by Janice Ross
He didn’t and couldn’t ever know.
~
—————
LUCAS
PRACTICALLY EVERY last vein in my head pulsed. The throbbing only grew worse and worse.
“If you had been hurt, there’s no telling what I would’ve done.”
“I’m okay, Lucas,” she mumbled, but I felt her fear. She wasn’t okay.
“You’re everything to me. I’m supposed to protect you, take care of you, look out for you.”
“All of a sudden?”
“You know better than that. Haven’t I always?”
She nodded but cried nonstop. Her tears soaked up my chest, my arms. I’d gotten her to stand up, but she wouldn’t let me take her into the bedroom.
We needed to do something, anything to fix this.
“You know I can’t wait around like this, right?” I kept the words low and spaced out. This shit was about to send me into a mindset I hadn’t known since I was a teenager. I wanted to hug her. My arms needed to be around her. My lips wanted to be pressed over every inch of her body. But first, I had to handle this violation.
“I. Can’t. Believe. This.” In the midst of the sobbing, she spoke with long pauses. The effects sent sharp jabs to my heart.
“I’ll fix it,” I promised. She had to know, like I did. This wasn’t some random thing. Shayna hadn’t ever screwed over another soul, so I knew this had to be on me. I was the asshole responsible for violating her safety, even when I hadn’t done the damage.
Damn!
I needed to be of sound mind. Flipping out was not an option, even as she shrank into my wide grip. She’d already soaked up my chest with her sobs. I knew to be patient with her and the situation.
“I’ll fix this. I promise. God knows, I’ll fix this.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” she pleaded.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay, eventually. Shay, I need you to be okay now.”
She nodded again.
In the meantime, I planned for later this day. My insides shook. I could barely contain it.
At twenty-nine, I’d finally learned to keep the beast under wraps. Shayna didn’t deserve that. She shouldn’t have to see him or be around him. I’d spent the past several years forgetting that bastard who reacted first and foremost. I’d seen enough and done enough to understand the importance of remaining calm. She was bound to freak out, if only I lost control. So, I kissed her some more to set her mind at ease.
When sirens broke into our silence, I pulled away and whispered, “Shay, take a deep breath. Breathe.”
—
Turns out, a large rock about the size of a mini-boulder had been used. I knew the one. She’d had me paint Welcome on the front of it, then place it on the top step at the front of the house. The entire top half of Shayna’s door had been ruined. The only pieces to hang on were the edges.
While they examined the door and searched for clues, we’d gotten dressed. Can’t say I wasn’t uncomfortable around them. One in particular threw strange glances my way. What the hell could I do, besides return his suspicious behavior? This man I’d become could deal. He better be glad I wasn’t the one I used to be.
Thirty minutes passed.
We crept up on an hour.
For a good chunk of the time, they observed the house. I practiced taking long, calming breaths. Tried not to allow his scrutinizing to affect me. And when they drilled her with the same questions as when they’d first gotten there, I paced the floor to keep from exploding.
“Is there a problem?” one of them asked.
“Yeah, I believe so.” What I wanted to say would get me locked up, so I held onto the disdain.
He sized me up, then refocused on Shayna.
I tried not to make it seem obvious. I couldn’t wait for the police to leave. I noticed the shiftiness of my pupils when I saw my reflection in a nearby mirror and even the shakiness of my hands. It wasn’t that I was nervous, more like pissed. This wasn’t a coincidence, nor was Shayna plagued with enemies.
“You’re certain you don’t know who might’ve done this?” the cop badgered.
“Four times! Do you think her answer’s gonna change?” I barked.
“We got a job to do,” the one shot out at me.
“All you’ve done is take turns repeating the same bullshit question.”
“That’s enough out of you,” he replied, moving at me like he wanted to take me down.
If it weren’t for Shayna throwing her body to my chest, trailing the tips of her fingers along my collarbone, and blowing a tender plea to “stay calm” up to my lips, my ass might’ve been laid out on the floor.
My anger revolved around her; what could’ve been a significant harm to her. And I was the jackass that put her in harm’s way. She’d been suckered into my drama. But I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever want to walk away. I only needed them gone. Now!
But as the inquisitive one kept peering at me, I didn’t look away. I forced myself to maintain eye contact. Honestly, was I supposed to tell them about the evening? Shit, I couldn’t incriminate Erika, even though she was suspect number one. This was my case to handle.
“One last time,” the other one continued.
There was a time in my life, when I was much younger and fearless, when I would’ve given officer-in-the-face a run for his money. But instead of taking that chance with my past, I forced out all of the hurtful memories. But now, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d done something remarkable in life to have gotten Shayna. I refused to screw things up.
“There was a guy—” Shayna mumbled.
“I’m gonna need you to speak up, ma’am.” The shortest officer stepped in front of Shayna. His complexion was pasty white, set off by a thin, almost invisible frown, except for the harsh lines at the sides.
“Give her some room to think,” I said, and yanked her away.
