by Janice Ross
“Scream. Curse. Deny the truth. I don’t care. You’re perhaps one of the most stubborn people I know.” Emma’s cheeks turned rosy red. Her gray irises swirled with smoke. She forced me to look into her eyes by remaining in my path. This wasn’t a debate, as far as my best friend was concerned.
“I’m not in the mood to argue.” So I shifted around her. I then gathered up the small portion of my hair that had length, making a quick swoop into an odd, loose bun.
Neither of us spoke again just yet. I led the way; she followed. We walked into the kitchen, to the table. Emma pulled out a chair and quickly plopped down. She dropped her overloaded purse on a kitchen stool. Her hair was blonde and also pulled into a loose ponytail though hers wasn't layered like mine. And without a smidgen of makeup, Emma was the friend that many envied, though few understood.
Being her normally exuberant self, she exhaled. When I didn’t reply, she demanded, “The only way you can keep me quiet is to feed me.” Emma smirked. She folded one arm over the other.
“The only reason I’m putting up with you today is because I need this distraction.” I hid the emotions—nothing too high-pitched and definitely nothing too low. I started opening cabinet doors, searching through the freezer and readying things. “Friends, who needs them?” I mumbled out loud, but to myself.
“You do, chick. Anyway, you and Lucas?” I knew it would only be a matter of time before she went there again.
I nodded.
“And?” She propped up her elbows on the table. I glared at her; her eyes reflected my own.
“What do you expect me to say?” I stomped to the middle of the kitchen. My arms fanned outward from my hips. To this point, my heart hadn’t stopped pounding. A breeze passed underneath my tee shirt, while the area between my legs turned to putty under the cotton shorts. The night with Lucas was burning in my mind.
His skin.
His hair.
His strokes.
His tongue.
His everything.
There was more important shit to tackle, yet my night and subsequent morning gave me life. But Emma would never let me get away with not giving up the details.
“Part of me is proud, while the other part is pissed as hell,” she confessed.
“Proud?”
“Hell yeah! You claimed what you wanted. I just hope you were the best damn hoe you could be.”
“You’re fricken kidding me, right?” I was ready to throw myself on the cold tile floor, roll around and holler over the insanity coming from my friend’s mouth. Why the hell did this have to be the weekend. If it was a weekday at least, I might’ve been able to set aside Emma’s drama because I could've found sanity at work. “Don't you have a chill button?”
“Why would I?” In the midst of her madness, she kept a straight face; not the slightest hint of shame. Just a bland, straight line for lips, without the hint of curves for a smile or dip for a frown.
“Girlfriend, I’m not playing these little girl games with you. I’m living through you.”
“Me, Emma Boone?”
“Yes, you, Shayna Davies. I’ve been on a drought for about eight months, since I left Daniel.”
“Then get another Daniel or Tom or whoever the hell you want.”
“Look, you need to give me the scoop, please and thank you,” she demanded.
Any amount of stress that had remained whisked away. A low giggle escaped my lips, bursting into hysterical laughter.
Emma bit her lips shut for as long as possible, until she could hold it no longer. We filled the room with a sound that had been lost for what seemed like ages.
“It’s getting late. I need to run out to the store. Can you wait for the contractor, Emma?” I spun in circles, not even sure of what was needed.
“No, you stay. I’ll go.” Emma grabbed her purse en route to the door. I couldn’t even object before a text came through requesting a list of items.
I sat still with my thoughts. They were strong, powerful, but the deafening silence of 8:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning gave me a sinking feeling. Being all alone was a normal thing for me, yet the early morning events now made me realize this wasn’t something I desired at all. Saying as much in a brief text to Lucas, I held the phone in the palm of my hand then wrapped my fingers around the device. My forehead pressed onto my arm as I awaited his reply.
Something caught my attention. A shuffling sound from beyond the back door grew nearer. I froze, and then looked up to see a tall, shadowy figure trying to peer through the window. Luckily, sunlight didn’t filter into the kitchen well enough to expose me sitting there. Moreover, the curtain was too opaque for him to see through.
