Chapter 11
Jaxon
I let my head fall against the door with a soft thud and I closed my eyes.
Braddox’s words were harsh but exactly what I needed to remind myself that family for him was just a word. Nothing important.
The only saving grace was Olivia declaring to Braddox that she chose me. But was I her choice because I didn’t push her or because he did?
I didn’t answer her text. I’d heard her bedroom door shut. I had no doubt he’d upset her.
I didn’t sleep.
My phone buzzed sometime around six AM and I didn’t move except to grab the piece and pull it into view.
A text from my dad. Even though we lived in the same house, things didn’t feel like they’d changed much. We hadn’t seen each other a lot and when we did, I wasn’t sure what to say or what to think.
I still hadn’t wrapped my head around the fact that my mom’s funeral wouldn’t be set until the next week. For some reason, that was making it hard for me to actually convince myself she was dead.
And I’d been the person to find her body.
But life was going on and Dad was texting me.
D: Would you have breakfast with me in my office? Just you.
I stared at his text. Was this what I’d been waiting for? Was this the moment where he confessed his love for me as his son? Told me how much he missed me?
Me: Sounds good. Be there in 5.
I rolled from bed. I’d come back for a shower later. I wasn’t really in the mood for school, but for some reason, he wanted to see me before my first class.
Tossing a glance at Braddox’s room and then Olivia’s, I couldn’t help wondering if she’d given in and slept with him the night before, then shook my head. No. Olivia wasn’t interested in Braddox because of what he’d done. She wouldn’t give over to him that fast. Not something that serious and not when he’d stood in the hallway and said he didn’t understand what the problem was.
I tousled my hair back from my face and glanced down at the jeans and tee I’d pulled on before darting out the door.
Down the stairs, I ignored the lights in the kitchen and strode to my dad’s office. The light was on, leaking from under the bottom of the door into the still-dark hall.
I knocked, stepping back and tucking my hands into my front pockets, rocking forward on my bare feet. I hadn’t bothered putting on socks or shoes. I was still in the house, so honestly what was the point?
The door opened after a second and I found my dad smiling at me like I was a long-awaited guest.
I blinked at his grin and moved slowly into the office as he ushered me inside, shutting the door behind me.
“I didn’t know what you liked so I ordered full Denver omelets, hash browns, sausage, and toast with Cook’s homemade huckleberry preserves. Does that work for you?” He knit his eyebrows with concern. “Or we can order something else?”
“No, that sounds amazing, thank you.” And it did. It sounded like more food than I used to eat in a day or two.
We moved into the austere office. The one room in the house that didn’t seem to have changed much from when I was growing up.
I’d always wanted to sit at his desk with him and talk business. That dream had seemed to disappear with my mother’s addiction, but I’d always held onto the fringes of it as he’d had me do random jobs over the last couple years after I’d reached out – one of many times.
Dad motioned for me to take a seat at a table set up in the space opposite the table. He smiled and claimed the chair facing me. He unfolded the cloth napkin and placed it in his lap and I followed suit with the napkin at my place setting.
Dad pressed a button on the wall beside him and within moments two men walked in carrying full trays bearing plates, condiments, and a carafe of coffee. After they served us, they bowed out of the office, closing the door again behind them.
“Wow, this looks…” I didn’t have the words to describe the beauty of the melty cheese and the golden-brown potatoes. So, I didn’t even try.
“Yeah, Cook is awesome. I’ll never let him go.” Funny how he spoke about his staff like he should have talked about me.
I mentally shook my head, admonishing myself for thinking negatively like that, when I had tons to be grateful for. “Well, this is perfect. Thank you.” I cut into the omelet with my fork, marveling at the mass of ham and veggies spilling from the yellow casing.
“You have no idea how different from your brother you are, do you?” Dad didn’t pick up his fork as he watched me.
I finished chewing the bite in my mouth and swallowed. Was that a bad thing? I already felt like I was lacking. Did he really have to point it out right then? Clearing my throat, I blinked at him. “I’m sorry. I’m not… I do know I’m not like Braddox. My failings are very prominent for me and I see them every day.” My elation at being there dimmed along with my appetite.
He narrowed his eyes and leaned forward, shaking his head. “Failings? Do you have any idea what I’m talking about?” He stared at me and must have caught onto my confusion. “You don’t, do you.” He blinked rapidly as he leaned back and sipped his coffee.
After a moment, he shook his head and set his cup back on the table. Steepling his fingers, he nodded in the direction of the door. “Do you know why that door is closed?”
I leaned back in my chair, ignoring the food. I didn’t even care now. I shrugged. “No.” He was going to get blunt honesty from me. Wasn’t that what I was getting from him?
“Because I don’t trust Braddox to let things run the way I want them to. This is a business discussion you and I are having, but it’s also one I’m having with my son. Do you understand?” He studied me as if I was missing something and he would wait for me to catch up. “I’d like to send you to Cal-Tech.”
His statement fell onto the table. My imagination worked overtime and I could almost hear the dishes rattling under the weight of his words.
I licked my lips, watching him. After a minute, I shook my head. “They won’t take me. My transcripts are…” I laughed softly at myself and didn’t continue. Why even talk about something that was never going to happen?
