by Cathryn Fox
Oh, he does. To one friend, anyway. Some goaltender named Alek. Aka the Puck Charmer. Yeah, awesome. Exactly the kind of guy I’d go for. You’d think Rider would know better. But I guess maybe he doesn’t know me as well as I thought he did.
“We’re just friends,” I remind her.
“Please, Jules. Kane and I will pick you up. Oh, that’s it,” she says quickly. “I was trying to figure out how to get him to Rider’s place without being suspicious.” She gives a little squeal. “What I’ll do is tell him we’re going on that double date we talked—”
“Rider and I aren’t dating.”
“Anyway,” she continues, ignoring me. “I’ll tell him we’re driving, and have to pick you up. This is perfect.”
“Except I don’t want to go.”
“Please, for me,” she begs in that whiny voice that truly is giving me a headache. Awesome.
I roll on my bed, and even though I washed the sheets, I can still smell Rider’s scent. As I listen to Lindsay beg, I shut my eyes. For the life of me, I can’t understand why she’s so desperate for me to go. She’s quite capable of functioning in a crowd without me. I have no doubt everyone will fall in love with her and welcome her into their tightly knit group.
“Can I let you know tomorrow?” I say.
“Yeah, sure. We’ll pick you up at eight,” she announces, taking my answer as a yes. “Wear that cute blue dress we got from Westers.”
“Now you’re dressing me?”
“I want you to look your best.”
“Why?” My God, who is this woman and what has she done with my best friend?
“I don’t know. I’m just nervous, okay?”
Honestly, I’ve never seen her like this before. Things must be pretty serious between her and Kane. I groan and toss on my bed. If my best friend needs me, I can’t let her down. We’re there for each other, and when I lost Brett, and was ridiculed by Jason, she was left to put the pieces back together. How can I not be at her side when she asks so little from me?
“See you at eight,” I say, and I can almost picture her throwing her hands up in victory. “Now I’m going to go and get a good night’s sleep.”
“Thanks, babe,” she says and I swipe my finger across the screen to end the call. I check one more time to see if there is anything from Rider, and my stomach falls when there’s nothing. I toy with my phone, and almost send off ‘karaoke’, but toss my phone before I go through with it.
I toss and turn and the next thing I know, morning is upon me. I pull myself out of bed, and glance down at Peaches, who is sauntering into my room. I laugh. “Well, Peaches, it looks like it’s just you and me girl. I’m going to become that crazy cat lady far before my time.”
Peaches meows, rubs up against me and jumps into bed, curling up where the man I’m in love with had recently been.
“Yeah, I know. He grows on you.”
I head downstairs, make myself a huge pot of coffee and spend the better part of the day doing chores. In my quiet house, which seems deafening without Rider’s presence, I make myself something to eat, and sit at the table to eat, despite the fact that I’ve not had an appetite in days. By the time I look at the clock, it’s nearing six, and my stomach lurches. Lindsay and Kane will be here in less than two hours and I’m not so sure I’m ready to come face to face with Rider. Or worse, have him try to set me up with his buddy. I want to bail, wish I could bail, but I can’t do that to Lindsay.
I force myself into the shower, and tonight, instead of tying my hair back, the way Rider likes, I use the flat iron and smooth it out. I also put on makeup, more than I normally would, and tug on the dress Lindsay suggested. I take a glance at myself in the mirror and smile. I clean up pretty good, and look nothing like the girl Rider first met.
Wait.
Oh God, am I dressing up and caking on the makeup because…because I want to look more like the girls he’s normally attracted to? Crap. I rush to the bathroom, and wash my face clean, until my cheeks are red and rubbed raw.
Girl, you are in so much trouble.
The doorbell rings and my dinner rises in my throat. “Okay, Jules. You can do this for Lindsay.” I stare at myself in the mirror, swipe lipstick across my lips and saunter downstairs, even though my knees are rubbery.
I pull open the door and plaster on a smile. Lindsay frowns at me. Goddammit, I hate how well she can read me.
“What?” I ask and glance down at the dress I’m wearing. Anything to avoid eye contact. “I’m wearing what you suggested.”
