Dead and Dateless

by Kimberly Raye

  “R-really?”

  I eyed the pink patches of raw skin and tried not to wince. “Sure.”

  “In that case, I g-guess it’s w-worth it. You say this woman is really h-hot?”

  “The hottest.” At least, I was pretty sure, even though I hadn’t actually met the Alpha Doody lover. Viola was attractive and weren’t all werewolves just hairier, fangless versions of vampires? Since we were all real lookers, I was assuming the same could be said for our fellow weres.

  At least, I was hoping.

  More smoothing, another rrrrrrip! and Lloyd burst into tears.

  “There, there, Lloyd. It’s just a little harmless wax. If you carry on like this, what’s going to happen when I pull out the superglue?”

  I stared into the small bathroom mirror early Friday evening and eyed my reflection. I wore my black and white Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress with the cap sleeves and my python and leather Vivia sandals—the same outfit I’d been wearing when Ty and I had fled from the cops.

  While it wasn’t my first choice—which would be my black Dolce & Gabbana suit with the Francesco Biasia bag—for meeting my most important client to date, it would have to do.

  At least I hadn’t been snuggled in Ty’s bed wearing boxers and a ratty old tee when the cops had shown up. Talk about deep shit.

  I drew in a full, easy breath in an effort to ease the frantic pounding of my heart.

  No luck.

  I killed the whole breathing effort, gathered my courage, and reached for the doorknob. My heart beat a Metallica drum solo as I walked out of the bathroom and headed for the kitchen, where Ty sat hunched over his laptop.

  He wore faded jeans and nothing else. His back was broad and muscular, his arms well defined. His long, dark hair rested against his neck and I had the sudden urge to run my fingers through it.

  Or I would’ve had the sudden urge, except that I was a committed professional with one thing on her mind: satisfying Viola and raking in the rest of my cash. Okay, so that qualified as two things. The point was—work, not play.

  Got that?

  Ty obviously shared my dedication because he didn’t so much as glance up as I walked around the table and slid into the seat opposite him.

  Since I’d thought of the pissed off were-family angle, he’d been neck deep running background checks on the jealous werewolf’s mother, father, sisters, brothers, cousins, second cousins, third cousins, fourth cousins, aunts, uncles, grandfathers, grandmothers, great grandfathers, great grandmothers (what’d I tell ya?).

  Out of two hundred sixty-two relatives, Ty had found at least two leads worth pursuing. One of the wolf’s brothers had done time for assault, while a female cousin recently had a restraining order put against her by an ex-boyfriend. Both situations confirmed one thing—crazy ass relatives capable of violence.

  I cleared my throat. “Nice night.”

  He merely grunted.

  Distracted. That was good. It meant that he wasn’t really listening. So when I announced, very matter-of-factly, that I was leaving to meet Lloyd, there was a microscopic chance that he might not even hear me.

  I’d never been one to worry over odds, so I opened my mouth. “I’m—”

  “No.”

  “You don’t even know what I’m going to say.”

  “You’re not going.”

  “I have to go.”

  He punched a final button and closed the lid of the laptop. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. Muscles bulged and my stomach hollowed out. His gaze roved over me.

  “Why didn’t you just go out the bathroom window?” he finally asked.

  I motioned to the Vivias. “In these shoes?”

  “You could have morphed,” he pointed out. “Bats don’t wear shoes.”

  “What are you trying to say?”

  “That you could have, but you didn’t.”

  “Surely you’re not implying that I have a conscience?” That I might possibly feel some obligation to the one person actually going out of his way to help me? “Yeah, right.”

  “Then why didn’t you?”

  “My night vision is acting up.” There. That was the truth. Part of it, anyway.

  He stared at me long and hard before he seemed to come to a conclusion. Then he reached for a half-empty bottle of blood he’d been nursing and slid it across the table toward me.

  The sweet, intoxicating scent teased my nostrils and I felt the sharp edge of my fangs against my tongue. My fingers itched to reach out.