Doubt ripped away at my insides. My mind revisited the words I’d used to convince Lucas that I didn’t need reinforced glass, when we'd first worked on the house. Now dipping my head, I mouthed a silent thank you that he hadn’t listened. But then the door handle shook.
From the front of the house, Emma called out, “Shay, why aren’t you—”
I shot up mouthing a quick “shut up,” swatting in her direction. Since Emma’s words had been offered from a good enough distance away, the potential threat lingered on the opposite side of the door. I waved toward the back door with my right pointer and held up my left palm. The room almost seemed to swallow me up as I tried to steady my racing heart. This was a difficult task, especially since the house had already been invaded earlier.
Emma appeared at my side, with a pot in hand. Whereas I preferred to reason through most situations, Emma thrived in survival mode. She came into my life as a savior, so the title remained hers for all eternity. I couldn’t help but stare at her in amazement, until she forcibly pulled me up from the seat and held me behind her.
“But—”
Emma swatted away my words. As the realization of the situation fell down on me, I felt the need to run out of the house to a safer location. Anywhere, just not in this house anymore. I didn’t know who this stranger was, and didn’t care to be in his way. Whether this had to do with Erika or Van, I had no desire to wait around. But my bold friend was the last to concede so easily.
The door was kicked open.
We hadn’t been able to ready ourselves for it because the noise and entrance happened simultaneously. Sunshine flooded the room along with a cool, stale air. The intruder’s height extended to the top of the doorway, and he even had to duck low when rushing in. I was dumbfounded, flushed over by terror and shock. I wanted to run, to fight, to scream and do anything possible to reclaim what was mine. But I couldn’t. When circumstances arise, we never truly know how they will play out.
Instead, I folded.
“Who the hell—” Emma began before swinging the pot wildly at the guy. The first attempt breezed past him, then she stretched out a leg and connected with his groin.
I froze in place, right on the inside of the path leading to the hallway.
I trembled.
My mind said one thing, yet my body didn’t react. Not only was I stunned by the fierce actions Emma used to take him down, I was suddenly overtaken with my own bout of anger. Though initially frozen in place, when the man gripped onto the top of Emma's hair, I leapt at him. I punched into his gut head-on, the pungent scent of gasoline swarmed around me. His fingers lost their hold on Emma, and together we punched, and scratched, and kicked ass. This time, Emma didn’t save me. This time, we worked as a team to take down the giant.
—————
LUCAS
FROM THE OUTSIDE of the house, a cold, chilly air swarmed out to run all over me. I was beyond angry, beyond mad, and beyond pissed off. It was one thing to manipulate me, but Shayna should have no part in this. What was, is, and will be, revolved around the situation Erika and I had created. To think that she would come at someone that meant the world to me, set me in a zone. My insides were raging pits of hell that were ready to blast out and burn anyone brave enough to cross my path. I blamed myself; though there was more than enough blame to go around.
“Erika!” My vocal cords pulsed against my throat. My senses put me in a funky mood. There wasn’t an ounce of light flowing in. I blinked and squinted to adjust. “Erika, get down here.” The words echoed back to me. A light pulsation crept along my temples when I walked through the first room, then headed up the stairs to the bedrooms.
She had to be here, waiting for me to come home. Besides, the Malibu was parked outside. In a short period of time, Erika had made me a part of her life. In turn, I’d opened up my damn world for her to capture.
“Answer me,” I called out, sounding a little less angry.
Her flowery scent smacked me in the face. It wasn’t an overpowering one, but just enough. She was here, had to be, just waiting for me to come at her. After stomping from one room to the next on the first floor, I climbed the staircase. As my feet touched the top flight, I heard movement. The master bedroom was positioned up front, with the guest room in the back. She stayed in the main one. I stayed in the other, until this mess could be sorted out.
I took wide, monster steps. For having worked so hard for this, the pressure pulsed in and throughout me. Pushing open the door that had only been slightly shut, I found her sitting Indian style in the center of the bed.
