Single Wide Female in Love Complete Bundle: Books 1-4

by Blake, Lillianna

  “Like what?”

  “Like urinating. I prefer to do that alone. And also eating chicken wings. I really like my privacy when I do that. You know, so I can get as messy as I want.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “Now you’re teasing me. You know that’s something I like to do alone.”

  “Oh, is it? Then I guess we need to do it together some time.”

  “Sounds good.” I leaned my head back against his chest.

  In that moment, with the subtle sounds of the harbor around us and his scent drifting over me, I felt foolish. I didn’t want to be that girlfriend that gave her boyfriend no freedom. A good attempt at showing Max I trusted him would be to just drop it.

  “Don’t forget dessert tonight.” He smiled and kissed my cheek. “I better get going.”

  I glanced at my watch. It was getting close to six.

  “Alright. Oh, I almost forgot. Stephanie and I made plans to go out dancing.”

  “That should be fun.” There was that easy smile. He didn’t question me at all. “If you’re too tired for dessert, just let me know.”

  “I’m never too tired for dessert.”

  I lingered by the water for a few minutes after he left.

  Chapter 15

  I went back to my apartment to change for dancing. I was sure Stephanie was right. I hadn’t been my usual humorous self lately. I needed to do something to brighten my mood.

  As I dressed my mind wandered. Who might Max be meeting at six o’clock in the evening? Six. I narrowed my eyes. Stephanie had said she had something at six. Why, why, why did they have to be at the same time? I tried to keep my brain from churning over the possibilities, but the more I tried to resist, the more fixated I became.

  I had over an hour before I was supposed to meet with Stephanie. I thought the best thing to do was to keep my mind off the possibility of Max and Stephanie being together. I decided I would head down the street to do some window-shopping. There was one store in particular that I liked to peek into.

  As I walked toward the shop, I noticed Max’s car parked on the street. It seemed odd to me that he would be so close to my apartment. Then there was also the question of what he could possibly be doing that was personal. My mind spun. Then to make matters worse, I heard a familiar laugh.

  “Stephanie?” The name popped out of my mouth. I knew it was Stephanie. I knew her laugh.

  Max’s car was parked in the street; Stephanie’s laugh was coming from one of the shops. I wasn’t just being paranoid, they were together!

  The reality of the situation hit me so hard that I couldn’t even react. A part of me wanted to run right back to my apartment and hide away from it all. Another part wanted to hunt them both down and confront them. My best friend and the love of my life? Why would they do this to me? Not only that, but they had been lying to me about it. Why?

  Tears flooded my eyes. I was about to melt down into a shivering mass of horror, when I heard the soothing sound of Max’s voice.

  “Do you think she’ll like it?”

  “I know she will.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I am.”

  I blinked back my tears and listened more closely.

  “It’s so hard to make her wait.”

  “It’ll be worth it.

  My heart began to beat again. Air filled my lungs. They were talking about me. Max had a romantic night planned for me? Suddenly I understood that Max and Stephanie weren’t sneaking around behind my back because of a secret love affair, but because they were working together on a surprise for me. I’d been so fixated on my insecurity that I hadn’t even considered that. Even worse, if they caught me listening in, the surprise would be ruined.

  I ducked around the side of a building as their voices drew closer.

  “So I hear you two are going dancing.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on her.” Stephanie laughed.

  “Oh, I’m not worried. I know Sammy loves me. She would never do anything to hurt me. I just hope she figures out that I feel the same.”

  “Just give her time, Max.”

  “I will.”

  As their voices faded away I sniffled back the last of my tears. I felt guilty for thinking such horrible things about the two most important people in my life. It was clear that they only had good things planned for me.

  If Max was planning a romantic evening, I guessed it might be the proposal that I had been waiting for. I felt soothed by what I’d overheard, but at the same time it bugged me that I had even worried about it in the first place.

  I was going out to a dance club and Max wasn’t the least bit jealous because he trusted me. I felt bad for not feeling the same way. I wished there was a way to reach deep down inside me and fix whatever was broken.

  My phone buzzed to let me know I had a text.

  Samantha, where are you? I’m waiting at your apartment.

  Be there in a minute, Steph.

  I started to step out from behind the building when my phone buzzed again.

  Have fun tonight. Looking forward to our dessert.

  I smiled at Max’s text. Then my heart raced. Could he be planning to propose over ice cream? It would be the perfect time. That would explain why he’d said no to dinner. He probably had to plan the evening. I was giddy with excitement as I hurried back to my apartment. Stephanie was waiting for me outside.

  “Where were you?”

  “I just went to grab a few things from the corner store.”

  “Oh?” She looked at my empty hands.

  “I forgot my wallet.” I grimaced. I wondered if she could tell that I was lying to her. If she could, she didn’t call me on it.

  “Well, you look fantastic. Are you ready to go dance the night away?”

  “Yes, I am!” I smiled.

  I couldn’t wait to get out on the dance floor and then get back to my apartment. I had a strong feeling that this was going to be my last night without an engagement ring.

  The club was packed. As soon as I walked in, I was reminded of why I didn’t go to them very often. The music blasted my ears. The heavy scents of perfume and cologne made me a little sick to my stomach. The flashing lights reminded me that my headache from that morning wasn’t completely gone.

