She was just about to give Fleur a piece of her mind when the trumpeter hollered a strange announcement.
"Your Majesty!" the royal trumpeter said. "We have an immediate and urgent request for your ear. Most peculiar, this one. It is a suit for the princess Miri's hand in marriage."
Miri's entire face blanched, becoming a pale, bloodless white. She blinked over and over, confused. "Did he say that...?"
Fleur was all grins. "Seems you're about to have a marriage proposal. How interesting. Maybe you should accept? Do you think he'll care that you've bedded a troll?"
"Do you think anyone will care if I throttle you right now?" Miri muttered. Fleur never heard her, she was too caught up in the commotion.
This shouldn't be happening, Miri thought. In fact, she didn't know why anyone would want to do this to themselves, anyways. Years ago, when she first came of age to potentially accept suitors, she'd agreed to try it out. Agreed in words, but not in mind. Mostly, she wanted to berate anyone who thought themselves good enough for her. That man wanted to wed her? Why should she accept that when he had a face like a horse. Or what about the man with the beard that went all the way down his neck and connected seamlessly with the hair on his chest?
She'd been nicer to the eighty-seven year old man who brought her a jeweled music box and told her he didn't really want to marry her, but he'd meant to give this to her mother years ago and he'd never had a chance before her death. She actually went on a date with that one, and let him eat dinner in the castle, and she still owned the music box. After that, she'd acted especially mean to the servants so they wouldn't think her kind or anything, but she liked that old man.
This new person, whomever it was, must have heard she'd ditched Roy. Not that Roy ever had a chance at marrying her, but she went out with him as a kind of learning experience. That's what she told her father, at least. How, she'd said, will I know how to date someone if I've never done it before? And, well, the King somewhat agreed, and mostly she'd just wanted to screw over Fleur, so the whole thing worked out. Except, now this, so maybe it hadn't worked as well as she thought.
"Who is the suitor?" the King asked the trumpeter.
The trumpeter cleared his throat and scrunched up his eyes, staring at the introduction paper in his hands. "I can't quite read his signature, your Majesty."
"Oh," the King said. Just oh.
Miri sighed. "If you can't read his signature, then I don't think we should even bother to see him."
"What did she say?" the King asked. It was a long hallway, and Miri didn't want to scream.
The trumpeter did it for her, relaying the message.
"Oh," the King said. "Well, where has he come from?"
"The mountains, your Majesty," the trumpeter said. "Quite a distance."
"We should at least hear him out. It would be rude if..."
"I don't care if it's rude! I meant to decline suitors earlier, but I forgot!"
"What did she say?" the King asked.
The trumpeter repeated it again.
"What is taking so long?" Allysin burst into the room, throwing open the doors. The guards tried to push her aside, but immediately stopped upon seeing who accompanied her.
Miri blinked. She stared at Allysin, and the guards, and the doorway, and... she must be dreaming.
Standing in the doorway, his head almost touching the top of the door casing, was Thump. He wore a fancy top hat, an oversized black suit jacket(though no formal shirt underneath it) that clung tight to his massive torso, and pants that stopped at his knees. The pants looked like any other person's pants, except Thump was far too tall to fit in them properly. No shoes, no tie, nothing besides the scant formal-wear, and overall he looked ridiculous.
"What the fuck," Miri said.
She looked at Thump with a mix of incredulousness and awe. While he looked idiotic, it took a certain amount of finesse and confidence to walk into a room while dressed like that and not have any amount of shame show through. Thump saw her and happily waved, then remembered himself(mostly when Allysin chastised him), and stopped.
Fleur burst into laughter. She nearly fell off her seat, rocking back and forth, holding her stomach. Miri wanted to shove her the rest of the way off her chair, but now everyone was looking at her oddly.
"Well, um," her father said. "This is interesting?"
"Yah!" Thump said. He sounded very excited.
"I know this is a little odd," Allysin said. "But Thump has something to say, and since Miri banished him recently we both thought this was the best way to go about it."
