by Lisa Campell
Diligently, he pried her legs apart. As he settled between her thighs, he continued to work with his hands.
He rubbed against her folds gently, enjoying the softness of them and the cries of pleasure she wouldn’t stop singing.
More of her juices flowed on to his fingers and he knew she was almost ready for him.
He settled at her entrance then and with one finger, began to pry her open. He was the gentlest he had ever been. He didn’t wish to hurt her. All he wanted her to feel was pleasure.
The kind she had never felt before. The kind only he would ever give her.
Slowly, he eased into her, taking in a sharp breath when her warm, moist walls clenched around him.
“Edward… what are you doing to—”
He kissed her, swallowing her words. As she returned his kiss, he eased all the way in, housing one finger successfully inside of her.
Then, he began to move. He thrust in and out, as tenderly as ever.
With joy, he watched as her face contorted in pleasure and she continued to squirm.
As her walls began to stretch and accommodate him, he added another finger.
He waited for her to grow accustomed to the intrusion again before he continued to thrust once more. This time, he increased his pace, moving faster.
“Yes, more, Edward!”
It was all he had ever wanted. Seeing her beneath him, sighing his name in pleasure, was a dream come through.
Stroke after stroke, he took her higher and higher up to the heights of ecstasy. He knew the moment she arrived, and with just one more stroke, she tilted over the edge.
Before his very eyes, she came in glorious wonder. Her melody was one he knew he would never forget.
His head spun as her release gushed into his hands and he brought his fingers to his lips to lick them dry.
The scent of her drove him even more wild.
“I want you, Caroline. All of you.”
He started to take off his shirt then. He threw it aside as he finished and began to work on his trousers.
Suddenly, she held his hands, stopping him.
Confused, he looked at her. She said nothing as she rose to a sitting position.
“I can smell the wine on you,” she finally spoke.
What does that have to do with anything?
“I had a few glasses.”
She smiled at him. “I believe they were more than a few.”
“I don’t understand.”
Caroline smiled. “I might be new to this, but I know what is about to happen. Or at the very least, I think I do. I have read of it. I am aware that I am your wife and this is well within your rights, but I do not want our first time to be this way. You might as well be drunk. If you hadn’t taken so much wine, would you still desire me?”
“Of course! I have always desired you, Caroline. Whether sober or drunk.”
“Is that the truth, or is it the wine speaking?”
He would have answered but she stopped him with a hand to his lips.
“You made it clear that you only care for me as a friend and that this is a marriage of convenience. If we must make love as man and wife, I want you to do it with your mind sound, indeed. I fear if I let it happen tonight, you would awaken tomorrow with regrets. I do not want that. I don’t think my heart could bear it.”
“Caroline…”
She still wouldn’t let him speak. Before he knew it, she was up on her feet, picking up her robe and shrugging it on.
When she was covered once more, she turned to him. “I shall see you tomorrow. Do get some rest. I’ll be in the adjoining chamber. No one will know we didn’t spend the night together. Good night, Edward. Thank you… for everything.”
Edward watched her go, unable to believe what had just happened.
How had she changed her mind so suddenly? One moment, she had been writhing from pleasure and the next, she was turning him away?
He looked at the bulge in his trousers.
Looks like I shall have to take a cold bath. A really cold one.
Swearing from frustration, he got up to undress.
By the time he settled in the bathtub, his mind had started to clear.
Perhaps it was for the best.
No, it certainly was.
Caroline had been right. He was sure to have awoken with regrets the next morning, and he would have no one to blame but himself.
It was a good thing she had stopped him, for both their sakes.
He would be saving the both of them a whole lot of trouble if they never lay together.
Tomorrow, he would apologize. Then he would send her home to Yorkshire.
He feared if she remained in this house, a repeat of the events of that night would happen. If she had stopped him because he was intoxicated, what would happen on the day he was not?
She has to leave.
For both their sakes.
Chapter Twenty-Six
This is no marriage.
Admittedly, Caroline was aware she didn’t know enough to truly tell. Her mother had died when she was very young, and Aunt Trudy had never married.
She did not truly have an example of what a marriage should be. Yet she could tell that what she had with Edward wasn’t one.
He won’t even look at me.
He wouldn’t come to her either. Every night since their wedding night, she had waited for him in her chambers. And every night she had waited in vain.
