by Nikki Ashton
As I came out of Isaac’s studio and approached the reception desk, I blew out a breath of relief. I’d made a decision and that was final. It didn’t make it any easier and like an idiot I’d almost broken down while I’d been in the chair. Poor Isaac wasn’t sure what to do or say, except pat me on the back and mutter some comforting platitudes.
“All done?” Scarlett asked, tapping away on her computer. “Isaac’s just putting your bill on.”
“No problem.” I looked toward the studios and saw Sam approaching. I gave him a chin lift.
“How’d it go?” he asked.
“Yeah all good.” I looked down at my wallet, opening it up to get out my card.
“He manage it okay?”
I nodded and Sam patted my shoulder blade, making me take a half step forward.
“Must have been hard. You sure you made the right decision?”
“Yeah. How did yours go?” I asked as I handed Scarlett my card.
He’d been getting a St Christopher on his back.
“Yep, all done.” He flashed me a picture on his mobile and I nodded in appreciation. “Fancy a late lunch when we’re paid up?”
Sam slapped my shoulder again and I couldn’t help but flinch, drawing in air between my teeth.
“What’s wrong?” Sam asked, his face an expression of concern.
“Nothing. You’re just a heavy-handed fucker.”
I moved another step away from him, punching my number in on the card machine offered to me by Scarlett.
“Me doing that…” he said, slapping my back again, “hurt?”
“Sam,” I snapped. “Be fucking careful.”
My stupid dick of a brother started to laugh. “Why do I need to be careful when you got the heart covered up and didn’t get the fox on your shoulder blade?”
I looked at him and could see a stupid smirk on his face. He fucking knew and was playing with me.
“You sussed me out, okay. You can stop being a dick now.”
“Oh dear,” he replied, shaking his head slowly. “Oh dear.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means, why the hell lie to me and pretend you’ve had the damn thing covered?”
I looked down at the floor, scuffing my feet on the tiled floor. What did I say to him? Why had I lied? I had no clue if I was being honest.
“Here’s your card back, Elijah,” Scarlett said.
I caught view of it in my periphery and turned to her. “Thanks, Scarlett.”
I took the card and turned back to Sam, who reached around me to pass his to her.
“Well?”
“I don’t know why I lied,” I said, blowing out a breath. “Maybe I thought you’d take the piss out of me.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because I’m a fucking idiot who still has a tattoo over his heart for his ex-wife.” I glanced at the desk to see Scarlett was still busy with Sam’s card. “I just couldn’t do it, Sam.”
“Because it’s a great tattoo?” he offered, with a knowing grin.
I shook my head and scrubbed a hand down my face. “No, because I can’t move on. I don’t want to move on – not just yet. I just need a little more time.”
My voice was quiet and Sam had to strain to hear me, but I knew he didn’t have to hear the words to know what my reason had been. My brother knew me better than anyone.
“How much time do you need, Eli?” he asked softly. “It’s been five years.”
“I know.”
I knew exactly how long it had been, five years and one hundred and fifty-five days to be exact, and every one of those days had started with a heaviness in my chest.
“If you can’t move on, what do you do about Mia?”
“I love Mia.” I frowned at him. He knew I loved her.
“But do you love her enough, Eli? Do you love her like you loved, or maybe still do love, Amy?”
That I couldn’t answer. Not because I didn’t know, but because giving him the truth would mean admitting it to myself.
Amy
aged 28
As the weather was warm and there was a smell of paint inside, I opened up all the windows to let some fresh air in. I believed in natural smells, preferring fresh flowers and baking bread to the smelly candles and reed diffusers that a lot of people used. But, as there was no bread baking and the wild flowers I’d bought previously had almost broken my heart with the memories they’d evoked, I figured some clean air was the best option.
“What time is Sophie coming over?” Claudia asked, standing back and looking at the yellow and white bunting that she’d just hung in the baby’s room.
“About four. She’s picking Lorenzo up from school and then dropping him and Angelica with her sister.”
“She obviously doesn’t want them hurtling around here.”
“No and apparently Tino is playing an away game tonight, with her sister’s husband.”
“He’s a footballer too?” Claudia grinned. “Could be some more business there.”
“Maybe,” I replied, straightening the patchwork quilt in the cot. “He’s got a couple of restaurants too. You know Joe Bennett.”
“Oh yeah. England captain. His wife got kidnapped by her ex didn’t she?”
“Yes a few years ago now. She’s got a good life now though, married to England’s golden boy, with a four-year-old daughter.” I didn’t mean to sound like a miserable old bitch but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know Joe Bennett or his wife, but I just knew they’d be blissfully happy with a gorgeous child and an equally gorgeous house – probably had a cute dog too.
“You could ask him out for a drink you know.”
My eyes shot to Claudia who was nonchalantly adjusting a teddy bear on the nursing chair that I’d positioned by the window.
“What?” I snapped.
“You could always ask Elijah out for a drink,” she repeated, finally lifting her gaze to mine.
“And why would I do that?”
