Today I am interviewing Verchiel, the bizarre red headed vampire.
K: Hello. It seems that the readers have a lot of questions for you.
Verchiel: Of course they do. I’m a mysterious kinda guy. People love that. All right, fire away!
K: Yeah. Anyway, the first question comes from Sharon S. She wants to know what you miss the most about your human life.
V: No idea. I’m afraid I don’t remember my human life.
K: I know you’ve said that before, but come on, you have to remember something!
V: Nope. My oldest memory is opening my eyes and seeing the lovely face of my creator hanging over me.
K: Lovely!?! Are you serious?!? How can you call Kateesha lovely!?
V: Ah, come on. She wasn’t bad looking. Okay, a little psychotic, maybe, but she did have a great rack-
K: You’re a freak. Moving on. Jonathan and Sharon both want to know if you use a lot of hair care products and, if so, what brands?
V: *pats hair* I used to use gel, but I’ve switched recently to MUK. The Raw styling Mud is some good stuff, and so is the filthy styling paste. It has a good hold and it doesn’t droop, and see? It doesn’t have that thick, flaky look, either. The downside is I have to order it online, so I have to wait for it to ship and claiming packages can be a pain in the ass at the citadel.
K: We don’t care that much. Speaking of the citadel, Bonnie wants to know why you want to be an Executioner when you “don’t particularly seem to be hard hearted and cruel like the others?”
V: What? My hard heartedness has been called into question? Do I need to slaughter some children or something? Is that it? Have I been too soft?
K: Answer the question.
V: Well, I don’t know that it was a career choice I aspired to. I kind of fell into it. You know how it goes. The pay is good, the perks are nice, and hey, I get snazzy jewelry and a free apartment. Plus, chicks really dig the long coat/uniform thing, you know.
K: Donna asks, “The way you hang around Katelina and tease her, aren’t you afraid of Jorick?”
V: *pfffthhh* Afraid of Jorick? Noooooooo. Sure, he’s tough and grim and all of that, but come on. If it came to it I could totally dodge him.
K: Yeah, run away.
V: Hey, sometimes retreat is the best option.
K: Speaking of Jorick, it’s kind of weird that he’s not here.
V: *looks innocent* I wouldn’t know anything about that.
K: Barb said, “What are you REALLY up to, Verchiel? I know you’ll never answer this with the truth, but I thought I’d ask anyway!”
V: Ah, come on honey, do I really seem like an evasive kind of guy? Huh? I’ll tell you anything you wanna know! Anything!
K: Like what you’re really up to?
V: Well, all right. If you must know… *leans close*whispers* About 5’7”.
K: Ha ha. Juli asks, “Without leaving yourself too vulnerable, name one of your weaknesses, your Achilles heel.”
V: You mean besides my weakness for a pretty…erm…Face? Well, I also like fuzzy animals and children.
K: Sure you do. That’s why you offered to slaughter some a minute ago.
V: Ah, that was just a joke. I’ve made it a point never to feed off of anything cute or cuddly. Unless they ask me to, if you get my drift. Heh-heh.
K: You have a one track mind. Moving on, Sharon wants to know - Oh God. *covers eyes* She wants to know if you’re a boxer, tighty-whitey or commando vamp?
V: Well it depends on what the situation calls for, doesn’t it? You can’t really wear skin tight leather pants with boxers! Though they’re good for hanging out in the house in. I’m not really into the tighty-whities. They’re too plain. I have some very cool briefs, though. I found some terrible retro style ones online. Here, see, I’ve got the leopard print on now-
K: NO! I don’t want to see! For God’s sake, keep your clothes on!
V: What? You act like I’m randomly stripping. It’s pertinent to the conversation.
K: No, not really. We’re moving on now. Sue asks “While you are very powerful with almost super powers - do you not use all that you are capable of?”
V: *winks* Shhhhhhh. Most people haven’t noticed that. There’s a reason I don’t list all my abilities together in any one place. When people underestimate you, it’s easier to impress them.
