“You’re so tense here.” I rolled the heel of my palm along the curve of his shoulder.
“I’ve been a little stressed.” He spoke so quietly that I almost missed his words.
“Because of me?”
“Because I wanted to know what was going on with you. I still do.” He turned his head enough to look up at me. “Are you ready to talk to me about it yet?”
“Everything’s fine.” I felt his muscles twitch beneath my touch. I realized that my vague response had a direct impact on him. “I mean, you know me, Max. I just always have all of these insecurities.”
“That’s not true. You’ve dealt with so many of those over the past year. We all have some, Sammy. It’s okay to be afraid. Just tell me if that’s what it is.”
I smiled and ran my hands down along the slope of his back. I was dazzled by him. I had never felt so attracted to a man before.
“Maybe I am a little.” In the candlelight, the soft music, and with his skin gliding under my fingers, I felt safer speaking the truth. “I’m just scared that you’re going to wake up and realize that you made a mistake one day.”
Max turned over under me. It was a little surprising, to say the least. He slid his hands up over my hips to keep me from toppling over.
“Sammy, if that’s what all of this is about then tell me how I could prove to you that’s not going to happen. Just tell me, and whatever it is, I’ll do it.”
I stared at him for a moment. The words were on the tip of my tongue. I could propose right then in the candlelight. He couldn’t get away. I had him pinned against the mat. Then I remembered what Stephanie had said about taking away his moment.
“I just need to know it’s forever.” I frowned. “I know that’s not fair to you—that there’s no way for you to prove that to me. But that’s the truth.”
“Okay, I think it’s your turn.”
I expected an argument. I expected him to try to prove to me that it would be forever. Instead, it seemed as if he was more interested in getting me on the mat. I wondered if I’d pushed him too far by asking him for forever. I started to lie down on the mat.
“Aren’t you going to take your shirt off? I took mine off.”
“I don’t know. Do you think I should?”
He didn’t answer. He just lifted it off for me. It was odd to be undressing in a strange place. But with Max there I felt better about it.
I sprawled out across the mat. I didn’t take my bra off. But once Max straddled me he released the clasp so that he could rub oil on my back. I tensed at first. It was unusual for me to not try to cover up when someone was looking at me.
As I felt his weight against my hips and the cool air against my bare skin, I suddenly understood what it was to be vulnerable. I had exposed my heart to him, and I had exposed my body to him. His fingertips roamed across my skin as if they were trying to map out every freckle, every dimple, every imperfection that I’d memorized. I felt fully known by Max as he took his time with the massage.
My body began to relax. My mind followed suit. All of a sudden I felt tears in my eyes. They weren’t tears of sorrow, but tears of closeness. I felt more connected with Max than I had since that first day we kissed.
It was me that had put up the wall when our relationship moved from friendship to romance, not Max. It was me that had started to fill the role of girlfriend, rather than just being who I was.
“Oh, Max, I’m so sorry.”
“Sh. You have nothing to be sorry for.” His voice was as soft as the glow of the candles.
“Yes, I do. You’re right. I have been hiding from you.”
His fingers kneaded deeper against my lower back. “You might have tried, but you can’t hide from me, Sammy.”
“I tried to be your girlfriend, instead of just being me.”
“I know.” He rubbed his hands up along my back all the way to my shoulders and down again. I shuddered with euphoria at the sensation he created. It was more powerful than anything I’d ever felt. “But I still saw you. I never wanted anyone or anything but you, Sammy. I can’t make you see that. You have to find a way to trust me.”
“I do trust you, Max. I do.”
He smiled and leaned down to kiss the top of my head. “Then trust us, Sammy. Trust what we have now and what we will always have.”
All of my desire to propose to him faded. I didn’t want to ask him. I never had. I wanted him to ask me. But I’d been afraid that he wouldn’t.
After feeling the way he caressed my body and hearing the love in his voice, I knew that he would. Maybe it didn’t make sense to me—why Max would want me instead of any other woman—but it didn’t need to make sense. It was the truth.
I turned over under him and we spent the remainder of our session snuggled up on the mat.
Chapter 29
After our couple’s massage, Max and I went out to dinner. I didn’t care that I was still glistening with oil. Neither did he. I could talk with ease to him again. We discussed where I was at with my book and a little bit about his work.
“Do you ever wish we could just take off together, Max?” The question fell from my lips without my taking the time to think about it.
“Where?”
“Anywhere. I mean, just explore the world. With my writing, now I can travel any time I like.”
“My job is a little more limiting.” He frowned. “But we could always work around that. I’d go anywhere with you.”
“Europe?”
“Europe? That’s a big one.” He laughed. “Why not China?”
“China could work.” I nodded. “I catch myself forgetting sometimes just how huge this world is and how many people there are that I’ll never have the chance to meet. There are places on this planet that I bet no one has ever been to—at least no one that we know about. That’s a great mystery, don’t you think?”
“It is.” He smiled and took my hand. “I’d love to explore the world with you. When do we start?”
There it was again, an opening for me to ask him to marry me. I could tell him that we could start right after he said yes. I held my breath and considered it. But the moment passed when I exhaled.
