Ginny Moon

by Benjamin Ludwig

  Love,

  Ginny Moon

  EXACTLY 9:32 IN THE MORNING,

  THURSDAY, JANUARY 20TH

  I have a lot of things to think about and it is making my head hurt. It hurts so much that I keep putting my hands on the sides of my head and squeezing. When Brian saw me that way this morning at the dining room table he asked me what was wrong but I just made an angry face. Because I’m supposed to get ready for the little rendezvous on Tuesday, January 25th, but the police might come to take my Baby Doll away from Gloria before that. Which means I have to call Gloria to tell her right away. I have to call her now.

  But I don’t have a phone anymore.

  “So your mom can’t go because of your baby sister?” says Kayla Zadambidge. We are in Room Five working on a puzzle together. The pieces don’t feel like pieces that go to anything. They feel like pieces of a broken sidewalk or broken glass.

  “Ginny?”

  It is Brenda Richardson. I think hard. She has a phone but her mom won’t let her take it to school every day. Only on days when she has tumbling lessons after school. She has tumbling lessons today.

  “Will it be just your dad there on Sunday, or your mom and little sister, too?”

  I nod my head yes.

  “What about your other dad? You know, that Rick dude,” says Larry. “Is he going?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?” Larry says. His dad won’t let him have a phone until he gets to high school.

  “He’s driving truck down to Georgia,” I say. “But he sends me emails.”

  “Are you going to, oh, I don’t know, meet him anywhere sometime soon?” says Larry. Because Larry knows about my secret plan. He’s going to help me on Tuesday, January 25th. Because he said he would do anything for me.

  “So your mom isn’t going to be there at all because she has to watch the baby?” says Alison Hill.

  Alison Hill has a phone. It is exactly the same kind as Brenda Richardson’s. She keeps it in her locker. I don’t know the combination but her locker is right next to mine. I don’t want to take Alison Hill’s phone or Brenda Richardson’s because they are my friends but Gloria said to get a few cell phones. Plus if I don’t call Gloria to tell her that the social workers are going to take my Baby Doll away then it might happen. The police will come to get it. Maybe today or tomorrow or this weekend. They might already have it.

  I try to remember what Alison Hill asked. I shake my head no.

  “That must make you sad,” she says.

  I nod.

  “When she grows up, will she be able to go?”

  “Mostly,” I say.

  “I love your little sister,” says Kayla Zadambidge. “Remember how she was holding my finger and your mom let me wipe her mouth with that white cloth? I love babies.”

  Kayla Zadambidge’s cell phone is in the woods. I don’t think I can find it again and I don’t have time to look. Alison Hill’s will be the one I try to take first. Then Brenda Richardson’s.

  “I love my Baby Doll,” I say.

  Larry starts singing a song about not hesitating and love that won’t wait and then something about a baby. I give him a look but he doesn’t stop.

  “I want to do a layup on Sunday,” says Alison Hill.

  “Me, too!” says Brenda Richardson.

  “I’m going to make five baskets,” says Larry. “Five.”

  “I’m going to box the other team out.”

  “I’m going to use my hook shot.”

  “At the end we’ll have to take a picture of us all standing together with our medals.”

  There are too many people talking all at once and I can’t take it anymore. I want to get up and walk into the hallway but Ms. Carol points to the clock. “Time to start putting things away, everyone,” she says. So we put the puzzle away and then we get our things. It is time to get ready for science. I get my backpack and line up at the door. Then the bell rings and I follow Alison Hill into the hallway.

  EXACTLY 4:48 IN THE AFTERNOON,

  THURSDAY, JANUARY 20TH

  “Hello?” says Gloria.

  “Is my Baby Doll still there?” I say. Brian and Maura are upstairs giving Baby Wendy a bath. I am in my bedroom with the door shut.

  “Ginny? Why are you calling? Yes, of course your sister is still here. What’s the matter?”

  “Patrice says the police are going to come take it away. At the end of this week or maybe this weekend. You aren’t feeding it enough.”

  Gloria stops. “Shit,” she says. “Shit, shit, shit! I knew those—Listen. Just listen! It’s great that you called me, but I have to go now. I have to get the hell out of here. I have to pack everything and get us moving before they show up.”

  “Are you still coming to the little rendezvous on Tuesday, January 25th, at Cumberland Farms?” I say.

  “Yes, yes, of course,” says Gloria. “But I have to figure out where to go for the next three days.”

  “Four days,” I say.

  “Right. Four days. Whatever. Holy shit, not two of you taken from me! I could really use my sister’s help right now! The fuckers!”

  “You have to give it more food,” I say but then I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. “Someone is coming.”

  “She’s just a picky eater! Like you were! Listen, keep the phone this time,” Gloria says. “I might try to call if something happens. Just keep it and hide it. Turn it off, and then check to see if I left a message after you go to bed. But don’t hide it in your room. Hide it someplace else. Outside, if you can.”

  She doesn’t say which phone to keep. Brenda Richardson’s or Alison Hill’s. I start to pick at my fingers.

  But then the door opens.

  It is Maura. “Ginny, supper is going to be a little later than usual tonight,” she says.

