Unbreakable Hope

by Kristin Billerbeck

  Emily stumbled over her words, but confidence filled her. “Mrs. Black, your son is not engaged.” She said the words gently, hoping that she was not offending. Mrs. Black had enough on her mind, but Emily hated to see Darin’s reputation tainted by his mother’s beliefs. “I feel quite sure our pastor would know about it if Darin was betrothed, and he was the one who set us up. I don’t want anything from your son, Ma’am, and I really want to stay until he’s out. I feel responsible since he was at my home.”

  Mrs. Black’s eyebrows shot up. Oh, that didn’t sound good! It implied something definitely not good, Emily thought.

  “My son is lying in there on a hospital bed, and I can guarantee you who he’ll want to see when he wakes up. Darin and Angel have a long history together, Dear, and I know you wouldn’t want to stand in the way of that. Please just do him a favor and leave, being the good Christian girl I know you are.”

  For a moment Emily’s legs gave way, and she turned toward the door before turning around again. “I beg your pardon, Mrs. Black, I didn’t mean to be disrespectful, I only meant—” She stopped. What good would it do to argue with an upset mother? “I’ll be leaving. Please be sure and let Darin know I was here, and that I’ll call him tomorrow.”

  “Of course we will.” The way she said it in staccato implied a curse word.

  She nodded at Mrs. Black, for Mr. Black never said a thing. He watched the television as if it had a laser beam pointed directly at him. As Emily was exiting, a young woman was entering. The woman demanded attention. Even in the middle of the night, she wore full makeup and her hair shone in dark silky waves. The contrast between her olive skin and red lipstick lit her complexion as though she were on stage. Even the drunks looked up.

  “Angel!” Mrs. Black gripped the young woman’s hands in her own, and Emily faltered. Angel, as she was called, looked like someone from a lingerie catalog. Her small frame was graced with long legs and a tiny waist. There was a synthetic appearance to Angel, and Emily felt weak. She stood in the electronic doorway, causing the doors to partially close and then open again.

  “Can you step out of the door please?” the triage nurse yelled from her guillotine window. The Blacks and Angel all turned toward her. Emily, against her better judgment, stepped back into the waiting room.

  With all eyes upon her, she stepped forward and thrust out her hand to the gorgeous brunette. “Hello there. I’m Emily Jensen. I was with Darin tonight when he was hurt.”

  Angel stammered and didn’t hold out a hand. Emily dropped her own and shrugged to let Angel know she wasn’t intimidated. But of course she was. Angel possessed the kind of beauty that rendered men speechless, and she couldn’t help but compare herself. She tried to remember Darin’s words about fear. Being intimidated was not allowing God to work within her.

  “Why was Darin with you?” Angel’s eyes held contempt. She let her slender fingers trace down her long hair.

  “We were up in San Francisco tonight with some of the kids he works with.”

  Angel’s eyes lingered on Emily’s comparatively shapeless figure, and subconsciously Emily crossed her hands over her waist, suddenly sure that Darin and she were futile. Darin garnered the kind of attention that frightened Emily. He possessed an invisible charm that emanated from him like a high beam while she was the exact opposite: the mousy teacher that people tended to forget in the corner.

  Out of the corner of her eye, Emily saw the triage nurse smiled coyly and cock her head sweetly. She saw why almost immediately. Darin’s broad frame stood by the triage door, he smiled and thanked her for the prompt attention. She giggled and bit her lip. Darin’s face was pale, but his eyes shone with vitality.

  “What kids?” Mrs. Black asked Emily since she didn’t see Darin.

  “From my ministry.” Darin winked at Emily. He came toward her and put his arms around her.

  “Darin,” she breathed. “You’re all right.”

  Darin closed his grasp around her. “They just wanted to observe me. Make sure I didn’t have a complex concussion. I was ripe for one after my accident last year. Did you know once you get one, you’re more likely to get another?” Darin looked at his family over Emily’s shoulder. “If I’d known I’d get all this attention, I might have done worse to myself. It’s kind of like attending my own funeral. Do you all want to say something nice about me now? I’ll wait.”