“That’s up to you, Max. You’re the one with the job, remember?” I winked at him.
“Don’t remind me. It’s been a little much to handle lately. Nothing but pressure.”
“Really? Why haven’t you told me about it?”
“You were busy.” He shrugged. “Besides, there’s nothing to do about it, really. I just have to adjust to the new policies.”
“Max, I want you to tell me when something is stressing you out.”
“I will—promise.”
After the meal, Max drove me back to my car. We lingered there for a few moments and shared several kisses.
“Will you meet me for lunch tomorrow?” He met my eyes. “No excuses?”
“No excuses.” I smiled. “I’ll be there.”
“Great.” He squeezed my hand. I felt my spirits lift. It was wonderful to know that he wanted to be with me so often.
That night as I worked on my book I decided I needed a routine to keep me focused. Not just a routine for my writing, but for my exercises and spiritual endeavors as well. I planned to start the next morning. I would do some yoga when I woke up to get me going. I would work for a few hours. Then I would go for a run to the diner to meet Max.
I finally felt calm as I went to bed that night. I was no longer aching for Max to propose. I knew that he would when he was ready. I was no longer tormenting myself with my own flaws. I knew that Max loved me as I was and for who I was—and that I could love me too, if I tried.
When I woke up the next morning I felt better than ever. I went through the process of my yoga DVD—this time without earbuds.
Then I sent a text to Stephanie.
Thanks for talking me down from the ledge. I didn’t go through with my plan. I’m really glad I listened to you.
Trust me, Samantha, when the t
ime is right, it will work out.
I took her words as inspiration. I’d been trying to force something that wasn’t meant to be forced.
After getting some work done on the book, I took the time to change into my most comfortable sweatsuit. Sure, it was threadbare and saggy in the wrong places, but it was also my favorite outfit to run in. The diner was only a few blocks away, so it wasn’t like I was running a marathon.
As I took off running for the diner, I savored the feel of the wind against my face. I hadn’t realized how much I missed that sensation of freedom. I’d been neglecting the parts of me that needed my attention, while focusing on something that I had no control over.
I ran fast. I wanted to leave behind all of my insecurities, all of my worries, and get to the real me—the Samantha that was far too used to being hidden away.
By the time I reached the diner my chest was tight and my legs ached. I could feel the sweat trickling down my back. The run had done me good in many ways, but I might have pushed myself a little too hard. I felt dizzy and exhausted.
I paused outside the diner and pulled out my phone. I thought about texting Max to cancel. I knew he wouldn’t care about my workout gear or my sweat, but all I wanted to do was crawl into bed. Before I could type out a text, Max walked up to me from the other end of the sidewalk.
“Sammy, you look beautiful.” He kissed my cheek.
“If you say so.” I grinned at him. I knew that when I caught a glimpse of Max covered in sweat from moving things, working out, or playing on the beach, I did find his glistening body attractive. Maybe he thought the same thing about my sweat-dampened hair and flushed cheeks.
“I’m starving. Are you ready to eat?”
“Absolutely.”
He held the door open for me and we stepped inside.
Chapter 30
The lunchtime crowd was pretty slim. Our usual waitress smiled at us as we entered. She pointed to our usual table. I noticed that there was someone sitting close to our table, even though the rest of the diner was pretty empty.
“Should we sit somewhere else?” I frowned. I didn’t want to offend anyone with my sweaty state.
“No, this table is good.” Max steered me to it.
Once we were settled he picked up the menu. I sat back and watched him for a moment. At any other restaurant his perusing the menu would not have been strange. But we had been to the diner so many times that we didn’t even need menus.
“What can I get you guys today?”
Mandy, the waitress, grinned at us. I smiled back. It always brightened my dining experience when the waiter or waitress was friendly.
“My usual. I think Max is looking for something new, though.”
“Nope, just a cheeseburger.” He handed her his menu.
I shook my head and took a sip of the water that Mandy left behind on the table.
“One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was wait this long to do this…” Max smiled at me. His hands fluttered nervously. “But I wanted it to be on this exact date, and I couldn’t imagine doing it any other way.”
I had no idea what he meant. What was so special about today? I watched as he stood up from the table.
“Max?”
He smiled again. He reached out and took my hand. I could feel that his palm was sweating a little. As he kneeled down, our favorite song began to play. It was as if the universe conspired to make that moment special—or perhaps it was Mandy.
I could barely take a breath, as I was afraid to get my hopes up. He couldn’t be, could he? With me dressed like I was, with my hair a mess, with my heart leaping out of my chest? Don’t do it, Sammy, I warned myself. Don’t get your hopes up. This is just like the last two times.
“Sammy, you are the most important person in the world to me. I close my eyes, and I see your smile. I can’t think of a single good memory since college that hasn’t involved you. My only regret is that it took me so long to discover my true feelings for you. That’s why today is special. Because one year ago today, we sat at this table, and even though I was here with Stephanie, I looked into your eyes and I knew. It finally dawned on me that I was madly, deeply, and eternally in love with you.”
