by D. C. Hall
“Are you really just gonna eat two?” Nathan asked.
“I’ve been trying to watch what I eat. Since I stopped going to the gym, keeping my weight down has gotten harder.”
“They’re vacation calories. They don’t count.”
“I’d like my pants to fit when I get back.”
“I don’t know what you’re worried about.” He placed another marshmallow over the flame and waited. “It’s not like you’re fat or anything.” Williams gave him a strange look.
“What do you call this, then?” he pointed towards his belly.
“I call it a little tummy. Most people have that.”
“Well, I don’t like it.”
“I like it.”
“Huh?”
“I think it's cute.” He blew on the treat in front of him. If he’d been looking, he would have seen the confused face that Williams was making. Nathan popped the marshmallow in his mouth and chewed. He tried to say something, but it just came out a garbled mess.
“What?” Williams questioned. Nathan chewed a bit more before swallowing.
“I said I think you’re fucking sexy, babe.” He responded and reached for the bag again like he hadn’t said anything. Williams felt his cheeks heating up. How was he supposed to respond to that? He didn’t have a chance to. Nathan had swatted his shoulder gently and pointed towards the sky. Williams looked up to see streaks of light. It was pretty to say the least.
“Wow.” Williams muttered, staring upwards.
“Make a wish.” Nathan stated. Williams looked over to him before looking back up. It didn't take long to know what he wanted. It's the same thing he's wanted most of his life. They sat there for a long time. Once the fire started to die, they put it out and went inside.
“Did I make you uncomfortable, earlier?” Nathan asked as they headed back to the bedroom.
“What do you mean?”
“When I called you babe. You looked at me like I was crazy. I didn't mean to upset you, if I did.” He knew this was a causal thing, and pet names didn't really fit into that.
“No, I wasn’t uncomfortable. You just caught me off guard.” He stated as they climbed into the bed. “I've never really had anyone that did the pet name thing, or say something nice about my body when they weren't expecting sex.”
“You've dated assholes.” Nathan said. Williams just shrugged. “Come here.” He said and pulled him into his lap.
“What are we doing?” Williams asked but was compliant as Nathan wrapped his arms around his middle and pulled him against his chest.
“I'm going to give you some of the tlc that you've been deprived of.” He squeezed Williams a little tighter and kissed his cheek.
“You don't have to do that if you don't want to.”
“Maybe, I do want to. Did you ever think about that?” Nathan questioned.
“Okay. I guess that's fair.” He had another kiss pressed to his cheek.
“Sweetheart.” He said and kissed him again. “Gorgeous.” And another kiss all while holding him tight.
Nathan kept this going for several minutes. Williams didn't know what to do. What he did end up doing was sitting there, blushing, and smiling brighter than he had in years. He felt warm inside. Once it seemed that Nathan had run out of names, he sat there and peppered kisses down to his neck.
“If you spoil me, I won't know how to act around other men.” Williams stated. Nathan stopped and propped his chin on his shoulder
“I’m not spoiling you. You've just had the bar set too low.”
“What if I don't deserve to have the bar higher?”
“You do. Don't entertain the idea that you don’t.” Nathan said. Williams’s throat felt tight. That shouldn't have been enough to choke him up. Nathan pressed his lips to his cheek one more time before letting him go.
“So, that’s what I’ve been missing?” Williams asked with a chuckle as he laid down. Nathan laid beside him and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Pretty much.” They laid there for a while. The lights had been shut off, and now they were waiting for sleep. Nathan was the first to get drowsy. He yawned before cuddling up to Williams. “So, what did you wish for?” Williams could tell he was nearly asleep. He thought for a long moment. Should he tell him?
“I um… I wished for love.” He answered honestly. It almost felt foolish to say after Nathan had treated him so well earlier, but he knew that Nathan wouldn’t be there permanently.
“You’ll get it.” Nathan responded. He sounded so sure for a man on the brink of sleep. Williams settled in fully and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and let it out. He would not allow himself to feel this way towards his accountant.
***
Williams found himself riding in the car with Nathan driving. He had one of the man’s hands in his and resting on his knee. Williams was vaguely aware of the ring on his finger. When had that happened?
“You do love me?” Williams asked with a smile. Nathan squeezed his hand gently and smiled. His eyes never left the road.
“Of course, I love you, babe. I always will as long as you keep paying me.” Williams smile fell as his heart sank. Everything around him faded until he was left alone in a black room. The ring on his finger vanished.
“You wasted your wish.” A woman’s voice called.
“Mom?” he asked. He hadn’t seen her since his father died. He couldn’t even see her now. There was nothing left around him.
“I don’t know why you would wish for love. You know you’ll never get it. I don’t love you. Your father never loved you. He told you himself.”
“I have Gertrude and Theodore.” He called back.
“Of course they do, you pay them.” She said, voice echoing in the dark. “If that pay check stopped, do you really think they’d still want you?”
“I-I don’t know. I think they would.” His heart was beginning to race. How did he make this stop?
“You’re wrong. And Nathan will do the same.” An image of Nathan appeared before him, smiling. Williams reached out but felt nothing.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked. Williams had a false hope that Nathan would make the dream go away.
