Ginny Moon

by Benjamin Ludwig

  “And if it’s in the middle of the night,” she says again, “you’ll have this on, so just turn it up louder. It’s a noise maker. Patrice recommended it to me. It makes the sound of rain or the ocean so that you can’t hear what’s going on outside your room. I bet you can figure out how to work it.”

  She puts it on the counter next to me. I pick it up.

  “The noise maker will help you sleep at night, too,” she says. “It’s very soothing. And another rule is no hiding food. You have plenty to eat here at the Blue House, so there’s no need to store up food and squirrel it away in drawers or in your closet. Right?”

  “Right.”

  “And the last rule is if you know I’m upstairs, you need to stay downstairs. Wendy needs to eat every three hours or so, so I have to go up there a lot to feed her. When I go up there, you’ll need to be a big girl and take care of yourself down here, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  She swallows. “And I also want to say that I’m very sorry I hit you that time when you walked in on us. It’s just that I thought you were going to try to take the baby. I get pretty territorial about Baby Wendy. Moms get that way with their first kids. She’s so tiny. I have to keep her safe.”

  But that isn’t true so I say, “But, Maura, Baby Wendy is not your first kid.”

  She puts her hand on her lips. “What did you just say?”

  “I am your first kid,” I say.

  “Right. Of course you are—but did you call me Maura?”

  I nod my head yes.

  “Why?” she says. “You haven’t called either of us by our first names since the day you came to live here.”

  I don’t know the reason why. The name just came out of my mouth so I don’t say anything.

  Her eyes look wet. “Did someone tell you not to call me Mom anymore?”

  I shake my head no. “This isn’t a Forever Home,” I say.

  I clamp my hands over my mouth. Fast. I want to take the words back because now Maura might figure out my secret plan. She might figure out that I know Gloria’s phone number and that I’m going to call her to tell her it’s time to go up to Canada. I just need to get a phone. I looked today at school but I didn’t find one.

  “Oh,” she says. “It sounds like you’re starting to put two and two together, then.

  “So the cat is completely out of the bag. I might as well come to terms with it myself. With talking about it, I mean. After all—Anyway, I know Patrice showed you the pictures of Saint Genevieve’s, so I guess it’s okay. Do you want to talk about it now? Because we can, if you want. You have to leave pretty soon to catch the bus, but we can talk about it for a few minutes.”

  She looks at the clock on the stove.

  I don’t understand. I think hard.

  “Ginny?”

  “What?” I say. And cover my mouth again.

  Maura gives a little smile. “It’s okay,” she says. “I’ll make sure everyone knows that you’re going back to calling us all by our first names. It makes me a little sad, you know. A lot sadder than I would have guessed. We had some good times for a while, when it was just the three of us. But you seem pretty comfortable with the idea. Are you really as comfortable as you seem?”

  I take my hands down. “I’m not really comfortable,” I say.

  “Oh,” she says. “Well, then. That’s understandable. We don’t have to discuss it at all today. Just so long as we have an understanding. We can deal with it some other time. For now, let’s just get through the rest of this week.”

  EXACTLY 8:58 IN THE MORNING,

  WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 12TH

  Sometimes Ms. Carol helps Larry too. Like right now. We are in science working on a lab. Larry has to light a Bunsen burner with a metal tool called a striker. It has flint and steel in it. Then we have to see what color some chemicals turn in a bunch of test tubes when he puts them in the fire. Mr. Crew the science teacher said we have to record the data which means we have to write the colors down and see how long it takes for them to turn color. Right now they are all white.

  Mr. Crew picked groups for the experiment. He put me and Larry in a group with Michelle Whipple. Michelle Whipple asked if she could go in another group because I attacked her once before but Mr. Crew said we all need to learn to get along.

  “Put your arm braces here,” says Ms. Carol to Larry. She touches the heater next to the wall. “Then you can lean on the counter and light the flame. I’ll turn on the gas for you.”

  Michelle Whipple is in charge of writing down the data. She has a clipboard and pencil out. She is watching Larry closely.

