Propose To Me

by Caroline Andrus

  She pulled away. “This changes nothing.”

  “You’re right,” Dirk said quickly. “Nothing has changed. I still love you.”

  Glancing at Henk, she said, “You two have a lot to talk about. I’ll get dressed.”

  Dirk seemed to register her appearance then. He looked from her clothes to Henk, his face tight. “You spent the night?”

  “I was scared,” Lourdes said, mentally kicking herself for sounding defensive. She didn’t owe Dirk any explanations. “I slept in the spare room.”

  Relief washed over Dirk’s face. “Of course.” When she got up, Dirk held her back with a hand on her arm. “I just want you to know that I wouldn’t have left you there. I was looking for the money.”

  This wasn’t about her. It was about Henk and his brother, and she didn’t feel like getting into an argument. Without another word, she left the kitchen, went back to the spare room, called a taxi, made the bed and changed back into her own clothes. Shortly before the taxi was due to arrive, she made her way back to the kitchen. The heated discussion stopped her in her tracks. She didn’t want to eavesdrop, so she called out to Henk before she got to the door. Both men fell silent at the sound of her voice.

  “Um, thanks for letting me stay,” she said to Henk.

  He took in her crumpled garments. “I’ll take you home if you’re in a hurry. But you’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

  “My taxi will be here any minute.”

  Henk looked like he wanted to argue, but the intercom buzzed.

  “That’ll be my taxi.”

  “I’ll walk you out,” Henk said resignedly, pushing the button to open the gates.

  Dirk moved forward, blocking her path. “Can I call you?”

  “Dirk, please, we’ve been through that.”

  “Just to talk about yesterday,” he said, his eyes pleading.

  “Fine.” She turned to Henk. “Thanks again. For everything.”

  “I love you, baby,” Dirk said.

  Henk went rigid. Instead of kissing her goodbye like she expected him to, he suddenly took on a formal pose.

  “Goodbye, Lourdes.” He extended his hand, shaking hers. “Call if you need anything.”

  Thoroughly confused, she took her purse and made her way to the waiting taxi.

  ~ * ~

  Lourdes needed the distraction of work, but it was Henk’s event; she couldn’t stop thinking about him or the events of the day before. On top of that, Trudy bustled around her like a mother hen, until she couldn’t take it any longer.

  “Trudy, I appreciate your concern, but can we drop it now?”

  Understanding as always, Trudy lifted her hands. “Sure. Sorry. I just freaked out about what could have happened.”

  Lourdes gave her a stern look. “Drop it.”

  “Okay. Okay.” She squared the papers on her desk. “I hope you’re not angry that I called Henk.”

  Lourdes rolled her eyes. “No. Thanks for that.” In an effort to change the subject, she said, “I’d like to do sight checks for the venues we’ve narrowed down. The university can take five hundred people, but I don’t like the ambience.”

  “Has Dirk been arrested?”

  Sighing, Lourdes gave in, knowing Trudy would not give up. “No. He’s working with the police. They cut a deal.”

  “Is he going to give it up? I mean the gambling?”

  “I don’t know.” Frankly, she didn’t care. Dirk wasn’t her responsibility any longer. And she definitely didn’t want that problem back in her life.

  The ‘Do not Answer’ ringtone sounded from her bag. Speak of the devil ... As she reached for her mobile, Trudy muttered, “I guess you’re about to find out.”

  Lourdes contemplated cutting the call, but it would only make him try again. And again. Pressing the green button with a sigh, she braced herself.

  “What is it, Dirk?”

  “That’s not a nice way to greet me.”

  She wanted to say something snarky but held her tongue. “What can I do for you?”

  “Meet me for lunch.”

  “No.”

  “It’s not a date or anything,” he said quickly. “I only want to talk to you. There are things I need to say.”

  “So say them.”

  “Not like this. Please.”

  She held her breath and let it out shakily. “Fine. But don’t get any ideas. There’s no ‘us’ any longer. There never will be again. I only called for Henk.”

  “I know,” he said softly.

  “Where and when?”

  The landline rang sharply. While Dirk seemed to make up his mind about a meeting place, Lourdes heard Trudy take the call. “Oh, Henk, hi.”