  Mrs. Black came forward and pulled Darin toward her. She roughly moved his chin. “Let me see your eyes.”

  “Well, I still can’t drive tonight if that’s what you’re worried about. Emily will take me home. My car’s at her place, although the window’s broken out.”

  “Angel came to drive you home,” Mrs. Black said with authority. Emily could feel her fingers starting to tingle. Darin had all the charm in the world, but this was clearly a bad situation. He had a concussion and was expected to make a choice in the middle of the night. A choice that would clearly have reverberating results. Silently, she prayed that she could handle whatever his choice was.

  “Angel, thank you.” Darin reached for Angel’s hand and shook it, never relinquishing his grip from Emily’s waist. “It really was nice of you to think of me.”

  Angel looked as if she might catch fire. Her ample chest heaved and her teeth remained clenched. She smiled through them tightly. “It was your mother that thought of you. I was asleep in the middle of fantastic dreams when she called. I thought with our history I owed you a visit.”

  “You’d better get your rest. Aren’t your cheerleading tryouts coming up?”

  A tinge of jealousy shot through Emily. If the game of chess had cheerleaders, she still wouldn’t be qualified. With her small stature and conservative clothes, she looked more like Angel’s mother. Certainly not her rival. She squeezed Darin’s hand tighter for support. He turned his eyes to hers, and she swallowed at the strength in their gaze. He wore a bandage on his right temple, but it did nothing to diminish his good looks. It only made him appear more masculine.

  “Darin, you can stop your games now. We all know a relationship with the schoolmarm isn’t going to last.” Angel looked down at Emily. “I’m sorry, Honey, but he’s not your type. Darin likes the wild side of life.” She tossed her head back and laughed. “Do you remember when you drove us to Nevada on your Harley?” And to Emily, “This religious thing will pass, and you’ll have an untamable stallion on your hands. I’m doing you both a favor. Darin can come home with me.”

  Emily saw Darin’s jaw twitch, but he laughed lightly. “No one needed more grace than me, Emily. Angel can attest to that fact. So can my mother. But you know where my heart is now.”

  Emily forgot their audience. “I needed more grace than I ever knew. I found that out tonight on the pier. At least you knew it. I was living in ignorant bliss as a Pharisee.”

  “A what?” The corner of Angel’s mouth lifted. “You two want to speak English here? For those of us not up on the current religion-speak of the day.”

  Darin kept his eyes glued to Emily but spoke to Angel, “ ‘For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works so that no one can boast.’ ”

  “Whatever,” Angel said, putting up a palm in front of them. “Darin, when you’re ready to come back to the real world, call me.” She looked at Mrs. Black. “He’s a freak now. When he’s away from the moonies, call me.”

  “Son!” Mrs. Black said as Angel walked out the door. “Don’t do this. You’re not going to marry that little wallflower.”

  Emily felt the first sting of tears.

  Darin’s eyes thinned. “I’ll marry whomever I please. Considering that Emily and I haven’t completed our first date alone yet—”

  “Look at her!” Mrs. Black motioned toward Angel’s departing frame. “She’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever dated. She’s sweet and I can teach her to cook. You’ve only got so much time. Soon every man who sees her on national television will want her,
and you can’t exactly compete with a professional football player.”

  Darin reached down and kissed his mother. “I’m not trying to compete with a football player. I’ll call you first thing in the morning, Mom.”

  “Should you sleep after your concussion?”

  “The doctor said I’m fine. Dad, Mom, thank you for coming all the way down here.”

  Mr. Black grunted. Mrs. Black pulled Darin from Emily’s side. “This is serious.”

  “There’s more to beauty than the outside, Mom.” Darin whispered the words, but they were like a dagger to Emily’s soul.

  He didn’t think she was beautiful on the outside, and her insides felt ripped apart.

