by G J Morgan
“I wondered when you’d spot that.”
“When? Why? How much?”
“Just over a week ago. Cos it’s the coolest car in the world. What was the last question?”
“How much?”
“A lot.”
“How much a lot?”
“Over fifty.”
“Lilly.” His eyebrows all twisted
“C’mon Frank. Admit it’s cool.”
“It is cool, Lilly. Completely unnecessary and stupid. But it’s pretty far out I must admit. What is it, like a 1.5?”
“What, you looked already?”
“I had a sneaky peek under the hood this morning.”
“We could take her out after I finish work.”
“Best you keep it under the sheet. If Sally asks I’ll tell her it’s a lawnmower.”
“What’s that about lawnmowers?” Sally walked into the kitchen, eyes on her cell.
“Lilly mowed the lawn whilst we were away, that’s all. You want coffee?”
“Yes, lots of it. Feel like I’ve done ten rounds with the Klitschko brothers.”
“Wine or jet lag?” I asked.
“A little bit of both. What about you, Frank?”
“You know me. Ready to blaze a trail,” he smiled. “You want toast, Sal?”
“No, liquid lunch today. You had toast today, Lilly?”
“No,” I lied.
“Good. You do look a tad rotund,” she said, sipping coffee, oblivious to either insult or my reaction. “I’ve just booked the flights home for us. We’ve got to go to New York first, darling. I need you to meet up with some people of mine. Important people.” She took another sip. “What, Lilly? Why are you frowning?”
“Can’t we fly straight back instead?”
“No can do. We’ll only be there a week, two weeks tops.”
“What day we flying?”
“June 6th. God knows what day that is. My brain is still fried. Sunday rings a bell.”
“Less than a week. Fuck.”
“Don’t pull that face, Lilly.”
“I’m not pulling a face.”
“Don’t tell me you’re still all green-fingered.”
“I like it here. That’s nothing to be ashamed about.”
“Or proud of either. You must prefer back home, no more rain, no more mucky England.”
“I like both, Sally.”
“Anyhow you’ll love New York. I’ll show you around. None of that tourist bullshit. The real New York. Knocks spots off this little ghost town.
I looked at Frank. He smiled behind his coffee.
“Right. Shower, Lilly. Busy day today.” Sally inspected the fruit bowl.
“You two fancy going for a drive later?” I jumped on Frank’s back. “I’ve found some really cool places I know you’d like. I mean, it’s no Manhattan, but I like it.”
“I’m game.” Frank moving me into a headlock.
“You two stop messing about. Get ready. And no, Lilly, you’re too busy for chauffeuring.”
“What am I busy doing?”
“Don’t you even look at your own schedule?” said Sally, throwing me an apple. “Filming for a few hours.”
“Good, so a short day.”
“I wasn’t finished. I need you home for just before five. Some homo won a radio show. He gets to ask you ten questions via webcam.”
“Sally. You can’t say homo.”
“Well, he’s a super-fan and he’s male. Chances are he pitches for the wrong team. You do seem to attract the queer folk, don’t you?”
“I’m not even going to answer that.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve already vetoed any questions I don’t like. He’ll be harmless, those sorts normally are.”
“Why not let him just ask his own questions?”
“Lilly, don’t start. What time is it?” she checked her watch. “Right, car is picking you up in an hour. Be ready.”
“I don’t mind driving. I’ve been driving loads since you’ve been away.”
“Absurd. The car will pick you up in an hour. Can’t have you driving around with your top down like Diana Rigg. Don’t think I didn’t notice, Lilly. That car outside is going back.”
“That’s not your decision, Sally,” I heard Frank say from behind me.
“Frank it’s impractical.”
“Even if it is, it’s still Lilly’s decision.”
“Yes, and I’m not going to watch her waste it.”
“I’m going to get ready,” I said, leaving the two of them to fight it out between themselves. I hadn’t the energy, took myself upstairs.
Outside my window I looked out across the garden, checked if I could see Tom, which I couldn’t, checked if I could see anyone else. Whoever was out there was either not there at all, or better at hiding than I was at finding.
23
The lady passed me a paper bag of warm bread as I gave her the last few quid in my denim jacket, before finding somewhere in the sun to sit. I didn’t feel like Dot’s breakfast today, which was no offence to her, just tired of being waited on, where every meal felt like I was at a restaurant, my drink topped up, my dirty plates taken away, a bench and a good view was a nice change. Kingsbridge looked peaceful today, like it hadn’t yet woken up. You wouldn’t have thought it a Monday morning, there were no people in suits rushing to work, no beeping traffic, there were more boats than there were cars. It was a village where everyone walked or sailed, where people had time to do both just as slowly. I tore a piece of bagel, took a gulp of orange juice, felt like I was abroad, my legs a few metres from the quay, the warm sun on the back of my neck, as good a time as any, I thought.
I’d been putting off ringing Vince for the last few days, normally he rang me, but from the last time we spoke he sounded like he had bigger things on his plate. I very nearly confessed the last time we spoke, had this mad moment where telling him about me and Lilly seemed a good idea, one that would end up with a pat on the back, as opposed to a stab.
