To Love in Peace: 10th Anniversary Edition

by Kathleen Bird

  Michael sounded the retreat. The remnant of the army pulled back, leaving disaster behind them. The enemy also retreated and attempted to regroup.

  “Katherine! Adam!” Michael pulled the reigns of his horse to make it trot faster. Katherine and Adam pulled their horses up beside his and waited for him to speak.

  His hand brushed the sweat from his brow. “They are stronger than I thought. We surprised them, but they’ll be ready this time. How many have we lost?”

  “I lost at least one hundred in that second charge. None in the first.” Adam’s face was indecipherable.

  “About the same, I think I lost about seventy.” Katherine focused on making her voice stop shaking. The baby was rolling inside her. If she didn’t lose this child, it would be a miracle.

  “I lost fifty. We were the first charge that surprised them. They weren’t given time to regroup. What is our next course of action?”

  Adam shook his head. “It may not be up to us. They are preparing to attack it seems.”

  A trumpet ringing proved his words. The three leaders moved quickly back to their men. The wounded were left at the castle, and those still capable of fighting returned to the charge. Before they were properly prepared, the clash came. The black knights attacked with a vengeance; they were out for retribution. Angry voices yelled at the faces of the young knights of Adven. Trying not to show their fear, they returned every blow for every blow.

  The battle was turning for the worse when Michael called the retreat. “To the castle!” Horses and men flocked to the gates, and the gatemen worked as fast as they could to close the huge oaken doors. Katherine looked behind her to make sure all the men made it inside. The mass of black knights following behind them was overwhelming. Fear gripped its icy hands around her heart. Her breath came in short little gasps as she gripped the reigns of her horse to her chest. The baby kicked violently, and every movement of her horse made her body jolt with shock and pain. How would they ever make it out alive?

  The slamming of doors interrupted her thoughts. She heard the whistle of the archers as they shot at those closest to the door. There were short cries of pain and the sound of stampeding horses turning back around to return to camp. They reminded her of a proud cat returning to his dish of milk after he has chased the mouse back to its tiny hole. She felt about as big as a mouse and just as frightened.

  “Katherine! Adam!”

  She jerked upright in the saddle and turned her horse to face her husband’s voice as he rallied the troops. His face was as hard as a stone. There was a small cut on his cheek that was starting to bleed. Quickly, her fear turned to concern for Michael.

  “Michael, you’re bleeding,” she whispered as she pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve.

  “Don’t worry about it. How bad was it?”

  “We lost a lot. I think everyone made it inside though. Michael, there were so many of them…”

  He looked at her with concern in his eyes. “It will be okay. I promise.”

  With a flick of his reigns, he was off again. She sat watching him ride away to inspect the damage. Adam was already moving among the men, helping bandage wounds and bring comfort to those who had lost friends. Dismounting, she allowed Edwin, who had appeared out of nowhere, to take her horse to the stable. Everything seemed to be in a daze. Was this how her father had felt every day he was fighting the war? Now it was her turn to feel the heartache. Katherine felt sick. The baby was kicking. Did he or she know what was going on outside?

  Eli stood quietly observing off to one side. He watched Katherine as she moved from one emotion to another. And then he saw it: a quick movement of her hand to her stomach, protective yet revealing the secret he had suspected for so long. In the next moment he was by her side looking at her startled face.

  “May I speak with you a moment, Your Majesty?”

  A quick nod and they were headed to the garden. Her hands trailed on the little buds that poked out from the trees. With eyes filled with a longing for peace, she turned to face him. “What did you want to speak to me about, Eli?”

  “Why didn’t you tell him?”

  Her face flushed with embarrassment. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  His eyes hardened with the familiar fatherly expression. “Yes, you do.”

  Bright red embarrassment covered her entire face. She fidgeted and then turned away. “I should be getting back. They might need my help with the…”

  Eli grabbed her wrist and stopped her from moving. “Katherine.”

