Aunt Bessie Decides

by Diana Xarissa

  But why?

  Shakespeare was writing for everyone. He wanted to attract a large audience and he used humour and wordplay to entertain his crowds. What we wanted to do is take that idea and run with it.

  What we’ve done is take some of Shakespeare’s very best writing, the funny and the interesting sections, and combined them into a new show that offers something for everyone. We mixed up comedy with tragedy, drama with history and Shakespearean language with modern slang. We’ve created a modern masterpiece that we feel is exactly what William Shakespeare would have written last week, if he were still around.

  We invite you to sit back, open your minds, and enjoy:

  Much Ado About the Shrew.

  “Oh dear,” Bessie said to herself.

  Chapter Two

  A few moments later a hush fell over the small crowd as a group of people left a large tent that was set up behind the stage. They slowly approached the stage, which was simply a large wooden platform that had been built on a flat area of grass. A small section of the stage had a second, higher platform built on to it and then, rising above that, a small balcony with its own narrow flight of stairs. Because it was open-air theatre, there was no curtain between the stage and audience. Now, the group of actors climbed onto the main platform and the show began.

  “To be or not to be,” a voice rang out from somewhere amid the clustered men and women on stage.

  “Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?” someone else called.

  “Out, damned spot! Out, I say!” a third voice chimed in.

  A woman dressed in long hooded robes stepped forward. “Great lines deserve great actors,” she intoned. A moment later the flap to the small tent next to the VIP area was flung open and several men and women flowed out from it towards the stage.

  For the next hour or more, Bessie watched and wondered at the action that was taking place on the stage. Every so often she’d feel as if she’d started to understand a bit of the plot, only to find herself plunged back into confusion as something seemingly random interrupted the narrative. After the first half hour, she more or less gave up on understanding things and topped up her wine glass instead. Doona grabbed the bottle from her hand as soon as she’d done so and filled her own glass. The pair exchanged confused looks and silently toasted the fact that they were smart enough to bring wine.

  As the first act drew to a close, most of the actors began to make their way off the back of the stage and gather near the sea wall. A few people had been in and out of the small tent throughout the show, disappearing as one character and re-emerging in a new costume to take the show in a different direction. Now, a couple of the actors headed into the small tent and began a conversation that grew loud quite quickly. Again, the exact words were unclear but the unhappy nature of the discussion was obvious to everyone in the VIP section.

  “To sleep, perchance to dream.” A tall man spoke loudly on the stage. From the annoyed look on his face, Bessie could guess that he, too, could hear the argument in the dressing room tent.

  “But dreams are merely worlds we have yet to explore,” the woman, the only other actor still on the stage, said in reply. “And we have many worlds yet to explore.”

  The two linked arms and headed off the stage, towards the small tent. The audience watched silently, many with stunned expressions on their faces. After a very brief pause, Bob came out from where he was sitting and made an announcement over the tannoy.

  “There will now be a twenty-minute interval. I invite everyone to visit our many food vendors who would be happy to provide you with a snack for the second half of the show.”

  Bessie looked around at her friends. When she caught Doona’s eye they both burst out laughing.

  “What the heck was that?” Doona asked, trying to keep her voice down so that it didn’t carry beyond her friends.

  “I haven’t the slightest idea,” Bessie answered, shaking her head.

  “It wasn’t like the Shakespeare we’ve been learning at school,” Amy announced.

  “I didn’t understand any of it,” Thomas complained.

  “Neither did I,” Bessie told him. “It was all rather, um, complex.”

  “That’s one word for it,” Rockwell laughed. “I can think of a few others, but I wouldn’t use them in front of my kids.”

  Hugh shook his head. “I was worried that I’m thick or something,” he confessed. “I couldn’t follow it at all.”

  “It was pretty awful,” Grace told her boyfriend. “But in a funny way, I guess.”

  Bessie grinned. “Unfortunately, I think it was only funny when it wasn’t meant to be.”