“Sweetheart.” His mother laughed. “That’s all it took to make you swoon like a Victorian romance heroine. Just a few pet names and you melted.” She said. His heart sank again as Nathan disappeared.
“I feel like I’m drowning.” Williams choked out.
“You will be in a moment.”
“What do you mean?” He asked before there was a puddle around his feet. The water started to rise. He panicked as it flooded around his ankles and drifted farther and farther up. Williams was ready to scream when he was up to his chest. He started to float for a moment before he found the glass ceiling above him. This was it. He was about to die by himself. Tears started to form in his eyes as he pounded his fists into the glass. The water soon covered his face leaving him to hold his breath.
He saw Nathan and his mother standing above him. His eyes pleaded for help, but they only watched and smiled. He kept beating at the glass, hoping it might break.
“Oh, Eugene.” Nathan said as Williams saw the air bubbles escape his own mouth. He was out of time. “Eugene, Eugene, Eugene.” He kept saying, his voice condescending as he shook his head back and forth. His lungs were burning. He needed to breathe. There was no way to postpone anymore. He sucked the water in.
“EUGENE! WAKE UP, GOD DAMN IT!” Nathan screamed, shaking him by his shoulders. Williams stared at him with wide eyes and gripped his hands. His lungs really did hurt. He gasped for air, and Nathan stopped shaking.
“W-what happened?” he asked, heart still pounding in his ears.
“You were jerking in your sleep and stopped breathing. What the fuck were you dreaming?” Williams thought he looked irritated. In actually, Nathan had been scared out of his mind. He thought he was about to have Williams die on him. Another minute, and he was about to call an ambulance.
“I thought I was drowning.” He was starting to calm down. The dream itself was fading. Nathan stared at him for a moment. He was starting to relax himself.
“Do you do that often?” Nathan asked, and Williams shook his head. “Good.” He laid back down, resting his head on the other man’s chest. Williams petted his hair before settling again. Nathan listened to him breathe. It was labored for a while but ultimately smoothed out. He waited until it was back to normal before he shut his eyes. He never wanted that to happen again.
***
Once they were back from the cabin, the two seemed to avoid each other for the next month. It was mutual, but they had different reasons. Williams thought he was getting a little too close to him. It was best if he didn't get attached even if they had decided on being friends. Nathan had been truly scared when Williams stopped breathing. He didn't know why it made his stomach turn now. When he saw Williams, something in the back of his mind said to grab onto him and don't let go.
So, they just didn't talk. Most days they didn't even see each other. It was going into September when Gertrude was getting concerned about the two. She couldn't get an answer out of Williams. The only other option was to go to Nathan.
“Alright, what's going on between you two?” Gertrude asked, standing in the doorway. Nathan turned from the computer to look at her.
“What do mean?” his mind had been on numbers for the past week. He hadn't been paying attention to anything.
“Why are you and Eugene avoiding each other?” she questioned.
“We aren’t. I guess we just haven't had anything to say to each other.” He turned back to his screen, but Gertrude wasn’t content with that response. She closed the door behind her and walked over to the seat beside him.
“You two were getting along great for a while. Then, you two went on your little trip. Now, you won't speak to each other. What happened out there?”
“Nothing happened. It was a good trip. We even said we were friends now. That's what you wanted wasn't it?”
“Friends do talk to each other.” She insisted. Nathan sighed and ran a hand over his face. Should he tell her about Williams having a nightmare? No, probably not.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Gertrude.”
“I just want to know that you two are doing okay. You’ve had really quick changes in the relationship you have. I just want to know what way it’s going.”
“We’re friends. We don’t have a relationship.”
“Just because it isn’t a romantic one, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.” She said. Nathan thought for a long moment.
“I guess that’s true.” He replied. “What do you mean we’ve had quick changes?”
“I’m old, not blind. I know that little contract you two have didn’t go how Eugene thought it would.”
“You knew?”
“Teddy could hear you two in the back of the limo.”
“I kind of thought you would have killed me if you had known.” Nathan said. That was the truth. Gertrude did not seem like the kind to hold back.
“If you had taken advantage of him like you planned to, I would have. But I guess you do have some morals after all. Back to what I was saying. You both thought you could take advantage of the other. Then, you two got into a fight. I thought you were going to hate each other. Then, you made up and became his lap dog.”
“I am not a lap dog!” Nathan said, cheeks turning red.
“Oh, please. You look like a great dane trying to sit in that man’s lap.” She said with a laugh. “And at some point in all of this, you started being friends. Now, you’re just ignoring that each other exist.”
“I’m not trying to ignore him. I really just haven’t had anything to say to him. Why aren’t you asking him why he hasn’t talked to me?”
“I tried. He won’t give me an answer. I thought maybe you would tell me something.” She sighed. “Could you just do something like ask him how his day was? He’s been quiet since you two came back, and I don’t like it.”
“Alright, I’ll talk to him.”
“Thank you.” She stood and went to leave.
“Gertrude?” he said and she stopped.
“Yes?”
“Do you hate me? I know Williams means a lot to you.”