  I am watching her.

  I have my Snoopy pad in my left hand and my Snoopy pencil in my right. Plus I am wearing my red sweatshirt with the pocket in the front. It is perfect for today which is why I wore it.

  “Here we go,” says Ms. Carol.

  She turns on the gas. Larry starts squeezing the striker. It makes a clicking-scraping sound.

  Michelle Whipple looks at the clock and writes down the time.

  I take a step back and drop my Snoopy pencil into her backpack.

  I bend down to pick it up. I feel around and grab something flat and rectangle-shaped. I put it in my pocket and stand up again.

  “Good job,” Ms. Carol says to Larry.

  Larry starts singing about good vibrations. He moves his head back and forth like a chicken and his voice gets louder. He winks at me and then closes his eyes and keeps singing.

  “Steady with that test tube, Larry,” says Ms. Carol. “And keep your eyes open.”

  I walk behind Michelle Whipple and peek in my pocket. The flat rectangle-shaped thing is a candy bar.

  In my brain I say, Well dang!

  I bend down to try again. I put my hand back into the backpack. My fingers find my Snoopy pencil.

  “Ginny?” says Michelle Whipple.

  I stand up fast. “I dropped my pencil,” I say. And hold it out to show her.

  Michelle Whipple bends down and makes a mean face at me. The backpack is between us. She zips it shut and says, “Next time, tell me and I’ll get it for you.”

  We finish the experiment. When the bell rings I go to my locker to get my flute for band. I also get my music and my water bottle. Then I go to the band room and sit down in my chair to eat the candy bar. I will share it with Larry when he gets here.

  EXACTLY 3:02 IN THE AFTERNOON,

  THURSDAY, JANUARY 13TH

  Maura’s eyes are thin like cuts. She leans forward. “I already know what happened,” she says. “I’m only asking because I want to see whether or not you’re going to lie to me. Now, did you steal someone’s chocolate yesterday at school?”

  I don’t like it when people get close to my face. I don’t like the feeling of people’s breath on my lips and nose.

  I remember what Patrice said about people who are yelling at me. I turn my head and close my eyes. I do not move forward at all.

  “Yes!” I say. And open one eye to peek.

  Maura leans back. Her eyes are regular again. I let out a breath. “Good,” she says. “That was the smartest thing you could have possibly said. But I told you no more incidents the other day, and this is an incident. A big incident, Ginny. We don’t steal in this family.”

  I want to say something but I decide not to. I want to say a lot of things but I will not.

  “Grammy is coming over right now to watch Wendy. You and I are going to the store.”

  “Why?” I say.

  “You’re going to buy a new bar of chocolate for Michelle,” she says. “With your own money.”

  “Why do I have to use my own money?”

  “Because you stole. When you steal something, you have to give it back or replace it. Now, go get ready to g
o.”

  She makes a loud breathing sound and hits her hand on the counter. I jump.

  “Why do you have to pull something like this? Don’t you have any control over yourself at all? Don’t you know right from wrong? We’ve taught you to have good habits and to respect other people. We’ve taught you how to—But, Ginny, I don’t have time for any more nonsense! I don’t have time to talk with guidance counselors or angry parents on the phone. I have an infant to take care of and a husband in the hospital. And you pull something like this?”

  Baby Wendy is still asleep when Grammy comes. I put my scarf and gloves and hat and coat on. Then we get in the car and drive. Maura gives me my money. She keeps it in a box in the closet in her bedroom. She and Brian don’t let me keep money in my room because they think I’ll take it to school and might lose it. Or someone will take it from me.

  At the drugstore we look through the candy aisle. I find a candy bar that matches the one I ate. It costs ninety-eight cents. I would like to eat it so I ask Maura if I can get two—one for me and one for Michelle Whipple—and she says no, that would defeat the whole point. Then I ask if I can split it with her and she still says no. So I pick up the candy bar and we bring it to the cash register. I don’t want to put it down on the counter. I want to hold it and keep on holding it and open it and put it in my mouth. It will be delicious. But Maura looks at me and says, “Ginny, it’s time to put the candy bar down.” So I do.

