by JJ Ross
What was more miserable was when I watched from my window, as Chance loaded up his jeep for spring break. The tears fell faster than I could wipe them. I lay back on my bed as my friends were about to go on a vacation that I didn’t even fight to go on. My parents might have let me go, but I just didn’t fight for it. I had no desire to go and I didn’t even know why.
That night, Maggie came by to tell me goodbye, but my mother told her I wasn’t feeling well. I just didn’t want to deal with anyone. I guess you could say that I was having a pity party…for one.
She was going to be riding with Chance, which didn’t bother me, but I was jealous that she would at least be carrying on a conversation with him, which is more than we had done in the last week.
I cried the rest of the evening and moped around the house the next day.
I stood looking out of my bedroom window, at the truck in the driveway. Drew had not made any attempts to call me or speak to me, but he was home. His truck had been gone each night since he had gotten home, but he was always home during the day.
I was disappointed. I thought for sure he would make contact when he got into town, but it had been three days. I quickly dialed the numbers on my keypad. I would not stand by and let both of those Mitchell boys ignore me.
“Hello?”
“Hey.”
“Hey.” There was awkward silence for a moment.
“Look, I saw that you were in town, and I was wondering if you wanted to go do something later on today…or whatever…..”
“Sonny, I don’t know…”
“Fine, well if you change your mind, you know where I live!” I snapped and hung up. I immediately regretted it, but didn’t call him back. I let the tears well up as I jerked from the window. This was what rejection felt like. I had anticipated him to jump on the idea of spending time with me, but he hadn’t, to my disappointment.
I stormed downstairs and made myself a glass of water, lingering with the door to the refrigerator open as I scanned the shelves for a snack. I decided nothing looked appetizing at that moment, so I slammed the door to the refrigerator in frustration. I jumped when I saw him standing there, on the other side of the door.
“Sorry, your mom was out back and told me to come on in,” he studied my face and reached up to wipe a tear away.
“What’s wrong?” he asked softly.
“Nothing.” I said quietly looking into my water to avoid his gaze, and hopefully shield my humiliation.
“So, what was all of that on the phone?”
“Drew,” I started, but looked up to see my mother walking by, “You want to go outside?”
He nodded as he followed me onto the deck outside the back door. We both took a seat in the chairs and sat quietly.
“So, why didn’t you go on the trip?” he asked finally, trying to break the tension.
I turned to him, “Because, I was sure my parents wouldn’t let me and besides, Chance and I are fighting.”
“Because of mom finding out about you two?”
I turned in shock, but quickly reminded myself the secret was out. Of course he knew. Chance tells him everything. How could I even act surprised anymore. “Yeah, partially. It’s been kind of awkward.”
“I can imagine,” he said finally. He was quiet again as he looked across the yard.
“So, what are you gonna do for the rest of the week?” I asked trying to break the awkwardness.
“Well, I am leaving Friday morning, but tomorrow we are going up to the river to go swimming and cliff diving. Did you want to come with us?”
“Who is ‘us’?” I asked skeptical.
“Some guys from school. No one you would know,” he stood up to leave, “Anyways, we are leaving early, so be outside about six in the morning, if you want to go. It’s a two hour drive, and I want to get the fun started early,” he winked.
I felt my ears heat as I nodded, “I’ll be outside. See you in the morning…” I melted into the chair as he walked away. Would there ever be a time when I could have a conversation with him and there wouldn’t be butterflies in my stomach? I sighed quietly as I closed my eyes and let my body bask in the sun. I smiled as I imagined his hazel eyes devouring me.
“Drew…” I whispered as I let out a breath.
Surprisingly, my parents didn’t have a problem with me going to the river with Drew for the day, so I was leaning against his truck, bright and early with my bag in hand, waiting.
I watched him quietly shut the front door behind him and turn toward the truck. He smiled when he saw me, “Well, well, well…look who got up before the sun.”
“Whatever, let’s get going before I change my mind and go back to bed,” I teased.
“Oh, that’s right, you are definitely not a morning person. How could I forget?” He pulled the truck out of the driveway with a quiet roar and off we went.
After driving quietly for a while, he leaned forward and turned on the radio. It was a country station and at that moment there was a love song on. He glanced at me and quickly tried to change the station but I shot forward and pushed his hand away.
“No. Leave it. I like this song,” I smiled as I held his hand. He hesitated but let me have my way. I looked forward and began to sing quietly to make my case.
I felt him watch me as I sang and pretended to ignore him.
“Hmm. Gorgeous and she has the voice of a song bird,” he winked and looked ahead, without letting my hand go. I blushed slightly as I looked out my window, singing into the early morning.
When we got to the riverbanks, I could already see the vehicles that were, undoubtedly waiting on Drew. He parked the truck and got out, holding his hand out to me. I smiled as I willingly took it. I jumped out of the truck and looked around. There were six of us, so far, and aside from one other girl, there were all guys. I looked up to Drew.
“Do they know that you were bringing me along? I don’t want to make this weird.”
He smiled as he draped his arm across my shoulder, pulling me into his side, “Yes, everyone knows I was going to bring you.”