“Well, how are we supposed to investigate if she doesn’t speak up?” The shorter followed. Not only was he an in-the-face type of bastard, the guy wore an incredibly uncomfortable stare that could be considered as his best intimidation tactic. “We’re not leaving without full disclosure.”
I’d had enough. We were being treated like criminals. The dark, ugly chemistry between this joker and myself should have nothing to do with him doing the job he was paid to do. I adjusted Shayna behind me to finalize things. “This is bull. Someone throws a big-ass rock into her house and you’re harassing her?”
“You’re a minute away from—”
“From what?” I took a step toward them and raised my hands in surrender. They could see I wasn’t a threat. My only clothes were a tee shirt and boxers; nothing more, nothing less. “Seems like you’re in the habit of intimidating people that don’t know any better.” I stepped around slowly.
“Punks like you do nothing for me.” The cop reached into his pocket, pulled out a card and motioned up to his partner. While still looking at Shayna, he knitted his brow then stated, “I’m sure you’ll be in touch.” They turned and exited through the fragments of broken glass and out the front door.
I watched them exit as Shayna went to the bathroom. Before they'd gotten there, she'd pulled on a robe. She now came out with an oversized, plush pink towel secured from armpits to knees. Her hair was dripping wet, while her fingers trembled. She chewed on her bottom lip. But when I tried to talk with her, I barely got a grunt.
I saw the wheels turning. She looked to the wall, the floor, the ceiling, and even out into the morning sunlight. A wedge of separation rested between us.
“I’m sorry. I’ll fix this.” If nothing else, I had my word. This was more than a promise. “I swear.”
She dipped further from me, leaving a wide, empty grasp. “Lucas, did that have to do with Erika?” Shayna’s voice cracked when she reached the name she wasn’t in the habit of speaking out loud.
“Shay, let me deal with this.”
“I made a bad choice. This was a mis—”
/>
Before Shayna could finish, I grabbed her with both hands. The towel drifted to the ground.
“I’m not letting go,” I bit out. We gazed intently to one another. Shayna’s chest rose and dipped. Her lips parted, while her eyelids batted.
“We can’t do this. You need to leave and forget we were ever friends.” She swallowed. “I won’t bother you again. I promise.”
“That’s not an option. How can you expect me to just leave? No. No.” I wasn’t prepared to argue, nor would I appease her. Even when Shayna shook her head no, I captured her cheeks. “It’s me and you, Shay,” I moaned against her lips.
Before I said another word, she began kissing my face. I lifted her into my arms, then turned for the bed. To hell with the fucked-up door and looming daylight.
The sheets remained tossed from earlier, but I laid her on top. With her back pressed into the mattress, I slowly got onto my knees and spread her wide.
My lips passed along her inner thighs. I reached up, between her legs and for the treasure awaiting me. I placed a flurry of kisses the entire way up.
“Lucas.” Her words were introduced along with tears and wild passion. She tugged at my hair, at my ears, at anything she could reach.
“Relax, Shay.”
While her body listened to the relentless orders of my tongue moving in and out of her. I assaulted her the only way I knew how, with love and a passion reserved for the one.
My core became overtaken by an electric force controlled only by the girl that could love me into submission. I returned the love. Not anyone before, especially not the one I’d once promised to marry, was capable of getting my all. Nor was I willing to take it all, with the exception of Shayna Davies. My mental tirades only increased the urgency of this love. I loved her cries, loved her fight and loved the way her juices flowed when I forced her to release.
“I. Love. You,” I mumbled to her clit. It was just the right pressure, being applied in just the right way to keep her weak and under the influence of lust.
Shayna lay there motionless with her slender thighs thrown over my shoulders. The walls pulsed all around us, similar to the movement of her inner thigh. A blanket of love fell down upon us.
“I need to go on the road. Let’s get you dressed.”
“Let me sleep, please?” she whined. A chill shot up my spine. The complexity of the night . . . the realization that Shayna was mine to protect came at me from every angle. She was a part of me. Always had been, long before we'd met. We only needed to connect. I couldn't let her go . . . couldn't lose her.
“Are you crazy? Do you think I’m leaving you here by yourself?” I sat up immediately.
“Lucas, I’m tired.”
After picking her body up only to place her down on the top of the bed, close to the pillows, I studied the tiny frame of the woman I adored. No fricken way. I couldn’t fathom leaving her alone. I shook my head. She licked her lips, tucking beneath the sheets.
“Emma can stay with me,” she pleaded in a sleepy tone.
“Call her.” I didn’t really know Emma’s qualifications enough to put my trust in her, but reasoned that someone needed to be there with Shayna. And though I could take her along with me, the upcoming battle with Erika might not be ideal for Shayna either. So I took her phone from the end table.
She slowly took it from me and slid her thumb across the screen. She only managed to whisper into the line enough to let Emma know the basics. That included sharing the tidbit about me.
“Calm down, Emma. I’m okay.” She shifted to look into my face with full brown eyes and said, “She wanted me to let you know that your life is on the line.”
I bit my lips and tried to keep from smirking. I fanned off the threat.
“She said it’s not a joke or threat she can’t back up.”
“Tell her to stop threatening me and get over here now.”
