enter Beginnings’ gate. He was the first to make it through the newly instituted containment process. He was the first to gain the complete trust of the originals and be treated as if he were one himself. And now Greg was one of the first to die from the plague that seemed to threaten the existence of the home he fought to protect.

  The irony of it all baffled Robbie. When Greg left Beginnings, not long before, to go out and take on George’s men, he never expected to return home. No good warrior ever does. Greg expected to face his battles, and if need be, die fighting for what he believed in. But he died in a battle he wasn’t prepared for. Had it been a gun that faced him off, Greg could have stood tall. But there was no amount of defense that would have guarded him from what brought him down. In an essence, Greg did stand tall against his defeater.

  Covering Greg’s body before Robbie would take him outside to bury him, he remembered the words Greg spoke to him when he first got ill, ‘even if this thing takes me Robbie, I’m doing what I set out to do. As long as I die outside of Beginnings with this illness still inside of me, then I am protecting my home with my life.’

  And Greg did.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  “Dean’s just scared, El,” Henry told her while he lay in his bed.

  “I know Henry, but he’s being really mean to me. And I threw his papers all over the lab.”

  Henry snickered. “Sorry.”

  “It’s not funny.”

  “I know. Frank thought it was.”

  “Frank basked in it. He didn’t ask why we were fighting like that, he just smiled about it.”

  “Just understand,” Henry tried to get Ellen to see reason, “Dean was depending on you. He needed to count on you being there when the time came. And with Frank in the picture, all he could see is the way Frank is. And that is, Frank won’t let you near Dean.”

  “I wouldn’t have let that happen.”

  “I know that and you know that. But Dean is, like I said, too scared to see that. Would you like to hear my theory on it?”

  “Oh you know I do Henry.” Ellen sat up. “I love your theories. You have good theories.”

  “Dean’s overreacting because he’s scared. We all do that. Remember the kid in kindergarten who held on to his mother and screamed and cried because he didn’t want her to leave. Well, just like the kid, Dean screamed and shouted in hopes that you wouldn’t leave. And again like the kid, Dean’s just gonna have to see that no matter if you’re in the next room or down the street, you’re there and you’ll be back.”

  “But I’m not, Henry.”

  “Aren’t you gonna help him when he needs you El?” Henry asked.

  “I will. How can I not? But I won’t be there for him in any other way.”

  “Maybe that’s for the best,” He spoke softly.

  “Henry? Why do you say that?”

  “El, why was Dean upset? Because of how you and Frank are? Let’s face it El, you and Frank are getting closer.”

  “We’ve worked very hard to be good friends again, Henry. I’m not giving up that with Frank, just like I wouldn’t give my friendship up with Dean.”

  “I know that. But right now Dean only sees that you’re gonna pull him along, and pull him along until you’re back somehow with Frank. At this point in his life, with all that’s going on, he’s afraid of that happening and he’s getting defensive. Just give him time, El. He’ll be nice to you again.”

  “Thanks Henry.” Ellen lowered her lips to his hand and kissed him. “I’d better go. I have the big wedding planning meeting tonight.” She stood up. “I have to change Frank’s bandages too. I’ll stop by before my meeting. How’s that?”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Good. I’ll stop by afterward too, unless you don’t want to hear what was discussed. You do want to hear don’t you Henry?”

  “Sure El,” He smiled sadly.

  “Good, for a second there I thought you were chickening out of playing along.” She started to leave. “You’re not going to chicken out on me, are you?”

  “Chicken out?” Henry shook his head. “Trust me no. I wouldn’t chicken out, El. Just know, everyone is going to be convinced that I want to be married to you.”

  Ellen waved her hand at Henry as if he were being silly. “I know that. And . . . I’d better go.”

  “See you in a little bit.”

  Ellen walked to the door then paused to look at Henry who seemed down. Figuring it was just his health, she winked and smiled, hoping to pass her spirits on to him as she started to walk from the clinic room.

  She debated in her mind on whether to stop in and see Dean. Wondering if he was impressed by the fine organizational skills she used to put the folders back together, Ellen used that as an excuse to talk to him so she stopped in the lab.

  “Dean?” Slowly, apprehensively she walked in.

  “Thanks for putting the folders back together,” Dean said, little emotion, if any, to his tone.

  “I can’t guarantee I did them right.” She smiled and moved closer.

  “What’s up?” Sitting down, Dean turned his stool to face her.

  Ellen let out a breath. “Thanks.”

  “For what?”

  “You’re not being as mean.”

/>   Dean shrugged and raised his eyebrows. “So what did you need?”

  “I was uh . . . I was wondering if you were busy and you want me to pick the kids up from school then you can get them when you get Brian at the house.”

  “I can get them. I’m leaving soon.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.” Dean stood up. “Anything else?”

  “I guess not.” Folding her arms, Ellen started to leave the lab but stopped. “Dean, I’m not understanding this. I’m really not. I know you’re scared . . .”

  “Scared? You don’t know how scared I am. You don’t know what I go through each day, getting up twenty minutes earlier because that’s how long it takes for my sight to come back in the morning. You don’t know what it’s like knowing that our men are outside of our walls dying of something I have to fight. How can I fight it without my eyes? They’re going El. They’re going fast.”

  “So why are you pushing me away? I want to help you.”

  “I’ll let you help me, but not the way you’ve been. We’ve been close, El. We work together, we touch, we kiss . . .” He stepped to her. “But I can’t figure out why you’re doing that, or were. You came back to me because you knew I needed you. I’m mad at you and I’m mad at myself for getting caught up in what was going on. It’s one thing to need you for your eyes, but it’s another to need you for you. I was reaching the point where I depended on both. I can’t do that because when it’s all said and done, and I become self-sufficient, then not only will my sight be gone, but so will you too.”

  “You can’t say that. You don’t know.”

  “I do know. Look how easy it was for Frank to get you to sleep in bed with him.” He backed away. “Can’t you see what you’re doing or why I’m mad? Ellen, right now in my life I needed to know that you’ll be there. I can’t take a chance of having to wait my turn in line. I can’t. Maybe I overreacted. Yes, I did overreact but just see my point. You’re telling me you’ll be there whenever. But that’s not true, it can’t be true. Frank is in the picture again, not that he hasn’t always been. But he’s back again and you’re letting him be there.”

  “Dean.” She walked to him. “Remember when Frank and I got back together? Remember how I promised you I would never walk away from you. I’d be there for you as long as you wanted me to. I meant that. I did that. Frank didn’t like it, but I did it anyway. And now you, you have to take the same attitude Dean. I’m not going to walk away from Frank.”