  The lady behind the counter picks it up and scans it with a red light. Then she says, “Ninety-eight cents.” I take a twenty-dollar bill out of my pocket and say, “Here,” and drop it on the counter.

  “Ginny, that’s not how we hand something to someone,” Maura says. Then to the lady she says, “I’m sorry, my—Ginny is special.”

  The lady nods her head and makes a half smile with her mouth.

  “She’s adopted,” Maura says.

  “Really?” says the lady. “How long has she been with you?”

  “About two years,” says Maura.

  “Wow!” says the lady. “I have a cousin who just adopted a baby from Korea. It’s such a beautiful thing, adoption. It’s the most unselfish thing a person can do. And you adopted a teenager! I don’t think anyone could resist adopting a baby if they were in a position to do something like that, but it takes a really selfless person to adopt a teenager. And a special one to boot.”

  Then the lady looks at me. “Your mom is really awesome,” she says. And then, “Do you call her that? Mom, I mean?”

  Maura looks at me. “No,” I say.

  Then I pick up the money. I pinch a tiny corner and lift it. I hold it out to her. “Here,” I say again.

  The lady takes it and puts it in the drawer of her cash register. She gives me a ten-dollar bill and a five-dollar bill and then four one-dollar bills and two pennies.

  And I say, “Seriously?”

  “Is something wrong?” says the lady.

  “What is it, Ginny?” Maura says.

  “That woman gave me a ten-dollar bill and a five-dollar bill and four one-dollar bills and two pennies,” I say.

  “That’s your change,” Maura says. “Put it in your pocket so we can go home.”

  I put the money in my pocket and we go back to the car. Now I have a lot more money than I had before. Gloria will be excited. I’m guessing she never knew how to make money by buying things. My new trick will help us get money when we go up to Canada. Getting money was always hard for her. That was why she liked free things so much. When we were living in the Green Car before my Baby Doll came we used to go to the grocery store when it was time to eat. We would get free cookie samples from the bakery. Or slices of meat from the deli. Virginia smoked ham was my favorite. Could I have another piece of that Virginia smoked ham? Gloria used to say. My daughter is a picky eater. I want to see if she likes it.

  But after a while the people in the grocery store stopped giving us free samples. A man in a blue coat came out from behind a door and asked Gloria to shop somewhere else so she got mad and yelled at him and in the parking lot she peeled out.

  We’ll just have to expand our range, she said to me when we were driving out of the parking lot.

  “Ginny?”

  I come up out of my brain. I am not in the Green Car. “What?”

  “Do you understand that it’s wrong to take things that aren’t yours?”

  I nod my head yes even though I know sometimes you have to.

  “We have plenty to eat at the Blue House. You don’t have to take food or hide it anymore. If you want to bring an extra snack to school, you have to tell me,” she says. “We can’t have any more incidents. It’s all just too much. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I say.

  EXACTLY 3:12 IN THE AFTERNOON,

  FRIDAY, JANUARY 14TH

  I used to play Flap, Flap, Flap, Tent! with my Baby Doll. It was an easy game to play. You hold the edge of a shirt in two hands and flap it three times so that it makes wind on the baby’s face and then on the third flap you let the shirt rest on its head. But you keep holding it so that it makes a tent and then you look under it so that both of you are inside. And the baby laughs. So you do it again.

  But I don’t have to use a shirt now because Baby Wendy has a family and nice things. It has a mom and a dad who take good care of it. It even has its own bed.

  I am playing Flap, Flap, Flap, Tent! with Baby Wendy right now. We are using a white burp cloth.

  Maura is on the couch. Asleep. She was sitting next to Baby Wendy while I did my homework at the kitchen table and then her eyes closed. Baby Wendy was next to her in its bouncy seat. It started to fuss so I picked up the burp cloth and started playing Flap, Flap, Flap, Tent! with it.

