One Percent of You

by Michelle Gross

  Eyeing one of Lucy’s cups lying in the floor by the tub, an evil idea struck. Tiptoeing, I grabbed the cup then moved to the sink. I snickered as I filled it up with cold water. “What are you doing? I’ve lost all the water pressure.”

  “Washing my hands,” I fibbed, shutting it off.

  “What the fuck woman? Get in the shower and let me—” I dumped the cold water over the top of the shower curtain. A god-awful Ohhhh sound rushed out of his mouth, and I burst out laughing. “You’re going to regret that.”

  I shrieked as he opened the curtain and reached for me. Elijah missed, but that didn’t matter. Water dripped onto my floor as he stepped out of the tub, scooping me up before I got to the door.

  I squealed. “Don’t. I still have my clothes on.”

  He laughed too. “Should have thought of that before.”

  “Noooo,” I yelled as he pushed me under the water, stepping into the tub. He shot me a wicked grin as he turned the hot water knob off. “Noooo!” Cold water sputtered over me. Elijah stood to the side while holding me in place. “Turn it off, you jerk!”

  So, so cold.

  “Come on, you can say something a little meaner than that.” I reached out for him as he spoke. He was at the end of the tub where the cold water couldn’t reach him. “Don’t come any closer, you’re cold.”

  I laughed. “I want a hug. I’m freezing.”

  “Turn the hot water back on, and I’ll hug you.”

  “So evil,” I muttered. He let me adjust the water. I sighed happily as the hot water sprayed over my cold, wet clothes. “I’m soaked.”

  “I know. You’re a pretty sight.” Elijah gathered my drenched hair off my shoulder as he stepped forward, twisted me around, and pinned me against the wall. My breath came in soft pants by the time he leaned down and kissed me—making everything so intense. The way he kissed was so demanding and controlling. He slid his hand over my neck and stroked the skin while pulling my hair with his free hand. My mouth opened, and Elijah slipped his tongue inside to tangle with mine.

  Tap. Tap. Tap.

  “Mommy?”

  Tap. Tap. Tap.

  “Is Elijah in there?”

  Elijah pulled away as my eyes widened. He stared back at me, not knowing what to say or do.

  “Just one second, Lucy,” I yelled before whispering to Elijah. “Oh fudge, oh fudge, I’m soaked.”

  “Relax.” Elijah shut off the water and moved aside so that I could step out. I grabbed a towel and patted myself down, but it was pointless. My clothes were sopping wet, and I stood in a large puddle.

  While Elijah dried off, I said, “I’ll go out first.”

  “My shirt’s still in your room.”

  Deep breath. Cracking open the door, I slipped out and shut it behind me, easing Lucy aside so that she couldn’t peek inside. “Did you shower with your clothes on?” she asked.

  “No,” I whispered.

  “Did Elijah shower, too?”

  “Elijah took one, and I accidentally fell in.”

  “Is he spending the night? Is that why he’s here? I heard you guys laughing.”

  So many questions!

  “We were being silly, and that’s how I fell in.” I dropped my head realizing I couldn’t keep this up. Elijah didn’t like it, and Lucy would be heartbroken if she thought I was purposely hiding something from her even if it was grown-up stuff. Slowly, I lifted my head. “Lucy, how would you feel about Elijah being Mommy’s boyfriend?”

  “Really?” I wasn’t feeling confident with the dreary sound of her voice until Elijah opened the bathroom door in only his jeans and Lucy wrapped her arms around his legs. “Can we watch a movie?” She gazed up at him.

  “I’m sorry we woke you up, Lucy, but you have school and need to go back to sleep.”

  She groaned long and loud before asking, “Will you be here when I wake up?” Elijah looked over at me for the answer.

  “Doesn’t that sound fun? Elijah getting to be here some mornings with us?” I asked.

  She jumped. “Yes!”

  “Okay, let’s settle down and head to bed.”

  Another groan from her, but she twisted on her heels and thumped into her room. I pinned him with a glare the moment she disappeared through her door. “Was this your goal?”

  “You started it,” he pointed out. I bit my lip nervously. “Stop, Hadley. Stop thinking. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. You didn’t plan to keep me a secret forever, did you?”