“Already is,” Shayna stated while ending the call.
I let her fall asleep from there. The entire time, my mind flushed over with things I could never say out loud, at least not to Shayna. I waited until we received confirmation that Emma was close. Shay woke right up when I got ready to head out. I kept calm for the most part, but ripped out of that place when she was out of sight.
I ultimately had to shift focus. Although I’d originally felt like shit over the incident, the bull that Erika pulled earlier quickly helped to erase my reservations. There was no question about who'd done this. I slid behind the wheel then inhaled and exhaled deeply. That wouldn’t do shit to ease the tension, but I might have gone ballistic. Redirecting the energy had to be a good thing. Right? Or should I just let it go?
No, I needed to remain calm in order to confront Erika. In a short space of time we’d come far. She’d done nothing but brought drama back into my life. The obligation I once felt for her has dried right up.
No more.
I pounded the handle of the wheel.
Hell no.
I’d given up on a relationship. Tried to convince myself I had nothing but a friendship. Gave up on Shayna to be the savior to another woman. I’d convinced myself that Erika needed me and I needed her; when in fact, we had no right to be together.
—————
SHAYNA
“I’M OKAY.” I posed for Emma, stepping into plain view.
In usual fashion, she gave a blank type of stare with an exaggerated smirk. She stood there in clingy sweats and a sloppy, blonde ponytail. Her lips were a natural shade of pink and she was stunning for it to be so early.
I responded with a shrug.
“Let me get this straight, you finally screwed Lucas and this crap happens. To top things off, all you can say is I’m okay?” Emma leaned in through the jagged hole. Her smoky eyes glistened. “We've come too far from Florida’s drama.” Then on a lighter tone she added, “Do we need to search out the person that chose to do unscheduled renovations on your house?”
This gave me life. I could barely hold the laughter.
“From the minute this happened I wanted to call you, even before Lucas made the suggestion.”
“Things like this happen, you immediately call me! We have a history, Shay!”
“But how was I supposed to sneak that in? He knows zip about my past life. The only people who know and are still a part of me are you and my mother, who has most likely journeyed to oblivion by now.”
“Forget about your mother! You should’ve called me as this shit was happening. Lucas didn’t need to know anything specific. We’re friends. I look out for friends. Period.”
“I know you’d gotten back from New York late, but also knew you’d kill me if I’d kept it from you.”
“Damn right I would’ve!”
Emma never did exactly as she was told. In this case especially, there was no “I’ll be right there.” The sun had come up, so I didn’t mind. There was no way the bastard would return so soon either.
“I wanna check the back of the house,” she called, preparing to head back down the front stairs.
“Get in here and stop being overly dramatic.” Overly dramatic was an understatement.
In fact, I don’t think I’d ever gotten over the way she’d rescued me the night we'd met. She gave life to everything. The combination of her and Lucas brought security to my world. I would even go as far as saying hope.
Lucas had left to go “deal with things,” and actually, I welcomed her trash-talking. Now wasn’t the time to smile; still, one spread over my face. And for just that moment, I didn’t consider the fact that on the night I got busy with the guy I’d secretly wanted for so long, my past might’ve reappeared in a major way. Yet here I was, smiling and laughing because of my faithful bestie. I often wondered if, in fact, Emma’s purpose in life was to force me to let go of the small things.
Emma tiptoed over the threshold, overpowering the room in bright pink VS sweats and a white V-neck with pink lettering. She carried a matching cloth bag and scuttled through in white pu
sh-toe sandals. This was Emma Boone, every day, all day. She had this remarkable ability to catch the attention of most, whether good or bad.
“Any leads?” Emma stepped through the open-spaced design of the home. Her sandals tapped along with the movements, causing a hollow echo to travel into the air. With each step, she paused and studied me, clicking her tongue to the roof of her mouth.
“I think I made it clear to Lucas that I didn’t know who did this,” I offered up. I’d already warned her in our own little, elusive way. I wanted him to believe it was a random thing. I wished Emma would feel the same. No one and nothing needed this much power over our minds and our reality. But even if the two people closest to me believed in my hope of a random occurrence, I knew better. “Random?” I whined.
“Yeah, random my ass,” Emma teased in a less than lighthearted manner, appearing to have had the same flashback as her friend. “I don’t believe that douche bag from Florida waited five years to track you down and throw a damn rock in your window, only to leave.”
“Maybe . . . I know, maybe you’re right. It was a huge guy, on a bike. He had someone short with him, maybe some chick—”
“Lucas’s fiancée?” Emma spat.
“They ended things two weeks ago,” I quickly replied.
“And I’m just finding out?” Emma tapped my arm.
“I found out yesterday.”
“Then it was Erika,” Emma said with all certainty.
“We don’t know that,” I countered.
“I know you’re not stupid, Shay. And as much as you want this to not be the case, Lucas’s chick is psycho.”
“Wouldn’t you do the same thing? Seriously, Emma, I screwed her man.”
“Ex-man!” she corrected while holding up her hands. “Technically, he was yours first. You were just too stupid to accept that fact.”
“Arghhh!”