I picked up my fork in growing anger. Why let that food go to waste? No point. I stabbed a chunk of ham and chewed hard when I put it in my mouth.
“You have straight As.” He pulled out a folder of papers and opened the front. The front page must have been my transcripts.
“Yeah, an A in geometry, because that’s as high as the school I used to attend will go, is not going to get anyone into anything outside of community college.” I sipped the orange juice at my seat and grabbed up the ketchup, dumping some on the potatoes.
I just wanted to get that meal over with. I couldn’t help feeling like he was mocking me. Plus… I didn’t want him to know he’d be wasting his money.
“I think we can get some tutors and get you caught up on the classes you’ll need to hit pre-requisites.” He flipped through the papers. “Your teachers all speak highly of you. I don’t think it would be that difficult to get you in.”
I shook my head and set the fork down again. I placed both hands on the table. “I don’t want to go to Cal-Tech.”
He copied me but placed both hands in his lap. Stupefied shock replaced his determination. “Why wouldn’t you want to go to Cal-Tech?”
Truth? Did I tell him the truth? How did I do that without sounding like a know-it-all and a brat? I wiped my hands down my face and shook my head. “Look, the school is fine. I found their computer technology program to be more on the pedantic side. MIT was more in line with what I was looking for. No reason in sending me to either at this point. I’ve completed the course work already for both, except for the electives. I’m not interested in taking any health or physical classes.”
I picked up my knife and smeared jam on the toast. It was the first time I’d told anyone what I did with my spare time at the library and at Crenshaw’s. Old Crenshaw had a computer in his
office he let me borrow, as long as I wasn’t watching porn.
Dad leaned back in his seat like someone pushed him. “You did what? I won’t tolerate lying, Jaxon.” He studied me like I’d grown a second head.
I shrugged and stole another bite from my plate. “Why would I lie about that? Yeah, I took those classes. The course work was good practice. It made school tolerable because I usually practiced the lessons in class. You’d be wasting your money to send me to a college like those.”
“You took their computer and information technology classes?” He continued staring at me and I finally sighed and nodded. Dad breathed, “Why? When you weren’t going to get any credit for it.”
I shifted uncomfortably on the cushioned seat. It was all or nothing. If I wanted something, I had to take the steps to get it. “Because I wanted to be good enough.” There it was. All of my cards out on the table for him to see.
“Jaxon, who weren’t you good enough for that you had to go after classes like that? That work load would have been tremendous.” Dad ignored his food and continued watching me as if I was completely different from what he wanted or expected.
I inhaled deeply, twisting my lips to the side. “It’s honestly not a big deal.”
“I want to know. Why did you do it? Who were you trying to impress?” His persistence and the demand in his tone pushed me.
I dropped my fork on the table, the thud loud in the silent office. “Honestly? You. And Mom. And Braddox. I just wanted to be in a family. I wasn’t good enough for you or Braddox. Mom didn’t care about me at all. I was simply her meal ticket.” I blinked back tears and then squeezed my eyes shut as my pain pushed words from my mouth. “Do you know what she did to me the first week we moved out of the house?”
I didn’t wait for a guess or even for an answer with my eyes still closed. “She threw newspaper on the tiny balcony outside and made me stay out there at night. She said she didn’t want me to ruin her honeymoon with Norman. Even though they never got married. She gave me cat food to eat.” I shook my head and opened my eyes, shame coursing down my cheeks with the tears. I swiped at them, mad that I was still so affected by the incidents from when I was a kid.
“Jaxon, I-″ Dad stared at me with his mouth half-way open.
I waved my hand and shook my head. “Whatever, it’s not a big deal anymore. It happened. It can’t be changed.” I leaned forward, thrusting my finger into the center of the table. “I’m just not sure what I did that made me not good enough for our family. What did I do? Is there a trait in me that you can’t stand? I work hard. I try really hard to be honest. I give up sleep to make money and get the things done that you’ve asked me to do. Why… Why couldn’t she love me? Why couldn’t you?”
My sleepless night and emotional breakfast chased after me. Extreme fatigue sapped my energy and I sagged back into the seat, averting my gaze to the side of the table and to the ground. I didn’t want to see pity in his eyes or shame.
How could he not be ashamed of me? Why wouldn’t he be? I was so ashamed it made me sick.
Silence from his side of the table finally pulled my attention and I inhaled sharply at the presence of tears in his eyes and regret in his features. He shook his head, working his throat and mouth, but nothing came out.
We sat there in silence for a long while. Dad sipped his coffee and water and then finally broke the quiet with soft words I wanted to etch on my soul. “You’re too good for this family, Jaxon. I would trade a thousand of your mother and your brother for just one of you.” He wiped the back of his hands across his cheeks and brusquely stood, facing away from the table.
Speaking in a normal volume, he waved at the table as he strode toward the door. “Finish eating. I have some things to finish before work starts. Take your time. Excuse me.”
And like that he was gone.