  “No…”

  He pinched my nipple. “Better go change so we can get Lucy to sleep before Eli wakes up.”

  I could feel myself glowing at the way he said we.

  But that was also Eli’s cue to cry.

  Elijah stifled his laugh. I shoved him while I hurried to change and get Eli.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Elijah

  “He kept taking my Play-Doh.” Lucy dunked her French fry in ketchup as she talked to me about her school day. “Then, when I went to read a book, he tried to take it from me!”

  “Sounds like a real asshole,” I told her.

  “Elijah!” Hadley gasped as Eli nursed in her lap while she ate. We were sitting at her kitchen table. A few days had gone by since Hadley told Lucy about us—she called me her boyfriend. I felt fucking special when she said it, too. Nothing had changed, though. Lucy acted like nothing was different. I was already spending a lot of time with them before Hadley’s announcement.

  “Uh-oh, you’re in trouble.” Lucy giggled. “You said a bad word.”

  “You do not repeat the things that Elijah says.” I could feel the heat from Hadley’s eyes on my face, but I didn’t glance over as I bit into my burger.

  “It’s not the first time she’s heard me,” I said.

  “Nope. Elijah says bad words a lot,” Lucy agreed with me.

  Hadley sighed.

  “Ma wants you all to come to her house tomorrow for dinner,” I added quickly.

  “I work tomorrow.”

  “I know. That’s why she’ll start cooking around six so that by the time you’re off, it’ll be done. I can pick up Eli and Lucy from your parents while you head here to change. Or you can let me keep them…”

  “I don’t think so.” Hadley laughed.

  “You don’t think so to what?”

  “To you babysitting. Of course we’ll go to dinner.”

  I breathed out my relief. “I can babysit.”

  She cackled harder. “While I’ll admit you’ve made a lot of progress with holding Eli, it doesn’t change the fact that you’ve done nothing else.”

  “Okay, show me. Stop giving him the tit and give me a bottle.”

  Lucy giggled, and Hadley rolled her eyes. “Baby steps,” she reminded me.

  “Baby steps,” I agreed half-heartedly. “Do you guys want to spend the night at my house?”

  Lucy jumped out of her seat. “That sounds so fun. Please, Mommy?”

  “Do you know how tired Mommy is, Lucy?” Hadley whined.

  “You can lie down when we get there. Lucy and I can watch a movie before she has to go to bed.”

  “Can I pick it out?” Lucy asked.

  _______

  Despite me telling her to go lie down, Hadley still fought her sleep until she crashed on the couch before Lucy did while watching a movie. Eli was asleep on my bed downstairs. I carried Lucy up to the only guest bedroom with a bed in it. I would let her pick which room she wanted at some point whenever I was sure her mother wouldn’t neuter me for suggesting Lucy have a room at my place.

  But then again, would Hadley want to move somewhere else down the line? If so, I would have to ask her. It might take a while to resale the house.

  Baby steps, I reminded myself.

  Hadley and the kids were so close yet it felt like there was a mountain between us. When a man knows, he knows. I never understood how some people rushed into things head first until Hadley. I never knew I wanted a wife and kids until I found her, but I miss
ed her terribly each night that I didn’t get to be with her.

  I took a second and stared down at Lucy as I tucked the blanket under her chin. Something in my heart swelled, and there was no questioning it. I loved her and caught myself on more than one occasion wishing she was mine. She was a part of Hadley, and I was their Elijah. I wanted to be their family. And that was all that mattered. It still bewildered me how anyone could take them for granted. Turning away, I was almost out of the room when I heard her small voice whisper, “Goodnight, Elijah.”

  I swallowed down the emotions that clogged my throat. “Goodnight, Lucy.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too, thief. I’m glad you dropped your chips that day. I got to know you guys because of that.”

  “You’re the thief.” Her drowsy voiced muffled her giggle. A second later, she was asleep again.

  As I stepped out of the room, I left the door opened so that the bathroom light from across the hall could filter in for her. Tomorrow, I’d buy her a nightlight.