  “So, what did we think of that?” Scott Carson had stepped over to join Bessie’s little group.

  “It was certainly different,” Bessie said diplomatically. “What did you think?”

  “I thought it was terrible,” Scott said loudly. “It was just a huge jumbled-up mess that made no sense. It didn’t even tell a story.”

  “Well, don’t hold back,” a voice from behind Scott said. “Tell us what you really thought.”

  Scott turned around and Bessie saw a sly grin cross his face. “Darling Penny, how wonderful to see you,” he said silkily. “You look absolutely gorgeous, as always.”

  “As do you,” the woman, who was still in her full elaborate Elizabethan-style costume, answered. “But then, you’ve the money to make sure of that now, don’t you?”

  “Oh, Penny, let’s don’t be bitter and horrible,” Scott replied. “I took the time to come and see the show, to offer my support. That should count for something.”

  “Oh, aren’t you kind?” the tall man who had been last to leave the stage now stood behind Penny just outside the little tent. “I can’t tell you how much we appreciate your willingness to spend time with the little people in spite of your huge fame and fortune. If it’s all the same to you, I’ll skip kissing your ring and grovelling at your feet while I’m in costume.”

  “William, still so dramatic, and still so bitter,” Scott said with a sigh. “I was hoping my coming today would do something to end the unnecessary unpleasantness between us.”

  “I hardly think that’s going to happen,” the man answered, turning his back on Scott, but not walking away.

  “Oh, I must introduce everyone,” Scott said, clapping his hands together. “Seriously, you all must meet my old friends.”

  Bessie got to her feet slowly, stretching tired muscles that were unaccustomed to sitting on the ground. While she was working out the kinks, the rest of her group rose as well. Now Scott began his introductions.

  “Okay, let’s see what I can remember,” he said with a self-deprecating grin. Bessie’s friends had fallen into an untidy line and now Scott walked along behind it, announcing each person in turn with a grand gesture with his hands. Doona was last in the row and after he presented her with a flourish, he walked over to the two actors from the show.

  “Everyone, these are my friends, William Baldwin and Penny Jakubowski, extraordinary actors being let down by a slightly under-finished script.”

  Bessie watched as William’s face tightened. He looked to be about ten years older than Scott, maybe somewhere near fifty, with hair that was dark but was definitely grey at the roots. He was tall and thin and Bessie supposed that many women would consider him very good-looking, especially in the handsome nobleman’s costume he was wearing.

  Penny was probably forty, although she appeared to be fighting her age with even more makeup than the stage demanded. Her short hair was a coppery colour that definitely came out of a bottle, but her green eyes were possibly authentic. Bessie knew nothing about cosmetic surgery, but there was something decidedly odd about the woman’s eyes that made Bessie wonder if she’d had something done to them. Penny was still wearing her costume from the last scene, a long flowing gown that was cut very low in the front and emphasised Penny’s very generous cleavage. The dress was just a little bit too tight, though, as if Penny had gained
a few pounds since the costume was made.

  “Adam wrote the script,” Penny said now in reply. “And we love it.

  “Adam wrote the script?” Scott repeated. “Well, that explains a lot.”

  “And what is that supposed to mean?” An angry voice came from behind William and Penny.

  “Ah, Adam, right on cue,” Scott beamed. “Who else is hiding in that little tent of yours?”

  The man who now stepped around William and Penny looked furious. He was probably thirty-five and somewhat shorter than William, but still tall to Bessie. He too was in costume, but his was a simple robe. His bald head seemed to shimmer in the setting sunlight and his dark eyes seemed to flash angrily at Scott. “I asked you a question,” he said sharply to Scott.

  “I just didn’t follow the story,” Scott answered airily. “I’m sure it’s all my fault. I never was very bright.”

  Adam’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Scott. “Just bright enough to get the job that was supposed to be mine,” he said fiercely.

  “Hey, now,” William interrupted. “That was supposed to be my job,” he said. “If anyone should have been plucked out of the group and made a star, it should have been me.”