  “Today. At the sandwich bar downstairs,” Dirk said.

  “Hold on,” Trudy said. “She’s on the line with Dirk.” A little pause. “No, she’s setting up a lunch date with him right now. Her schedule is open for tomorrow, though.”

  “See you there at one.” Lourdes ended the call and picked up the receiver on her desk. “Henk?” Her tummy did a funny tap dance.

  His voice was strangely formal. “I just wanted to make sure you were fine. I didn’t expect you back at work so soon. I tried your mobile, but ...”

  “That was Dirk,” she said. “How did it go with the two of you yesterday?”

  “That's the other reason for my call, to thank you.”

  “Does that mean you’ve sorted out your differences?”

  “Not quite. But we’ll get there. Eventually. There are a lot of issues. It’ll take some time.”

  “Good. I’m glad.”

  Silence stretched between them. Lourdes wracked her brain for something else to say, but the things that came to mind weren’t things she should bring up. Certainly not how much she enjoyed falling asleep on his lap.

  Just when she thought she would have to say goodbye to end the awkward pause, he said, “About the event, I got your email about the budget. I won’t have time to deal with this, so liaise directly with my secretary about the arrangements. I trust her. She’ll be the decision maker, so you don’t need my input.”

  They both knew he was far from being the most popular optometrist in the city. Not because he wasn’t good, she thought in his defense. This was a diplomatic way of telling her he didn’t want to see her.

  Feeling her pride armor dent, she said, “If you’d prefer to take your business elsewhere, I’ll understand.”

  “No. We signed a contract, and I honor what I’ve signed. Just deal with Claudia. She knows what I want.”

  “Thanks, I guess.”

  He mumbled some impersonal greeting, and the line went dead. Lourdes stared at the phone in astonishment. The tap dance stilled to a pathetic little thump that left a painful ache in her throat. It was nothing, after all. Just a kiss.

  “Do you want some tea?” Trudy said, her gaze sympathetic.

  Lourdes agreed, but only because it would mean she’d escape Trudy’s well-intended attention for a short while. Trudy returned with a tray stacked with her favorite choc-chip biscuits.

  ~ * ~

  At one, she made her way downstairs to meet Dirk at the small deli in her building. At least he was considerate to meet her on her own territory instead of asking her to take a cab somewhere.

  He sat waiting at the window counter, two paper cups of coffee and chicken-mayo sandwiches in front of him. Dirk had always been handsome to her but now in the wake of Henk’s memory, he seemed lacking. It was as if she saw him in a different light. Ashamed at her thoughts, she gave him an overly cheerful greeting. She took the high stool next to him and reprimanded herself for the comparison.

  “Hey.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “Thanks for coming.”

  She had an hour, but she preferred not to spend it all with him, so she got to the point. “What did you want to talk about?”

  He pushed the cup and plate her way. “I wanted to say thank you for setting me up with Henk.” He stared at his hands. �
��If it wasn’t for you, I would have never agreed to see him again, to hear his side of the story.”

  “He told me about your father. I’m sorry.”

  “I am, too. I guess I’ve just always been a selfish bastard.”

  It pained her to see the hurt in his eyes. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

  “Henk always tried to protect me. But what I wanted was my father’s love.”

  “He loved you.” She squeezed his shoulder.

  “I’m going to pay Henk back. As soon as I find a job.”

  She stared at him. He never wanted to do anything other than play cards and throw dice. “You’re not going to gamble professionally anymore?”

  “That’s over. I’ve joined a group for addicts.” He smiled grimly. “And Henk’s giving me a loan to study art. I’ll find a part-time job, and I’ll pay you both back, a small installment every month.”

  “Forget about it. It’s in the past.”

  “No. I need to do this. I’m paying you back, every cent I stole from you, with interest.”

  She sensed his need to do this, as part of his healing. “There’s no rush. I’m getting by.”

  He played with his paper napkin. “And I wanted to know if we could go on a date. A proper, first date.”

  This was the part she had hoped he wouldn’t bring up. She shook her head slowly. “It’s over, Dirk.”