We walked toward the banks where everyone was. Drew said hi and introduced me to everyone as Sonny. Not his friend or girlfriend or anything, just…Sonny. I guessed that was a good thing. No label to make things weird. I could feel everyone giving me the once over.
The girl, Natasha, was there with one of the guys. She grabbed me lightly by the arm and pulled me away from the guys.
“We are gonna stick together. We HAVE to. They have us out numbered, but we will make it,” she joked as she led me to a blanket and lay down. “I plan on working on my tan. Do you want anything to drink?” she asked as she pointed to a cooler.
“No thanks,” I said as I dropped my bag and stretched. I watched the guys as they began to drop their shirts and hats, among other things, onto another blanket that was only a few feet away from ours. Drew pulled off his shirt, revealing his already bronzed body. He caught me watching him and winked as he turned to jog into the water with the other guys. I felt my ears burn as I quickly turned back to my blanket.
“He sure is something…I mean, not as handsome as my Tim, but handsome none the less,” she grinned watching them swim across the water hole and to the cliffs on the other side.
She put on her sunglasses and lay back on the blanket. I shrugged and turned away from the water to pull off my shirt and shorts. I was never very comfortable with my body, but knowing that Drew was somewhere nearby, was now making me even more self-conscious. I hesitated with my shorts, and then quickly threw them off as I took a breath. I quickly rolled on my stomach and closed my eyes.
“No need to act so shy, Sonny, you have a smokin’ body. I’m sure Drew tells you that all the time,” said Natasha as she sat up slightly.
“It’s not like that.”
“You and Drew? You two sure have a lot of chemistry from what I can see.”
“We are not together, if that’s what you mean. We are just…well…kinda friends. We grew up
together.”
She smiled, “So it’s like the guy next door kinda love story, huh?”
“Not exactly.”
“I don’t buy that, and if you two aren’t together, could you get your friend on the same page? He sure does talk about you a lot,” she grinned.
“Really?” I asked, trying not to sound so hopeful.
“Yeah, all the time. I’m just glad I finally go to meet you. For a while, I was debating whether you were even real. I figured he made you up so we would stop trying to hook him up with other girls,” she joked and then lay back down on the blanket.
I smiled as I turned my head to my other side, to where I could see the guys. I watched them on the cliffs and felt the heat of the sun begin to make me drowsy. Drew was standing on top of the cliff and he waved slightly at me as he dove off. I smiled and then closed my eyes and went to sleep in the warm sun.
I wasn’t asleep long, when I heard the guys around us. They were laughing and I heard the tops on soda cans popping and fizzing as they dug sandwiches out of the coolers. I squinted through the sun as I rolled onto my back. Just then, Drew sat next to me, and handed me a soda. I quickly grabbed my towel, covering my half naked body. He looked at me as if to ask a question but stopped as he watched Natasha sit up.
“I’ll be back. I am gonna go grab a beer. You want anything, Sonny?” she asked as she stood up. I shook my head and she walked over to everyone else.
“You’re not bored are you?” asked Drew quietly as he sipped his beer and looked at me.
“No. Just sun bathing,” I smiled reassuring him.
“Seems boring to me,” he said standing up. He finished his beer and then grabbed my arms, pulling me to my feet, letting my towel fall to my feet. He stood quietly for a moment admiring my body, “You are so gorgeous, Sonny. I hope you know that.”
“I do now,” I flirted. He quickly broke from our moment and pulled me behind him, walking toward the water. We passed everyone as they cheered us on.
“Bout time you got ‘er in the water, Drew,” someone joked from behind, as we walked toward the water hand in hand. Before I could let the water touch my toes, Drew swept me up into his arms and continued to walk us into the water.
Then suddenly, he hurled me into the air and I came crashing into the icy water. I shot up out of the water, and glared at him as the shock of the cold water died down. He smirked as he swam toward me.
“You suck!” I teased as I splashed him with water. He splashed back playfully, as we commenced a splashing war. As he got closer, he grabbed my hands by the wrists to stop me. He pulled me closer as he glanced over his shoulder. Everyone was still on the beach, lounging on blankets, laughing and drinking, having lunch.
“Come on, I want to show you something,” he said as he dropped my hands and began to swim to the other side of the river. I followed his path as he climbed out of the water on the rocky edge and onto the first big boulder. He reached down and pulled me up quickly to his side. Instead of following the path up the rocky edge where they had been jumping from earlier, he led me around the rocks onto the other side of the cliff. There was a huge swimming hole and a narrow path that followed the rocks to the other side where there was an amazing waterfall that flooded into the swimming hole.
“It’s amazing, Drew,” I said looking up to him.
“Come on,” he said as he dove into the swimming hole. I grinned as he popped out of the water below and waved at me. I quickly jumped from the rocks and into the water. The water on this side of the cliffs was much warmer, to my surprise. I emerged from the water and searched for Drew. He was already swimming toward the waterfall so I hurried to catch him.
By the time I made it to him, he had already climbed out of the water and was looking down at me. He grabbed me up from the water and set me next to him. I loved the way he was able to effortlessly pick me up.
