“Yes.” I leaned over and hugged him. “Soon.”
Chapter 25
As I walked into my apartment I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. More than anything, I wanted to be able to answer Max’s question.
I took a shower to wash off the sand. I remembered what it felt like to have him pull me up out of the water. I loved him so very much, and I felt like I was putting everything that we had together at risk, all because I couldn’t get over this last hurdle of trust.
I dressed for the day and decided to at least attempt to work. I wasn’t really behind—and I felt rather terrible for telling Max that—but I needed to feel like I was getting somewhere. I hoped that if I immersed myself in my book, I’d find some secret as to why I couldn’t move forward.
As soon as I started typing, I felt my world shift. It was much easier to slip into the world of fiction that I created than it was to deal with the reality of the chaos that my life had become.
After lunch and a few more chapters, I was very sore from sitting at the computer for so long. I also felt disconnected and strange as I tried to re-enter the real world. I decided a good dose of yoga would help with the stiff body as well as the stuck mind.
I popped in one of my DVDs and turned on my favorite song on my phone. I popped in my earbuds and began stretching into the positions that the limber woman on the television screen made look so easy. They were not easy for me, though with practice they’d gotten a bit easier.
As I stretched, I closed my eyes. I knew the routine by heart. I used the DVD for timing and to correct my movements when they felt off-kilter. My muscles began to warm almost as soon as I started. It wasn’t long before I felt downright hot. I tugged off my top so that I was just in my bra. Then I continued to stretch. I was getting so into the flow of the music and the movement that I didn’t notice when my apartment door opened. It wasn’t until the DVD ended that I pulled out my earbuds.
“Sammy.”
“Oh my god!” I jumped up from the mat and got my feet caught in my discarded shirt. My arms swung like bicycle spokes as I tried to catch myself.
Max rushed forward and caught me easily, sweat-soaked shirt-free skin and all.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He winced. “I knocked, you didn’t answer. I let myself in and I didn’t want to interrupt you.”
“You were watching me?” I looked into his eyes as I straightened up.
“I couldn’t help it. You were mesmerizing.”
“It’s okay, Max. I just didn’t expect to see you.”
“Look, I know that we talked about this earlier, but I just didn’t feel right about it. Sammy, am I going crazy?” He stared into my eyes. “Is this all in my head or are you really pulling away from me?”
Confronted by the fear in his eyes, my heart ached with regret. I had let Max get to the point of doubting my love for him.
“No, you’re not crazy.” I blinked back tears.
“Sammy.” Max swept his hand back through his hair as if he needed to see more clearly. “Are you saying that you don’t want to be with me?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying—not at all!” I grabbed his hands and pulled him toward me. It was such a reckless motion that it nearly knocked us both off balance. “I love you, Max. I’m just having a hard time accepting that you really love me.”
“But why?” Max drew his hands away from mine and shook them with frustration. “I’ve gone out of my way to make sure that you know how I feel about you. You are the love of my life. Why do you continue to doubt that? Is it something I’m doing? Is it something that I’m not doing?”
“No, Max, it has nothing to do with you. I just can’t seem to get my head on straight.”
“Sammy, you used to tell me everything. Now I feel like everything is a secret, or a vague response, or at best a short little text.”
“Max, I—”
“Listen, I’m not trying to force you into anything that you don’t want.”
“I do want it!”
“Then why are you doing this?” He shook his head. “I feel like one minute we’re back to normal and the next you’re just gone.”
“I had my feelings hurt.” I didn’t know what else to say it, how else to explain it.
“I hurt your feelings? How?”
“No, I hurt my own feelings. Max, it’s impossible for you to understand.” He stared at me with heat in his eyes.
“You’re right, it is. Because you won’t tell me. I need some air.” He turned and walked out of the apartment.
I started to go after him but when the outside air hit my chest I remembered that I was shirtless. I shivered a little and ducked back inside to grab my shirt. Before I could, Max stepped back inside.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come over.”
I tugged my shirt on. “That’s not true, Max. I love seeing you.”
“But you have something going on. That should be enough, I guess. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself to me.”
“I promise. I’m trying to figure it all out.”
He nodded, then met my eyes. “I know you are. Just let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
He offered a light kiss. I noticed it was a little quick and cold. I couldn’t blame him. Max was confused. I was too. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to trust him, but somehow I couldn’t get my heart and my brain to connect.
Chapter 26
That night as I lay awake in bed trying to sort through my emotions, I thought I finally realized what the problem was. I felt powerless. I felt as if I didn’t have control over my life any more. Instead of making decisions and going on adventures, I’d put everything on hold while I waited for Max to propose. What I needed to do was stop waiting!
I got so excited that I hopped out of bed and headed straight for my computer. I began researching my idea.
I soon discovered that I wasn’t the only one with the idea. I even got into a few chat rooms filled with women who were planning, or had already succeeded in doing, what I thought might just be the solution to my problems.