  “It’s great, huh?” Stephanie grinned.

  I nodded and managed to smile. I was more determined than ever to have a great time. I wanted to be in a wonderful mood when I met with Max later. I was already rehearsing in my head the way I would accept his proposal.

  The dance floor was flooded with handsome men, but I barely noticed them. It was strange that the only face I wanted to see belonged to Max.

  “Dance with me.”

  Somebody grabbed me from behind and whirled me around.

  Chapter 16

  I looked into deep brown eyes that seemed to ooze sensuality. He searched my gaze as he slid his arm around my waist. “Just one dance, bella.”

  I was prepared to shove him away and decline the offer but it occurred to me that this might be the very last time that I danced with another man. He was devastatingly attractive with a smooth accent to add to the yum factor. Yet I felt no desire for him. It wouldn’t have mattered if a model stepped off the front of a magazine, the desire wouldn’t be there. It seemed safe to dance with him.

  “Alright, one dance.”

  I did enjoy having that intimate connection with another human being when we danced together. It was a push and pull of bodies, emotions, and trust. As he swirled me around the dance floor, I could hear the sounds of others around me. Some were laughing, some were whispering, some were singing along to the music that played. Everyone was caught up in a ritual of trying to connect with one another.

  Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of Stephanie dancing with a good-looking man. She seemed so happy and relaxed despite her declaration that she had sworn off dating. I knew that I needed to find a way to be that light and free.

  I had lightened my b
ody with a healthy diet and exercise. I had lightened my soul with yoga and meditation. But my emotions were still quite heavy. Even though I wanted to focus on the moment, they seemed to drag me right back into the past. The man I was dancing with seemed to notice.

  The music died down.

  He took my hand. “Did you enjoy it at all?”

  “I did. Thank you.”

  “Then why aren’t you smiling?”

  “I have a lot on my mind.”

  “Dancing is supposed to erase all of that.” He chuckled. “Maybe you should tell me what’s on your mind.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mind one dance, but you should know that I’m not interested in anything more than that.” I glanced helplessly in Stephanie’s direction. She was already dancing with someone else.

  “Oh, me either. I just like to dance. But I still don’t mind listening.” He smiled.

  I stared at him for a moment. I shared intimate details of my life on my blog on a regular basis, not to mention the amount of my own feelings that I put into my books. Would it really be so bad to get a man’s perspective on things?

  “I don’t know. I guess I’m having a difficult time trusting my boyfriend.”

  “Is he a cheater?”

  “No, nothing like that. He’s a good man. I just find it hard to believe that he could really be in love with me.”

  “Oh.” He nodded. “I know what your problem is.”

  “You do?” My eyes widened. Even though I knew it was impossible, I wanted to believe that he would have the answer for me.

  “Sure. You’ve spent too much time alone.”

  “Huh? We’ve been together for a year.”

  “But what about before that?” He tapped his heart lightly. “If the heart isn’t used to being open, to being vulnerable, it will fight tooth and nail to stay closed. If you’re used to being alone, you’re not used to being vulnerable.”

  “Wow. I never thought of it that way.” I hadn’t been vulnerable. My heart hadn’t been in the hands of someone else.

  “It’s okay. You just have to be patient with yourself. Some things can’t be forced or sped up, you know.”

  “Thanks.” I smiled at him as he walked away.

  I was feeling much better than I had before, but I didn’t agree with his last words. I wanted to speed it up. With all of my studies and introspective skills, I was sure I could master my issues with vulnerability in time for dessert with Max.

  I found Stephanie on the dance floor.

  “Do you mind if we go?”

  “Sure.” She shrugged. She said goodbye to the man she was dancing with. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yes. I just want a little time to sort some things out before Max comes over.”

  “Oh, okay.” Stephanie smiled. “I’m glad you’re feeling better about that.”

  I flashed back for a moment to how I felt when I thought Stephanie and Max were playing around behind my back. I’d felt so horrible. But here she was, being the best friend I could have, and supporting me. I knew that I had to keep my anxiety in check.

  On the way home Stephanie told me about the men she had danced with.

  “I think my biggest problem is that I’m not picky.” She laughed.

  “Not at all?”

  “Not really. As long as a guy has a great smile, I’m willing to give it a shot. I guess I try to see the potential in everyone. Even if it isn’t really there.”

  “That’s hard. Because then you have so many to choose from.”

  “The hard part is not being able to see their flaws. I should have seen them with my ex, but his good qualities seemed more important. That’s why I need to take a break from dating. I need to get things clear in my head.”

  I frowned. I agreed with what she was saying, but I hoped that it didn’t hold true for me. Had I rushed into things with Max without getting things clear in my head? I tried not to think too much about it.

  Chapter 17

  I ran back and forth throughout my apartment gathering all the pieces to my plan. I set up candles on the coffee table. I put my favorite playlist on at just the right volume level. I made sure the kitchen was spotless and that wine glasses were conveniently within reach. I checked on the state of my bedroom to ensure that nothing embarrassing could be stumbled upon. I even dumped my bathroom trash. I made sure that the couch cushions were fluffed. Then I changed into my sexiest pajamas.