“Have you been crying?” she asks, and worries her bottom lip.
“No, of course not. I just got soap in my eye when I showered.”
“Okay, good. You have nothing to be sad about. I want you to know that.”
“Uh, okay,” I say, having no idea what she’s talking about.
“Okay, good. Come on. Tonight is going to be a huge surprise for you.”
“You mean for Kane.”
“Yeah, exactly. That’s exactly what I mean. I’m just all weirdly nervous tonight.”
“It’s just a surprise birthday party,” I say with a shrug, my voice low so Kane doesn’t here. She goes still and looks at me for a moment. She might know me, but I know her too.
“Do you have something you want to tell me?” I ask.
She shakes her head quickly. “No.” Okay, now she’s the one avoiding eye contact, but I don’t have time to question her on that. She’s darting down the steps. I lock up and follow her to Kane’s sports car.
“You look gorgeous, by the way,” she says to me.
“Thanks, you do too, and you have nothing to be nervous about. Everyone will love you.”
“You have nothing to be nervous about either,” she says again.
“I’m not nervous.”
“Oh, okay.”
I slide into the back seat. “Hey Kane. Nice to see you again.”
“Jules,” he says and glances over his shoulder to give me a big smile. I try not to fidget in the back seat as he negotiates traffic and pulls up in front of Rider’s house. House? Okay, more like big-ass mansion. The driveway is empty and there isn’t a vehicle on the street. Everyone must have parked elsewhere to keep the surprise.
We wait for a second, and Kane shoots off a text. He checks his phone. “He’s running late and said for us to come in. Front door is open.”
We all climb from the car and I follow the two up. Lindsay casts me a glance over her shoulder and I smile at her. Yup, I’m good. I’ll make an appearance and as soon as she’s comfortable, I’ll get an Uber home. I just pray Rider is too busy with his brother and forgets his lame idea about setting me up.
Kane enters the dark house, and he flicks on the light. Dozens of people jump out at us and yell surprise. Kane curses and falters backward, and Lindsay laughs and hugs him. He hugs her back and the affection between the two warms me. They might be the real deal, and I’m not jealous at all.
Nope, not at all.
Or much.
I scan the crowd, check out all the smiling faces, and my stomach tightens when I see Rider. He’s not looking at his brother. No, he’s looking at me, and the intensity in his gaze robs me of my next breath.
“You bastard,” Kane says, and shakes his head. “I told you I didn’t want a party.”
Rider makes his way through the crowd, hands Kane a beer and slaps him on the back. “The role of a big brother is to piss off his little brother, is it not?”
The two hug, and my heart pinches. They break apart and Kane introduces Lindsay to everyone. I hang back as they greet her, and wonder exactly what I should be doing. Soon enough, Rider is beside me.
“Hey,” he says quietly, a voice reserved for the bedroom that does ridiculous things to me. “Drink?”
“Yes please,” I say, needing one or a dozen.
His gaze moves over my face, and honest to God if I didn’t know better, I’d think he felt the same way about me as I do about him. But I do know better, r
ight? I mean, he talked about setting me up with his friend. Maybe we need to talk. Really talk. His childhood was rough, getting tossed around from house to house and yes, he’s a grown man, but maybe that frightened boy still exists somewhere deep inside.
“Your friends seem nice,” I say quietly.
“Let’s get you a drink and I’ll introduce you.”
“Okay,” I say. Rider wants to introduce me to all his friends? They’ll probably all get the wrong idea—we both know that. Hell, we talked about that. Does that mean he’s okay with that? Oh God, am I making more of this than I should? Is it just wishful thinking on my part?
We make our way to the kitchen. “Your home is beautiful,” I say. “I like the color scheme.”
“Liar,” he says and I laugh, some of the tension easing from my body.
“I don’t lie,” I say.
“Then tell me what you really think.”
Oh, how I want to open my mouth and do just that. How I want to confess my feelings, and throw myself at him, but I’m not sure his kitchen, during Kane’s party is the right place for it. No, I’ll have to get him alone before this night is over.