  Just one taste and all my worries would be over.

  No more wanting and aching and fantasizing.

  About the blood, I mean.

  As for Ty, I had the feeling I could gorge myself for hours on end and never get enough.

  Which was why I kept my fangs to myself and balled my hands in my lap. “No, thanks.”

  “Come on. You’ll feel better.”

  If only. “I drank earlier.”

  “I didn’t see you.”

  “You don’t see everything.”

  “Don’t kid yourself.”

  My mind raced back to the previous day when he’d stripped down to his BVDs and I’d eyed him from the loft. Unknowingly, or so I’d thought. Judging from the sudden light in his eyes, I had a feeling he’d been all too aware. Of my stares and what I’d been doing with my…

  Easy, girl.

  “You’re a vampire. You have to drink.”

  “Look who’s telling who. I’ve been around for five hundred years. I think I know that.”

  “So what’s up?”

  “I already told you. I had a few sips here and there. Listen, I have to go tonight. I swear I’ll be careful. I’ll keep a very low profile and I won’t talk to anyone except Viola. And Lloyd. And the other men. And, of course, the NUNS. I’ll have to talk to them. And if Viola has any guests, then I’ll be obliged to say hello and be at least civil, but that’s it. Once midnight strikes, I’m outa there.”

  “Send Evie.”

  “Are you kidding? She doesn’t know about Viola, or me, or the mating orgy—I should be so lucky—about to commence in less than four hours.” When the clock struck midnight and the moon was at its fullest, the werewolves were at their horniest. “And I intend to make sure that my secret stays safe.”

  “You should have hired a vampire instead of a human.” I arched an eyebrow and waited for his own words to sink in. “Forget I said that. You’re the only vampire who actually believes that people need to date in order to mate.”

  I frowned. “I’m not the only one.” I was pretty sure that I’d made believers out of Wilson and Nina Two. They had found each other because of me. And then there were Francis and Melissa.

  Then again he was a vampire and she was still a human, and so they weren’t really mating. Humping on a regular basis, yes. Mating? That implied commitment, which implied living out eternity and making baby vamps together, and it just wasn’t going to happen for them. Ever.

  Even so, they seemed happy, which made me think again of Ty and his fabulous pecs and how much I’d really like to run my hands over his hard muscles and…

  I shook away the seductive image that pushed its way into my head. Okay, so where was I?

  Orgy. Midnight. Must go.

  “Give me ten minutes to make the introductions, collect the rest of my fee, and ease the situation with Lloyd. I have to at least make sure he isn’t going to be eaten in a fit of anger. Then I’ll hang back until things get into full swing and leave. Cross my heart.” I made the motion and Ty shook his head.

  “You’re the damndest vampire I’ve ever met.”

  “Does that mean yes?”

  “No.”

  I stiffened. “Okay, fine. I didn’t want to have to pull rank on you, but you give me no choice.”

  “Pull what?”

  “Rank. I’m the born vamp here lest we forget. I’m the one in control.” I plopped an elbow on the table and motioned to him. “So come. Let’s get this over with.
Winner chooses whether I go or stay.”

  A smile tugged at his lips. “You want to arm wrestle?”

  I shrugged. “I figure it will be easier on your ego than a full-blown ass whipping.”

  The smile faded and his gaze darkened. “You’re serious?”

  “As serious as you are scared.”

  He braced his elbow on the table and gripped my hand. “You’re on, sugar.”

  I should have drank the blood, I decided several minutes later as I intertwined my finger’s with Ty’s and did my damndest to hold my own.

  I knew I was stronger. At least, I’d thought so. I’m a born vampire, after all, and five hundred years of training and conditioning wasn’t going to disappear in a matter of seconds.

  Was it?

  Ty was pretty strong. The muscles of his arm bulged with his effort. The neon glow of his eyes held mine and refused to let go. He looked determined and relaxed at the same time. The only clue that maybe, just maybe, I was putting it to him in a major way was the frantic beat of his pulse where the inside of his wrist met mine.

