My Favorite Senior Moments

by Karen O'Connor

  She looked up and realized she was on the second floor––women’s wear. Perfect! She wandered through the dresses and casual wear, but nothing seemed quite right. Then on the back wall she spotted a simple silk blouse with gold flecks. On the rack below was a matching skirt. She tried them on, and they seemed made just for her.

  Next Millie sailed into the shoe department and purchased a pair of gold-colored sandals with little straps across the insteps. She was set. She already had gold earrings and a bracelet. Now she needed some pretty makeup, a haircut, and a perm.

  Millie’s heart pounded. She’d never spent money on herself like this. But it seemed right to give herself something new and pretty for such a memorable occasion. Won’t Joe be surprised when he sees me waltz into the banquet room all golden and happy, she mused. I’ll be ready to celebrate our happy golden years on our golden anniversary!

  Today’s Thoughts

  Marriage should be honored by all.

  HEBREWS: 13:4

  Dear God, the golden years are for people who trust in you and then live life to the fullest till you call them home. May I be among them.

  5

  Loafin’ Around

  Les walked into the shoe store and scanned the shelves before settling into a chair. A young salesman strode up. Les noticed his name tag—JASON––and the braces on his teeth. The lad was wearing a smart-looking pair of jeans and blue tennis shoes.

  “May I help you, sir?” the young man asked as he smiled and stuck out his hand.

  “I hope so,” Les said as he returned the handshake. He let out a deep sigh. “I’m getting old, son. I need some shoes I can slip in and out of without having to bend over. Trouble is, when I do bend over I have a hard time getting back up. Know what I mean?” Les looked at the salesman. “No, I guess you wouldn’t know what I mean. You’re too young. I bet you run track or play basketball.”

  “No, sir. I play chess.”

  “And sell shoes, I see.” Les chuckled. “Getting old is a pain in the behind. You have a long way to go before you get to where I am.”

  The young man pulled a pair of sneakers off a shelf. “How about some canvas shoes with Velcro? No laces to tie, sir.”

  “But I’d still have to bend over to fasten the Velcro. I don’t want to bend over.” Les was aware his voice was escalating. He calmed himself down.

  “Oh, that’s right. Okay, let me see… ” The salesman glanced at the shoe display along the wall.

  “What I’d really like is a good pair of comfortable penny loafers—the slip-on kind, you know?”

  “Penny loafers?” Jason said. “I’m not sure we have that. I’ve never heard of them, actually.”

  “You’ve never heard of a penny loafer? Where have you been?”

  The young man’s face turned as red as the leather chair Les was sitting on. “No worries, sir. I’ll ask my manager. He’s an older… I mean, he’s pretty experienced in men’s shoes. If we don’t have them here, I’ll do a search on Google for you. One of our affiliates might be able to help.”

  “Google? What’s that?” Les asked.

  “You haven’t heard of Google, sir? It’s a search engine on the Internet.”

  “A search engine on what? No, don’t explain. I haven’t heard of it, but I know what the Internet is. No worries though. I’ll ask my grandson to explain it the next time he comes over.”

  Today’s Thoughts

  Stand up in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God.

  LEVITICUS 19:32

  Lord, you didn’t have to deal with loafers and tennis shoes when you were on earth. A basic sandal was good enough for all occasions.

  6

  A Loooong Time!

  Marge and Bill had been dating for some time—well, a loooong time. Thirteen years, actually. Marge is 93 years old and still works in the same real estate office she’s been with for the past 52 years. That’s a loooong time too. And Bill, at age 100, has been retired for a loooong time.

  Several years ago the two signed up for a Panama Canal cruise. They’re not married, so they did the proper thing. Each shared a cabin with another single person of the same gender. Every morning Marge and Bill met in the dining room for breakfast and then spent the day together. Their time together ended late into the evening—sometimes past midnight after dancing a loooong time to the music of a live band.

  One night as Bill walked Marge back to her cabin, he grabbed her hand and stole a little kiss on her cheek. The two chuckled and snuggled close as they approached Marge’s cabin door. Just then a woman walked by. She paused. “You two are so cute together. It’s really nice to see older people show a bit of romance. It gives me hope for my husband and me. By the way, how long have you two been married?”

  Bill answered without hesitation. “A loooong time––but not to each other.”

  “Oh, dear!” The woman exclaimed and then rushed off.

  Bill and Marge cracked up.

  Bill slapped his leg. “She didn’t give me time to explain. She must think we’re having an… ”

  “We are!” interrupted Marge. “An affair of the heart. And I’m certain our late spouses would be happy for us.”