The most difficult part was my patience growing thin as I waited for the sun to rise. As soon as it was up, I started making calls. I called a few places until I found a great deal.
“So, this is for a couples massage?”
“Yes, I’m sure you will both enjoy it.”
“Do you have anything available for this afternoon?”
“Sure. You tell me when and I’ll tell you where.”
I knew that it had to be meant to be if it was flowing so easily. I booked the appointment for the afternoon. Then I sent Max a text with the address and the time.
Please be there. I can’t wait to spend some time with you.
He didn’t text back right away, but I knew it was still very early. He might not have even seen my text yet. As I waited for his response, I turned my attention back to my research. My heart fluttered with excitement at the idea. I no longer had that sick feeling that things were never going to move forward. Now I had the power to decide when and how they would move forward.
My phone chimed. It was a text from Max.
I’ll be there. Looking forward to it. Love you.
I shrieked with happiness. There was no one in my apartment to hear it, but I imagined if there were, they would have shrieked with me. I felt like I had been completely transformed from the night before. I knew what I wanted and I was going to take it. I was so excited that I had to tell someone.
I called Stephanie.
“Hello?”
It sounded like I’d woken her up.
“I’m sorry, Stephanie, I know it’s early, but I have to tell you something.”
“What is it? Are you okay?”
“I’m great! I feel good again for the first time in a long time.”
“Wait. Why?” She sounded more awake.
“Because I made a decision.”
“A decision?”
“I made a plan.” I could barely
restrain my glee.
“What kind of plan?”
“All of this time I’ve been fretting about when Max would propose to me when all I really need to do is take matters into my own hands.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’m going to propose to him!”
“What? No, you can’t do that!”
“Oh, Stephanie, you can’t be that old-fashioned. Women do it all the time now. Why should I have to wait for him to make the move? He’s told me that he loves me, that he’ll always love me, so why shouldn’t I propose to him?”
“Samantha, I hear what you’re saying, but I think that you’re going to regret it.”
“So you think he’ll say no?” Her response hurt. I thought she would be as excited as I was. For her to act as if Max would turn me down just reminded me of the fact that Max could have his pick of women.
“Of course he won’t say no. He loves you. But I think that you should think this through. I mean, taking that opportunity away from a man is a huge deal.”
“I hadn’t really thought of it as taking the opportunity away.”
“Think about it. When it comes to marriage, men really only get the proposal. The bride plans the ceremony and chooses the date in most cases, and she tends to be the focus of the wedding. The proposal is the only part that a groom gets entirely to himself as a way of declaring his love.”
“It sounds like you’ve thought a lot about this,” I said.
“I haven’t really. But I’ve never enjoyed the proposals where women get on one knee. I mean, I understand that women should be just as free to propose, but give the man a chance!”
“I have given him a chance. He was supposed to propose on our anniversary, but he didn’t.”
“He was only supposed to because you thought he would. Max isn’t going to propose until he’s ready. I just feel like your asking him before he is will be rushing things.”
“Wow, I really thought that you would have my back on this, Stephanie. I have to say I’m surprised.”
“I always have your back. I just want you to have what you want. I think what you want is for Max to propose to you. Sure, you can pop the question and he will say yes, but won’t you always wonder how he would have done it? How things might have happened if you’d been patient?”
I was annoyed. I could hear the honesty in Stephanie’s voice. I knew she was trying to be a good friend, but what I really wanted was for her to cheer me on and think that it was a great idea. I didn’t want any pesky logic messing up my plan.
“I’m tired of waiting. I want to move on to my life with Max, not just seeing Max here and there, but every morning—and every night. I mean, there’s still a wedding to plan.”
“I know what you’re saying, but you need to take a breath and calm down. Max hasn’t given you any reason to think that he’s not going to propose.”
“He hasn’t given me any reason? How about our one-year anniversary coming and going?”
“Samantha, you thought he was going to propose then, but maybe he just wants to surprise you. Maybe he wants to do it when you won’t expect it.”
“I have it all planned out. It will be perfect. I’ll make it memorable.”
“But you will always remember having to do it. I know you, Samantha. A part of you will still doubt. You will start torturing yourself. You will wonder if Max would have asked you, how he would have asked you, whether he resents you for asking. I mean, there are so many things that could go wrong.”
“Stephanie, if you think it’s a terrible idea, just tell me that. You don’t have to beat around the bush about it.”
“I’m just playing devil’s advocate. Sometimes I get all wound up about something and don’t think it through.”
“Alright, alright. I’ll think about it.” I frowned.
Chapter 27
I hung up the phone and began to pace. I’d planned to go down to the jewelry shop and pick Max out a ring. I wanted to have something to give him when I asked him to marry me. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it might not be the best way to start things out with us.
I hadn’t even really considered the possibility that he could say no. I just wanted it to be done. I wanted to move things forward. But would I be moving them backward instead? Was it possible that I could cause irreparable damage?