  “Now, now,” Scott said in a soothing voice. “You all know how grateful I am that I’ve had the opportunity I’ve had. And I’m grateful to you guys for keeping me working before I got my big break. That’s why I’m here tonight. I wanted to see my old friends. I left in such a hurry, I feel like I never said good-bye properly.”

  “Ha,” Adam snorted. “You couldn’t wait to get away, and as far as I’m concerned, good riddance to you.” He turned his back to everyone and stomped to the changing room tent. Shoving aside the tent flap, he disappeared inside.

  “Penny?” Scott said in an appealing voice. “Please tell me you’re not mad at me.” He put his hand on her arm.

  Penny gazed up at him for a minute and then sighed. “I can’t stay mad at you,” she admitted, giving Scott a hug. “But really, now you need to get me a part on your lovely show.”

  Scott laughed, but it sounded awkward. “I so wish that I could,” he told Penny. “If it were up to me, I’d get parts for all of you, even Adam. But I’m just a teeny tiny fish in a massive pond. I’m lucky they haven’t killed off my character yet, and I just keep hoping my luck holds.”

  “As long as you keep winning titles like ‘Sexiest Newcomer to Soap Land,’ they couldn’t possibly get rid of you,” Penny told him.

  Scott beamed. “You saw that?” He glanced over at William and made a serious face. “I mean, it’s just a way to sell magazines. It doesn’t mean anything, really. Anyway, the writers can do what they like if they feel it fits the storyline. Look what happened to Maggie.”

  Penny nodded seriously. “I suppose you’re right about that.”

  Bessie looked questioningly at Doona, who was still standing next to her. “Maggie Lawson was one of Market Square’s biggest stars,” Doona whispered. “The rumour is that she started having an affair with one of the writers. His wife is also a writer on the show, and when she found out, she wrote Maggie right out of the show; she killed her off in a huge car crash.”

  Bessie shook her head, glad to have yet another reason for not having a television.

  “Anyway,” Scott told Penny in a confiding tone, “it isn’t anywhere near as glamourous or exciting as you’d think. Mostly it’s all about sitting around all day to shoot for three minutes and then sit around for another couple of hours.”

  “And for that you get paid handsomely,” William interjected.

  Scott flushed. “I must admit, the pay is generous,” he said with a shrug. “But by the time I give my agent her share, well, I’m not exactly filthy rich.”

  “Your agent?” William laughed. “Only you would drag around a washed-up old porn star everywhere you go and try to convince people that she’s your ‘agent.’” William made exaggerated air quotes around the last word.

  Scott laughed as Candy got up from her chair. “Really, Billy boy,” she drawled. “I think you should remember how we met. Hmmm, where was it now? Oh yeah, on the set of Candy Takes the Cake, wasn’t it? I was the star and you, you were ‘tall man in trench coat’ in the opening scene.”

  Candy shook her head. “If you’d have listened to me, you could be where Scott is now, but you never gave me credit for what I know. I might not have been a star for long, but I learned a lot on my way up and on my way back down. And I’m using everything I’ve learned to shape Scott’s career. He was smart enough to listen to me and now we’re both reaping the rewards.”

  “The only skill you picked up in your time in the movies was how to....”

  Candy’s brittle laugh cut off William’s words. “Sour grapes, my old friend,” she said.

  “Enough, you two,” Penny said, glancing from William to Scott and back. She smiled at Scott and then took another step closer to him. Putting her hands on his arm, she smiled up at him. “Do you think there’s any chance you could get me an audition?” she asked Scott in a breathlessly flirty voice. “I’d do anything to get an audition.”

  Scott smiled down at her. “I’ll see what I can do,” he replied. “For you and for William as well.”

  “Don’t worry your pretty little head about me,” William said harshly. “I’ll look after myself, and Penny as well.”

  William took Penny’s arm and gave it a pull. After a last beseeching look at Scott, she let William lead her back into the tent.

  “Well, that was fun,” Candy laughed. “It’s always so nice to see old friends.”