"I banished him for a reason, Allysin!" Miri screamed. "I also said that if he came back I'd have him executed. Do you remember that part?"
"Yah," Thump said. "Thump remember, Miri."
Allysin gave Miri a dirty look. "Do it. I dare you. You won't even."
"This is ridiculous," Miri muttered. Everyone kept looking at her. She turned her gaze downwards, staring at her feet. "Just make it quick, alright? Then leave. That's it."
"Alright, Thump," Allysin said. "So go do what we talked about. Do you remember it all?"
"Yup," Thump said.
A little boy rushed forth from the not-yet-closed petition hall doors and thrust a bouquet of flowers into the troll's hands. Thump patted the boy on the head. The little boy looked so happy. Miri didn't really understand that; Thump was some ferocious, ten foot tall troll, something that should inspire fear in most anyone. The boy looked anything but scared, though.
Thump ambled over to the benches and stood in front of the Millicent box. He leaned over the railing separating the center hall from the benches and offered Miri the flowers.
"What do I want these for?" she asked. "Also, why are you giving me wilted flowers? Look, the petal right there is dying. That's kind of rude, you know?"
Thump looked, then pulled off the wilting petal. "For Miri," he said. "Pretty flowers for pretty Miri. Smell?"
"I don't want to..."
Thump placed the flowers in front of her nose, forcing her to catch a whiff of them.
She furrowed her brow and frowned. "They do smell nice," she said. Reluctantly she took them from him.
"Thump go talk to King now," Thump said. "Miri wait here, don't move."
"You can't tell me what to do!" Miri said. "I'm the one who tells you what to do!"
"Yah. Thump know."
He must not know, she thought, because he ignored her. He ignored most everything she said, defied banishment, returned to the castle, and embarrassed her in front of everyone. A suitor, a troll? Really now? No one would accept that!
She really didn't know why her father sat on the throne so calmly. He waited for Thump to approach and didn't even look at all disturbed. Actually, Miri was quite disturbed that her father wasn't disturbed. Too strange.
"You're here to request my daughter's hand in marriage?" the King asked, completely serious.
"Yah," Thump said. "Thump want marry Miri."
"Do you know what marriage is?"
"Yah," Thump said. "Marriage is..." He looked over his shoulder to Allysin, who gave him an encouraging nod. "Marriage is good," he continued. "Marriage is when Thump help Miri. When Miri need jar off high shelf, Thump pick Miri up and Miri get it. Miri help Thump, too. Miri tell Thump words and Thump say them and talk. Miri tell Thump words and Thump here now saying words to King."
Miri's father laughed. "That's a good start. What else?"
Thump cleared his throat. "Miri is good and best. Um. Before Miri, Thump not know much. Miri tell Thump things and Thump learn a lot. Thump learn not to break beds and what cleaning is. Thump like castle, too. Thump like Allysin and Miri like Allysin. Miri tell Thump everything and Thump tell Miri everything. Thump love Miri."
The King was about to say something, but Miri interrupted. "You can't!" she said. "You can't love me! You're just a troll and I'm not a nice person. I'm mean. Everyone says so. And you know what? I'm alright with that, because then everyone listens to me. That's
how it should be. Except you aren't listening to me at all. You're doing the exact opposite of that."
Ridiculous, she thought. Absolutely ridiculous. Thump yelled out his adoration. "Thump love Miri!"
"You can't love me!"
'Nope, Thump do."
"Stop it!"
"Enough!" the King said. "I'm all for young love and happiness, but this is getting kind of silly."
"Getting?" Miri said. "It wasn't before?"
"Nope," Thump said, shaking his head.
"Quiet," the King said. "Both of you."
Thump nodded, and Miri reluctantly followed suit.
"I don't really know if I can let a troll marry my daughter," the King said. "I hope you understand, Thump. You seem like a nice troll, but I'm not sure about the marriage. I do like that you've taken the effort to try and speak with me about it, though. Also, Miri doesn't seem to keen on it. She's a bit of a hassle sometimes. It's part of her charm."
