Squatch (Rolling Thunder MC Birmingham Book 4)

by Candace Blevins

  She stood in silence a few moments, seemed to bow to the people, and turned and came inside without saying anything else.

  “You are in Alfheim. Land of the elves. High elves. Bright elves. Nature sprites. Shapeshifters. You’ll have access to more of your magic here. Come. We’ll use my office for our next session.”

  Her office had two chairs in front of the desk, and a sofa against a wall. Instead of sitting behind the desk, she turned one of the chairs to face the sofa and motioned for me to sit on it.

  “Let’s do this the old-fashioned way. Put your feet up and lean your head back. Get comfortable.”

  I did, and she was Kirsten again. Not Queen. She was still Harlequin, but she’d always had the energy of nature, this was just more. She isn’t human, isn’t a shapeshifter, isn’t a vampire. I hadn’t known what she was, but it made more sense now. Some kind of nature spirit, but more powerful.

  “During our last session, you told me you were raised to believe you were nothing more than the end result of a costly and time consuming science project, and then an hour later, you had to listen to the Amakhosi reinforce the idea that you somehow owe the ambush your children. Would you like to talk about how that made you feel?”

  Tears threatened to come, but I swallowed them down. “No, actually, I don’t, but I know that won’t fly with you. It made me feel like shit. It’s true that I came into being specifically so I could provide healthy little cubs, but I want to raise my own babies. I don’t want to trust them to others. Also, what if Squatch and I want a family? I don’t even know if he wants kids. We haven’t had that conversation yet!” I took a breath. “I didn’t want to move to Australia or Alaska to run from my family again because I wanted to find a way to stay with Squatch. Bringing me here doesn’t let me live the life I’d started in Birmingham.”

  “It’s temporary, until we figure things out. You were going to be at Homewood another week, at least. If you’re here instead, it won’t matter. Right?”

  I nodded. She was right, of course.

  “If I were to provide eggs, I’d want it in writing that they wouldn’t be trained for sex like I was. I’d want it in writing that they could choose their mate.”

  “A decent start towards negotiation points. I would encourage you to write these things out in between our sessions. A list of what you must have, and what you want. Also, the things that are never going to happen.”

  “Sometimes, it feels as if I’m being unreasonable. I mean, I understand the concept of the greater good, but this is my life. I want my kids to be able to go out into the world and make their own lives. If they want to live in the ambush, that’s fine, but they need a choice.”

  “The choice you weren’t given.”

  Neither of us said anything for a few moments, and she asked, “What do you think your mother should have done?”

  “My mother wasn’t given a choice either. She lobbied hard to be able to see me four times a year. I’m thankful I was allowed to have a relationship with her.”

  “How would you be different if you hadn’t?”

  The question brought me up short. My mother’s visits had been the cornerstones of my young life. She gave me advice. She played games with me. She taught me logic. She made me feel good about myself as a human being, and not just as a science project.

  “I’d be more robot than human, I think. The cat would be more in control than the woman, but the woman wouldn’t have had any inkling of autonomy when in her two-legged form.”

  “Keep going.”

  “This is why it’s so important I get to raise my kids.”

  “We’ve found other reasons, but I agree, I think this is a big point. It does open up the possibility of how you’d feel about choosing a surrogate mom, assuming you’d get to help raise the children she gave birth to.”

  “When a wolf and cat procreate, you never know what you’ll get.” I’d considered this a few times, but hadn’t voiced it out loud before.

  “That’s my understanding. The child could be cat or wolf. Occasionally, you get a human who doesn’t shift into anything.”

  I sighed. “The ambush protects us. If Squatch and I gave birth to golden tigers, we’d have no way to hide them. It isn’t reasonable to try to keep a child’s hair dyed, and you can’t explain to them why they can never tell anyone what it looks like. And how would you explain the need for contacts? They couldn’t go to a regular school. They couldn’t have friends. The ambush lets us live without worry of what our kids know, and what our hair looks like. Only those who need to go out must hide their hair and eyes.”