  Scott shook his head and sighed.

  “Scotty? It really is you!” The excited squeal came from the tent opening, and then a small figure hurtled out of the tent and into Scott’s arms.

  “Ah, Sienna, there you are,” Scott said, hugging the girl tightly. “Let me look at you.”

  The girl stepped back and spun slowly, giving Scott, and everyone else, a good look at her.

  She couldn’t have been much more than twenty-five, with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes that Bessie immediately suspected were artificially enhanced. She was no taller than Bessie’s five feet, three inches. Unlike Bessie, however, she was endowed with generous curves that she was currently showing off in a tiny cropped T-shirt and a mini-skirt that only barely covered enough to be decent. As she twirled, Inspector Rockwell covered his son’s eyes in case the skirt inched up any higher.

  “Hey, Thomas and Amy, let’s go grab something to eat from the vendors,” Hugh suggested suddenly, grabbing the kids’ hands. “We’ll leave your dad here and I’ll get you something he wouldn’t approve of.”

  Rockwell laughed and quickly pulled out his wallet and handed Hugh some money. “Make sure you eat it all before you get back here,” he teased the kids. “Otherwise, I might object.”

  Grace laughed. “I won’t let them get too much junk food,” she promised, as she linked her arm into Hugh’s and they led the children out of the VIP section.

  “You won’t catch me leaving just when things are getting interesting,” Doona hissed to Bessie.

  Bessie shook her head. She wasn’t interested in getting anything else to eat and she was fascinated by the scene that was unfolding in front of her. It was certainly a good deal more interesting than the play had been so far.

  “So, how do I look?” Sienna giggled up at Scott.

  “Amazing,” Scott replied, pulling her into another hug. “I was afraid you didn’t want to see me.”

  “Ha,” she replied, snuggling up to the man. “More like Adam didn’t want me to see you.”

  Scott shook his head and loosened his grip on the girl. “You’re still with Adam?” he asked. “That’s disappointing.”

  The girl giggled. “What else could I do, with you gone off to London?” she asked.

  “But when I was in the troupe, you wouldn’t even give me the time of day,” he reminded her.

  “Because I didn’t know you were goin
g to be a big star, did I?” Sienna demanded. “If I’d known, I’d have given you a lot more than the time of day.”

  Scott shrugged and then changed the subject. “It’s great to see everyone,” he said. “But what’s up with the play? Much Ado About the Shrew? What the devil is that?”

  Sienna giggled again. “Adam wrote it, so I have to tell you I think it’s brilliant,” she said. “But, really, after you left we didn’t have a choice. No one could agree on anything and William couldn’t find anyone to replace you. He’d booked the shows here ages ago, so we had to come and perform something.”

  “What’s wrong with Hamlet?” Scott asked. “Or, well, just about anything else?”

  Sienna shook her pretty blonde head. “We just don’t have enough people to do Hamlet anymore. It’s hard to find people to join a troupe that hasn’t any bookings, you know? We had to find a show with fewer big parts. Penny wanted to do Romeo and Juliet, if you can believe that.”

  “What’s wrong with that?” Scott asked.

  “She wanted to play Juliet,” Sienna sighed. “I almost got myself fired when I suggested she was too old to play a teenager anymore.” She sighed again, even more deeply. “Everything’s changed without you in the company,” she told Scott.

  “I don’t know. You’re still with Adam, and Penny and William are still together. It all seems the same to me.”

  Sienna shook her head. “Everyone fights all the time. I’m pretty sure Adam and Penny are getting together behind my back, and William has been dropping hints that we should get together every time I’m alone with him.”

  “My dear girl, you can do much better than William,” Scott told her. “Actually, you can do much better than Adam as well.”

  Sienna grinned. “Is that a proposition? Because I’d leave here right now with you if it was.”

  Scott ran his hand down her back and squeezed her bottom. “I couldn’t possibly take you away from the company,” he said in a sad voice. “Things would fall apart without you.”