  He sat with his head bowed for a while, and then got up, leaving his coffee and sandwich untouched. “Thanks for hearing me out.” He walked out of the shop, never glancing back her way.

  Lourdes sighed. Her only consolation was that Henk and his brother were on a path of reconciliation.

  ~ * ~

  The event was a major success. Lourdes blew out a long, slow breath. It had been a stressful three months ensuring that everything ran smoothly. She and Trudy had worked around the clock, and she had sent Trudy home after the dinner had been served. The last guests filed from the reception hall slowly. She was beat. If she hit her bed, she would sleep for twenty-four hours. For the duration of the evening, she had lurked in the shadows, overseeing but staying out of sight. Avoiding Henk.

  Seeing him had done something to her, something she wished to not analyze. His speech was short but perfect, his stance self-confident, like the time he had rescued her from Dirk’s debt collectors. No, it was best not to think of that. It always led to one memory–the kiss. She had watched him closely. He had not looked around the room, had not searched the crowd for her.

  It was way past midnight when the hall was finally empty. After seeing to the cleanup, she signed off the bar bill, grabbed her bag and headed to the underground parking. She scanned the lot, but except for her car, it was empty. No Triumph parked out there. Her tummy dropped. That part of her autonomy was too closely connected to her feelings. It had to stop doing these things to her. The hurt was too overwhelming. For the first time since the horrible incident, she wept. She got behind the wheel, shut and locked the door, and shed big, uncontrollable tears. Her head bumped on the steering wheel as she let it all out. By the time she had finished, the dash and her lap were soaked, but she felt slightly better. Henk had caused what he said he didn’t want to see–very real, very hurtful tears.

  ~ * ~

  The next few months passed uneventfully until Trudy slammed her hand down on Lourdes’ desk one morning, making her jump.

  “What was that for?” Lourdes called out.

  “You’re living dead.”

  “I am not,” she said with as much conviction as she could muster.

  “When was the last time you went out?”

  “This morning.” Lourdes picked up her mug and pretended to drink, hiding her face behind it.

  Trudy cocked her hip. “That was a site check.”

  Lourdes only lifted a brow. So? She was out. Not with a guy. But she was out and about a lot. Since the medical convention she had managed for Henk, she had received a lot of business from the clinic, all referrals from Henk.

  “I meant with a man,” Trudy persisted.

  “I don’t need a man.” Lourdes put her mug down and started typing on her laptop, a cue that the discussion was closed.

  Trudy surprised her by giving up easily, walking back to her own desk with a shrug.

  Did she honestly not need a man? She didn’t before Henk. Unfortunately, for her, she was the type who believed in love at first sight. Totally. It had happened for her grandmother and she was married for a blissful sixty-something years to Lourdes’ wonderful grandfather. It worked for her mom, who had known her dad a week before he popped the big question. They had been happy every day of their lives. Sure, they had fights like everyone, but their relationship was always respectful, understanding. She realized that she had given up on finding what her mother and grandmother had. Not even with Dirk, who she had been with the longest, had she felt that. Only with... No. She wasn’t going there. Not again. Enough.

  Trudy interrupted her thoughts. “Your meeting with Dr. Hayes is for one, at a restaurant.”

  Lourdes wanted to argue. Trudy knew she didn’t like having meetings outside of her office, but after Trudy’s earlier speech, she decided to let it slide. See? She did get out. Lots.

  ~ * ~

  Dr. Hayes was a gynecologist who worked in the same clinic as Henk. When he contacted her for a quote for his wife’s fiftieth birthday party, he said someone who attended Henk’s convention had recommended her. It was a surprise party with two hundred guests.

  The doctor waited outside instead of at a table, and Lourdes warmed at his consideration. He held the door for her, and she stepped inside the Italian restaurant which had pleasant fragrances of garlic and fried onions hanging in the air. The hostess asked if they had a reservation. Lourdes automatically turned to Dr. Hayes, who instead waited for her to speak.

  “Go on,” he said with a smile. “You made the booking.”

  She frowned. She was about to question that when the hostess said, “Yes, table for two. Ms. March?” Lourdes nodded. “Follow me.”