“Well,” I say falling back into our easy way. “I do like the gray, but I might lighten it up a bit, and I have this really great table I plan to paint and that would look so good in your living room.”
He grins. “That was a gift. You can’t give that away.”
“You’re right. I do love it.”
I smile at him, and he dips his head, his smile so sweet and genuine I almost forget that we’re not back at my place, ready to slide between the sheets.
He touches my hair, runs it between his fingers. “I like your hair like this. You’re beautiful.” But then he frowns. “All the single guys—” He closes his mouth when a couple of women wander into the kitchen, but they’re busy chatting and don’t pay us too much attention as they refill their cups.
I wait for him to continue. When he doesn’t, I say, “You look great too, Rider.” I let my gaze slide down him, take in his button-down shirt and khaki pants.
“Listen…I…uh…about…” I hold my breath, and hope he’s changed his mind about setting me up. I hope he’s changed his mind about a lot of things, but then he closes his eyes, and wobbles a little bit.
I grab him. “Are you okay?”
After a moment, he opens his eyes. “Fine. I’ve just been having these dizzy spells.”
“Rider, that’s not good,” I say as I try to examine his pupils.
He shakes his head and throws his hands up in the air. “Nurses!”
“Hockey players!” I exclaim.
“You got something against hockey players?” someone asks from behind.
I turn, and come face to face with some guy I don’t know. “You going to introduce me to your friend or what?” he asks, flashing me a bright smile that undoubtedly turns women to dim witted moths.
“This is Jules,” Rider says, his voice tight. “Jules, this is Alek.”
My head bobs back and forth between Rider and Alek. Is this really happening? The man I love is actually going to go through with setting me up? Ground, please open up and swallow me whole.
“I haven’t seen you at these parties before,” Alek says, his voice a bit slurred as he comes closer.
“No, it’s my first time,” I say. “My friend Lindsay is dating Kane.”
“Oh, I like her. Wait, you’re not dating this douche bag, are you?” he asks, a teasing edge to his voice.
“Yeah, I mean…” I take in Rider’s dark expression, and wait for him to intervene. When he doesn’t, I say, “No.”
“Come on then, let’s go get to know each other better,” he says, and puts his arm around my back. We head toward the doorway and my stomach is so tight and uneasy, I fear I’m going to lose my dinner.
“Alek, don’t.” Before I realize what’s happening, Rider is shoving Alek away, and Alek’s drink sloshes over the side of his glass.
“What the fuck, dude?” Alek says, and sets his drink on the counter. He shakes the beer from his hand.
“Back off,” Rider says his voice holding all kinds of warnings.
“Listen, you’ve been riding my ass all week, and I don’t fucking know why. You’ve got something to say to me, then say it already.”
“Really, are you that fucking dense?” Rider asks, and shoves him again, but Alek isn’t about to let anyone push him around. He shoves Rider back, hard, and he stumbles. Before I can catch him, he goes down, his head hitting the chair on the way. He lands with a thud, and those around us shriek.
Going into professional mode, even though my insides are screaming right along with those other girls, I drop to my knees and check his vitals. I glance up to see Kane and Lindsay standing over me, their eyes wide with worry.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Call 911!”
14
Rider
With my head throbbing like I’d just taken a hard one to the boards, I peel my eyes open, and look at my unfamiliar surroundings. Kane comes into view. Correction. Two Kanes come in to view and I close one eye to cure my double vision.
“Dude, what the fuck?” I ask and make a move to get up.
“Oh no you don’t,” he says and places his beefy palm on my shoulder to push me back down.
I squint and work to figure out what’s going on. “Where am I?”
“Seattle General,” he says.
“Why am I here?” I wrack my brain. The last thing I remember was shoving Alek after he tried to walk away with Jules.
“Where’s Jules?” I ask.
“She was here a few minutes ago. She’s working.”
“Working?” I try to get up again but he stops me. “How long have I been here?”
“Since last night.”
“Jesus. I need to get out of here. I need to find Jules. I have to talk to her.”
“Yeah you do, but first you need to rest.”