She knew when he retired at midnight. She was often awake, listening as he moved about his chamber, his footfalls filling the night air.
With hope, she would wonder when he would open the door that adjoined their chambers. If it would be the next moment, or another hour. Eventually, the light from the lamp would go out, plunging his room into darkness, and she would cease to hear any more noise.
Knowing that he had finally gone to sleep, she would close her eyes and force herself to do the same, her heart breaking just a little bit more. Funny, she thought there wasn’t nothing left to break, but every night she was proven wrong.
An entire week.
That was how long it’d been since their wedding, and her husband had yet to lie with her.
Whenever she thought of it, Caroline made conscious efforts to refrain from having regrets. Stopping him had been the right thing to do, no matter how much she too had wanted it.
They could not have possibly made love with him intoxicated, for all the reasons she had given him. Edward didn’t love her. If the liquor he had consumed was affecting his judgment, he was certain to have regrets when he regained his senses in the morning.
She would have hated that even more. Him having to apologize for a night that would have been so special to her, possibly asking her to never remember it again.
It had taken everything in her to keep from going further that night. The pleasures he had shown her, the wonders he had performed with his hands and lips… she had wanted so much more. She had wanted it all.
Her heart had broken when he had entered the chamber and she had perceived the liquor in the air. It had been even stronger on his breath. The thought that he had had to get drunk in order to get through the night with her had been almost soul crushing.
Yes, he had said this was a marriage of convenience and he expected nothing from her. Still, the very least they could have done was consummate the vows they’d made before all those people, before the priest, in all sobriety.
Her intention had been to stop him when he started to kiss her. She had failed, melting in his arms, giving herself to him ever so willingly.
It was a good thing that she had regained her senses at the right time, was it not? As she’d watched him undo his trousers, she had known right then that she couldn’t continue.
All night long, she had scarcely gotten a wink of sleep, replaying the events in her head over and over again. She never would have thought it possible, the things he had done to her.
He had given her a taste of what could be
and she was almost going mad with desire for more.
Alas, he wouldn’t even hold her gaze or speak to her, save for pleasantries in the morning. She only saw him when it was time to dine. If they happened to run into each other in the hallway, he would simply spare her a nod before walking away.
It was just as terrible as things had been before they’d gotten married.
No, it was much worse, as they were now married.
She heaved a heavy sigh as she rose from her bed.
She wasn’t looking forward to another day living like strangers with the man she called her husband.
“I have picked out three lovely dresses, your grace. Which would you like to wear today?” Amelia said, jolting her out of her thoughts.
Caroline looked at the arrangement Amelia had made. They were all bright colors. It felt as though she would be living a lie if she wore any of them, for they did not mirror her demeanor.
She needed a dress that would match the gloom in her heart.
“Is there anything darker? Grey? Brown? Midnight blue?”
Amelia seemed to think about it for a moment. “I think there might be a lovely grey dress somewhere in your wardrobe. Only give me a moment.”
Caroline watched as her maid returned to the wardrobe. There had to be something suitable in there. Aunt Helen had insisted that she got many new dresses befitting a duchess. Edward had been all too willing to fund the purchases.
It would take a while getting accustomed to being a duchess. She still found it very strange, answering to “your grace.”
“Ah! I think I found just the right one!” Amelia chimed as she stepped away from the wardrobe.
Turning around, she revealed a simple grey colored day dress.
It wasn’t as dark as Caroline would have liked, but it wasn’t bright either. Pleased, her lips curved in a smile.
“This will do. Thank you, Amelia.”
An hour later, she was done getting ready for the day. As it was almost time for breakfast, she found her way to the dining hall. Her heart thrummed softly as she descended the stairs, nearing the hall with each step.
She was going to see him again. They would say good morning to each other, and then sit side by side to eat in silence. After which he would rise to his feet and leave, not to be seen again until evening.
Her heart skipped a beat as she finally entered the dining hall.
He’s here already.
He was seated with his back turned to her. Drawing in a deep breath, she closed the distance between them.
He stood up as he heard her approach—he always did—pulling out a chair for her.
Graciously, she took it, muttering her thanks. His response was a curt nod.
When they were both seated, he spoke. “A lovely morning to you. Did you sleep well?”