  I stopped outside the room and placed my hand over my chest. It didn’t matter that Lucy’s words were probably part of her routine with Hadley. What mattered was that I could provide for someone else’s kids, and it was something I wanted to do. I was fucking glad I got this chance to love them.

  Minutes later, I stared down at Hadley— so small and fragile in my eyes. She laid curled up on the couch. I rubbed my chest again feeling like a poor sap who couldn’t keep his emotions in check.

  So gone. I was so fucking gone.

  I scooped her up and carried her to bed. She woke up, asking weird stuff about her kids before she fell asleep next to Eli.

  I never went to sleep early. Actually, I didn’t sleep much—a few hours every night had always been enough for me. That was why I went into the basement and messed around with some graphic designs on the computer, keeping the music on low so that I didn’t wake them up.

  I didn’t know how long I was down there, but it was long enough for me to switch to drawing when Hadley’s clumsy steps came down the stairs. Eli was in her arms and a bottle rested in one hand. Her hair was wild, eyes half-closed, I swear she was the best—my most favorite thing to look at in any given moment. She stopped in front of me and plopped Eli onto my lap. I gawked at her when she shoved the bottle into my hand. “Since you both want to stay up so late, have at it.”

  Without another word, she turned around and trotted up the stairs. Eli regarded me like he was just as confused as I was. We had a staring contest until I decided to get comfortable holding him. Several awkward minutes passed with me trying to get situated. He looked at me the same way I did him—like we were trying to figure each other out. “There,” I told him hesitantly. “We’re kind of comfortable.” I offered him the bottle, and he took it slowly, his eyes fixed on me. “You can stop creeping. We’re managing,” I said to Hadley who I knew never went all the way up from the sound of her steps. “You can lie on my other side…”

  She made her way back down. “Were you drawing?” she whispered softly as she lifted my arm up and snuggled against me. I didn’t think she’d actually want to join me on the floor, but I was glad she did.

  “Yeah, I normally don’t go to sleep until about two every night.”

  “Yet, you constantly tell me to get some sleep,” she mumbled.

  “That’s different. You’re different. I don’t like seeing you tired.”

  “Will you come to bed with me, please?” Her beautiful blue eyes fluttered up at me.

  I kissed her brow. “All you had to do was ask.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Hadley

  I got a call from Scott’s mom the next day. She wanted Lucy and Eli to spend the day with them. Normally, I’d never tell them no—not counting the time I did following Scott’s outburst about Elijah. When I asked Lucy if she wanted to go see them though, she didn’t want to. For the sake of getting along, I’d try to convince her to go, but it was out of the question since we had plans to go to Elijah’s mom’s house.

  That left Eli, but I couldn’t get past the ball of anxiety tightening in my stomach. Scott and his family were snooty, rude, and gossipy, but they weren’t awful. Because they were rude snobs who loved to gossip about me… Because they didn’t approve of my parenting and my desire not to reunite with their son, it was really hard for me to be the bigger person.

  Eli was five-months-old. He’d stayed over once with them and maybe saw Scott’s family a few times. They didn’t know my child, but it wasn’t my fault. That scared me. How would he feel with them?

  By eleven o’clock, though, they called the hospital aggravating me. Even Scott chimed in. I found it weird that when they wanted to see the kids it had to happen immediately. I finally gave in around noon because they disrupted my workday. I was mortified they were doing this while I was on the job. I had to call my parents to let them know Scott was coming to get Eli for the night, only to hear from them an hour later saying Scott convinced Lucy to go too. My nerves ate away at me as I tried to work and not think about my kids in someone else’s care. I knew Lucy hadn’t wanted to go when I called and asked her earlier.

  Then my dad told me how Scott acted when he picked them up. Dad was good for exaggerating some details, especially since he didn’t like Scott at all. To get through my shift, I kept telling myself that Dad was making up stuff— that Lucy wanted to see her dad.

  It worked until Scott called the hospital an hour before I was supposed to clock out. Deb called me to the nursing station with a pitying frown as she handed over the phone. Lucy’s tears were the first thing I heard when I put the phone to my ear. Immediately, I said, “What’s wrong?”