“I don’t need to rest.” I turn my head and nearly vomit when the room spins. “Oh shit, where’s Alek? I owe that motherfucker a beat down.”
“You don’t owe him anything. He never did a thing to you.”
“Jules—”
“He has nothing to do with Jules,” he says, but I know him well enough to know he’s keeping something from me.
“What’s going on?”
“He never wanted to go out with Jules.” He rakes his hair from his forehead. “I lied about that and put him up to taking Jules away from you at the party. Lindsay and I were both in on it.”
“I don’t get it,” I say, my too tired brain unable to put the pieces together. “Where’s Jules?” Right now, even though I have no idea what is going on, or why I’m in a hospital bed, the only one I want to talk to is my friend, my bedmate, the woman I love, but she’s nowhere to be found.
“Wow, you’re worse than I thought,” he says, his voice full of worry. “You asked me that less than a minute ago and I told you she was working.”
“I’m fine. I just want to talk to Jules.” Before he can answer, a movement at the door gains my attention. I lift my eyes slowly, and my heart pounds harder. “Jules,” I say quietly, no longer able to fight off my feelings for her. Seeing Alek’s arm around her was like a hard slap to the face—the goddamn wakeup call that I actually needed.
Wait, why isn’t she coming closer? Why is she hovering over there in the corner like I might have the plague?
Kane glances at her over his shoulder. “I think I’ll give you two some space.”
Jules gathers the bottom of her scrub top into her palms. And fusses with the hem. She looks everywhere and anywhere but at me.
“You okay?” I ask and hold a hand out to her, but she doesn’t reach for it. Instead, she takes a step toward the door, like prey ready to flee.
“How are you feeling?” she asks, her gaze finally meeting mine.
“Like I just got run over by a truck.”
“That bad, huh?” Her
big brown eyes are wide, like a damn deer in the headlights. “The doctor will be here in a minute to talk to you.”
I touch my head, wince when I feel the bump. “Dammit, I though Alek only shoved me, but now I’m thinking he has one hell of a good left hook.”
“When you fell, you hit the chair.” She snaps her fingers. “You went out like that. I thought…I was…this isn’t your first concussion,” she says, her shaky words alluding to something, but my head is pounding so hard I can’t quite figure out what is going on.
A woman in a white coat enters and walks up to my bed. “Glad to see you’re finally awake.”
She pulls a pen light from her pocket and flicks it over my eyes. I wince. She turns her attention to my file and jots down a few notes. “We’re going to run a few more tests.”
“I don’t have time for that,” I say and try to push the blanket off me. The room tumbles before my eyes and the doctor puts her hand on me to settle me back on the bed. I try to shake it off, a measure of panic welling up inside me. This can’t be happening. This isn’t happening. “I need to hit the rink. We have a game coming up.”
Her lips pinch as she frowns, and she nods slowly, like she’s placating me. “I’m afraid you won’t be playing so soon. Your teammates have been here all night, and your brother Kane has already talked to your coach. You have swelling, and need rest.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Jesus Christ, is this some kind of a joke?”
“It’s not a joke, Mr. Lewis. Concussions are very serious and not something we take lightly here at Seattle General. Your team will have to get by without you, I’m afraid.”
“Not happening,” I say but collapse onto the bed when the room fades to a dark shade of gray. The doctor makes a few more notes, and stops at the door to talk to Jules. Her voice is low, and I don’t have the energy to strain to hear. I take a breath, then another. How the fuck is this happening? I have to play, hockey is my life…it’s my everything. Its why people like me.
It’s not why Jules likes you.
My heart crashes harder at that thought. Honest to God, I’m in love with a woman who cares nothing about hockey and I can’t fight it anymore—don’t want to fight it anymore. She’s a kind, caring woman who is brilliant, beautiful and fills my heart with hope and love. She’s everything to me, and has given my life a new purpose. I want to make her happy, want to see her smile every day, want to take care of her needs, and be a part of her big family. In fact, I want to start a family with her. But what does she want? I study her body language, the way she’s turned from me—a cold chasm between us—and a measure of unease creeps into my veins.