My True Colours

by Hannah Francis

  I wake in the morning snuggled up in his arms.

  I’m awake first and head to the bathroom. I discover a huge love bite on my neck. I stroke it and remember his touch before washing my hands and snuggling back into bed, pushing into his toned body. I toss and turn because I am awake and want some attention. I wriggle against him until he rouses, and we start all over again. Drew tells me that morning sex is good, and he wasn’t expecting it. I get up and make us some coffee before getting back into bed. He spots the love bite and apologises, but I tell him it’s OK. We chat about life and work before getting up. We are going to explore the city, and I need to buy a scarf!

  We get some breakfast, and the food here is unusual. I ask him why he would have avocado on toast. He tells me it’s nice, but I decide on the poached eggs and bacon on soda bread. He has the same, and we admire the view of the city from the second-floor cafe before leaving and jumping on a tram.

  We head for Kilma Beach. I am disappointed because it isn’t that nice and is very small, plus I cannot see any sharks! Drew laughs at me as I try to look into the water from the pier. There are parrots in the trees, and I take out my camera and take some photos, as I promised Polly.

  Melbourne has a mixture of old and new buildings. There are old-fashioned houses with metal balconies amongst skyscrapers. The city centre is very busy, and there is a lot of art and culture here. Drew tells me that if I want to visit the art galleries, I can do that alone because he isn’t into that sort of thing; he thinks that people and life are art! After travelling the length and breadth of the city via the tram, we decide to get some lunch.

  Before we leave the restaurant, Drew gets a call from work. There is a problem, and he has to head back to sort it out. We get back to the hotel, and he books a flight. He tells me to make sure that I do not emigrate for him, but to do it for myself. He also tells me that it’s a long time since he has felt like this about anyone, but he cannot commit to me. He asks me to promise him that I will not come here for the wrong reasons. I promise him that I am not, and I mean it. I am doing it for myself and my children.

  Drew gives me advice on where to travel next while I’m here, to get the best ideas on where to settle. I thank him, and we hug before he leaves for his flight. I am alone in my room. I email him, tell him to have a safe journey, and thank him coming to see me. I ask him if it’s OK if we can still be friends. He emails back, “We will always be friends, but I cannot promise more than that.” I thank him for being honest and tell him I’m OK with that. What else can I say? I understand his reasons why and know they are selfless. Sometimes I think I am not meant to be happy and content – I am destined to spend my life alone.

  After exploring my hand-written map from Drew and drinking several cups of tea, coffee, and wine, I decide I am leaving Melbourne in the morning and flying to Brisbane. I am going to stay in hostels and have the adventure of a lifetime. I get up to shower and wash and dry my hair. I add the scarf to my outfit to hide the evidence of seeing Drew, and I head to the airport via the airbus. I purchase my ticket to Brisbane, and it is leaving in three hours. It costs two hundred dollars. I arrive in Brisbane after a two-and-a-half-hour flight. It is 7.00 p.m. and is a lot warmer here.

  After exiting the airport, I ask a passerby how I get into the city. I am advised to use the train and commute into the city centre. I pay for a ticket and am told the name of the stop to get off. I ask the attendant to write it on the ticket. Then I book my hostel online while en route; it is called X Base. I write down the address on my notepad and ask for advice when I arrive at my stop.

  After walking for five minutes, I look up and am relieved to discover my destination. I think, Well, here goes! I check in and am given bedding for my two-night stay. After getting out of the lift, I hear a Scottish girl talking outside my room. I use my key card to enter, and there is only a top bunk bed left. I wonder what the hell I am doing and hope that it does not topple over when I climb up the ladder. Luckily it does not, so I make up my bed, sit on it, and open up my bag of supplies. I open a bottle of water and a sandwich and then pull out my book to read.

  Five minutes later, the Scottish girl enters the room, she’s named Debbie and introduces the rest of the room’s occupants. We say hello. Jess is Canadian, and there are two girls from London who are travelling to Fiji in the morning. There’s also a Brazilian girl who doesn’t speak much English; Debbie tells me that she is teaching her. Debbie and Jess both send me a friend request on Facebook, and I accept. This might not be so bad after all!

  Debbie tells me that she has been living in the hostel while she works here. She adds that her friend is arriving tomorrow, and she is going to stay in a hotel and travel around the country with her, showing her the sights. Morning arrives, and Debbie is packing up. She has loads of stuff, so I offer to give her a hand to carry it, and she accepts. We get to her new residence, and she is thrilled with it. I tell her I have to leave, and she offers to show me around Brisbane. I thank her and accept. We walk over the bridge to the south side of the riverbank. I see skyscrapers and office buildings. Farther up the bank, we come across a festival with stalls and a fairground. Debbie tells me that it is Father’s Day here, and that is why it is so busy. Children are playing in a pool, and families are having picnics on the riverbank. We sit and have lunch, and Debbie tells me that she is planning on taking her friend to Sydney first to see the Oprah House. Then they’re going to Frazer Island and Queensland. Although she is good company and I am grateful for all the advice she has given me. I am eager to explore the city on my own. We make our excuses and say goodbye.