While I got ready to pounce with words, her defensive came at me hard.
“What?” Bold, wide pupils searched me out. Long, dried-up streaks trailed down each side of her face. The lights were off, but she’d adjusted the blinds just enough for me to see the frown lines etched across her forehead.
I wasn’t a cold, insensitive bastard. I cared about her enough to admit I felt bad. Seeing the hurt tugged at my heart. I recognized that the only way I’d be able to change things would be to forget Shayna. And right now, I could do anything but that.
Erika’s chest shook. Her struggle was visibly painful, with fresh tears racing down. She made tight fists. And I could imagine how badly she must’ve wanted to beat the shit out of me.
“You were supposed to . . .” It broke my heart when the words got caught up in her throat. Quick, deep breath rushed through and through. “You promised to take care of me.”
“Erika, I didn’t mean for things to end up this way.” I wasn’t running game on her, nor was I trying to lessen the effects. “We ended things, together. You saw we were all wrong for each other.”
She nodded.
“So, what’s the difference now. Should I have waited?”
“You’re an asshole!”
“C’mon, Erika. Help me figure this out.”
“This isn’t about you, it’s all about me.”
“Enough of this. Two things.” I held up two fingers and moved closer to the bed. Yes, I’d hurt her, but we had more to discuss. She’d violated Shayna.
“You left here last night. You spent the fucking night out with that ugly girl.” Erika paused and exhaled before continuing on. “One epic fuckup on your part!”
“Erika, normal people split up and go their separate ways. Neither one of them would ever know what the other was going through.” I tried to let my words register because an outsider looking in would think I was doing Erika dirty and she’d let them, based on her reaction.
“I’m not stupid, Lucas.”
“Then what is it? Do you want us to be together again?”
“No, it’s not that.”
“Then what, Erika? And don’t tell me bullshit about someone not being on your level.”
She stood, then approached me like I was her prey, with a slow, beastly execution. But me, turn and run? Not nearly. I’d sacrificed my life to make her happy. Imagine that, a stranger I’d barely known at the time.
The throbbing in my head was insistent. My emotions had the effect of stripping away the anger and exposing the vulnerabilities. I felt like shit over the level of distress she showed, but there was more to this discussion than my timing.
“It wasn’t about hurting—”
“But you did!” With less than a foot now between us, Erika leapt at me. Her fists crashed into my chest. “I hate you!”
“Calm down!” The more I tried to settle her by grasping for her hands, the quicker she moved. There was no way I would take advantage of her, so I didn’t push or become forceful.
“Don’t. Tell. Me. To. Calm. Down.” She had every right to be angry and lash out. This was normal. The other stuff, not so much. But this, this I welcomed as a punishment. After she slapped and kicked and tried to bite, she fell into my arms. I held her there, close.
“Erika,” I said in a gentle tone. “I’m sorry you—”
“Sorry?” She shoved at my chest, only to take one large step backwards. “Sorry?”
“I take responsibility for last night out, but when do we get to move on?”
“I can’t answer that now.”
“I’m not forcing you out, but you see where I’m coming from, right?”
“Yes and no because . . . That girl!”
“Okay, that’s off the subject now.” This time I approached her. This wasn’t a matter of arguing or fighting. “I’m sorry for hurting you, but that shit you pulled this morning . . .”
The words, the accusation hung in the air, clinging between the two of us like a neon sign. I wanted to move past the shitty stuff, straight to the meat of the problem.
She shook her head. “How am I supposed to feel?”
“There’s a disconnect here, as far as where we stand.”
“Lucas, I want what I want!”
“Please, Erika.” I sought out something, anything to let me know she doubted what we both knew to be unrealistic.
Nothing close to tenderness. Nothing close to humility.
The girl who’d been broken only minutes earlier now wore a plastic stare. With arms hanging at her sides, her lips formed a thin line that ran from one of her cheeks to the other. Our gazes connected in a tragic hold. Her eyes were wide, bold even; while I squinted.