  I gathered my determination and focused on a mental picture of Viola handing me another check, complete with a big, fat bonus for Lloyd. Then me going to the bank. Me paying my bills. Me heading off to Barney’s for that divine Hermès scarf I’d seen a couple of weeks ago—

  “You’re good.” His deep voice echoed in my head and shattered the illusion.

  “Thanks.” I sent the silent reply and gave him a small smile.

  “But not good enough.” He forced me down a fraction of an inch and wiped the smile off my face.

  “Psyching me out won’t work,” I tossed back at him. “I want this too much.”

  “It could be a trap. Viola is a werewolf. She was in your office when the police showed up the first time. Don’t you think it’s too much of a coincidence?”

  “She’s lived next to my family for decades. She wouldn’t do that.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I’m a vampire.”

  “Vampires read humans. Not Others.”

  “Maybe I’m different.”

  “You’re telling me you can read Others?”

  “I’m telling you that I can sense things about them. If they’re creepy, then I get a creepy feeling. If they’re honest, then I get an honest feeling from them. If they’re perverted, then I get a perverted feeling, followed by the urge to wash my hands.” I thought of Rachel the were-Chihuahua. “If they eat dog biscuits and play fetch when the moon is full, then I get the urge to scratch them behind the ears.” I clamped my fingers tighter around his and held on. “I know Viola and I know she isn’t a part of this.”

  At least I was ninety-five percent sure. The other five percent? Undecided. She might, indeed, have something to do with what was happening. At the same time, I’d never been one to play it safe, especially with such slim odds.

  Besides, Hermès was calling…

  “Please.” I sent the silent plea.

  He stared at me long and hard, a determined look in his eyes. His grip tightened and he started to push—

  “Shit.” He released my hand and shook his head. “Shit.” He eyed me. “Fine. We’ll go. But we’re going straight there and straight back. No bullshit. Got it?”

  “Straight there. Straight back.” I bolted to my feet and grabbed my purse before he changed his mind.

  “And I’m not riding in a station wagon. We’ll fly and Lloyd can fend for himself.”

  “He’s nervous. He needs me. Besides, he borrowed a minivan from a friend of his.”

  “That’s as bad as the station wagon.”

  I thought so, too, but I was trying to look on the bright side. “At least it’s blue.”

  “And?”

  “And blue says male.”

  “Black says male.”

  “It’s dark blue. That’s sort of male.”

  “If you say so.”

  “I really could use some positive affirmation right now.”

  “They’re werewolves. Once they change, they won’t care if they’re humping a water buffalo.”

  “Never mind. So, you know when you said straight there and straight back?” I asked as I opened the front door, Ty on my heels. “I’m sure you didn’t mean straight straight. Because there’s straight there. And then there’s straight there. I’m sure you were just talking about the regular old straight, which implies a minimum number of mandatory stops at low-risk locations.”

  “How minimum?” He followed me out onto the front porch.

  “Two. One at my parents and—”

  “Goddammit, Lil.” He shook his head and slammed the door behind us. “You’re killing me, you know that?”

  “You’re immortal.”

  He glared. “Just my rotten luck. Where else?”

  I gave him my most charming smile. “The nearest Blockbuster.”

  It was eleven o’clock when I hauled Lloyd up the front steps to Viola’s gigantic house and pressed the doorbell. Behind me, the minivan sat idling at the curb. Ty had offered to drop us off down the street to pre serve Lloyd’s image, but I figured if the bald head didn’t hurt—he’d turned out to be allergic to the superglue—nothing would.

  High heels clicked across the marble floor and the door swung open. Viola looked as fantabulous as ever with her long dark hair, crimson lipstick, and a matching crimson dress that clung to her curvaceous body. A strange light glittered in her eyes and she seemed much more breathless than usual.

  “You’re here,” she declared. “I’ve been worried. We have twenty-seven men inside, but we’re still missing number twenty-eight.”