  Okay, they weren’t really that sexy. They had a low-cut top, but only because the top was too big on me since losing some weight. The pants were silky and felt nice against my skin. I spent a little time making sure my hair looked mussed, but appealing. Once I was sure that I looked as good as I could for a dessert date, I headed back into the living room to wait.

  It was hard to be still. I kept glancing at my phone to check the time and to check for texts. It was getting late. What if he’d forgotten all about our plans? Could I have been wrong about what might be happening tonight? It was obvious to me that Max and Stephanie had had a secret meeting. It had to be about me and it had to be about proposing. This had to be the night.

  I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath. I wanted more than anything to be able to control my anxiety and emotions.

  I was just about to text Max, to see if he was still coming, when there was a knock on the door. My heart jumped into my throat. This was it. This was the moment that I’d been waiting for. It didn’t matter to me any more that there was no photographer to take a picture of the special moment; I just wanted it to happen.

  I lunged toward the door and caught my foot on the leg of one of the barstools at the breakfast bar. I tried to catch myself and succeeded in knocking the perfectly placed wine glasses right off the counter.

  The crash must have alarmed Max, because he knocked louder.

  “Sammy, are you okay?”

  I looked at the shattered glass all over the floor. I was not okay. I’d tried to make everything perfect, and now everything was a mess.

  “Just a second, Max!”

  I grabbed the broom and dustpan. I tried to hurry to clean up the mess but finding the clear glass on the white tile floor was very difficult.

  “Sammy, the ice cream is melting.”

  I sighed and walked over to the door. I was covered in sweat from trying to hurry to clean up the mess. My sexy pajamas stuck to my skin. I opened the door and looked at Max.

  “Hi.” I frowned.

  “Hi.” He smiled at me.

  “Come in. Just be careful, there’s glass on the floor.”

  “Okay.” He nodded and glanced at the mess in the kitchen. “What happened?” He set the white paper bag that held our ice creams down on the breakfast bar.

  “Oh, I slipped and knocked over the wine glasses.” I picked up the broom and dustpan again.

  “Here, let me get it.” He took them from me. I protested, but he ignored me.

  “Did you have fun with Stephanie?”

  “Yes.”

  He swept the last of the glass into the dustpan. Then he straightened up and looked into my eyes.

  “Did you dance with anyone?”

  I smiled a little at the question. “Yes.”

  “Hm.” He tossed the glass into the trash and then put the dustpan and broom away. “I’m trying not to be jealous.”

  “Oh, please, Max, you’re not jealous.” I rolled my eyes.

  “No?” He slid his arms around my waist. I felt his fingertips glide along the silky material that covered my hips. “To think of some strange man with his hands on you…” He pulled me close. “It was driving me crazy.”

  I kissed his cheek. “You’re just trying to make me feel good.”

  “Nope. If I wanted to do that, I’d do this.” He kissed me with such passion that I stumbled back a step. Luckily he held me tight to keep me from falling. When he broke the kiss I laughed.

  “Okay, maybe you were a little jealous.”

  “I trust you, Sammy. That doesn’t mean I have t
o like the idea of some other guy dancing with you, when it should have been me. Sorry I couldn’t join you tonight.”

  “Oh, that’s okay. I know you were busy.” I bit my tongue to keep from blurting out what I suspected. “Let’s get to that ice cream before it melts.”

  “Good idea.”

  He carried the bag over to the living room.

  “Oh, candles.” He winked. “Nice.”

  “Thanks. I just thought tonight might be special.”

  “Any night with you is special.” He sat down beside me and opened up the bag. He handed me my ice cream. I took the lid off carefully.

  “You remembered the cherry. Thank you.”

  “Of course. And I like the music.” He swayed a little. “Maybe we’ll get to dance after all.”

  “Maybe.” I smiled.

  I used the long plastic spoon that came with the ice cream to poke around through the chocolate sauce. I was sure that the ring had to be hidden somewhere inside. The more I moved the ice cream around, the more sure I became.

  “Is there something wrong with it?” Max looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

  “No, it’s fine.”

  “Then why aren’t you eating it?”

  “Oh, right.” I laughed and took a careful bite. I swirled the ice cream around to be sure there was nothing hidden in it before swallowing. “Yum.”

  “Sammy, I wanted to talk to you about the other day. I mean, I know I said it was fine but—”

  I braced myself. I knew that it would get to him eventually. He would see that I hadn’t trusted him and that it was a problem.

  “I know, Max, I know.”

  ‘You do?” He looked at me with surprise.

  “I mean I know why you’re upset.”

  “You’re the one that should be upset.” He shook his head. “I never should have walked out. I should have stayed and we could have talked it through. It’s just, if I feel myself getting angry, I try to avoid it. I don’t like to get worked up.”

  Chapter 18

  I stared at Max in disbelief. I couldn’t believe that he was apologizing to me.

  “Max, you did the right thing.”

  “Did I?” He shook his head and took a bite of his ice cream. “When we’re married, I don’t want you to ever feel like I’m walking out on you.”