“I messed up.” I wasn’t the type of man to avoid owning up to his shit. Responsibility was perhaps one of the first adult lessons I’d learned. “I care about you, Erika, but I’ve been in love with Shayna from the minute I met her.” Instead of making an effort to justify things one way, I tried approaching things in a different way.
She fought me and was angry, but I still needed to address the episode at Shayna’s house. Although it burned me to set her straight, as vivid images of Shayna’s terror played through my mind, I hoped that in first laying out my issues and taking blame, we’d be able to work out what was wrong.
“I care about you, honestly.”
“You care about me?” Erika mumbled, turning away to stroll toward the window. “You love her?” The words deepened.
“Yes!” I knew it was a cold way to respond. Shit, believing that I could fit Erika into my life was a dumb-ass mistake to begin with. Now I had to fix this situation in order to get on with things. The person who had always been, but who was steadily becoming the most important person in my life was taking shit over my screwup.
“Where does this leave us?” Erika’s fingers passed over the top of her hair, almost like she was forcing my words into her mind.
“Honestly, would you want to marry a man who’s in love with another girl?”
She turned, I followed. Erika needed to understand this was very real for me. Hurting her was inevitable. But I wouldn’t shy away; I had to make it stick. “I feel like shit over this.”
“You are shit.” Erika walked from the window.
“I can accept that, but on to what you did.”
“Unlike you, Lucas, I’m not owning up to shit. I did nothing.” Erika stepped past me with her head turned straight ahead.
“Even if you didn’t throw the rock, you were the mastermind behind it. Don’t try to underestimate me.”
“Never, my love.” Erika looked back and winked. She threw her hips while moving away.
I followed her from the guest bedroom. By the time I walked into the room we used to share, Erika
had removed my oversized white tee shirt. It spread out on the carpet. She now wore a large smile, bright glare, and pointed pink nipples.
“Get dressed. We need to—”
“Do you think I’m letting you go, Lucas?” Erika’s lips trembled. Pain shot from her stare. She dropped to her knees in front of me.
Less than thirty minutes ago, I had sworn an undying love to my friend. On any day, I couldn’t convince myself that Erika wasn’t desirable. She was confused and troubled. A bad combination! And although I wanted anything but, I stayed to talk this through.
“You’re mine,” Erika purred. She reached for my thighs. This type of shit made me feel like an asshole I could be, if I only let go. But this, hell no! No way would I cheat on Shay . . . No damn way!
“Damn!” I pulled away. “Get up!” I was Shayna’s. It was the one thing I’d promised her for hours on end. I staked claim on her body; she treated mine as her own. “Damn,” I repeated.
“You spent the night with her, but you’re here. You’ll come back.”
I had no intentions of giving in to Erika, yet those words put me in a mood.
I swiped my arm at her words. In spite of her denial too, I know what she’d done. Erika came from a dark world. The guy Shayna had seen fit the bill for Erika’s old crew. Yeah, old crew with an asshole for an ex.
“You forget, I know your background, Erika.”
“So? I still got you, didn’t I?” She licked her lips. “As for my background, I’m glad you know it.”
Sometimes I wondered if she hadn’t set out to trap me. But why? How? I’d gone from meeting a damsel in distress to a professional woman to a victim to a cold-hearted bitch.
“I don’t give a fuck about your twisted background! Stay away from her.” I refused to make eye contact. My head hung low to my chest. “You and whoever did that shit to her house.” I moved slowly up the hallway then down the stairs. In the distance behind me, I heard furious laughter.
“You’ll get what’s coming to you, Lucas,” Erika assured me.
The warning punched me in the gut. I’d saved her, but maybe I deserved this shit. That’s what happens to shitty people who get drawn into complicated situations. I let the air flow from my lips and heard Erika’s warning once again. This time, I turned to see her perched at the top of the stairs, completely naked. “And I’ll do whatever it takes to get what’s meant to be mine.”