  I take the riverboat across after walking along the south side. I discover the shopping malls, lots of market stalls, and a backpackers’ bag sale. It is equivalent to car boot sale back home. There are clothes and umbrellas laid neatly in piles along the floor. The area is buzzing with people shopping for something new.

  After looking around for a few hours, I decide to head to the supermarket to restock on supplies. I buy a piece of cooked chicken and some pasta, tomatoes, apples, and yogurts. This should last me for a few days. Life is good, and I like it here but would not want to live in the city. I spend another day exploring Brisbane before setting off for my next destination the Gold Coast. Surfers Paradise Hostel, here I come!

  I catch a train to the Gold Coast, and it costs eighteen dollars, or about nine pounds. I am told I will be able to get on the free bus into Surfers Paradise at the train station. I board the bus and take photos for Polly. I haven’t seen any kangaroos or koalas yet, but I have taken some scenic shots. There are houses here along the river with boats outside. I bet it would cost a fortune to live here. The weather is around twenty-five degrees, and I am wearing shorts; it is much warmer than Melbourne. It takes me a while to find the hostel, and I have to ask for lots of directions to get there. The people are very friendly and helpful here.

  Eventually I book into my room. They have a pool here, and I am impressed. I chat to the young boy who works here. He is from Manchester and has been working here for twelve months. I tell him why I am travelling here, and he advises me to speak to Heidi and her husband. They own the hostel, and she moved here about ten years ago. Heidi is really nice and tells me a little about a place called Robina. She tells me she lives there, and it is a lovely rural area not far from the coast. She says that it is hot all year round here, and at Christmastime it is too warm to go to the beach; the locals don’t entertain going at that time of year. She also tells me that there is a lot of work here, and my profession will do well here.

  I thank her for the advice and go to my room to shower and change before heading to the beach. The beach has white sand as far as the eye can see. It is beautiful here. I walk along the water but do not swim; the red flags are out, and there are guards along the shoreline. I pull out my book and my wine, and after pouring myself a glass in my portable plastic cup I settle down to read.

  I stay
for two days at Surfers Paradise. On the second evening, I am asked to join in the evening’s quiz night. I team up with my roommate and two young men; one is Canadian, and the other is British. I tell them that I am not very good at quizzes, and they tell me not to worry because it’s all in good fun. It’s a good night, and when it’s over, I thank Rachel, my roommate, for asking me.

  The next day, I explore the area and go to the beach for the rest of the day. Whilst in town, I book the rest of my travel arrangements. I am heading for Coffs Harbour tomorrow for two days and one night. Then I am going to travel overnight to Sydney for a day and night. I am booked for Canberra the Capital for two nights before heading back to Melbourne to fly home.

  I get up early because my bus is booked for 9.00 a.m. for Coffs Harbour. It takes seven hours to arrive there. I book my hostel en route. I am dropped off at the bus stop, and there are two hostel transport minibuses waiting. I give my name and am told to get into the bus on the left. The driver, a young lad from Chepstow, gives us a tour on the way. He stops on the top of the mountain and asks us to get out and admire the shoreline. The view is spectacular, and he says that one can go whale spotting here, although it is out of season at the moment.

  After booking in, I arrive at my room. There is no one there, but I clearly have roommates; the room is a tip. I make up my bed and secure my belongings in my locker before leaving to look around. I cannot sit in this pigsty for another minute. I head along the coast to admire the beach. It is not dark yet, but it is dusk, and I am aware of the light fading. I do not wander too far away.

  I walk along the harbour. The boats are very pretty, and I see fish swimming below. I snap them with my camera for Polly, and I also take photos of the harbour and the bay. I look around and am suddenly overwhelmed by loneliness. If there were no people here, I would break down and cry out my heart. As I look out to sea, I feel more alone than I have ever felt in my whole life. I push back my tears and compose myself. I tell myself to man up and grow a pair of fucking balls. I have to make the best of it. I miss Polly and the boys. Drew has not contacted me. I have no one here.

  I go back to the hostel and make myself a cup of coffee out of my supplies. I decide to get an early night. My two roommates arrive in the room in the middle of the night; they are American, loud, and brash.

  I wake up in the morning and head into town. I have all day here until I get on the bus headed to Sydney at midnight. I book a taxi with the receptionist before leaving to explore. I ask the receptionist whether there is much work in the area, explaining that I will be moving over here with two sons who will need work. She tells me that there is not much work around here, and if there is, it is seasonal. It’s a long walk into town, but the scenery is lovely, and I get to walk through the local village on the way and note what facilities are available here. I pass churches, bowling greens, and a skating park for the youngsters. The local town is very pretty, and the roundabouts are decorated with plants and flowers in bloom.

  After walking for an hour or so, I get to the town centre and visit the local shopping mall. There is also a local outdoor organic food market. The weather is warm, but I still have to wear my scarf; although the mark is faded, it is not gone altogether. Every time I look at it in the mirror, I think of Drew. I get some supplies of wine and chocolate and some healthy options (apples and nuts), and then I take my book to the beach. It is lovely here, and I am content again. I have grown my pair of balls! I decide to take some selfies. Jonah gave me Laura’s selfie stick before I left, and I want to take some pictures of me on the beach.

