Road Trip, Volume 1

by BA Tortuga

  Neil rolled his eyes but stayed, opening the menu and wrinkling his nose. “Well, I suppose I could have a salad.”

  Drumming his fingers on the table, watching the bathroom door, Sonny shook his head. “Nah, they spray it with that lettuce preserve stuff. Get something fried. That high a heat will kill anything, honey.”

  “Do y’all know what you want to drink?” Bubblegum snapping, lips painted like a whore—MJ was going to love this girl.

  “Hot tea, please,” Neil said immediately.

  Sonny looked at him, head tilting. “They make tea hot? I’ll take iced tea, honey. And we’ve got the two others.”

  “I want coffee and water, please.” MJ sat, and Paddy did too, looking like a rabbit in a snare.

  “Paddy? What would you like to drink?” Neil put a hand on Rick’s arm, shaking it a little.

  “Coke. I want a Coke with ice, please.”

  “Cool. Hot tea, cold tea, water, coffee, Coke. You guys have different tastes.”

  MJ snorted. “You have no fucking idea.”

  The waitress hooted as she left, and Sonny gave MJ a wink before hauling Neil up. “We’ll be back.”

  “No blood in the bathroom, now. Someone might notice.” MJ’s laugh was altogether too amused for decency’s sake.

  “Now, why would there be blood when other things would be so much more fun. Come on, English.” He stared at MJ out of the corner of his eye as they left. Oh ho. Look at those eyes flash. He’d have to make sure there wasn’t salt in his tea when he got back. God, he loved needling MJ.

  “One of these days he’s going to kill you, you know.”

  “Uh-huh. But what a way to go.” In, then out of the bathroom they went, both of them sharing a sigh of relief. He even washed his hands, because, damn, Neil seemed prissy. “Come on. Let’s go order some food.”

  Neil nodded, and then the guy blinked. “We need to return to the table.”

  They hit the door and headed down the restaurant in time to see MJ with a lighter and Rick with a couple of folded-up napkins and a straw.

  Oh, holy Jesus.

  “No setting the place on fire, Precious. That would get us noticed in a hurry.” Sonny blew out the flame and sat, nudging MJ’s leg under the table.

  Neil just gave Paddy this look.

  Paddy blinked over, but MJ just grinned, eyes twinkling. “Rick has some interesting ideas about incendiary devices.”

  “No. Nothing is going to burn and/or explode. Who wants an appetizer?” He sat, whapping MJ lightly. “I want fried cheese.”

  “I ordered some of those and some onion rings and chili cheese fries for Rick and Skeletor over there.” MJ put the lighter away, looking not the least bit repentant. Asshole.

  “At least I’m not a psychopath who truly believes he’s saving the world,” Neil said, curling his lip.

  “Is that what they told you, Rick? That the weapons would help?” MJ’s hand slid over Sonny’s leg, petting nice and easy.

  “I meant you.”

  Sonny sighed. “You two are like dogs in a pit. Leave it be so we can eat.”

  “Dog fighting is atrocious, Sonny. Pick another analogy.” MJ stretched up tall as the short fuck could, bones just creaking.

  “Okay, you’re like two Aqua Netted skanks at a football game, fighting over the quarterback.” His fingers went right for the stretch of skin between MJ’s shirt and waistband.

  “Fluorocarbons eat the ozone, but I’d fight over a quarterback.” MJ chuckled, hands dropping.

  “What did we do, Paddy? There we were, minding our own business….” Neil turned big eyes on the little guy, reaching out to touch.

  “Apparently it’s my fault. I don’t know. I offered to write them a check.”

  “I’m only teasing, love.” Those long fingers stroked the back of Rick’s hand, and damned if Rick didn’t relax.

  He knew that one.

  MJ chuckled, winked over to him. “We’re gonna have to put them in the hold in the boat with a shitload of lube.”

  “Yup. They don’t get hand jobs in the car.”

  The waitress plunked the appetizers down in front of them just as Sonny said that, popping her gum loud enough that they all ducked.

  MJ, the shameless hussy, just grinned up. “I’d like a patty melt, please.”

  “You bet, sugar,” the waitress said, giving MJ a blinding smile. “What about y’all?”

  “I think the chicken fingers,” Sonny said. “With blue cheese, not ranch.”