I stared at the table. The potatoes and omelets no longer appealed to me, but I didn’t want the cook to think I didn’t like them or that we didn’t eat them. I worked my way diligently through half the plate, choking down the toast, sausage, omelet, and hash browns before finally getting up and pushing in my seat.
Was I supposed to clear the table? I wasn’t used to having any one wait on me and it wasn’t something I remembered from when I lived there before.
After staring at the table for an indeterminate amount of time, I finally turned and strode out of the office, up the stairs and into my room.
I made it there without seeing anyone. Closing the door, I unbuttoned my pants and dropped them to the ground, kicking them to the side. I twisted the lock on my door and ignored the daylight peeking through the edges of the poorly closed blackout curtains.
There was no way I was going to deal with school or anything else right then. I just wanted to catch up on sleep and maybe try to face the death of my mother on my own terms.
I pulled back the sheet and blanket and slid into the covers. Taking a deep breath, I rolled over and grabbed my phone. No messages.
I was surprisingly good with that. Taking Olivia to school on a Friday would be ideal, but I didn’t want to deal with anything or anyone. I also didn’t want to deal with the conflicting tensions that I had to corral when I was around her.
The biggest one being – did I care about her because Braddox wanted her or because I actually cared? All my life, Mom and Braddox had worked to convince me I was jealous of him and now that I was in the position to have something or someone who didn’t want him, I suddenly was smothered in all the self-doubt and insecurities associated with my childhood and being a twin.
For whatever reason, Olivia said she wanted me.
I could focus on that and not on the confusing meeting with my dad, not on the impending funeral of my mother, not the consistent burning fires of hate from my brother, not even my uncertain future looming ahead of me. No, I could focus on the fact that Olivia had declared she chose me to Braddox in no uncertain terms.
That had to be worth something, right?
Because I was going to hold onto with both hands, until something proved otherwise to me.
Chapter 12
Olivia
Jaxon wasn’t in school all day, leaving me to face the douchebags alone. Not that I blamed him. We’d both been under so much pressure lately, I couldn’t hold it against him for needing a break.
School passed with excruciating slowness, but at least Staci stayed away from me. After the revealing late night, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with more.
Braddox avoided me, as well. He watched me with anger in his eyes from a distance, but also with a welcome glint like he was waiting for me to fall and regret the choices I’d made.
Maybe things were going to be fine.
My phone buzzed in my rear pocket sometime during final period.
A little hopeful it was Jaxon; I surreptitiously snuck my phone to the side while the teacher droned on about something I didn’t care about. The text was from Stephanie.
S: Wanna hang out tonight?
Me: You bet. Feeling better?
S: Bored. Come after school.
Me: Later, whore ??
I tucked my phone back in my pocket and turned my gaze to the clock above the door. Just a few more minutes left and then I could go to Stephanie’s. I’d borrowed Mom’s car that morning when I realized Jaxon wasn’t going to be able to give me a ride and Stephanie hadn’t been to school all week.
Getting the keys had been easy. Mom didn’t go anywhere but the house as she worked with Trenton and slept with him. She was probably thinking she’d give me whatever it took to keep me out of her hair.
Having kids while trying to build a life for herself must be hard.
The bell rang and I shot out of my chair. A weekend away from the expectations of class, teachers, and peers was exactly what I needed.
The short drive to Stephanie’s left my confusing emotions unresolved. Was it possible to be even more raveled up than I’d been two days ago?
I parked in my frien
d’s driveway and stared at her place. The things I was learning about Steph didn’t make me want to go inside the mausoleum style home any more than I wanted to fall off a cliff. But Stephanie was in there. Maybe she needed relief from the stress, too.
Taking a deep breath, I climbed from the car and walked to the door.
The weather was promising to be fairly clear for the weekend with just our ever-present wind. It would be nice to get some warm sun. I hadn’t been down to the beach in so long. I was ready for a little bit of a break from the norm. Not that it was ever warm enough to swim, but it could sometimes be warm enough to sunbathe.
Some times.
Stephanie met me at the door with a zip-up hoodie hanging loose over dark blue leggings. She’d worn her Nike running shoes and sunglasses while her hair was tucked into a loose bun at the back of her head and the hoodie pulled up.
I nodded toward her house. “Are we hanging out here?”
“Nah, let’s go to the café or something. I need a little bit of a break from the house. It’s so quiet.” She shrugged and brushed past me to get to the car. The fact that I was driving told me a lot. I couldn’t see her eyes behind the sunglasses, but her bruising most likely hadn’t healed much since earlier that week.
She walked with a slight limp and her leggings looked looser on her than they normally did on her thin frame.
Stephanie’s pale skin seemed more translucent as she settled into the seat beside me. I started the car and glanced at her. “How are you feeling?”
She grimaced and then looked out the window. “It’s… whatever, you know? Like, I don’t really… feel anything. It’s hard to explain.” She rested her hand on the armrest of the door beside her. I couldn’t help noticing the bitten and ragged state of her nails.
The stress was getting to her and I hadn’t been around as much as I should have to help. Guilt riddled me and I drove out of her driveway. I would have to do better. I could do better.
Forbidden: A bully romance (An Academy Twin Rivalry Series Book 2) Page 10