“No, I don’t hate you. You’re still on thin ice with me, but as long as Eugene is happy, I can’t stay too mad.” With that she was gone. Nathan sighed and sat back in his chair. Maybe he should go talk to Williams. He had kind of missed it. He stood up and made his way to the foyer. He found Williams sat back in the chair with his eyes closed.
“You look tired.” Nathan said, startling him. Williams looked up at him with an almost shocked expression.
“I am.” He replied softly. “I feel dirty too, but I haven’t got it in me to get up yet.” He was in a pair of jeans and a work shirt, both dirty. Nathan sat by his feet on the ottoman.
“So, how’s everything going?” Nathan asked. Williams had been working most days in the factory to get an idea of what was going on. It was harder than he anticipated, but it felt kind of rewarding to him.
“I know how to make a recliner now.” He stated, smiling lightly. “But I need to find some different shoes. The ones I’ve been wearing hurt my feet.”
“I'm sure we can find some.” Nathan said. Williams gave him an odd look as Nathan pulled his feet into his lap.
“What are you doing?” Williams asked before Nathan pressed his thumb into bottom of his foot. The feeling on his sore feet pulled out a grunt.
“You said your feet hurt. I thought I'd help you out.” Nathan responded and continued to massage his feet.
“You didn't have to do that.”
“I know.” He said. Williams just sat back and sighed. It did feel nice. Still he felt a little guilty about it since he hadn't talked to Nathan in over a month. His feet soon stopped hurting. Then, he felt a hand move up the back of his calf. “You know I can do full body massages too.” He said, squeezing the muscle gently. Williams chuckled and sat forward.
“I think I'm a little too dirty for that right now.” He moved to where he was seated next to the other man. He looked over at him to see a smile, and Williams felt a pang of guilt. “I’m sorry.” He muttered.
“For what?”
“For not talking to you.” He answered. “I’ve had things on my mind. So, I’ve kept to myself. I just hope you aren’t mad at me.” Nathan put an arm around his waist.
“Of course I’m not. I could have come talk to you, but I didn’t. You don’t seem upset with me.”
“That’s different.”
“It’s really not. We’re both adults in the same house.” Nathan said. He could see Williams clench his jaw as he thought. Nathan bit back the urge to tell him he missed this. He missed the contact, the talking, and he missed just being around Williams in general. He really was his friend.
“I guess you’re right.”
“How about we don’t worry about that? We can just pick up where we left off. Maybe, you could tell me what’s been on your mind.” Nathan watched as Williams’s expression softened. He wasn’t sure what the look in his eye was, but it made Nathan feel weak.
“I missed you.” He said quietly. Nathan felt like his stomach did a flip as the rest of him melted.
“I missed you too.” He responded. Williams placed his hands on either side of Nathan’s face, thumbs gliding over his cheekbones. Nathan couldn’t do anything but stare, his heart thumping in his chest. Williams finally leaned forward and pressed their lips together. His hands slipped away and over Nathan’s chest.
Nathan pressed into the kiss with a hum. He closed his eyes as Williams pulled away just enough to kiss him again. They pulled each other closer, wrapped up in the other person’s arms. Nathan could smell sawdust still on Williams. It was his new favorite scent of the moment. The two managed to twist around until Nathan was flat of his back with Williams in his arms.
The shorter man pulled out of
the kiss to suck at his jawline. Nathan bit his lip and groaned. Williams ran his hands over Nathan's chest while he moved to straddle his waist. He looked down at the other man, both of them breathing heavy. Williams wanted him desperately. He wanted to take Nathan and show him all the kindness and softness he had shown him. But he was so tired, and Nathan could see that. He sat up leaving Williams sitting in his lap. Nathan put his arms around him and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“Rain check?” Nathan asked and got a nod in return.
***
“It really is gonna leave a scar.” Nathan stated. Williams had taken a shower and was laying on his bed. His shirt was off, and he only wore a pair of pajama pants. Nathan had joined him with the intention of giving him a massage. Right now, his finger traced over the scar he’d gotten at the cabin. “At least the rest of it healed up.”
“I guess that’s something. How bad does it look?” Williams asked, tucking his pillow under his chin.
“Not bad. If I didn’t know where I was looking, I wouldn’t notice it.” He answered. His fingers traced back up to his shoulders. “You want to talk about what’s on your mind?”
“It’s nothing really.” He said and Nathan started to rub his shoulders. “I’ve mostly been thinking about what I should do to make myself happy.” He answered.
“Like what?” Nathan questioned. Williams groaned a little when Nathan found a knot in his shoulder. He really was good with his hands. It took him a moment to get his bearings to answer.
“Honestly, I’ve been considering moving.” He felt Nathan pause before he started working down his back.
“I thought you would have wanted to stay here. It’s a nice house.”
“I don’t have a lot of good memories here.” He said. Williams was purposely avoiding mentioning the thoughts he’d been having about Nathan. The truth was, every time he pictured a happier future, he always saw Nathan with him. It was futile to think that way. Even if he did by some miracle still have Nathan with him, he couldn’t rely on one person to make him happy. He had to fix that himself.
“That makes sense. Are you seriously thinking about this?” Nathan asked. He kept his hands working. Williams was starting to fully relax now.