  “So unless you’re willing to live in an ambush, or to send your kids to be raised by someone in the ambush, you don’t dare have kids at all?”

  Now, I let the tears stream down my face. I hadn’t understood why I had to talk about my dad, and my uncle, and my brothers, and my life inside the ambush, and how everything made me feel. Now that we were finally talking about the future, I understood it wouldn’t have been possible if we didn’t have the past as our foundation. My heart shattered inside my chest because I did want to eventually be a mom, but I never wanted to have to live in an ambush again.

  “Aaron and Sophia homeschool their dragon triplets,” Kirsten said. “It isn’t the same thing, but it’s possible you might find a way to make it work. The hair thing will be a challenge, no argument there. I think we’ve accomplished enough for this session, but if there’s something else you want to talk about, you have me another twenty minutes.”

  She never let a session go over two hours. We frequently cut them ten to twenty minutes short, but we never went over. “I’d like to talk to Squatch. I know you said we have to finish our sessions, but...”

  She tilted her head. “We’ve talked at length about submission versus dominance, and how people with a similar background to you generally become either Top or bottom, but are rarely vanilla. Shapeshifters almost always balance some kind of power exchange into their sexual relations, so it’s likely you’d have been submissive no matter your early beginnings.”

  “Right. It’s like the kid who’s bullied. Some grow up to be adults who are bullied, others grow up to be bullies. Those who decide to be neither often become cops with the intention of helping those who need someone stronger to protect them.”

  “Are you comfortable with your status as submissive? You say you never fought him on it, but you’ve certainly questioned it.”

  “I didn’t question it until you got me to talking about it. It’s who I am, and you’ve helped me see there’s as much strength in submission as there is in leading. I have no desire to try to Top someone.”

  “Okay. I can bring him here.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Squatch

  I was seating people at the restaurant when a redhead walked in and asked for me. The prospect at the register froze, unsure of how to answer, and I stepped to her.

  “Who’s asking?”

  She smiled up at me. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Kirsten. If you can get away, I’d like to take you to Val.”

  Val. Kitty. My heart raced in my chest. “She wants to see me?”

  “She’s had a lot of stuff to get through, and it’s probably still too soon for her to see you, but I don’t think doing so will set her back. Is there somewhere private the two of us can go?”

  I looked at all of the people waiting to be seated, and Velvet stepped up behind me. “Take her to my office. I’ll take over as hostess. I assume we’ll see you in a few hours. If it’s going to be longer, please check in.”

  She was speaking for her husband. She didn’t have the authority to do so, but that was okay. She was doing it out of concern.

  I walked the short little redhead into the office, and she closed the door. “I’m going to teleport us. Close your eyes and hold your breath.”

  She grabbed my arms, and the temperature of the air around me changed. I opened my eyes and nearly fell, I was so discombobulated.

&n
bsp; Thankfully, the small woman still held my arms, and she was stronger than she looked. She supported me until I had my balance.

  We were on uneven ground, outside the gates to a huge fucking castle.

  “We’re in Alfheim. I had to bring Val here to keep her safe.” The guards opened the gate for us, and we walked through with a contingent of men flanking us.

  “They need to back off,” I told her. The wolf wasn’t at all happy with being surrounded.

  “They’re my personal guard. Good luck with that. We’ll be going in a side door, through a portion of the castle, and into a semi-private courtyard. Val’s in the courtyard, and I’ll leave the two of you alone so you can talk. She knows where a few rooms are just inside, if ya’ll want more privacy.”

  I walked with her at least a half-mile before we made it into the courtyard. She nodded to Kitty and left without saying anything. My kitty-cat ran to me and jumped. I caught her and held her in my arms. Damn, but I’d missed this. Her warmth. Her energy. Her arms and legs around me, holding on.

  I never wanted to let go again.

  I breathed in and felt more of my magic than I was used to. Kirsten had said she’d brought me to Alfheim. A different realm. Fuck, but they were serious about keeping kitten safe.