  “Pancakes. We’d both like pancakes, please, and bacon.” Rick nodded to Neil like the man’d said something.

  “And the blueberry syrup. Paddy likes that.” Neil gave Paddy this look that seemed almost too damned intimate to intrude on. Figured that they’d end up with the weird gay mark. Not that a raging homophobe would be better. More fun to poke, but not long-term better. “So, how much longer will it take to get us… wherever it is we’re going?”

  “Three days, give or take.” MJ shrugged, took an onion ring. “Then we’ll get to the boat, and things’ll be less tense.”

  He leaned back, munched a minute, licking marinara sauce off his lip before crunching on the cheese stick.

  Rick blinked over. “Three whole days?”

  Looked like Blond and Snide didn’t like the idea. “What? You don’t like my driving?”

  “No one can complain about you behind the wheel, Sunshine. You’re a demon.”

  “Demons aren’t good, Boomer.” The little guy was looking to get stomped.

  “I’ve never been wrecked with someone in the car with me….” Sonny grinned, watching two horrified faces and one amused one.

  “Yet. You forgot yet, Sunshine. I rolled my last car, totaled it.” MJ’s smile faded just a bit, hand sliding up his back to touch that bullet hole.

  “Yeah, well. That’s why you don’t drive.” He leaned into the touch, thinking about that whole mad chase across country. Knock on wood, this one would be better. He got a refill on his iced tea, and they demolished the rest of the appetizers before anyone spoke up again.

  Rick managed to snarf all the chili cheese fries before the pancakes showed up, and, man, one of these things was not like the other. It was fascinating to watch, really. He didn’t think anyone could eat more than him. He was flat wrong.

  “It’s always the little ones that burn it off, yeah?” MJ shook his head, grinned. “He doesn’t look older.”

  “You do.” Rick winced and shrugged. “What happened to your face?”

  MJ’s fingers stroked the heavy scar, and Sonny’s prick gave a jerk. That? That scar was his. “Gunfire. Lover’s quarrel that I got in the middle of.”

  Sonny pinched MJ’s thigh good and hard. Him and Woody hadn’t been lovers in a long damn time. The problem was that Woody hadn’t figured that out.

  “Ow.”

  “You know it.”

  Sonny fought the urge to stroke MJ’s cheek too. “Hazard of the job, right, Precious? Bullets tend to fly around him.”

  “They do. It’s unreal.” MJ stole half a chicken strip and gave over a pickle and some fries.

  “Perhaps because you’re an adrenaline junkie who doesn’t know when to keep your head down, hmm?” Oh, Neil was almost as good at needling Precious as he was.

  “No, it has more to do with the fact that they give idiots weapons who don’t need them.” One eyebrow arched. “If you were protection, why weren’t you carrying?”

  “I’m rather a different kind of guard than that,” Neil said, eyes skittering away from Paddy’s.

  Oh ho. Somebody was telling a fib.

  And didn’t MJ latch on to that like a hungry baby to a tit. “Oh? What kind of guard, then? Please, enlighten me.”

  Neil drew himself up. “I’d rather not. As much as you value yourself as a man who can keep secrets, Manning, I should not like to trust you with mine. I’ll just let you go on sharing Harrison Junior’s here.”

  MJ stopped and stared over the table, hand c
lenched around his water glass. Sonny heard the glass crack before the water spilled. Jesus fuck.

  Sonny grabbed his napkin and mopped up before looking at MJ’s hand. “Mister, I don’t know how you know so much about us if you didn’t know we was coming, but you’d best stop that personal shit before he kills you.”

  “Finish your food, Rick. It’s time to go.” MJ’s voice was dead-cold and enough to make Sonny shudder.

  “I’m done.” Rick was watching them all like he was at a tennis match.

  “Well, I want a box,” Sonny said, trying to keep it light while he wrapped MJ’s hand in another napkin. “Honey? Can you bring us a box and the bill?”

  “Sure. Everything okay?” She mopped up the table. “I’ll be right back.”

  MJ never so much as looked away from Neil, just stared with that cold laser thing going on.

  “We’re fine. Fine. We just need to get back on the road.” God Almighty, MJ was gonna kill the man. Neil, though, that skinny British bastard just stared right back.

  Rick nodded, found a smile for the waitress. “Boomer doesn’t know his own strength. Can we have four slices of pie to go? That’ll fix him up. I’m sure of it.”