I cleared my throat and shoved my hands into my trouser pockets to hide the slight shake. Her words had unsettled me, that along with the thought that I was totally jealous of a couple I’d never even met, just because they were exactly that – a couple.
“Because you look at him as though you wish you could turn back time.”
“I do not and there’d be no point anyway, he’s moved on. We both have.”
Claudia blinked slowly and then nodded. “Okay. Oh and by the way, I’ve decided to go on a date with Bob.”
I glared at her. “You’re not funny, Claudia, try and remember that.”
She started to chuckle to herself. “Me going on a date with that hairy arsed idiot is about as believable as you and Elijah moving on, i.e. it’s not.”
“You know nothing about it. You weren’t around, so just keep out of it.” I picked up some discarded boxes from the floor and stamped past her. “When you’ve finished in here, make sure that Angelica’s room is ready too. The lamp I got is in those boxes on the landing.”
“Right,” she sighed. “But Amy, I’m only saying what I see.”
“Yeah, well don’t.”
As I walked away, my heart pounded in my ears as the truth of her words hit home.
“What the hell is that smell?” I cried, walking into the lounge to do a final check before Sophie arrived.
Claudia trailed in after me and groaned. “Shit, it’s smoke. Is something on fire?” She rushed over to a lamp standing in a corner, stooping down to look at the plug.
My eyes wandered to the window. Only a few feet from the open patio doors, a fire was burning on the area that was soon to have grass laid on it. Elijah was throwing wood and branches onto it, causing thick, black smoke to billow up, with the wind blowing it in the direction of the house.
“Elijah!”
As I shouted his head turned to me and watched as I stormed towards him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his hand paused in throwing on another branch.<
br />
“You. You’re what’s wrong. The house stinks of damn smoke and Sophie is due here in about half an hour.”
Elijah looked to the house and then back at the fire. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think.”
“No, you didn’t.” I gripped at my hair and looked up to the pale blue sky. “The bloody doors and windows are all open, Elijah, surely you must have seen.”
“I didn’t. I’m sorry.” He threw the branch onto the floor. “I’ll come and help you close them all.”
I heard a window slam shut and we both looked to the house to see Claudia’s arm reaching out and pulling another one closed.
“Forget it,” I snapped, turning back to him. “We’ll do it ourselves.”
I swivelled on my heels and marched back inside, slamming the doors behind me. I then went into the family room and began closing all the windows in there. The smell in there wasn’t as bad, seeing as it was around the corner from the fire; but the stench of smoke was still there.
When I went into the hall, to go and do the same in dining room I heard the noise of an aerosol and the smell of manufactured lavender reached my nostrils.
“What the…”
As I strode into the hall, I came face to face with Elijah, liberally spraying a can of air freshener around. It caught at the back of my throat it was so pungent.
“Shit, Elijah, stop.”
He turned to me and grinned. “I had it in the truck,” he replied, looking more than pleased with himself.
“Why the hell would you have a can of air freshener in the truck?” I asked, taking it from him and shoving it behind my back. “Especially one that stinks that bad.”
“It’s lavender,” he stated, his brow furrowing.
“As a gardener, I would expect you’d know what lavender smells like and it most definitely isn’t that. And why do you have it?”
“We get sweaty and that cab is small,” he explained. “It’s not that bad.”
“Really?” I arched my eyebrows, inviting him to reassess his sense of smell.
After sniffing the air, Elijah’s shoulders sagged. “It is a bit rank.”
“You’re not kidding.” I shook my head. “It’s worse than the bloody smoke.”
“I’m sorry, Amy. I just thought it would help.”
I closed my eyes and counted to ten. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll think of something. Hopefully, the smell will fade.”
Elijah scratched his head. “Can you put Sophie off for a half an hour?”
I looked at my watch and shrugged. “I’m going to have to try. I don’t want her smelling this. I know she’ll understand but I just wanted everything to be perfect.”
“Go and try,” he said. “I can’t put the fire out, but at least there’s no more smell coming inside.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
I’d managed to put Sophie off by another hour, telling her that something had come up that I had to deal with, and thank goodness she was fine with it. I’d nipped out to buy to reed diffusers and just hoped that they’d do the trick, but when I’d left the smell of smoke still hung heavy in the air.
As I pushed open the door expecting to smell burning wood, the most unbelievable aroma of baking bread hit me. It was gorgeous.
“Claudia,” I called, walking towards the kitchen. “Have you been baking?”
I opened the door and saw Elijah pulling a tray of bread buns out of the oven.
“Elijah?”
He turned and smiled. “Hey, I made a visit to the bakery and bought these and warmed them up. I thought it might help.”
“It does,” I gasped. “Thank you, but you didn’t need to.”
“I did. It’s my fault the place stinks like bonfire night. I also got some flowers for the other rooms. Claudia is putting the last of them in the bedrooms.”
Elijah’s eyes searched my face and as I smiled, they momentarily lit up. His dark brown pools, twinkling like they always used to. He let out a long breath and nodded down at the tray of bread.