  The phone is behind my back. I slip it into my pocket.

  “Wendy had a diaper blowout, so we’re washing her up. Then I’m going to feed her and put her down for a rest. We’ll eat at six tonight. Approximately six, okay?”

  “Okay,” I say.

  She shuts the door.

  I take the phone out and put it to my ear. “Hello?” I say but Gloria is already gone.

  I turn the phone off and open my closet door and reach for Chinese Checkers. Then I remember that Gloria said don’t hide it in your room. I don’t think I could get my hat and coat and boots without Brian and Maura hearing. I don’t think I could open the door to go outside without someone hearing me.

  So I go into the kitchen and open a drawer and get some duct tape. I return to my room and open the window. I open the screen and tape Alison Hill’s phone to the side of the house. Then I shut the screen and window and sit down on my bed. I hold my quilt close to my nose and go inside my brain. Just a little bit longer, I say to my Baby Doll. I’ll be there soon to make sure you’re safe.

  EXACTLY 2:10 IN THE AFTERNOON,

  FRIDAY, JANUARY 21ST

  “That’s two cell phones missing this week, both from Room Five kids,” says Ms. Carol. Her big eyes squint behind her glasses. “And Kayla’s phone disappeared as well a week ago. And I remember that Michelle Whipple said you were going through her backpack.”

  We are at a table in the back of the room in math class. Everyone is working on something called slope. “I was not looking through Michelle Whipple’s backpack,” I say. “I was picking up my pencil.”

  “Yes, I remember that, too,” says Ms. Carol. “But you managed to find a candy bar while you were picking it up. Ms. Dana says she needs to search everyone’s lockers today after school. How do you feel about that?”

  She said two different things so I pick the second one and say, “I feel fine about that.”

  “And she’s ma
king phone calls home, as well,” she says. “She’s going to ask your parents to look through your bedroom. How do you feel about that?”

  This time I don’t say anything. I make sure my mouth is shut tight.

  “That’s what I thought,” says Ms. Carol. She writes something down. “We’ll just have to wait and see what happens.”

  I open my mouth. “How long will we wait?” I say. Then I shut it tight again.

  “Probably not very long,” says Ms. Carol. “I imagine your parents will talk with you about it when you get home. Ms. Dana already called them. She met with the police in her office right after lunch to discuss the stolen cell phones. But I think they left about an hour ago.”

  EXACTLY 2:58 IN THE AFTERNOON,

  FRIDAY, JANUARY 21ST

  We are in the car on the way to see Patrice.

  “We aren’t accusing you of stealing,” says Brian, “but you did take that candy bar last week while I was in the hospital.”

  I make sure my mouth is shut tight.

  “So I’m just going to ask you straight out. Did you steal Alison’s cell phone?”

  I can’t lie to him. I can’t lie to anybody because lies aren’t true. Words have to tell the truth. They have to add up just like numbers. It’s a rule.

  He looks at me and looks back at the road. I shake my head no.

  “Well, I believe you. I really do,” he says.

  I get a funny feeling deep inside my chest. Patrice says that people feel things with their bodies. With their hearts and bellies, mostly. She is right. Because I really like Brian and now I feel sick, sick, sick. I really wanted him to be my Forever Dad and right now my chest feels as heavy and cold as a gallon of human milk.

  “Your m—I mean, Maura looked through your room today. She didn’t find anything. We haven’t called Ms. Dana back to tell her because I wanted to talk with you first. But I’m sorry about all this, kiddo. About all of it. The timing was just awful. Then all the confusion with the Baby Doll—who knew? Things are different now.”

  “I am sorry too,” I say. And it’s true. I’m sorry about everything I did and for what I’m going to do on Tuesday, January 25th. I don’t like any of it but I have to do it.

  “Are you crying?” Brian says. He looks at me again and looks back to the road.

  We slow down and turn a corner. I nod my head yes. My eyes are wet but that still doesn’t make the human milk go away.

  “You’re a good girl, Ginny. No matter what anybody else might say.”

  EXACTLY 11:19 IN THE MORNING,

  SUNDAY, JANUARY 23RD

  I am at the Special Olympics basketball tournament. There are police officers in the building. I counted three when we were walking to the court. Then two more when I was sitting on the bench waiting for the first game to start. I am okay because I knew the police officers would be here. They come to all the Special Olympics tournaments. They aren’t here to keep me safe from Gloria.

  I walk onto the court with Brenda Richardson and Larry and Kayla Zadambidge. There are two partners as well. Partners are not special kids. They can keep their mouths closed when they’re thinking and can tie their own shoes. They play on the same team as the special kids but they don’t shoot baskets. So it is the six of us on Court Three against the Hamden Hornets. We are the Lee Lancers. On our banners and shirts there is a picture of a knight with a long pointy spear.

  In the bleachers I see Brian. He is watching the game with Brenda Richardson’s parents and some of the other parents too. Rick is not there. I want to wave to Brian but then I see the ball go bouncing past me. Then someone yells, “Ginny!” and I see that Kayla Zadambidge is looking at me with a mad face.

  Which means I got distracted again.