  “Why are you in another world?” And how was the little redhead capable of so easily teleporting between realms? She came off as human, but she was clearly quite powerful — not to mention having the skills to hide all of that power. But those were questions were for another time. I needed to know about Kitty.

  “Kirsten, my therapist, is apparently friends with the Amakhosi, I think maybe her boyfriend, based on the way they argued. He showed up while I was exploring the forest around Kirsten’s home.” She sighed. “Technically, it’s the lands of the Homewood Pack. They’re magical, and I was enjoying my time there. Anyway, His Majesty showed up and wasn’t pleased, and Kirsten got right in his face and argued with him. She has major balls. He was of the opinion that a compromise could be reached — that I could just give them my eggs and they could let a surrogate bring babies to term! Like that wouldn’t be a big deal!”

  She let go of me, and I reluctantly set her on her feet. She paced as she ranted. “My body. My life. My children, if I choose to have them!” She stopped and crossed her arms. “Kirsten grabbed me and brought me here. If he can manage to bargain someone to bring him, the guards won’t let him near me. Kirsten figures he’ll wait for her to bring me back, though. She doesn’t think he’ll come here.” She rolled her eyes, “But then she ranted about hard-headed egomaniac cats, so I suppose that isn’t a given.”

  I considered again whether I could help. Ember is close friends with the Dragon King and Queen, and they’re close to the Amakhosi. Perhaps Sophia might talk to him. I wasn’t certain it would help, but I’d talk to Dementor about it. Kitty pushed me onto a bench, and then sat on my lap, her legs straddling my thighs, facing me.

  “If you don’t want to have this conversation, stop me. It feels awkward to even bring it up, but I have to make some decisions, and it feels like you should be part of my thought processes.”

  She looked fierce, and I wanted to kiss her until she melted, but I told her, “Whatever you need to talk about.”

  “Okay. First, some facts. A golden tiger cub would have to be raised in an ambush, where he or she could be kept safe. Our hair is a dead giveaway, and we’re worth millions of dollars on the rare-species black market. A golden tiger sex-slave is beyond valuable.”

  “That’s why you dye your hair. Why you needed time alone after a change.”

  “Right.”

  “So why can’t you dye the kid’s hair?”

  “Because they’d talk to classmates about it. You can’t tell a five-year-old not to tell his friends a secret. Even if they didn’t know why their hair had to be dyed, just the fact it had to be touched up every seven to ten days would make it a huge thing.”

  “Okay.”

  “Two apex predatory mammal shapeshifters who procreate have about an equal chance of giving birth to either of their animals, with a slight chance of the baby being human.”

  “Yes.”

  “Golden tigers who aren’t pure are killed by the ambush. Raising a golden tiger who has anything besides a golden tiger mother and father in an ambush can’t happen.”

  “So, if you and I have a baby and it’s a wolf, we’re good to go. If it’s a tiger, we’ll buy land and put a huge fence up, and figure out how to homeschool. Or we might be okay at my house in the spa compound, though we’d need extra fencing between the houses and spa.”

  She sat back a little, looking at my face, breathing in my scent. “You want kids?”

  “Eventually, yes. Any more facts I need to know?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think locking a child away without other kids to play with is workable.”

  “Me either. If it’s a boy, we keep his head shaved. If it’s a girl, we’ll dye it. If they only see other kids on weekends, we don’t have to correlate the hair thing with going out, and when she’s little we can just call it washing her hair. She’ll call it whatever we do. She can do dance classes or gymnastics or softball or karate or... whatever, and there are kids around for the daytime part of our parties. Same for a son, but we’ll have the option of dying his hair or cutting it.”

  “Contacts, too. I keep colored contacts in. Our eyes are a brilliant blue. Too blue to be natural.”

  I cupped her cheek in my hand and she leaned her face into my palm.

  Her voice came out soft. “It doesn’t feel like now is the time, but I need you to show me all of you.”