K: Sue also asked… Oh God.
V: What? Ooh! Is it better than the underwear question?
K: I’m not reading this.
V: *grabs the paper and reads aloud* “I think you are secretly in love with Katelina.” Ho-ho! You and Jorick both, huh?
K: Jorick doesn’t think that!
V: If you say so, Sweetheart. *taps side of head* But ask yourself why he’s such a dick to me in book 4.
K: Because you have it coming.
V: Now, now, don’t want to give too much away, do we? *bats eyes*
K: Where IS Jorick? I can’t imagine him leaving me alone with you-
V: That’s because he’s jealous!
K: Of what? Of you? Ha! No he isn’t! He’s way more secure than that!
V: You’d think…Wait. I think I hear the sound of an approaching Jorick. With that I must declare this interview over.
K: What happened to not being afraid of him?
V: I did say that sometimes retreat is the best option. See you later, Kately! Tell old Jorick hi for me and- Oh. Hello there.
Jorick: *looks annoyed* What in the hell are you doing?
V: Getting interviewed, actually. I hear it’s your turn next week, what with you being the second most popular vampire and all that. But I have to run now. Ta ta!
*disappears*
K: Where were you?
J: *holds up rope* Oddly enough, our dear author left me tied to a chair. I believe the red headed idiot convinced her that he wouldn’t get a word in if I was here. *glares at Jo* If she thinks I’m going to cooperate next week she has another think coming!
K: Ah. And with that we’re closing down this interview! Join us next week when I interview Jorick!
**********
Jorick
Hello! My name is Katelina and I’m from Joleene Naylor’s Amaranthine series. Today I am interviewing Jorick - or I’m supposed to. Last week he threatened not to show up. He was a little miffed that our author tied him to a chair - oh look! There he is!
Katelina: Hello Jorick! So you’ve decided to cooperate?
Jorick: I’ll answer pertinent questions, yes.
K: I guess that’s better than nothing. Our first question comes from Ruth Ann Nordin - did you know she’s an author, too? She writes romance novels-
J: Is that the question?
K: What? No! The question is, “If you could trade places with Edward in Twilight, would you? Why or why not?”
J: That’s an easy one. No. Bella is far too childish and annoying, not to mention I’d rather burn to death in the sun than glitter. That’s not to say the books weren’t an interesting diversion.
K: Yeah,we’ve discussed that before. Also from Ruth, “Given the chance, would you become human again? Why or why not?”
J: God, no.
K: You don’t need to make it sound so terrible. I’m still human, you know. It’s not like it’s some kind of condition.
J: I never said it was. I just have no desire to go back to it. I remember a lot of inconvenient annoyances.
K: Are you saying I am inconvenient and annoying?
J: No, I am not. Can we move on, please?
K: *grumbles*. Fine. From Donna, “How can you resist not turning Katelina?”
J: Ah. Well. *shifts uncomfortably* It’s up to her. I refuse to make a fledgling against their will, unless it’s necessary, of course.
K: Necessary? You know what? I don’t think we should have this conversation right now. From Sue, “Who do you consider your friends, not other vampires you owe allegiance to but those who you like to hang out with?”
J: *blinks* Um. As in, I
would choose to spend time with them just for the joy of spending time with them?
*Katelina nods*
J: Hm. No one really springs to mind. Next question.
K: Riiiight. Also from Sue, “Is Katelina your first human lover?”
J: No. I had others, at the very least when I was human. Next.
K: What? Who?
J: Next.
K: Also from Sue, “What is it about Katelina that endears her to you?” I hope you have something good for this one!
J: *raises one eyebrow* or what? *clears throat* Katelina is… how do I say this? Unique-
K: Unique!?!
J: You needn’t act like it’s an insult. That’s quite a compliment, especially if you consider how many women I’ve met over the last five hundred years. She’s also beautiful, not to mention she tastes good-
K: What?!
J: *smirks* Perhaps I’m only joking. Next question.
K: Uh-huh. From Bonnie, “Where did you meet Velnya and why did you marry her?” Oh, this is one I’d like to know, too.