As was customary, she nodded. “Very well, thank you. Did you?”
He bobbed his head. “Very well.”
“Glad,” was her simple response.
Wordlessly, they began to eat. The tension in the air was palpable. The silence almost deafening, as always.
It made Caroline uncomfortable, very much so.
I should speak with him. I should tell him my feelings. Ask him why he chooses to be this way.
Yet she could not bring herself to do it. He had saved her, and he had helped her family. She was grateful to him.
Nonetheless, in times like this, she wished she had never loved him, never waited, never became his wife.
The sound of cutlery and soft chewing continued to fill the air. Eventually, they finished eating.
As Caroline dabbed the corner of her lips with a napkin, he cleared his throat.
She unconsciously paused, expecting his announcement that he’d be taking his leave.
However, that didn’t happen. When he spoke, it was entirely different words that left his lips.
Words that had tears rushing to Caroline’s eyes.
“It has been a week since our wedding,” he began. “According to prior discussion, I believe it is as good time as any to begin preparations for you to leave for Yorkshire. You’ll live with your father and you’ll be free to do whatever it is you wish.”
He still wouldn’t hold her gaze. Caroline was grateful for this. She didn’t want him to see her crumble.
He continued. “I also want to apologize… for that night. I realize I should have a long time ago, but I was too ashamed. I do not know what came over me. It’ll never happen again.”
Caroline swallowed as she tried to find her voice.
“It’s fine. It’s been forgiven,” she said in almost a whisper, glad when her voice didn’t break.
He nodded. “Thank you. Is there anything you would like to say?”
A lot.
She shook her head. “No, not at all. I shall do as you wish.”
“Let me know before you leave.” With those words, he got up and walked away.
Caroline remained at the table, not trusting her legs to hold her up if she dared to stand, much less walk.
There were servants in the dining hall. People who shouldn’t see her cry, but she couldn’t hold the tears in any longer.
“I’d like to be alone,” she said aloud.
As soon as the words left her lips, they started to leave, one after the other. Amelia, the last to leave, closed the doors behind her.
Certain that she was safe to cry her heart out, Caroline broke down into tears. It might have been an hour or more. Time ceased to have meaning as she wept.
Eventually, she managed to put herself together and dried her tears.
It is just as well.
After all, it was better to be away from him than to be hurt daily, living under the same roof like strangers. She would go to Yorkshire. There, she would nurse her broken heart and do everything in her power to stop loving him.
For as long as she continued to care for him, she would continue to hope that one day, he too would come to love her. As long as she continued to hope, he would only break her heart.
Getting rid of her feelings was the only way to ensure that would never happen again. It wouldn’t be easy, not at all, but she certainly would try.
With all her might.
Edward heaved a sigh as he lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.
It was going to be another long day, he could just tell. He would go to the dining hall, have breakfast in silence with Caroline. Then, he would enter his study and remain there until it was time to have dinner.
Once again, he would eat in silence with his wife by his side.
My wife.
The thought almost made him laugh. He hadn’t been treating her as such. He had been nothing but unfair to her, and he hated himself for it.
He despised himself even more for what he had had to do the day before… send her away.
Caroline didn’t deserve any of this. All she had done was care for him. Yet all he could do in return was hurt her. Over and over again.
He had thought perhaps they could make it work. If he just stayed away from her as much as he could, she could remain in London.
He had only filled himself with deceit. Knowing that she was only a door away from him kept him up all night. He would lie awake until exhaustion took him under in the early morning hours, fighting the overwhelming urge to go to her.
It was torture.
Every morning, he had to sit with her and pretend not to look at her. Pretend that he wasn’t watching her mouth as she ate. Act as though he wasn’t fighting the desire to take her into his arms and kiss her senseless.
Sending her away like that had been the only thing to do. If she continued to stay in London with him, it was only a matter of time before he would open that adjoining door between them.
How much temptation could a man resist?
He breathed another heavy sigh as he pushed himself up from bed.
Not much.
Even the past night, he had lain in the dark wondering if she was asleep. I
f she still wore that scandalous bridal robe. If she waited for him.
After getting as much of a taste of her as he had the last time, he only wanted more. Whenever the memories of that heated night flooded his mind—and they often did—his member grew hard, aching with the need to be plunged into her warmth.