  His tone arrested her with it’s compassion and concern. “I have everything under control.” Her heart was breaking. If she didn’t get away quickly it would all be over. “Please let me go.”

  “I think you should tell him. Haven’t you kept it from him long enough?”

  The baby kicked inside her. Why was it so restless today? Well, there was a war going on, both in Adven and within Katherine’s heart. “I can’t, Eli. He doesn’t want it right now. There’s a war going on! How could I do that to him?”

  That firm hand never left her arm. “He’s going to find out eventually.”

  Anger laced her reply. “I know! There’s nothing I can do about that. Just let me fight this war, and then everything will be fine!”

  Eli shook his head, but he released her hand. “There’s a far greater war going on inside you right now, Katherine. Trust God. You’ve done so well so far. Don’t give up so close to the end.”

  “This war’s been going on for two years. I’m not sure it will ever end.” With a twirl of her skirts she was gone, angrily marching to the kitchen to help get dressings for the wounded. Eli was left standing in the garden with tears rolling down his face. God, please help her. She can’t find You now but help her to see. She needs You, God. Please…help her.

  Chapter Twenty

  Again, there was a meeting of the minds in the Council Room. Katherine and Michael sat side by side at the head. Around the rest of the room were Adam, Edwin, and Eli. They had been talking for hours, going over every possible strategy. Nothing seemed plausible. Every plan had more then one problem with it, lack of men being the main concern.

  “We are simply outnumbered! There is nothing that will solve that problem,” Katherine sighed and leaned back in her chair. The baby was still kicking inside her, and it was becoming too much for her to bear. “What can we do that will not cost us the lives of every single one of our men?”

  Adam shook his head. “You have a point, but we cannot give up. That is not an option. To give up would mean to surrender.” A quick glance at the king and queen. “It would mean surrender to him. Adven would be doomed to a life of servitude to whatever his wants and wishes might be.”

  Edwin remained silent. He knew better than anyone the horrors that would befall Adven should that madman come to power; however, he was also the least qualified to speak to this group of experts. And above all else, he was frustrated. If he still had a part to play in this story; he certainly didn’t know what it was. Running a hand through his ragged red hair, he sighed.

  The conversation continued in circles for a few more minutes before all five fell silent. No one had any new ideas to offer. There was no magical explanation that appeared. God did not remove the enemy from outside their door. They still were facing inevitable destruction.

  Slowly, Michael stood. He addressed the room with resignation in his voice. “I believe we have no choice but to fight tomorrow as we did today. I will spend the night in prayer and would suggest that the rest of you do the same.”

  There were nods around the room. Katherine placed her hand on her stomach, trying to calm the restless spirit within her. This would be a long night.

  The door creak as it opened. It had been a while since she’d been in here. Her dress swept the dust on the floor in little circles as she walked to the window. With a quick motion, the window was open; and the sunlight shone on Katherine’s pale face. Tears were running freely down her cheeks. She was sca
red.

  Another quick motion and she was moving along the wall feeling for the spot. A click and the secret room opened up. The long bench all around the room was still there. Ralyn’s cushion was sitting where it always was. The other pillows and cushions were stacked at various places for easy access no matter where she chose to walk, or sit, or stand.

  She knelt to the ground and wiped a few of the tears from her face. The fear racing through her heart never left. She didn’t know where Michael was. He had left almost immediately after their council to pray, just like he said he would. Now it was her turn to take her fears and give them to God.

  “God?” Her voice sounded empty in the quiet room. She brushed some loose strands of hair from her face. “I know I haven’t talked to You in awhile. I’ve been busy. I mean, that’s no excuse but…” She was rambling. Get to the point, Katherine! “I need You now, God. With that crazy man on our doorstep and more knights going to their deaths tomorrow and this baby trying to jump out of me…” The baby kicked to punctuate her remark.