  I settle back down and observe people walking their dogs and admiring the view of the coastline. I see a man walking towards me; he looks like a local because he is wearing a coat. As he passes me, he says hello, and I reply. He tells me his name is George and asks where I am from. He sits down to chat and he tells me that he is a horse dentist. I tell him a little bit about myself as we watch the ocean. Suddenly he tells me he can see dolphins. I ask him where, and he points to the left of the ocean, near the beach. I see them, and they are ducking in and out of the waves. It is a fantastic sight, and we watch them travel up the coast until they disappear around the bay.

  George spots a young girl approaching the beach and asks her where she is from. Her name is Helena, and she is from Perth. She sits, and we start chatting. After an hour or so, I decide to leave and head back to the hostel. As I make my excuses and pack up my belongings, the young girl does the same. We part our separate ways. I go back to my room to have a nap. The two American girls are there, and I can overhear them telling a new arrival how they always get discounts on everything, and how jealous their friends are back home because they are here. If I were their friend, I’d be glad to see the backs of them. They add no one likes sharing a room with them because they are both slobs. That is the only believable comment I have heard.

  I soon drift off to sleep and I awake around seven thirty. I take a shower, dry my hair, and dress, ready to depart. I go to the kitchen and prepare some pasta, tuna, and tomatoes before sitting in the recreation room for my taxi. I leave for Sydney in one hour.

  I say goodbye to the receptionist, who has been helpful, and then head for the bus stop. When I arrive, there is an Australian couple waiting for the same bus. I am glad of this because the bus ends up being over an hour late. There is also a tramp in the corner, sleeping. The couple asks where I am from, and they decide to have a snack and offer me a biscuit. I decline and look at the tramp. I bet he would love a biscuit, but they do not offer him one. Luckily, I think he is asleep. The bus eventually arrives, and I put my luggage on board. Before boarding, I walk over and place a cereal bar on the bench for the tramp. The couple look at me as if I am mad. It is all the food I have on me, and I want him to have it. I travel on the bus overnight and arrive in Sydney at 9.25 a.m.

  I have booked a hostel called the Jolly Jester. I have to catch a train from the bus station to arrive in Sydney’s city centre. I arrive at King’s Cross Station at 10.30 a.m. and find my way to the hostel. I have a small map of the area and find it within an hour. I book in, shower, and dress. I only have one whole day here, so I decide to explore. The hostel manager gives me directions and a map. I thank him and head off to find the Royal Opera House and the botanical gardens, but first I must find the harbour.

  I find the harbour, and it is huge. The boats must cost millions. There is a naval base here, and the navy ships are also docked. I take some pictures. I keep walking and find the botanical gardens. There are wild birds, and they are beautiful. I snap some photos and selfies. I turn the corner and see the opera house and the bridge, and I take more selfies. I walk up to the city centre’s main shopping mall and wander through the shops before finding a small cafe at which to have some lunch. I message Polly and the boys to update them and reassure them that I’m all right before heading back to the hostel.

  I get a little lost, but while en route I spot a cathedral named St Paul’s. It is huge and very pretty. I go inside and light a candle for Mam, Dad, and Dillon. I say a prayer and tell them I am thinking of them. As I leave, I look down and see a solitary white feather at my feet.

  I keep walking, and it takes me three hours before I find the hostel. My feet are burning. I go to my room and pour a glass of wine. Suddenly I wake up – I must have fallen asleep. It is late, so I undress, get into bed, and check my phone. I have messages from the boys, Polly, Sophie, and Lorna. I reply to them all because it is early evening back home. I tell them that I am OK and am having a good time. Polly asks if I will see Drew before returning home. I tell her probably not. She asks why and says that she thought I wanted to see him. I reply, “Well, you don’t always get what you want, do you?” I set my alarm for 7.00 a.m. I have to be at the bus station in the morning because I am heading to Canberra.

  I get up early and shower. I do my hair and make-up and dress before packing and heading for the bus station. The bus arrives on time.
I arrive early and so have to wait, but I don’t mind. While I’m waiting, I notice a lot of tramps here. Young, old, and mentally ill people are wandering the bus station. A tramp with a tattooed face walks up to me and asks me if I am married. I tell him I am. A young lad waiting for the same bus catches the look of relief on my face as the tramp walks away, and we laugh.

  The bus trip to Canberra takes eight hours. I have booked my hostel because it has a four-star rating and a pool. The only downside is I could only get a mixed room for the first of my two nights. I am not happy. I arrive at the hostel and ask if there have been any cancellations for a women-only room. They tell me there hasn’t been, but they are trying to not book anyone into my room. I thank them, pay, and collect my sheets before heading to my room to shower and change. I enter the room, it is spotless. I am relieved to be the only one here. I come back after a relaxing shower and decide to head to the spa and pool. I take my book, go down, and have a read; it is quiet and no one is in the room. After an hour, I go back to my room. It is still empty, and I am pleased. I change and settle into bed with a much-deserved glass of wine. I eat a yogurt and an apple and read my book.