I gasped. I hadn’t even remembered that day. I knew that it had happened, but I had no idea that Max’s feelings had changed so suddenly.
“Oh, Max.” I smiled at him with tears in my eyes.
“So I chose today, to show you just how much I want you to be a permanent part of my life. You’ve been a part of my past and my present, and I want to know that you will always be a part of my future.” He reached into his pocket.
It’s just a necklace, Samantha. Don’t think it’s a ring. It’s not a ring. It’s not a ring.
He pulled out a black jewelry box. He flipped the lid open and looked up at me.
“It’s a ring!” I didn’t expect those words to pop out of my mouth. A few people around us laughed, and so did Max.
“It’s your ring, Sammy. Will you marry me?”
Hearing those words caused my head to spin. I paused long enough to discern with certainty whether I was in a dream or not. Max squeezed my hand and pulled me out of my trance.
“Yes! Yes, I will! A million times I will!”
“No, only once.” He grinned and plucked the ring out of the box. “Because now that we’ve finally found our way into each other’s hearts, I know, I trust, I am certain, that we will never part ways again.”
I stared down at the sparkling diamond that glistened up at me. I didn’t notice its cut or clarity. I didn’t notice the setting. I only saw that it fit perfectly.
“Max, I love you!” I stood up in the same moment that he did, and we narrowly avoided knocking heads.
He grabbed my face gently and pulled my lips to his for a long passionate kiss. I was distantly aware that people were applauding and cheering around us. Someone was also taking pictures.
I knew then that Max had planned all of this. He had taken the time to make sure that it was perfect and meaningful. My heart felt as if it would burst with joy.
Only a year before I’d believed that I would never even kiss Max. Now everything had changed.
Now when I looked into his eyes, I didn’t see my best friend who would never return my love. I saw Max, my fiancée—Max, my future husband—Max, the love of my life.
Single Wide Female in Love
(Book 3)
The Fiancée
By
Lillianna Blake
Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
LilliannaBlake.com
Chapter 1
My reflection was the most satisfying thing I’d ever seen. There before me was the Sammy I’d dreamed of being for so long. In the white wedding gown that I wore, my figure was flattered by the subtle curves of the design of the dress. All of my hard work had paid off. I finally looked the way I’d hoped I would on my wedding day.
“Uh, Sammy, you’re going to have to breathe at some point.”
The voice of my best friend brought me back to reality. I exhaled and the sucked-in tummy poofed right out. The figure that I saw in the mirror transformed into a roll of fat that threw off the entire look of the dress. In fact, it stretched the intricate lace so much that the pattern was distorted.
“Oh dear.” The owner of the boutique tried to pinch some material along my waist.
“Ouch—Gail!” I squirmed away from her touch.
“Sorry.” She gulped.
I blinked back tears. Since Max had proposed to me, I might have relaxed about my diet and exercise plan a little too much. I might have celebrated our engagement multiple times with multiple bottles of wine and multiple indulgences. There was no question in my mind that my weight loss had gone awry. It was visible right there in the mirror.
“I must be a little bloated.”
“More bloated than the last time we fitted the dress.�
�� Gail looked up at me with a frown. “We’re going to have to let the dress out a size or two.”
“What?” I shook my head. “No, no, no. I wanted to be a certain size on my wedding day, and this dress is that size. We can’t let it out.”
“Sammy, can you even walk in it?” Stephanie sighed. “I don’t want to be harsh, but you have to be able to make it down the aisle, don’t you think?”
I scowled in her direction. Yes, I knew she was right. No, I didn’t like it. “Do you think it’s too late to hire one of those hand-carried sleighs?”
“No, it’s probably not too late, but you’ll have to stand to exchange your vows.”
I sighed. “The last thing I want is to worry about suffocating on my wedding day.”
“Not to mention having your circulation cut off.” Gail smiled.
“Thanks, thanks for that.” I tried not to roll my eyes. “Okay, so new plan. I just have to lose the weight—that’s all there is to it. I’ve done it before. I can do it again.”
“What if you can’t? Then it will be too late to let out the dress, and you won’t have anything to wear.” Gail tugged at the waist of the dress again.
“Gee, Gail, you’re not jumping on the positive thought bandwagon here, are you?” I batted her hand away from my waist before she could pinch it again.
“I’m just trying to be realistic, Samantha. I’ve dealt with a lot of brides. It’s a very sad thing when their wedding day is ruined because they won’t alter their dress. You’ll look just as beautiful with it let out. Trust me.”
I wanted to believe her, but I had a certain image burned into my mind. It had been there since I was a little girl. I didn’t want to change that image.
“Wait, how much time do you need to make alterations?”
“At least two weeks.”
“Okay. The wedding is in two months. So I have about six weeks, right?” I forced a smile to my lips. “I can slim down in six weeks. No problem! Right, Stephanie?” I glanced over my shoulder at my friend.
“Oh sure, right.” She quirked an eyebrow. “I mean, it takes me a year to lose five pounds, but you’re not me. I’m sure you could do it.”
I frowned. It wasn’t exactly the unwavering support that I’d been hoping for.
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