  “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can’t do this alone, God. I tried that. I tried to take care of Adven while my father was away, but I just made everyone miserable. I wanted to save him when I thought he was dead, but I was too late.” More tears. “I didn’t plan to fall in love with Michael. I guess that’s the only good thing in this whole mess I’m in. But now he’s caught up in a war that doesn’t even concern him, nor Adam, nor any of the other men who came with us! What did they do to deserve to suffer, God? They’ve been captured, gotten lost, gone for weeks without food, and for what? A girl who married their leader whom they barely know. What did I do to deserve that kind of loyalty, God? I don’t deserve anything!” Here she completely broke down.

  She didn’t know how long she knelt on the floor crying. Sob after sob after sob racked her quaking body. The tears flowed down her face like a waterfall and would not stop. Even if she had wanted to, nothing could stop her sorrow as it escaped from her body in one long cry.

  When she could breathe normally again, she sniffled, wiped her eyes, and tried to continue. “I’m sorry about that, God. I didn’t mean to interrupt our conversation. But I guess I needed that. It felt good to just tell You about all the things I’ve been thinking since this all started. What would I be now if all that hadn’t happened? Where would I be?

  Well, I wouldn’t have married Michael. I know that much! I wouldn’t be pregnant! That’s for sure. But I also wouldn’t have met Adam or Edwin. Eli wouldn’t be a believer, nor would the Regents or any of the other knights. It took Michael to lead them to You.”

  She shifted uneasily, trying to keep her feet from falling asleep. “What else should I say, God? Do You want to hear about how scared I am? I’m scared for the battle tomorrow. What if we don’t win? What will become of Adven? Everything I’ve been working for years to protect will be gone. What then? What will become of Michael and the baby and I?”

  Another pause. She was coming to the hard part. “I guess that’s what I’m afraid of most, God. The baby. It’s funny how such a little thing can change so many things. This baby has changed how I think about myself. I thought I was ready to be Queen. But how can I be a queen if I can’t even take care of the baby inside me? I’m not ready to be a mother! Although, if you think about it, being a queen is like being a mother to thousands of people. Therefore, if I can do that, I can take care of one little girl…or boy.”

  A breath. “But Michael doesn’t know yet! Why didn’t I tell him? Why didn’t I tell him! I should have told him as soon as I was sure. But that would have changed everything! He would have tried to shelter me like Evan did to Ralyn. I couldn’t deal with that. How did I even manage to keep it hidden for this long? But I still have time, don’t I?” The baby kicked. Her hand went to her stomach. “I can feel it. Isn’t that just a miracle in itself, God?”

  She paused for a moment just reflecting on the wonder of the baby growing inside her. Katherine knew she loved it. She knew that everything would be okay. She felt peaceful about everything. “Is that You, God? Are You the one giving me peace? I guess that’s what I needed, isn’t it? Peace. It’s amazing how one thing can change everything, just like this baby. Will everything work out, God? Will everything be okay? Michael says it will be. I just wondered what you had to say on the matter.”

  Silence met her request. She heard nothing, but she still felt at peace. “Okay, God. I guess I’ll just have to keep trusting You. I know that it will all work out just the way You want it, what ever that means. Take care of Michael, Adam, Edwin, Eli, and all the men. Take care of this baby too, God. It needs all the help it can get!”

  Quietly, she got up, then closed the secret door and the window. With one last look around the room filled with her childhood memories, she got ready to close the door. Her eyes flickered to the portrait of her mother up on the wall. Katherine smiled. “I know you’d be proud, Mother. I promise I’ll make you proud.”

  Night came sooner than anyone wanted. The fires of the enemy camp lit up the grassy opening just outside their gates. Their laughter and loud voices trickled through the walls causing everyone to cringe with the anticipation of tomorrow’s battle. Katherine lay in her bed praying Michael would come in soon. It seemed important that she spend tonight just wrapped in his arms. She didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but she knew that God was in control. Her prayers had done that much good. She felt absolutely at peace about the whole situation. If they lost, everything would be okay; that was all she knew.