J: *scowls* What’s with the romance questions? I married her because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Can we move on? Something non-romantic, please?
K: Fine, here’s one that’s right up your alley from Sharon, “Who are your favorite authors past and present?”
J: Ah! Now there’s a question! Sir Author Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories are excellent. Those books about the boy wizard. While the prose is not amazing, the stories were entertaining. Dickens is always good. Let’s see. John Grisham, James Fenimore Cooper, Hemmingway has his merits, Victor Hugo, Vladimir Nabokov, Byron, and of course there’s Poe, “It was many and many a year ago, in a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know by the name of Annabell Lee; And this maiden she lived with no other thought than to love and be loved by me-”
K: Yeah, yeah, okay. Moving on. From Angie, “What was your favorite era to experience?”
J: Hm. Each era has its own… merits. The early to mid-1800s were perhaps the most interesting - in this country, that is - despite the wars, or perhaps because of them. Wars were different then - bloodier, bolder. A man had to look the other in the face before he killed him. There was none of this pressing a button. Well, discounting the cannons. But it was different. I don’t know. The last I recall was the North and South hostilities. *makes dismissive gesture* I missed most of it, of course, as it wasn’t my business in the first place. Though if I had to choose a side, the south has my sympathies-
K: The south!? They had slaves!
J: Whether they did or not is immaterial as the war had very little to do with slaves, and all to do with whether one over reaching government could tell a local government what they could do, so yes, the south.
K: Wait. Oren lived down south, didn’t he?
J: Yes, and so did I for a time. There was a very different atmosphere there.
K: You know what? We’re just going to move on. From Ruth, “What is the worst part about being a vampire?”
J: Immortality, but it’s also the best thing. On one hand you have eternity to do, see, and experience anything you wish, but on the other you have eternity to regret wrong choices and miss those who, for whatever reason, are no longer with you.
K: From Bonnie, “Do you see yourself marrying Katelina?”
J: You should ask her that question. Next.
K: She asked do YOU - oh, forget it. Here’s another from Ruth, “What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love?”
J: Besides going against my agreement with Patrick, Oren and Michael, spending an extra month in a town where I risked detection daily, and finally cold calling someone on the phone in the vague, wild hope they might meet me and randomly decide to follow me into the wild blue?
K: Well, do you have anything else?
J: Next.
K: Okay. From Bonnie, “Since Verchiel answered: tighty- whities, boxers or something else.”
J: You have to be joking! *grabs paper* I’m not answering that!
K: *whispers* Hint, how often do you hear me mention his underwear?
J: My God! Listen to these questions! From Angie, “When the author isn’t looking, do you call Katelina any cute pet names?” Is there a time when the author isn’t looking? From Donna, “You are a loner with no coven. Why?” Because all the other vampires are idiots! From Sue, “Have you noticed women’s fashions over the centuries and how they’ve evolved and what do you think of that?” Good grief! I don’t care what they wear! It’s all ridiculous and generally makes them look misshapen, anyway! Oh! Oh! And here’s a real doosey! “You treat Katelina so poorly, do you think she will ever leave you?” Poorly?! Poorly!?! *turns to Katelina* Do you think I treat you “poorly”?
K: I never said you did-
J: Because if that’s your opinion-
K: I didn’t say that! Geeze! Calm down, will ya? *Grabs paper back* Look, here’s one from Sharon, “Is there somewhere you haven’t visited you would like to?”
J: Antarctica. Maybe I could finally get some peace and quiet! Now if that’s all, I’m going to go find a book and work on treating you poorly! *storms off*
K: Jorick! Jorick! You don’t have to sulk! Jorick! *sighs* Well, thanks for dropping by, folks! The next interview will be yours truly, interviewed by Sue’s Mistress.
**********
Katelina
Hello! My name is Katelina. Today, instead of interviewing someone else, *I* am the one being interviewed! Mistress, a character of Sassy Sue, has volunteered to do the honors! First she’ll ask the questions from you and then I think she has a few of her own!