  “Ginny, let’s keep your eyes on the ball,” says Coach Dan. He is wearing a blue-and-yellow T-shirt and a blue-and-yellow hat. My uniform is blue and yellow. Everyone on the Lee Lancers has a blue-and-yellow uniform. But the Hamden Hornets have black-and-yellow uniforms like they are bees.

  “Ginny?” says Brenda Richardson.

  She is standing next to me but I don’t remember how she got there. “I think you need to take the ball out.”

  She is pointing to the other side of the court where I see Coach Dan. He is pointing to a spot on the ground and making a hand motion to me with his other hand. I go to see what he’s looking at and when I get there he says, “Stand here, okay?” So I do. I stand there and the referee gives me the ball. I like the referee because he always knows the rules and he has a whistle and he always wears black and white.

  “Pass the ball to the player in front of you,” says Coach Dan.

  “But that’s a Hamden Hornet,” I say.

  “I know,” says Coach Dan. “I promise he’ll give it back.”

  So I pass the ball to the player in front of me and he catches it and bounces it to me. I catch it. “Now pass the ball to one of our players!” says Coach Dan and moves away fast. So I look and I see Brenda Richardson and Larry and three players from the Hamden Hornets. I throw the ball to Larry who is in his wheelchair today. He catches it and starts to bounce and sing. I can’t hear the words.

  “Get down court!” says Coach Dan. Everyone starts to run. I run with them. Then I look up to see Brian again but my eyes look in a different place on the bleachers and I see someone else.

  It is Gloria.

  I am confused. I don’t know why she’s here. It isn’t time for our little rendezvous yet. She is wearing a purple sweatshirt but her head is the same as the one from the parking lot. Plus there is a little girl sitting next to her. A little girl with long brown hair. She is shorter than I was when I was nine years old but I’m guessing her eyes are green even though I can’t see them from so far away.

  Which means I have been replaced.

  Gloria got an Other Ginny. Or Another Ginny. I don’t know which. I don’t know if the Other Ginny is adopted or if she was hiding someplace in the apartment or if she is a ghost.

  Gloria stands up. She waves at me slowly and with no noise. Back and forth, back and forth. She gives me the thumbs-up and then waves some more.

  The Other Ginny just sits there. Not moving. I’m guessing she has nothing inside her to say. I’m guessing she is an empty girl. A girl with a face I don’t know.

  Gloria looks down and puts her hand on the girl’s head. Then Gloria points at me. The Other Ginny stands up with her and Gloria puts her arm around her shoulders. Gloria points at me again and then they both wave. Slowly so that no one will hear them.

  I start to hyperventilate. Which means breathing too fast. Because I am angry. Because I want to get the Other Ginny’s eyes so she can’t look at me. Because I have been replaced which is what happens when your old earbuds are broken and you get new ones and throw the first ones out.

  Someone yells my name.

  I look around but I don’t want to see who it is. People run past me. I look back at Gloria and the Other Ginny to see what they’ll do next. I don’t see them at first but when I finally find them Gloria puts her finger in front of her lips. That means she wants me to be quiet. She did that once when Donald came out of the bathroom yelling bad words. I was behind the couch and when Gloria saw me she put her finger in front of her mouth so I was quiet and she started yelling and then Donald beat the hell out of her instead of me and then—

  “Ginny!” someone else yells again and before I see who it is I get knocked over. By Brenda Richardson and some people I don’t know. There are lots of sneakers and legs and arms on top of me and I try to push them away but I can’t. Finally they get off and I roll over and fix my glasses and stand and try to see where Gloria is. I see her again. I start to put my hand up to wave but then I clamp it over my mouth instead.

  “Ginny?” says Coach Dan. I don’t see him but when I tur
n around there he is. “Are you all right?” he says.

  I nod my head yes. When I look back up into the stands I see that Gloria and the Other Ginny are walking down the bleachers toward the floor.

  “Ginny, why don’t you take a break?” says Coach Dan. “Go have a seat on the bench. We’ll put you in a little later when you’re feeling better. Have some water and maybe go to the bathroom.”

  The bathroom. That is where Gloria is going, I’m guessing. She is going to the bathroom because that is where she used to meet me when we were in a supermarket or a store or a place where she had to talk with her dealer. If you lose track of me, go to the bathroom, she used to say. She wants me to go there now, I’m guessing. I will go see her. I will ask her where my Baby Doll is. I will tell her she has to feed it more because it’s losing weight. If it’s out in the parking lot I’ll run out there and take it.

  I make my hands into tight, tight fists. I have to be strong.

  There are a lot of people walking around in the gym. I walk between them and around them and I am not going in a straight line but I will be okay because my brain remembers where it is bringing me.

  When I get to the bathroom I go right in. I see four white sinks and six green bathroom stalls and some ladies who I don’t know. I don’t see Gloria or the Other Ginny. I look and I look but they are not here. So I leave the bathroom and walk back out into the hallway and someone says my name.

  I look. I still see lots of people but I don’t see who called me.

  “Ginny?” the voice calls again.

  It is a small voice. I turn and look. A little girl is standing far away next to a popcorn machine. She has hair that looks just like mine used to look. Her eyes are green.