  ❧

  Emily grew quiet, and her swirling thoughts blossomed into full-fledged emotions. She didn’t look like Angel. While she was comfortable with that fact, she wasn’t comfortable with being thought beautiful only on the inside. Yes, the Bible may have called for that in Proverbs 31, but she’d read Song of Solomon too, and she wanted the man she admired to desire her physically. It wasn’t that she wanted to look like Angel, a woman who gave herself freely to anyone who would look; she wanted Darin to understand that just because she didn’t flaunt her figure did not mean she didn’t have one.

  “What’s the matter, Emily? You haven’t said anything since we left the hospital, and we’re almost home.” Darin pressed his hand to the bandage on his forehead.

  “Nothing.” Emily clamped her mouth tight in a straight line.

  “I hope my mother didn’t say anything to upset you.”

  “Nope.”

  “Angel?”

  “Nope.”

  “Then what it is, Emily? Am I just too much trouble for you? I bet you’ve never had to work this hard a day in your life, huh?” He forced a laugh.

  No, actually she hadn’t had to work this hard. Dealing with Darin was like dealing with a foreign student in her classroom. She knew there was so much he was capable of, but they spoke different languages. God wouldn’t make romance this difficult. Would He? Their evening date had stretched into the wee hours of the morning, and neither of them needed more drama right now.

  “You’ve given me a lot to think about. Living in fear is not living at all.”

  “Wow, you got all that tonight?”

  Emily nodded. “You would have been proud of me if you’d seen how I handled myself.” When your mother came on the scene.

  “I am proud of you. You came out with me on a Monday night, and look, I stretched it into Tuesday and you’re still here. I’m impressed by that.”

  “Your mother wants you to marry that girl.”

  Darin laughed. “I bet your mother wants you to marry someone too. Is it going to happen?”

  Emily felt her stomach flutter. “The man my mother wanted? He got married to Grace on Friday, so it’s not going to happen. Alas, I think her hopes for grandchildren are quickly dwindling.”

  Darin grabbed her hand and squeezed. She felt an electric pulse shoot down to her toes. “I certainly hope not. You’ll make beautiful babies, Emily.”

  Ten

  The week passed like molasses, and Emily hadn’t heard from Darin. Not a phone call. Not a note. Nothing. Countless times she’d picked up the phone to call him, only to have her mother’s voice ring in her ear. “Good girls do not call men.” So she’d place the phone back into its cradle and correct more papers or create another lesson plan. At this rate, she’d be ready for school in January.

  She tried to think the best. She figured Darin was busy with his move, and she tried not to worry that the blow to his head had erased her from his mind. Even calling him to check on his head felt pushy, so she avoided it. Tomorrow was Sunday, and she was certain she’d see him at church. Then she could put her fears to rest. She climbed into bed and prayed to God that if He were to take Darin from her life forever, He would also take away any desires she had for a family.

  Although she’d known Darin such a short time, she could already picture him as a father. What a good father he’d be. She’d also seen the possibility of her wearing white down an aisle—although her mother, and his, would heartily protest. Maybe that was part of the romance of it all. The forbidden love affair. She hoped that’s all it was because it was humiliating to wait for the absent phone call.

  Once at church, Emily kept one eye on her Sunday school curriculum and one eye on the doorway, hoping Darin would bring the boys from EPA back to church. But service ended and there was no sign of Darin or the boys. Despondent, she put her things into a bag and headed toward her car. Stepping out of the sanctuary, she saw Angel. Her stomach knotted. Was she here with Darin? Please, God, no.

  Emily forced her chin to the sky and tried to walk right past Angel, who was much better covered than the last time they’d met. Her conservative shirt showed off her pretty facial features, and Emily couldn’t help but wonder why Angel would force everyone’s eyes toward her chest by dressing suggestively. Seeing the pain in Angel’s eyes, she walked up to her.

  “Hi, Angel.”

  “Darin’s not here?” She blinked back tears.

  Emily felt her knotted stomach clench tighter. “I haven’t seen him this morning. Was he supposed to meet you?”