  “Here you go.” I motioned to Lloyd. “Meet your alpha redhead.”

  Disbelief lit her dark eyes and a smile curved her full lips. “Dear, I hate to break this to you, but he has no hair.” The smile faded as she studied him even closer. She shook her head. “I’m afraid he just won’t do.”

  “What?” Lloyd asked. “Does that mean I don’t get to have sex?”

  “Hush,” I muttered before turning a brilliant smile on Viola. “Of course he won’t do. Not like this. But with a little help.”

  “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

  I held up a boxed DVD set of Happy Days. “The most popular episodes. Your friend can watch these, get a really good fantasy going, and then live out the real thing with Lloyd.”

  “One glance will kill the fantasy, dear.”

  “That’s why I brought this.” I held up a red handkerchief I’d picked up at Morty’s before climbing into the minivan. “It’s a blindfold.” I handed it to her. “He feels the part, smells the part, and acts the part. What more can you ask for?”

  She seemed to weigh my words before she shook her head. “You’ve done a great job, Lil. Truly. The men are superb and you’ve more than earned your initial fee. But this…”

  “I almost forgot. Wait here.”

  I hightailed it back to the minivan and retrieved the power tool I’d swiped from my father’s garage on the way to Viola’s. “Here,” I told her when I reached the front door again.

  She eyed the yellow metal. “What’s this?”

  “My father’s new chain saw.”

  Her interest sparked. “The one he’s been using on my azalea bushes?” When I nodded, she added, “He’ll just buy another one when he finds this missing.”

  “Maybe. Unless he knows you have it. Then he’ll be determined to get it back because, of course, he can’t let you keep it. It’s the principle of the thing, after all.”

  “And yet another point of contention.”

  “Not if you use it to negotiate something in writing as far as the bushes are concerned. Something that says they lie on your side of the property line.”

  “Clever.” She smiled. “I think you may have earned that bonus, after all.”

  I glanced down at the check Viola had given me. Oddly enough, it didn’t fill me with the expected euphoria. I looked across the surrounding
treetops toward the scene unfolding in Viola’s backyard.

  Ty had disappeared under the pretense of “checking things out,” while I’d been talking to Viola. When he didn’t resurface right away, I’d retreated to the minivan to give the NUNS some privacy and let nature take its course.

  After ten minutes of flipping through radio stations, my curiosity, along with a great deal of howling, had lured me up into a tree at the far edge of Viola’s estate. I stood poised on a very slim branch that wouldn’t have supported a cat, much less a full grown woman.

  But a vampire…Being fanged and fantabulous definitely had its perks.

  A restlessness stirred deep inside and I trembled.

  Pathetic. I mean, geez, I should be feeling on top of the world. Fulfilled. I’d aced the job for Viola. Ayala was out with Remy at the moment and no doubt loving it since he was a primo catch. Esther wasn’t upset over being trampled. I actually had some solid leads that would surely lead to the real killer and get my head off the chopping block. And I was this close to my parents—their estate loomed behind me—and I hadn’t once contemplated impaling myself on the nearest sharp object.

  Talk about a moment of triumph.

  The moon hung full and ripe in the black velvet sky. The air sizzled with electricity. There was an energy that wafted on the breeze. Awareness washed over me, drenching every nerve as I stared at the scene unfolding.

  It was as wild as I’d imagined it would be, as loud, as primitive. I was far enough away that I couldn’t see specifics—although a glare flashed every once in a while like Morse code. I knew Lloyd was alive and well and—if the orgasmic wails that echoed in my ears were any indication—having the time of his life.

  Bodies writhed and sweated. Men panted and groaned. Women moaned and howled. My stomach hollowed out. An ache started between my legs (you try watching something like this and not get turned on) and spread north, working its way up. A fullness tugged at my breasts. My nipples went on high alert.

  “What’s wrong?” Ty’s deep voice drew my attention.

  I turned just as he leapt and landed at the end of my branch. The motion was smooth and easy and he didn’t so much as stir a leaf.