Miri harrumphed, crossing her arms over her chest. "I am not."
Thump and the King ignored her.
"I'm willing to give you a chance, though. If you can tell me exactly why you want to marry my daughter, then I'll leave everything up to her. That's all I can do."
"That's ridiculous," Miri said. "He can't, anyways. Do you hear how he's talking? There's absolutely no way he can explain why he wants to marry me. He doesn't even know. This is just some awful joke by Allysin, which, I should add, I really don't appreciate."
"Nope," Thump said. "Thump know why."
"Why, then?" Miri asked. "I'm really curious? Because you help me get things off the top shelves? That's just great! That's the best reason to want to marry someone!"
Thump stood tall and cleared his throat once more. He waited, thinking. He looked confused, which was his typical look. Miri sighed. He was going to make a fool of himself, she knew it. He wanted to think of the best words to say, but it wouldn't help.
She didn't hate Thump. In fact, she liked him a lot. Which was why this hurt even more, because she didn't want to see him humiliate himself.
Thump spoke, quiet and sincere. "Thump want marry Miri because without Miri Thump will die. Without Miri, Thump feel dead already."
The King stopped. He said nothing. He cried?
Absolutely ridiculous! Stupid! Her father was crying over there? Only belatedly, when she went to say something, did she realize she was crying, too. Tears dripped down her cheeks, salty wetness moistening her lips. She wanted Thump to leave because she didn't want him to die, but he was saying that he felt like he would die without her?
The King continued saying nothing.
"I can't marry you, Thump," she said. "First, your a troll. Who's going to accept that? No one, that's who. That's just weird. Also, I'm a human and it's just really not appropriate, you know?"
"Actually," Allysin interrupted. "I asked most everyone what they thought, and all of them agree that they don't mind too much."
"What do you mean they don't mind? You asked them? That's absurd."
One of the guards shimmied forward, offering his thoughts. "It's been kind of nice lately. Since Thump arrived, you haven't had as many people put in jail. Everyone's been less on edge and you look happier all the time."
The servant girl, Lori, bustled forward from the benches. "Allysin told me not to tell you this, but we talked, and everyone agrees that you're really nice, Miri. Thump's a good man, too. I mean, maybe he's a troll, but that's alright? My sister's marrying a lumberjack so it's almost the same thing."
"A lumberjack isn't like a troll!" Miri said.
"You've already bedded him," Fleur said. To ensure the rest of the petition hall heard her, she repeated it louder. "Miri's already had sex with the troll! Why not marry him and complete this ludicrous farce? The dirty princess whore and her ugly, monstrous troll, together as one. Why not? I have the pictures to prove it. I'll happily show them to anyone who wants to see."
Miri seethed. Her face burned bright red and she glared at Fleur with heavy eyes like the weight of a waterfall.
"Imprison her," Miri said. "I want her thrown in jail. Somewhere deep and dark. Not a nice jail. Lock her in a stone closet and bind her hands and feet if you want. I don't care, but make it abysmal."
"You can't jail me," Fleur said, a smug grin on her face. "What have I done? Told everyone about your shenanigans with the troll? There must be some kind of law against that, you know? This silly talk of marriage and letting Thump stay around, but no one really thinks about the technicalities behind it. If you marry him, you're going to fuck him, and you've already done that. It's gross! This isn't all happiness and sunshine, Princess."
"I am jailing you," Miri said, "for exploiting trolls. I believe we have certain human labor laws in the kingdom that your family has ignored for far too long."
"Ha!" Fleur spat out the word. "Human labor laws, you idiot. A troll isn't a human."
Ignoring Fleur, Miri said to her father, "We're in the petition hall, right?"
"Yes?" the King answered.
"Can I petition you for a change to the laws, daddy?"
"Of course," he said, looking serious.
"I'd like to change the human labor laws to humanoid labor laws that encompass anyone with the capacity to speak the common language amongst the citizens of the kingdom. If we do that, we can garner good faith with everyone, and potentially bring the trolls into the kingdom. I believe they could be an asset in the future. They work hard and they..."