  “No,” Angel answered quietly. “I had just hoped to find him here. I don’t know where he lives now that he’s moved into the ghetto. I didn’t want to call his mother. She gets so excited that we’re getting back together. I figured you’d know where he was. Actually, I figured he’d be here.”

  “Did you try calling him?” She couldn’t help the hope in her voice. She wanted to know desperately if everything were okay. Ugh. She wished her mother had told her sometimes it was okay to call men. She might not be living this turmoil if she’d known there was a time to break the rules, but rule breaking was just not in her character. And no matter how many times she’d pressed the buttons, she couldn’t bring herself to push the final number.

  Angel continued. “Yes, I called him. His old roommate doesn’t know the new number. He asked for mine to give it to Darin when he called, but I just didn’t trust him enough to give it to him. Darin knows my number.”

  Emily forced herself to breathe. “I haven’t heard from him since that night in the hospital, so I’m afraid I can’t help you.” She felt so broken, admitting that Darin hadn’t called her. Standing next to this striking brunette, Emily was ready to get herself to a nunnery—though she wasn’t Catholic and she didn’t exactly know what nuns did. She was chaste and loved the Lord, and she was never getting married. So she probably qualified for the nunnery—except for the Catholic part.

  Angel looked truly worried. Her dark brown eyes glistened, and she wiped her reddened nose. “So you don’t know where he is either? Or you don’t want to tell me?”

  Emily smiled. “I don’t know where he is.” She wanted to feel for Angel, this lost ship looking so desperately for an anchor, but she felt her own pain too deeply, her own loss of Darin’s whereabouts too keenly. Jealously was an ugly emotion, an ungodly emotion, but she felt it just the same.

  “I didn’t make it as a Raiderette,” Angel sniffed. “I don’t know why I feel the need to tell Darin about the failure, but I do. So if you know where he is, I wish you’d tell me.”

  “I’m sorry.” Emily’s voice sounded cool, though she hadn’t meant it to. What did one say to a woman who didn’t make the professional cheerleading team? If Angel wanted to compare failures, Emily had been to three weddings in the last two years for men she’d once dated. That probably qualified in the loser hall of fame. “But God must have different plans for you, Angel. Better plans.”

  The woman’s hard expression melted but returned almost as quickly as it disappeared. “Look, I know Darin is seeing you, and I’m sorry, but I can’t help but feel you don’t have the right to him. Darin and I were meant to be together. I knew that the day I met him, long before he got into this religious thing. Whenever something happens, good or bad, we call each
other.” She stopped and licked her lips. “There’s some comfort in him that I just don’t believe he’ll ever have with someone else. So, excuse my rudeness, but I feel you’re in our way, and I think you should just do the Christian thing and bow out gracefully.”

  Bow out. Emily didn’t know she’d ever bowed in. “It might be the Holy Spirit,” she said. “The Holy Spirit is a very attractive presence. Have you always felt this way about Darin? Or just in the last two years?”

  “Are you crazy?” Angel’s full red lips parted in disbelief. “I’ve seen him during these last two years. What does that tell you?”

  “That you two should either get back together or not see one another. We’ve got more in common than you want to admit. I think we’ve both been enamored with Darin’s natural charm and his fiery presence of the Holy Spirit.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Clearly, something else is more important than either one of us. I haven’t heard from him this week either.” Emily shrugged her shoulders, trying to feel camaraderie with this pinup model.

  “Do you have a point, or are you just messing with my mind?”

  “My brother Kyle was like Darin. He had friends galore and girls calling at all hours of the night, and I really knew Kyle. I never saw him do a thing to really encourage the girls, except talk with his natural charm. But still they followed like he was the Pied Piper himself. Maybe we’re both following Darin the same way.”

  “We?” Angel laughed.

  “Yes, I say we. I’m not immune to him.” Emily crossed her arms around her Bible. “And he’s not immune to me either, Angel. I may not be as beautiful as you, but Darin and I share a strong connection.”

  Angel’s chin quivered, but she didn’t answer.