We quietly climbed our way to the waterfall, and then Drew showed me the way behind the waterfall. It was gorgeous. Absolutely amazing. There was echoing from the dripping of the water from the ceiling and loud roar of the water falling down in a blanket in front of us. I blinked through the water in my eyes to Drew. I wiped my face as I wrung out my hair
“It’s awesome!” I yelled across the small grotto. He turned to me and nodded as he made his way to the other side of the cave, and then walked back to me.
“Sorry, I’ve seen the waterfall a few times before but I’ve just never come up here behind it. I was curious and thought it would be nice to share with you…” he said when he had made his way back to me.
“Drew, listen. About, well….everything….” I started.
“Can we just pretend that for this one day, we have no reservations? Can we just act like we don’t have this insane amount of tension, and just enjoy each other’s company?” he asked.
“Okay…”
“No, seriously, I mean, why can’t we just enjoy each other and try to have a good time. I know there are, like a million things you want to say, and so do I, but why ruin a beautiful day?” he asked as we walked toward the opening that led back to the water hole. I pulled his hand before he took another step.
“What?” he asked curiously, as he spun around to me.
I hesitated then I threw my arms around his neck and forced myself against him. We were close enough that I backed him into the cool wet wall of the cave. I looked into his eyes and then I leaned forward to kiss him. I kissed him harder trying to show him what I felt for him. He responded and grabbed me up, pulling my legs around his waist and turning us into the wall, so that my back was on the wall. I gasped slightly when my back hit the chilled rock wall.
He stopped to look at me, “sorry,” he whispered, as he kissed my jaw line and neck.
“I want you so bad, Sonny,” he whispered, barely echoing into the cave. He gently pulled me off of him, “but not here.”
He stepped from me, but still held my hand, stroking the top of it gently. I was beginning to get sick of every guy trying to tell me when the right time was.
“Then when, Drew!?” I yelled in frustration, forgetting the echo. I flinched slightly at the sound of my own voice.
He pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head, “Not today, Sonny.”
I took a deep breath in aggravation. When would this charade stop? When would he let me win and let me have my way? And when had I transitioned from wanting Chance to be my first to wanting Drew, instead? Something in me knew, just knew, that Drew would treat my first time and my heart the way it was meant to be treated. Gently.
“Quit pouting, beautiful,” he said to me as he held my chin in his hand. I stuck my lip out a bit further. He leaned forward and lightly sucked on my bottom lip and then smiled at me, “Not today.”
I felt like I melted into the floor. I forgot just that quickly about being a brat and not getting my way. If it were any other guy, I’m sure I would have pleaded my case and gotten my way. Not with Drew.
“Okay,” I managed to get out. As hard as I tried not to, I couldn’t help letting the smile spread across my face.
We swam back across the swimming hole and then made our way to the top of the cliffs. Below, everyone was back in the water and oblivious to our absence. We jumped in together as I giggled.
The sun was beginning to set and the guys started to build a campfire. Apparently, everyone else was staying the night there at the river. The tents were set up and more people, who had shown up throughout the day, were gathered around the campfire, drinking and laughing. Drew had a blanket draped around us as I snuggled into his side. I watched the campfire, letting it warm my face as the chill came in from the mountains.
“Are you still cold, or did you want a sweater? I have my sweater in the truck,” he whispered into my ear, gently grazing me with the stubble on his face. It sent chills down my body. My body knew what it wanted before I had ever even had it. Sex. I wanted to feel that stubble up and down my body, feathered with kisses. I wished he would just take m
e away and devour me, but he had made it clear, that it was not happening.
“No thanks,” I snuggled closer to his abnormally warm body, “I’m fine.” He tightened his arm around me and leaned his head on mine.
After the sun had set completely and the campsite was surrounded by darkness, it was time to head home. Apparently Drew was not staying the night. I hoped it wasn’t on my account, but I guessed that was probably the case. We said our goodbyes and piled into the truck.
As he pulled onto the highway, I spread across the bench seat with the blanket on me. I rested my head on his lap as he drove. He gently stroked my hair as my eyes became heavy. It was truly an amazing day.
“When are you leaving, again?” I mumbled into the dark cab as music played softly in the background.
“Tomorrow morning,” he said quietly.
“Why so soon?” I asked sleepily.
“I gotta get back to do laundry and get ready for school next week. Plus on Saturday we have a fund raiser for the Frat house.”
“Oh,” I yawned, “I wish you could stay. I’ll miss you.”
He was quiet for a moment and then, “well, at least you will have Chance to keep you company.”
I rolled my eyes, “Yeah, at least I will have that,” I said with sarcasm.
“Sonny, you know you choose him,” he said still stroking my hair.
I sat up and looked at him to see if he was teasing, being sarcastic, or if he was serious. I couldn’t read his face very well in the dark cab of his truck.
“Why do you always do that?” I demanded, deciding he was being serious.
“Do what?” he asked, confused.
“Every time we are having a special moment and are enjoying each other, or are on the verge of anything, you bring up Chance. It’s like that’s safe for you. If we hit a certain point, bringing up Chance is your bailout! Why? You act like you’re scared to be with me? Drew, I would break up with him for you, do you not see that? Can you not tell how much I want you?”