  Well, hell. Look at that. The little guy being helpful and shit.

  “Oh, pie is good. Give us banana cream, french silk, apple, and peanut butter cup.” He knew from pie, and something with whipped cream would help, just like Rick said.

  “Surely will.” She flounced off, ponytail bouncing.

  “I…. Is he okay? Do we have… bandages in the car?” Rick looked so fucking earnest. There was no fucking way this bastard was a big-assed arms-maker guy.

  “Yeah, we have a full kit. He’ll be fine. Right, Precious?” Lord, what a fucking situation. Sometimes he thought they were all nuts.

  “You’ll have to kiss it and make it better, Sunshine.”

  Come on. Come on, girl. Get those pies out here.

  Bless her, she did, along with his change, and Sonny grinned right at MJ while he put his money in his wallet. “I’ll kiss anything you want. Come on, y’all. And you….” He leveled a look at Neil. “Keep your mouth shut.”

  MJ stood, the napkin in his hand slowly turning red. “Come on, Rick. Get the pie. Walk nice and easy.”

  “Okay. Okay, I’ve got them.” Rick grabbed the two bags and moved, right beside Neil.

  A man had to admire that protective instinct. Especially since Sonny had the same kind of feeling for MJ. They got back to the car, and Sonny immediately put the cuffs back on the two passengers and put them in the back seat. “Don’t make me gag you,” he told Neil.

  Neil sneered. “No, dear, you’d like that too much.”

  MJ growled and dropped the napkin, hand going for his piece. Rick squeaked and scrambled into Neil’s lap, cuffed hands over Neil’s mouth.

  “Perfect. Come on, Precious. Help me put the pie in the cooler and let me look at your hand.” Sonny whapped MJ right in the kidneys, pushing him around toward the trunk.

  MJ followed him, eyes blazing. “What was that for, jackass?”

  “You can’t pull a gun on someone in a parking lot, Precious.” Looking right into MJ’s eyes, Sonny invaded MJ’s personal space, bumping chests. “Stop letting him get to you.”

  “How the fuck does he know that shit, Sunshine? How does he know all that, and if he knew, why didn’t he run?” MJ was as close to really wound up, to really fucking scared, as Sonny’d ever seen him in the open.

  “I don’t know.” Reaching up, he stroked MJ’s cheek, that scar bumpy and odd under his touch. “We’ll find out, but not now. Now we just have to get home. ’Kay?”

  “No more road trips with company, man. It sucks.” MJ leaned toward him, nuzzling just a little. “And I get the chocolate pie.”

  “Of course you do. Would I get french silk for anyone else?” They shared a quick kiss behind the open trunk, Sonny tasting blood when he pulled away. “Now give me that hand.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “HE’S GOING to hurt you. Really hurt you.” Paddy stared at Neil, heart pounding so hard it ached. “I…. He…. Did you not see him?”

  It was like… a snake. A big snake. With teeth and venom. And it wouldn’t take but one bite….

  Neil’s lips moved against his hand, and those gray eyes gleamed at him. It was like Neil thought it was funny, which he just didn’t get at all. He was either missing something or… missing something, he guessed, if there was anything about this whole thing that was funny. He was tired and scared and pissed and heading farther and farther away from home and the lab and his car. His mom’s birthday was coming up, and she was going to want to hear from him and….

  Okay. Okay. He was cool. “I don’t want him to hurt you.”

  “Shhh.” Moving his hand away with a hot, wet tongue, Neil smiled at him, this time more like repentant or something. “I’m sorry. I’ll try not to aggravate him anymore. I just hate being rather underpowered in any situation, hmm? Are you all right, love?”

  “No. No. No, there’s nothing all right with this. Nothing at all.”

  He could feel Neil’s hands move, the twitch of them as Neil tried to reach up to hold him. “Oh, sweet. You’re doing so well, you really are. I’ll behave, I promise.”

  “I just don’t want him to hurt you. He… he’s….” Cold. Scary. Broken. Weird. Really smart, and Paddy still thought Boomer was the smartest guy he’d ever met.

  “He’s quite mad, love, but he seems to function.” He wasn’t sure if he heard that out loud or in his head. Neil’s lips didn’t move sometimes. They did kiss him, though. He checked to make sure the trunk was still up and snuggled right in, kissing Neil good and hard, just for a second. Just in case.