  Now Baby Wendy is laughing and laughing. I am kneeling in front of it. It makes a surprised face when I make my mouth and eyes turn into round circles and it waves its arms while the cloth is flapping and then every time I say Tent! a laugh comes up from its belly. The laugh makes it smile and look into my eyes.

  I play Flap, Flap, Flap, Tent! nine times with Baby Wendy. I am careful not to touch it because I remember the most important rule. It laughs and laughs and laughs. I look over at Maura. She is still asleep. Then when I look back at Baby Wendy Maura moves her arms. She stretches. Her eyes open.

  I put the white cloth down on my lap and wait.

  She doesn’t move. “What’s the most important rule?” she says.

  “I will not touch Baby Wendy whatsoever,” I say.

  She sits up. She looks at the clock. “Did you touch her?”

  I shake my head no.

  “Then what are you doing with the burp cloth?”

  “Playing Flap, Flap, Flap, Tent!” I say.

  “What is that?”

  “A game I used to play with my Baby Doll,” I say. “You flap the cloth and make wind.”

  Maura sits up. “Let me clarify the rule for you,” she says. “Touching means touching with your hands or with an object. Now, what’s in your hand?”

  “A white cloth,” I say.

  “And a white cloth is an object,” she says. “So, are you allowed to play that game with Wendy?”

  I think. Then I shake my head no. I put the white cloth down on the ground.

  “Good,” says Maura.

  I stand up. Baby Wendy laughs when I move past it.

  Maura looks surprised. “Did you just laugh?” she says to Baby Wendy.

  Baby Wendy doesn’t answer so I nod my head yes for it.

  Maura gets down on the floor in front of the bouncy seat. Where I was. It is like she wants to take my place. She kisses Baby Wendy on the head and says to it, “Can you laugh again for Mommy?” But Baby Wendy doesn’t laugh. I am glad.

  I know it won’t laugh because I’m not playing
Flap, Flap, Flap, Tent! with it anymore. I know it laughed when I stood up because it thought I was still playing. So I say, “It wants to play the game some more.”

  Maura looks at me then at Baby Wendy again. “Show me,” she says.

  So I kneel down in front of it and pick up the cloth. I make my mouth and eyes into big round circles. Baby Wendy picks up its hands. Then I lift the cloth high and bring it down nice and slow. The wind makes the baby’s hair move. It closes its eyes and mouth and opens them again. Its feet and hands start to wave. After the third flap I say, “Tent!” and bend forward and let the cloth cover our heads.

  When I take the cloth off the baby laughs and laughs again.

  I look at Maura. She doesn’t say anything. Her eyes look wet. “How long did you take care of your sister?” she says.

  I am confused. “Do you mean Baby Wendy?”

  “I mean your Baby Doll.”

  “For approximately one year,” I say.

  “One whole year,” she says. “While your mother was taking drugs and selling cats and running from the police.”

  That wasn’t a question so I don’t say anything.

  “And you used to scream whenever the baby wouldn’t stop crying?”

  I look at Baby Wendy. It is chewing on its hand. I don’t want to answer but I have to. “Yes,” I say. Because it’s true, 100 percent. That was how I used to get Gloria and Donald to leave my Baby Doll alone.

  Maura shakes her head. “It’s too much,” she says. “It’s all just too much at once.”

  EXACTLY 9:18 IN THE MORNING,

  SATURDAY, JANUARY 15TH

  “Ginny, I have to feed the baby,” says Maura.

  I am in the dining room eating breakfast. I have my cereal and my grapes and my milk.

  “So we’re just going to try this, okay? We’ll see if we can get through it. I can’t go upstairs every single time Wendy needs to eat while keeping an eye on you at the same time. So I need you to keep eating. Just keep eating, and don’t stop until you’re done. And when you’re done, bring your bowls and spoon into the kitchen and put them in the sink. Then rinse the bowls out and put the bowls in the dishwasher. Then you can go to your room and start cleaning it up.”