All morning I’d been so certain of what I wanted to do, and now all of that was out the window again. Stephanie hadn’t reacted the way I expected she would at all. Now I was feeling a bit nervous that there could be consequences to my being the one to propose.
I decided that I would still go through with the couples massage. Max and I needed a day together to reconnect, no matter how it ended. I would wait until after to decide whether or not I would go through with the proposal. Even though Stephanie had made some good points, I wasn’t ready to give up on the idea yet.
I was sure it was what Zara—one of my favorite characters from my new book series—would do. Life wasn’t about waiting, it was about seizing the day.
Of course all of this would be a surprise to Max. I left the apartment to meet him. He only had an address. He had no idea what was in store for him.
When I reached the small office space, Max waved to me from the front door.
“Hi, gorgeous. Ready to tell me what this is about?”
“You’ll see.” I smiled at him. “I know you’ve been wanting some attention and I’ve had my nose buried in my computer, so I planned a special surprise for us.”
“I like the sound of that.” Max gave me a quick kiss. “But this is where it is?”
“Yes, let’s go in.”
I opened the door and we stepped into the heady scent of vanilla candles. The lights were dim. Despite the fact that we were in the middle of the city, the sounds of the rain forest surrounded us. On the floor was a thick massage mat along with a basket of an assortment of oils.
“Oh wow, this is a surprise.” Max grinned.
I noticed there was only one mat. I thought couples massage meant we were massaged at the same time.
“Hello?” I called out. I wondered if the massage had been so cheap because I only ordered a single massage by mistake. I hoped I could straighten things out before my plan for the day got ruined.
“Is someone supposed to be here?” Max looked around the room. “I don’t think anyone else is here.”
Max was right. The office space was small. The only door led to a tiny bathroom. There was nowhere for anyone to be hiding. My aggravation started to increase. I wanted everything to be special. Instead it was a disaster.
“Just give me a second Max. I’m sorry.” I pulled out my phone and dialed the number I had called to order the massage.
“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Samantha. I ordered a couple’s massage—for right now.” I stumbled over my words as I became more and more flustered.
“Hi, Samantha. Is there a problem?”
“Uh, yes.”
“Is the music on? Did you find the basket?”
“Well, yes, and yes, but where are you?”
“Me?”
“Yes, you.”
“Oh, Samantha, I’m not included.” She laughed. “That’s a different kind of service.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Now, not only was I flustered, I was confused.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I think you’ve misunderstood.”
“What did I misunderstand?”
“The couple’s massage doesn’t come with a masseuse. I provide the space, set the mood, and provide the supplies. Then you massage each other.”
“That’s nonsense. I’ve never heard of anything like this.”
“I understand. It’s a new concept. So far everyone who has tried it has really enjoyed it. I think if you give it a shot you might find that the intimacy is much more intense when you are the only two people in the room.”
I hung up the phone before I could say anything that might ge
t me arrested. I didn’t order a couple’s massage so that we could massage each other. We could have done that at home for free if we wanted to.
“I’m sorry, Max.” I turned toward him only to discover that he was already sprawled out on the cushion.
“Sorry for what?” He lifted his head to look at me. “This is great.”
“There’s no masseuse. Apparently we’re supposed to massage each other. I knew the price was too good to be true.”
“Sammy, this is beautiful. I’d love the opportunity to massage you and to have you massage me. Why don’t we just make the best of it?”
He sat up and pulled his shirt off. “Mind if I go first?”
I smiled at the sight of him. I didn’t mind at all.
“Doesn’t it seem weird, though?”
“Yes. It does.” He stood up and dropped his pants.
“Max!”
“What?” He acted innocent as he dropped back down on the mat.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I looked down at him sprawled across the mat in only his boxers. I couldn’t help but see how beautiful he was. But more than that, he was at my whim. That made me feel powerful and nervous at the same time.
“Yes. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my afternoon.” He laughed and gazed up at me. “Don’t you want to massage me?”
“Yes. Yes, I do.” I picked up one of the oils and sat down on the floor beside him. As I began rubbing along his arm, he smiled at me.
“I love your touch. It’s so gentle and sensual at the same time.”
“It is?”
“Yes. Even before we were together I loved the way you touched me. It would cause this strange spark inside me.”
My eyes widened at his words. I had felt the same spark each time we touched. I began to relax. My hands ran smoothly from his arm and up over his shoulders.
“Oh, that feels good, thanks.”
My heart fluttered. It felt wonderful to know that I was doing something he enjoyed.
Chapter 28
I found myself getting more and more comfortable. I shifted my body so that I was straddling Max. It was something I never would have done in the past, as I would tell myself that I would crush him. Under my fingertips, I could feel his every muscle and the warmth of his skin. I knew that he was much stronger than I gave him credit for.
Single Wide Female in Love Complete Bundle: Books 1-4 Page 18