Katelina: Hello Mistress, thanks for volunteering for this!
Mistress: I was happy to volunteer. I’ve thought for a while that we should get together, since we’re both in unusual relationships. There are a lot of questions so we’d better start. From Juli, “Do you ever see you and Jorick FINALLY going on that vacation he keeps promising you?”
K: Ha! No. Though I think there is a trip coming in book 5, assuming my lazy author ever gets it written.
M: From Ruth, “Is there anything Jorick could do that would make you leave him?”
K: Definitely.
M: That wasn’t very specific. Like what?
K: Oh, all the usual things; cheat on me, beat me up, start snacking on me…
M: Right. Usual. Also from Ruth, “What’s your most romantic moment with Jorick?”
K: It was after the battle at Kateesha’s stronghold when I found out that he was really still alive. There aren’t words to describe how wonderful it was to be in his arms and hear him say he loved me.
M: Stephannie has several questions but they all go together. “Do you ever see yourself leaving all the vampire insanity behind? Is there ever a moment where you just want to run from it all and never look back? If you ever decided to leave the vampire world, do you think they’ll let you?”
K: Ha ha! Yeah, there have been a lot of times when I wanted to just chuck it all and run away, but I honestly don’t think I will unless something really terrible happens. If it does, I don’t know whether the Guild would let me out. It’s something I try not to think about.
M: You tend to do a lot of “not thinking about” things. I’m just saying. Next question is from Bonnie, “How much weight have you lost eating one gas station meal a day?”
K: Not as much as you’d think! I haven’t really done that for a while. If you count up the days, we spent a lot of them at Jorick’s house where I had two or more meals a day, and then the citadel that had a restaurant, and then in book four I end up eating a lot of regular meals.
M: Here’s one from Donna, “I read a review where Legacy of Ghosts was rated poorly because you didn’t go to the bathroom at night. Do you have any rebuttal for that?”
K: Actually, I have three. One - not everyone goes to the bathroom in the middle of night. I often don’t. Two, maybe Jorick knocks me out so I don’t have to, or T
hree, maybe I do and my author just didn’t think anyone wanted to read about it. Good grief! I had no idea people were worried about my bathroom habits because they weren’t detailed! Talk about personal! Next they’ll want to know where Gandalf went to the bathroom while he was a prisoner on top of Orthanc….
Jo *steps in* Now, now, you have to be nice, even to people who leave bad reviews. It’s not professional.
K: I’m a character. I don’t have to be professional. But fine. Next question.
M: There are two questions from Ruth and Bonnie that go together, “You’re already committed to Jorick, so why won’t you become a vampire?” & “Do you want to be a vampire?”
K: At the risk of repeating a conversation from the fourth book, we all know it will eventually happen. Jorick’s immortal and frozen at - what? Early thirties? What will happen when I start to look haggard and wrinkled? Yeah, all men swear they will love you no matter what you look like, but how many women actually believe that? And all the vampire women are so beautiful…
M: I thought you objected to being a vampire?
K: It’s the whole commitment to being a vampire. Unless you have commitment issues too, I guess it’s hard to understand.
M: Also from Ruth, “Who would you trade places with in the series for a day?”
K: Hmmmm. Good question! No one, actually. If you think my author is mean to me you should see what she does to the others!
M: And one more from Ruth, “What do you like about being in the vampire world?”
K: Besides Jorick? Well there’s…Um…I don’t know. I guess I’ve never really had any goals, you know? Even back in high school there are people who knew what they want to do and then those who are just floating along waiting for something. I was one of those, even after I graduated. I only got the job at the newspaper because Sarah tugged me along - she wanted to be a photojournalist. I’ve never really had a focus or anything I was working towards and in the “normal” world that’s considered a problem, but in the vampire world it’s perfectly acceptable because after a few centuries how many goals are left? For the most part, the vampires are just floating along from one short term thing to the next, focused on being entertained for the moment and, though they drive me nuts, I understand that.
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