  I pulled her into me and held her small, strong, supple body in my arms. Embracing her without holding her, though I have no idea how I managed it. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that if I tried to hold her, she’d run.

  Which I suppose is a typical cat, but this felt like more than that.

  “Give me a minute to organize my thoughts,” I told her. “Just a few minutes like this. Please.”

  She leaned into me and relaxed. She was giving me the time I’d asked for.

  I knew I eventually wanted kids. I didn’t want them in nine months, but maybe two years? So, wait a year and I’d be good with watching the love of my life grow with a child in her?

  The love of my life.

  Yeah. And if I were honest, I’d be good with her getting pregnant right then.

  I’d always envisioned helping my wolf son through his first change, helping him learn to control the beast within. Sometimes, it was a daughter, and there were also visions of destroying any boy who looked at her like he wanted her.

  I could be just as happy raising a tiger.

  Hell, Frost had kind of taken on surrogate wolf pups, and that was an owl and a lynx part-time parenting a tiny little pack of wolves.

  I took a breath, squeezed her a little tighter a few seconds, and sat her up on my lap.

  “If you want to ride me bareback and make a baby right now, I’m up for it. Ideally, I think we’ll have a little more time with just the two of us, but I love you. I want you in my life. I want to raise kids with you, and I don’t care if they’re wolf, tiger, human, or adopted deer. If you want to get started now, we will.”

  She wrapped her arms around my neck and held tight. Now it was her holding onto me. I held her with one arm and rubbed her back with the other hand. “You and me. Together, we’ll deal with your family. I know we’ll have help — Brooke, your therapist, my brothers. We can do this.”

  The magic in this place let me feel her more. Her heart was over mine, and I felt them beating together, their energy joined. Our energy joined.

  “There are things you need to know,” she told me as she sat back on my thighs again. “Kirsten wants me to tell you with her present. She says we still have some work to do, and that if she can help me find some answers while I tell you my story, it will help.” She stood and went to the door, but turned back to me before
she opened it. “She might just pop into the room. Don’t let it startle you.”

  She opened the door and a guard turned to look at her. It was nice to know Kirsten was making sure Kitty was safe.

  “Can you let Her Majesty know we’re ready for her, please?”

  The guard nodded and she closed the door. “She doesn’t want us using royal titles with her in private, but I’ve been doing so around other people.”

  “Her Majesty?” I asked.

  “She’s Queen of Alfheim. How crazy is that?”

  I shook my head to argue that it didn’t make sense, and the little redhead popped into being on the other side of the room.

  She looked at both of us as if taking in what had happened since she’d been gone, and smiled. “That seems to have gone well?”

  “Yeah,” Kitty told her. “We’re good. Better than good.”

  Kirsten met my gaze. “She has things to tell you that are going to be hard to hear. Your job today is to support her while she tells you. Righteous anger has a place, and there will be time for that later, but Kitty gets to decide what to do. Not you and not me. In this, we follow her lead.”

  I’d stood when Kirsten arrived, and I sat back on the sofa and told Kitty, “I’d prefer you in my lap so I can hold you, but I’ll understand if you need your own space.”

  She shook her head and climbed back on my lap, straddling my thighs, sitting on them. I’d assumed she’d bury her face in my chest to tell me the hard stuff, but no, she was going to face me. No one would ever call my kitten a wilting violet.

  However, less than ten minutes in, I was the one who pulled her to me, cradled her in my arms, her head to my chest, her words vibrating my skin. My gaze met the therapist’s and she nodded. She approved.

  Throughout it all, I had to keep reminding my wolf we were here to support Kitty. The wolf and I both wanted to find her uncle and father and tear them limb from limb. Who trains a fucking sixteen-year-old to deep throat? And a seventeen-year-old to take it up the ass? If the boy she was promised to had been old enough, she’d have been given to him on her sixteenth birthday. As it was, they were waiting for him to turn thirteen.