"Yes," the King said. "I agree. That sounds reasonable. Let's do that."
"Alright," Miri said. "Good. So now that that's done, please someone drag this bitch away and lock her up? I'm tired of her."
"What? You can't..." But Fleur never finished what she wanted to say.
A pair of guards came over. One of them picked Fleur up and tossed her over his shoulder, carrying her away like a sack of flour. The other guard stood nearby in case of trouble, but no one seemed ready to cause any. In fact, once the guards had Fleur out the door, a few people started clapping.
A few claps turned to applause, turned to cheers, turned to shouted questions about what Miri would do.
Thump came over and knelt in front of the Millicent box benches.
"I'm not marrying you," she said, shaking her head. "That's ridiculous."
"Nope," Thump said.
"I'm really not. I swear it."
Thump reached over the railing and grabbed Miri by the waist. He picked her up and held her against his chest, smiling. Miri flailed her arms about and whacked him on the back.
"This hat looks ridiculous," she said while hitting his shoulder. Snatching it off his head, she threw it to the ground. "Also, let me down, you idiot!"
"Nope."
The guards at the door looked at odds with themselves. "Your Majesty?"
The King shrugged. "I don't know."
"Save me, you goons!" Miri screamed.
One of the guards stepped forward, ready to protect the princess's life. "Um, can you put her down please?"
Thump stopped, frowning, ready to put Miri down.
She whispered into his ear. "Don't actually put me down! Capture me! Tell them no!"
"Nope!" Thump said to the guards, clinging to Miri.
"Uh, um..."
Miri sighed. Looking over her shoulder, she said in a hushed tone, "Just pretend like you're trying to rescue me, but let him get away, alright? Make it look good."
"Right," one guard said.
"Yes," the other agreed.
An epic battle between the kingdom guards and Thump, the troll brute, ensued. Thump waved a hand at the guards brandished shield and the guards moved aside, trying to protect the princess. The whole thing looked dumb and awkward, but at the end Thump roared out in triumph.
"Thump take Miri!" he said. Then quieter, "Bring back later. Bye, King."
"You idiot!" Miri hissed. "You're going to ruin everything!"
Thump stole Miri away into the castle.
The chancellor beside the King shrugged. "I wouldn't know, your Majesty."
"Did you know," the King continued, as if nothing were amiss. "Miri's mother was the first person to suggest the kingdom maintain human labor standards? She's following in her mother's footsteps. That's interesting, isn't it?"
...
Miri lay in shambles in the vile troll's prison. He stole her away from her kingdom, thwarting her father's guards, all for the purposes of marrying her. Ha, Miri thought, as if that would work! Just because he married a princess wouldn't make him royalty.
Or would it? Thump, the troll kidnapper, loomed above the princess, wearing nothing but a gentleman's jacket and suit pants.
"Take those clothes off," she said. "You look like an idiot." Miri had stripped earlier to fulfill that part of her fantasy.
Thump frowned. "Allysin said Thump look good. Allysin say..." Thump wrinkled his brow. "Extinguished?'
"Distinguished," Miri said. "And Allysin's an idiot, too."
"Allysin like Miri. Allysin say Miri not want Thump leave. Thump not leave."
"Shh," Miri said, helping him undress. The pants were too tight by far, and hard to pull off, but she managed to remove them with Thump's help.
And... "My gods."
The troll's massive cock bounced free, an inch away from slapping the captured princess in the face. She stared at it in awe, aghast. What was this? What did he plan for her?
The troll approached, leering. The wicked grin on his face said everything she needed to know. His plan wasn't just to marry her, it was to mate with her. Once he consummated their illicit marriage, he had more claim over her. And then what? What if Miri became pregnant?
This, she thought, probably wasn't possible, but the idea of it intrigued her in an odd sort of way. The excitement, the thrill, the naughtiness of it! She stared at Thump's cock with rapt anticipation.
Princess Miri: An Erotic Coming of Age Monster Romance Novel (Miri's Monster, The Complete Series) Page 14