  The candle on the night table almost blew out when the door opened. Michael peered around the door to see if she was still awake. “I’ve been waiting for you,” she whispered.

  His face was worn, but it lit up when he heard her voice. Coming to the bed, he crawled under the covers, took her face in his hands, and kissed her. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” Katherine buried her body into his open arms. They stayed like that for a moment, just resting in each other’s love. Then Michael spoke.

  “I can’t promise what will happen tomorrow.”

  “I know.”

  “I can’t seem to hear from God.”

  “I have.”

  There was a pause. “What did He say?”

  “He didn’t say anything. He just gave me peace.” She rolled over so her eyes looked into Michael’s. “I’m at peace about tomorrow. For the first time in months, I feel like everything will really work out for the best.”

  A smile covered Michael’s face. “I’m happy for you. I’ll trust that God will give me that peace too.”

  They leaned into one another again. A few more solitary moments passed.

  “I love you,” Katherine whispered.

  “I love you too,” Michael whispered back. A few minutes later, he could feel her quiet breathing and the soft sound of her sleeping. “I love you, Katherine.”

  He moved and repositioned himself so he could sleep and still keep her in his arms. A bump on his hand startled him. Michael looked down at Katherine. She was still sleeping and didn’t seemed to have kicked him. Puzzled, but too tired to try and figure it out; he wrapped his hands around her waist and fell asleep again.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The day dawned bright and clear. The sun was shining on the newly growing grass. If it hadn’t been a perfect day for war; it would have been the perfect day for a picnic. Katherine dressed quickly and buckled her sword tightly around her waist. There had been no incidents with it yesterday, nothing like the blinding light the night they were escaping; so she wasn’t worried about anything so frightening happening again today. In fact, she was not worried about anything. The peace that had overwhelmed her yesterday was with her still. Michael had risen early to pray he said. She hadn’t seen him since before dawn. She prayed that the peace she had would fill him as well. He had seemed distracted that morning, as though plagued by an elusive thought.

  There was hustle and bustle all around the castle
as the knights prepared for battle once more. They knew that today would be the day of either victory or defeat. Either way, they would do their best for their King and their country, as well as their newfound God. Her shoes made soft sounds on the grass as she walked about the courtyard, calling out a hello or flashing a smile. The knights responded to her happiness with their own. Even Eli smiled as he watched Katherine roam confidently around the preparations. “She has found God once again,” he said to himself. That is good. She will need all the help she can get today. It will not be an easy one.

  Edwin was wandering around as well tending to the horses. He’d spoken to Adam that morning and was determined to ride to battle today. Unfortunately, Adam didn’t agree. “You’re still too inexperienced. Stay with the archers; they need someone to lead them.”

  “The archers are more than prepared to take care of themselves!” Edwin insisted. “I felt so helpless yesterday. You said I still have a part to play. How can I play it if I am stuck behind the castle walls?”

  Adam hated to agree with the boy, but he was right. However, the stubborn concern he had would not go away. In the end, Adam won. Edwin would stay with the archers. Muttering to himself, Edwin had gone off to help the knights with their preparations. Secretly, he still wondered if there was a part for him to play, even if it was a small one.

  Overall, everyone was doing his or her best to prepare for the inevitable. There would be a battle today, whether they wanted it or not. Out of this battle would come a victor and a loser. If Adven won, the kingdom would be saved, and peace would be restored. If the false king won, their lives would be changed forever.

  A trumpet rang loudly and called for the assembly of the knights. Katherine mounted her horse and set it trotting toward the gate. Michael gave no speech today. He sat patiently waiting for her with the sun glinting off the golden circlet denoting him as king. Katherine had one just like it on her head, denoting her as queen. They both looked like the royal couple they were. Her horse almost pranced up to Michael’s side. The day could not have been any better, were it not for the fact that the gate was about to open onto a bloody battlefield. Still peace reigned in Katherine’s heart. She flashed a smile at Michael to encourage him. He drew his horse right up next to hers and leaned over to whisper.