“I’d better put these down before I drop them.”
“Oh god, yes, sorry.”
He turned and placed the tray on a towel that he’d placed on the granite work surface. My heart slammed in my chest as I watched him place the tray down and throw the oven gloves to one side. It evoked memories of when he’d cook for me after a long day, and I couldn’t help but wish for things that I’d once had. I shook my head, trying to eradicate the pictures; it was too painful.
“I didn’t want to risk burning it,” he explained about the towel. “I think I’ve caused you enough trouble today.”
I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t due to the lump in my throat. Coughing to clear it, I put the bag of reed diffusers down.
“I’ll go and see how Claudia is getting on,” I managed to say.
Elijah turned giving me an honest, bright smile and then went back to plating up the bread buns. Needing a few minutes to compose myself, I headed for the lounge.
The smell had been his fault, but I’d never have expected him to go to any trouble to resolve it, but why hadn’t I expected it? That was what Elijah was like. He was thoughtful and kind and would do anything to help people. He was a good man who always admitted when he was in the wrong – that was except the one time when it had killed our marriage. Maybe if he had, I might have thought about forgiving him; but how could he admit he was wrong when I wouldn’t even listen to him. I wanted to scream at the injustice of it; the last five years of pain could easily never have happened if only I’d listened. But would I truly forgive him? It was Lauren Proctor after all and he knew how much she pecked at my head and my confidence.
Pushing open the lounge door, I swiped at the tears that were welling in my eyes, but when I saw the huge bouquet of wild flowers in a vase on the fireplace, I let them fall and clutched my shirt over the aching pain in my chest.
Elijah
aged 28
I remember years ago my dad giving up smoking and telling me that the hardest part wasn’t the initial stopping, it was months later when he’d smell a cigarette and get a sudden yearning for one. The aroma of the tobacco was enticing, and even though he knew how bad they were for him and that one puff could get him hooked again, his fingers still twitched and his heart beat faster at the thought. Well, that was how I felt about Amy.
My fingers needed to touch her and my heart beat faster whenever she walked into a room, but she was bad for me, because she had the ability to break my fucking heart again. In fact, what the hell was I saying, it had never healed and it was becoming more apparent every day that I didn’t love Mia as I should do. I definitely loved her, but if I’d loved her the right way, I wouldn’t be craving my ex-wife and it was driving me insane that all my waking thoughts were starting to be about her. Since the day I knew she was watching me digging, I couldn’t get her out of my head. Just the thought of her eyes on me gave me a semi hard dick, because I knew what she was capable of in bed.
As if I’d conjured her up, I heard Amy’s heels clicking on the tiled floor behind me. Turning away from the window I was gazing through, I watched as she walked toward me, concentrating on her mobile.
“Morning,” I said, my eyes lingering on her curves in the sexy red dress that she was wearing.
“Oh my god,” Amy gasped, putting a hand to her chest. “I didn’t realise you were in here.”
A pink blush touched her cheeks as she looked at me and she looked beautiful. Her lips were slightly parted on a gasp, and a strand of hair had escaped her low ponytail and was brushing against her cheek.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s fine, I was concentrating on my phone.”
“Must be interesting.”
Amy smiled and I felt a thud against my breastbone and my stomach lurch at the sudden yearning I had for her. I wanted her so badly, my skin was itching with need.
“Matty,” she said, holding up her phone. “He’s just sent me a picture of the
ultrasound of his baby.”
“I’d heard that he was going to be a dad. That’s…well it’s great news.”
“Yes, it is. They’re both really excited. We all are.”
She bit on her bottom lip as we both stared at each other, unspoken memories passing between us.
“So when’s it due?” I asked, leaning back against the sink.
“Not for another four months. They’ve been for the scan to tell them the sex.”
“Really?” I said, genuinely interested. “So what are they having?”
Amy pouted and rolled her eyes. “They’re not going to tell us. We have to wait, which is really annoying because I wanted to go and buy them some clothes and toys this weekend.”
“You still could,” I offered. “Buy stuff that could be for either.”
“I know,” she sighed, glancing down at her phone again, “but I really wanted to buy the right colour.”
“They got any names?” I asked, knowing that was the sort of thing you generally asked when someone was having a baby.
“They won’t tell us that either,” she cried. “Honestly, they’re such bloody spoilsports.”
“Matty always did keep his cards close to his chest,” I replied, with a quiet laugh. “Remember his first girlfriend. No one knew about her until her dad called around to tell your mum and dad that he’d caught Matty sneaking into her bedroom one night.”
“God yes,” Amy gasped. “He was only fifteen.”
She was silent for a moment and then started to laugh.
“I suppose we should’ve realised he’d end up getting someone pregnant, randy little bugger.”
I nodded and took the half dozen steps toward her. “Can I look?” I asked, holding my hand out for her phone.
Amy started to pass it to me and then paused momentarily, before finally handing it over. I looked down at the grainy black and white picture and stared in awe at the baby on the screen.
“Is it sucking its thumb?”
“What? Let me see.”