  She walked them down a path that led to the tables at the back. Lourdes headed toward the only unoccupied table and then halted abruptly. At the next table sat two copper-haired men, one with a playful expression, the other serious. No way. Escape. She had to get out of here. Backtracking, she bumped into Dr. Hayes, who uttered a puff of air. The noise attracted the twins’ attention, and they looked up and froze. Dirk had his glass of wine halfway to his mouth, and Henk’s fork hung in midair. Too late. Crappy, crap, crap. Lourdes took a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face. It was Dirk who came to his senses first.

  He got to his feet, his face lighting up. “Lourdes!” He took hold of her shoulders. “You look good.”

  Something was off. Dirk seemed more mature. The boyishness she had known was gone.

  “You don’t look too bad yourself,” she said. It was hard not to return his smile. He seemed so genuine.

  Noticing that Henk had gotten to his feet stiffly, too, she nodded briefly in his direction. “Thank you for the business. I’m much obliged.”

  Henk’s eyes were fixed on Dr. Hayes, so Lourdes turned to introduce them. “Um, this is Dr. Hayes. He works at the same clinic. These are ...” She was going to say friends of hers, but they weren’t really. Dirk was an ex. Henk was even less than that. At the end of the day, he was nothing more than her optometrist. “This is Mr. and Dr. Bouwer.”

  It was a huge clinic, so not everyone who worked there knew each other. Gynecology was on a different floor. Lourdes had expected the colleagues to be polite, if nothing more. Dr. Hayes was jovial enough, extending his hand. Though Dirk shook hands with him, Henk glared at him in a way that made her uncomfortable, and Dr. Hayes frown.

  “Well,” she said, “nice running into you. Bon appetit.”

  The hostess seated them at their table and handed them menus. Dr. Hayes leaned over the table then, whispering, “Don’t tell a soul about the party, not even my colleagues. Some
of them may slip it to the receptionists, and I don’t want Mrs. Hayes to smell a rat.”

  Lourdes patted his hand. “Of course. Don’t worry.” She inclined her head conspiratorially. “You can count on my discretion.”

  When her eyes lifted, she saw Henk looking at her in a way that made her feel like a worm that should wiggle into the earth. Instead, she squared her shoulders and studied the menu. She was starving.

  ~ * ~

  Back at the office, Lourdes flung her handbag on her desk and regarded Trudy, her hands propped on her hips. “I know you orchestrated the ‘accidental’ meeting.”

  Trudy chewed her lip. “Don’t be mad. Anyone can see you’re crazy about him. You're just too pig-headed to admit it.”

  “I’m not crazy about anyone.”

  “Yeah.” Trudy rested her head on her hands. “So you say. Did it work?”

  Lourdes shed her jacket and draped it over her chair back. “Did what work?”

  “Did he fall at your feet and tell you he loved you?”

  “I’m never getting back with Dirk.”

  “Not Dirk. Henk.”

  Lourdes decided to ignore the question.

  “Well?” Trudy lifted her eyebrows.

  “I should fire you for that piece of manipulative work. And the lunch bill is coming off your salary.”

  Trudy sighed deeply. “If it worked, it would have been worth the expense.”

  “How did you even know?” Lourdes fell into her chair, suddenly feeling emotionally exhausted from keeping up appearances during lunch, while Henk's eyes had drilled holes in her skull.

  “Henk’s secretary told me they’d be there, and I just thought ...” She crossed her arms and pouted.

  “You’re not even friends with her. You mean you called Claudia to ask her when and where he was going out for lunch?”

  “I just thought the two of you needed an extra push.”

  Lourdes opened her laptop and fixed Trudy with a stare. “No more pushing.”

  “Fine.” Trudy shrugged. “I give up.”

  Hearing Trudy say the words Lourdes had been so afraid to utter herself was almost too much to bear. Was she truly prepared to give up? Didn’t Henk deserve another chance? Didn’t she deserve a chance? And what about Dirk? Dirk and Henk finally seemed to be picking up the pieces of their broken relationship. They looked so at ease over lunch. Happy. Did they honestly deserve her meddling in their newly found relationship?