As much as I told myself I didn’t care, that Vince wasn’t a true friend, deep down I still felt like an arsehole for what I was doing behind his back, for all his flaws he had thrown this job my way, he’d put money in my pocket, he didn’t deserve to be lied to. In all honesty, I was more afraid of what he’d do with the information rather than what he’d do to me, I got take a fist, a bloody nose, but I couldn’t handle him taking it public, which was the reason why for now it was best he was kept in the dark.
He took a long time to answer and when he did he sounded put out.
“Oh my God, man, I’m sorry,” realising my mistake. “I completely forgot the time. I haven’t woken you up, have I?”
“It’s fine, it’s fine. I was just in the shower.” I could hear scrambling around.
“What time is it where you are?” I looked at my watch. “Must be about one. So sorry. How comes you are still up and about?”
“Less about my late-night washing habits. Let me take a wild guess and predict that Lilly is filming today.”
“She is an actress, Vince. She is here to make a movie you know.”
“What about Frank and Sally?”
“What about them?”
“The fact they arrive later.”
“How d’ya know about that?”
“You told me, dumbass.”
“I doubt they’ll get to here till gone five and I reckon none of those three will be straying too far tonight. I think this rest of the week is gonna be a similar flavour, I can’t see there being much action here before she leaves.”
“It is what it is.”
“You not mad? I thought you’d be sending me home seeing as there is no money to be made. Doesn’t seem like anyone is sticking around, everyone with a camera has flown back home with their tail bet
ween their legs.”
“Better you see it through. You never know, one thing the girl has proved these last few months is she’s unpredictable.”
“You want me to stay on till she goes I guess?”
“Might as well see out the fourth quarter. I always finish things I start, no matter the result.”
“Bet you’re glad you didn’t come in the end. Would have been a waste of money and time.”
“And you know I hate wasting both of those. How’s your mom?”
“OK. Not great. Still lots of tests. Be easier once I’m home.”
“Not long now.”
“Did you manage to find out anything about our new competition?”
“Nada. I still think what you saw was a coincidence. There’s a lot of Silver Mercs on the planet. I wouldn’t worry too much anyway. It doesn’t change our game plan.”
“I suppose whoever is snooping around Lilly, the good thing is so far they haven’t bared their teeth yet.”
“You keep me in the loop. Let me know as soon as you are on the move. Look, Tommy, I gotta go.”
“At one in the morning?”
He didn’t answer.
“I’ll call you in the next few days, Vince.”
“Best I call you. I’m in and out of stuff this week.”
“Speak soon, Vince.”
“Don’t lose sight of the prize, hey. Wherever she is, you need to be.”
“Sure.”
“Say it back.”
“I heard you, Vince. Wherever she is, I need to be.”
“Good,” he said, as I tried to enjoy the rest of my breakfast, the rest of my view. Vince always had a way of making me feel shit, rushing breakfast or rushing off, either way I felt guilty.
24
“This is awesome Frank. I so needed this,” I said mid-mouthful. “You want my gherkins?” handing them to Frank.
“Don’t you get ketchup over my upholstery, you.” His lap was covered in napkins as a precaution.
“Where’s Sally again?”
“Some conference call. I didn’t ask, she looked stressed and had lots of notes. That is never a good sign.” He took a slurp from his straw.
“She seems pretty hardwired today.”
“She has a lot on her plate. A lot of things are up in the air in regard to what you do next.”
“Making sure I’m not getting screwed over, I hope.”
“You aren’t getting screwed over. The opposite in fact, that’s why she is so stressed, sifting through contracts and small print, getting you the best deal possible.”
“She doesn’t have to be so hard on me all the time though. Despite what both you and her think, I can fend for myself.”
“You know what she is like. She just wants perfection.”
“Perfection is unobtainable. Hence why I’m sat here eating drive thru when I should be eating carrot sticks.”
“She isn’t doing it to be mean. She knows the game is fickle, she doesn’t want the size of your butt to mean another girl edges in front.”
“You don’t think it’s just because she’s never had children?”
He laughed as he chewed. “No, I don’t think that at all.”
“You think she’s lonely?”
“If she is, she doesn’t show it. Most of the time she’s too busy too care.” He ate the last mouthful of his burger, screwed up the wrapper. “How comes you’re so full of questions about Miss Anquist all of a sudden?”
“Just wondering what makes her tick. She’s a hard one to work out.”
“One of a kind, that one.”
“You don’t think she’d do anything behind my back, do you?”
Frank frowned. “What would make you say a thing like that?”
“Nothing, just something someone said.”
“Who?”
“No one.”
“Well this ‘no one’ is way off point.”
“So, I have nothing to worry about. I can completely trust Sally?”
“You shouldn’t even have to ask, Lilly.” He still looked mad, slurping his shake. “You be careful who you talk to. A listening ear can be a running mouth. You finished?”
“Yep. All done,” passing him my rubbish. “Sorry, Frank, I need to… ” letting out a humongous burp, sweet and fizzy.
“That was impressive,” Frank smiled, starting the engine and driving out of the car park into five o’clock traffic. “Let’s get you back. You have a date with the webcam, remember?”