  “Lucy won’t do anything but cry. I’ve offered her ice cream and everything, and she won’t shut up.” Scott’s bitter tone snapped some of my anxiety and filled me with rage. “See what you’ve done? She won’t have anything to do with me.”

  “Don’t you want to stay and hang out at Mamaw’s house?” I could hear his mom trying to talk to Lucy.

  “No. I want my mommy.”

  “She’s filling her head with nonsense,” his mother accused, and blood rushed to my face. “If she’s going to be this way, so can we.”

  Was that a threat? I was beyond livid.

  “Lucy, I’m your dad. Stop crying!” Scott yelled.

  “Stop yelling at her,” I hissed quietly. “I’m coming to get them.”

  “No! We just got Eli to sleep. You know how long that took?” He was still shouting.

  “She breastfeeds him so, he won’t take a bottle!” his mother yelled loud enough that I could hear. She wanted me to.

  Eli never turned down a bottle. I knew it was a bad idea letting them visit with Scott’s family. “I’m coming to get them.” I hung up.

  They let me leave work early. I was ashamed that everyone knew my drama by the time I left. No doubt, I’d be at the center of gossip the next week. Worrying about rumors wasn’t important, picking up my kids mattered more. I was angry and scared, and unsure how I could feel both at the same time. It took me fifteen minutes to get to Scott’s parents’ house. I shut off the SUV and knocked on the door. Scott answered, but Lucy ran out behind him—still crying—and wrapped her arms about my legs.

  “What happened?” I asked. “Don’t tell me nothing. Lucy wouldn’t be crying over nothing.”

  “I don’t want to live here!” Lucy screamed, and now it made perfect sense.

  “Where’s Eli? Bring him here.” I was calm as I spoke, but I never hid the anger in my body or face as I stared at Scott.

  His mom stepped into the doorway with Eli who was also crying—my baby who never hardly cried was red-faced and screaming.

  Never again.

  The rage I felt could kill.

  I grabbed him but even then, he didn’t soothe immediately. “At this rate, Eli will never know us.” She huffed.

  “That’s not my fault. Grab your shoes, Lucy.” She let go of m
e and turned around to slip by her grandmother and dad, standing in the doorway, to grab her shoes. “You can’t expect them to want to come over once or twice every six months thinking they’re going to feel comfortable with you.”

  “Exactly. You don’t let them see us!” Scott’s mother hissed.

  “I’m not arguing about this when you know I always tell Scott he can see them whenever he wants.” Eli finally settled down—clutching my scrubs in his meaty little fists while studying my face to make sure it was me. “You ready, Lucy?” She nodded and hurried next to me.

  “Hadley, baby, I’m sorry that I’m being so hateful.”

  I flinched at the way Scott called me baby. Funny. I never recalled Scott using that pet name with me. Elijah called me his baby. It felt different when he said it—like he cared about me. Hearing it from Scott didn’t even come close.

  “I miss you guys. It’s making me hateful that Eli doesn’t know me. Lucy, don’t you miss your dad?” She grabbed my side and smashed her face against my scrub bottoms refusing to answer or look at Scott.

  “That’s not my fault,” I repeated with a sigh.

  “You kicked me out.”

  “That shouldn’t stop you from seeing Lucy or getting to know Eli!” I glanced over at his mom. “I think you guys should see them a few hours here and there before trying to spend the night again.”

  “What?” she said.

  “Tell them bye, Lucy.”

  “Bye,” Lucy whispered, urging me to the car. I turned around and headed for it with Lucy right by my side.

  I tensed up when I heard gravel crunching behind me. Scott yelled, “Don’t think I don’t know about Elijah? Lucy told me. You think I’m going to let you keep that around my kids? Keep up your shit, and you’ll see that I’m serious.”

  Ignoring him, I opened the back door and buckled Eli in first before helping Lucy. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I realized none of it mattered when Scott didn’t really care. Tears filled my eyes. Admitting that he only saw his kids as a way to hurt me was too much to handle.

  I cried. Lucy saw it since I had to buckle her up. By the time I finished, the tears ran down my cheeks with a vengeance. I broke some more when she cried with me. “Don’t cry,” I told her sternly, wiping away the tears on my face that continued to fall.