  Mmm. Oh, that’s better than the food. Thank you. Neil’s lashes tickled his skin, they were so close.

  “You still taste like maple syrup.” He rubbed his nose against Neil’s. “You have to be good, or we’ll both be shot before we can be naked and excited and stuff.”

  “They did promise us lube.” Oh, right, they did. Kinda. Maybe.

  “Yeah.” Lube. Really, he’d be happy for a real bed, a locked door, and twenty-four hours to just touch.

  Neil’s eyes went dark. “Oh, yes. I think that would be lovely. Imagine all the things we could do.” He had a sudden graphic image of him on his back and Neil between his legs, sucking him.

  Oh.

  He didn’t blink, just stared into Neil’s eyes and shivered. Neil’s mouth was. Especially when Neil. Uh-huh.

  “Yes, just think about that, sweet.” He got another kiss, enough to make him moan. Neil was proving that that mouth was good for a lot of things. A lot. Besides trouble.

  The trunk slammed shut, and he jumped, but he stayed close, fully intending to keep Neil busy. No needling Boomer. Boomer could be mean. Neil rubbed noses with him as the car doors slammed. I can be too. But I’ll be good for you. I do love you, Paddy. You know that, hmm?

  “I know.” And Neil knew too. Neil’d known almost before he had, he’d bet. Neil was… special.

  “You’re quite special too, love. So smart, so good. I sound like an utter sap, hmm?”

  “Yeah, but that’s okay. We’re sort of in a weird place. Sap works.” He leaned in as Boomer’s door opened, and thought, Just don’t let them hear you.

  “Mm-hmm.” That was the last sound Neil made, keeping his promise to be good. Well. Sort of. Neil kissed him again, just to be evil.

  He heard Boomer snort, heard a beer pop open. “At least his mouth is busy now, huh, Sunshine?”

  “You know it, Precious. Anytime you want to put yours to use, let me know. I can drive while you suck.”

  Oh. Ew.

  “Mmm… I have pie.”

  He’d never heard anyone make those words sound dirty before….

  “Oh, I do like your cream, Precious.”

  Oh man, they were getting….

  Gross, he heard in his head.

  Paddy chuckled and
nodded, smiling into Neil’s eyes. Now, if it was Neil, it would be fun, silly, sexy. Neil’s eyes twinkled, and he got a very tight image of a pile of whipped cream sort of shaped like a fig leaf. Paddy started laughing. He couldn’t help it; the image was so funny, so cute, and he had been so stressed that it just bubbled out.

  Laughing against his mouth, Neil leaned back so he sorta fell forward, pressing them together. Neil’s chin was a little sharp on his shoulder, but oh, it felt good.

  “Did you drug them again, Sunshine?”

  “No. I thought about it, to calm you down, but I didn’t. Must be the chili cheese fries.”

  “Good to know. They’re much safer.” Boomer stopped for a second. “Well, unless Rick starts farting. Then we should shoot him.”

  That just made him laugh harder. Neil laughed with him, trying to hold on to him with those bound hands. Yes, Neil thought he should let out the most toxic gas imaginable, thus killing Sonny and MJ, or at least immobilizing them.

  Oh, yeah. He could just see it. Ladies and gentlemen! Come one, come all, see Paddy Bair and his Poots of Death!

  Laughing right out loud, Neil leaned against him some more, loving on him. Even in this weird fucking situation they just made do.

  They might make it through this whole thing.

  They might.

  Paddy grinned, stole one more kiss. Yeah.

  Them and the pie.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  THE THIRD day on the road was getting pretty damned long. They were so close, and yet, thanks to the passengers, they were so far away. Sonny figured they were going to have to stop for the night and do the last four hours or so in the morning. Honest to God, he figured Neil had developed his vicious bout of motion sickness just to piss MJ off.

  Sonny looked over at MJ, who had stopped drumming on the dash and was now staring straight ahead, face stony, one hand stroking his gun kinda longingly. “We need to stop, Precious. If I have to hear him hork one more time, I’m gonna hurl.”

  MJ nodded. “Yeah. Let’s see if we can get something with a suite.”

  “We gonna trust them on their own?” Sonny squinted, trying to get his tired eyes to focus on the road signs.