“What we gonna tell Sally? She’ll smell it on us, and she’ll wonder why we won’t touch our dinner.”
“We’ve only had burgers, Lilly. We haven’t committed murder.”
“I know, but you know what she’s like. She’ll make a big drama out of it.”
“Her dramas never bothered you before.”
“Well, they do now. Frank is that car behind following us?”
Frank checked his rear view. “Don’t think so, why?”
“I swear I saw it back at the drive thru.” I tried to catch sight of the driver. “It’s a silver Merc, right?”
“That’s not a Merc.”
“Oh.”
“You seem a bit jittery today. Something up?”
“Nothing’s up, Frank. Just think it should be you keeping an eye out for stuff like this, not me.”
The car went quiet, radio low, the rain showed no signs of stopping, I didn’t look at Frank, I knew that comment was below the belt, but in all honesty, it was what I was thinking.
“You sure you’re OK? You seem different,” he asked me.
“Do I?”
“I can’t put my finger on it.”
“In a good way, I hope.”
“No, actually.”
“Wow. Cheers for that, Frank. You know how to cheer a girl up.”
“I’m just being honest. You seem on edge this last few days, looking over your shoulder, quick to snap. That isn’t like you.”
“Isn’t a girl allowed an off day? I’ve got a lot on my mind round now.”
“Did something happen whilst me and Sally were away?”
“No.”
“You sure nothing is up? You can tell me anything, Lilly, you know that.”
“No, but sometimes I wish you took your job more seriously, Frank. You’re my security, not my lunch date.”
He didn’t answer. He put his foot down. We both kept an eye on the car behind as it became smaller and smaller, till it wasn’t there any longer.
* * *
Later I rang Tom, asked him if he was any closer to finding my newest stalker, even made him ring Vince, who in my eyes was still the prime suspect, let Tom try to catch him off guard, put him on the spot, get him to make a mistake. Tom wasn’t too happy about it, said he’d spoken to him the day before, said there was nothing to catch out.
Tom messaged me an hour later.
I told you. It’s not Vince.
How do you know for sure?
His wife answered his cell. So, unless she is here too, it’s not Vince.
Fuck.
Lilly, can we meet somewhere? I miss you.
No.
25
Tuesday was shit, argument with Sally, argument with Rogan, argument with Frank. Wednesday, I just got up and went to work, tried to keep out of everybody’s way in case I said something stupid again. The only person I hadn’t argued with was Tom, but that was only because we hadn’t talked much. Felt like we hadn’t fallen out, but something was definitely off, something had changed, mostly on my part. Just struggling with what to do next, I was in this weird head space where I knew I either needed to commit to him 100%, or run in the opposite direction. I was used to the running, it’s what I do best, but commitment has always been something I’ve found trick
ier. Might explain why I’ve been so much of a bitch this week, torn between the biggest grin or largest frown.
Today was Thursday, another long day, my head hurt, my jaw ached, I was all kissed out. Rogan was on top form today, had me in stitches, it felt good to laugh, made me forget about all my decisions. Everyone was in high spirits today, last day on set, so lots of patting on the back, lots of champagne corks. I think the fizz had gone to my head and worse still there was more fizz to come later.
I’d just arrived home, the driveway was busy with vans and more vans, this last week they just kept turning up outside, arriving empty before driving off filled. I watched from the window, Sally delegating and directing, orchestrating my possessions’ safe return overseas, she looked agitated. I didn’t know where half of it had come from, I’d brought so much, but worn so little, packed like every night I’d be attending a ball, when in fact I’d spent most of the time here in bra-less in baggy tees. Sally ordered Frank to help with the lifting, ordered me upstairs and in her exact words said I needed to try and make sense of my bedroom, whatever that meant, making things into piles, turning mess into order.
I didn’t even want half the stuff, I was grateful for all the clothes, but it was too much for one person and guaranteed when I got to LA I’d be given even more. I told Sally to give them to charity, no person should own so much, it was a waste to have much beauty hanging up in a darkened wardrobe. Sally disagreed, of course, said it would be criminal to give Marc Jacobs away to some crack whore or street rat, she had a point, the last thing an addict needed was haute couture. I could auction them, choose a cause I believed in, give them a big cheque they can use rather than wear.
* * *
My cell buzzed, it was Tom. He’d just got here having followed me from filming, asked me to sneak out. I said I was busy packing.
My cold response was intentional, I was purposely separating myself from Tom, preparing for my departure, giving my heart a chance. I’d done a lot of thinking these past few days, about me and Tom. One thing was for sure, I was in love with him, madly and deeply, but if he wasn’t ready to come to America and if I wasn’t serious about moving to here, then really what future did we have? Our relationship wouldn’t survive. I mean I had thought about moving here and I’m sure I would love it, but in doing so I’d be pretty much writing off my career and saying goodbye to my family and friends. It was a big ask, that was problem, it was big ask for either me or Tom, one of us would have to give up so much, too much. Right time, wrong place, that was the fact of the matter. It would be easier if I just told Tom the truth, tell him what we had was over. I walked to the window, opened it, let the warm breeze fill my bedroom. I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was there.