  Today’s Thoughts

  Through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.

  PROVERBS 9:11

  Lord, although the time I most look forward to is being in heaven with you when my days on earth are finished, I’m glad I’m alive today.

  7

  The New Dress

  One Thursday Evelyn bought a new dress—a sleek little number in black with a low, round neckline and a snug-fitting skirt. She had the figure to wear such a piece even at age 65. Ev and Ron had been invited to a country club dance the following Saturday night, and Ev wanted to look her best. She also made a trip to the salon for a cut, perm, manicure, and pedicure. It wasn’t often these days that the two of them had an opportunity to attend a gala.

  In fact, when she thought about it, life was getting a bit dull. Dinner at home most nights, followed by a couple of hours of news on CNN and maybe a sitcom or two before going to bed at 10. What happened to romance? Evelyn wondered as she reminisced about the good old days. The days and nights when Ron would slip an arm around her shoulder and whisper sweet nothings in her ear—the kind one heard in songs on the radio or saw in movies while holding hands and sharing a box of popcorn. She missed those times and wondered why they had to end just because they were getting older. What can I do about this? Ev pondered some ideas she’d read about that might light the romance fire in her husband again. She wasn’t expecting frenzied and passionate love. After all, they weren’t exactly kids anymore. But a bit of playful coziness would be nice once in a while.

  So Ev plotted. She decided to create an evening to remember—a candlelight dinner with iced tea in wine goblets, chocolate-covered strawberries for dessert, and a romantic movie—something cute and tender about people their age—perhaps Hope Springs or On Golden Pond. She woke up on Saturday morning eager to dress up for the dinner and dance at the country club that evening. She was also excited about putting her plan in place for the romantic evening with Bill the following week.

  At five-thirty Evelyn donned the last of her accessories—dangling black earrings with a touch of silver to match her silver-strapped sandals. She walked down the hallway to the living room where Ron was waiting. He looked handsome in his dark suit and red-striped tie.

  “What do you think of my new dress?” Evelyn asked as she entered the room.

  “New wife, you mean. You look hot!”

  Hot? Ron hadn’t used such a word in reference to her ever. Hanging out with the teen grandkids, I gather, Evelyn decided. She smiled, holding back a chuckle. I got his attention, at least. She pushed a bit further. “The dress? What do you think? It was kind of expensive, but I thought… ”

  “Here’s what I think. Let’s stay home!” With that comment, Ron plastered a kiss on his beautiful
wife.

  Evelyn reported that they went to the club as planned, and, afterward, in the privacy of their home they continued their gala evening.

  Today’s Thoughts

  I will bless her with abundant provisions.

  PSALM 132:15

  Lord, thank you for taking care of all my needs, even those I’m not aware of. I praise your holy name.

  8

  Pretty in Purple

  Rosalind invited her family to meet her for lunch at her favorite coffee shop. It would be her treat because they were going to celebrate her granddaughter Hannah’s fifth birthday. Everyone, dressed up and smiling, arrived on time and settled into a large corner booth.

  Rosalind’s daughter Amanda took one look at her mother and nodded with approval. “Mom, you look beautiful. Purple is definitely your color. You should wear it more often.”

  Amanda’s young son, Donny, poked his two-cents worth into the conversation. “Yeah, Grandma. Purple is a good color for you. It matches your hands.”

  Rosalind looked at the spider veins on her hands and laughed. “Good observation, Donny. And my dress matches my legs too.”

  “You mean those purple lines on your legs?”

  “Umm, yes, those are the ones.”

  “Well, at least they go with your dress. But if you wear some other color, I think you should stick to pants, don’t you?”

  “Good idea!”

  Today’s Thoughts

  Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

  MATTHEW 23:12

  Lord, it takes courage to hear someone—especially a child—speak so bluntly. But truth is truth. Help me humbly receive what people say and not take offense where none was meant.

  9

  Catch of the Day

  Rose and Juliette were tired of being each other’s primary companion. They enjoyed their 50-year friendship, but they longed for some manly input in their lives. They each wanted to find a man who would take them out to the movies, or to dinner, or to a concert, or for a walk in the park. Someone who would care for them, although they weren’t necessarily looking for marriage—not at their respective ages of 72 and 73.

  “Been there, done that,” Rose said. She’d become a widow at age 31.

  Juliette, on the other hand, would have welcomed a spouse. But after being single for so many years the thought of living with someone of the opposite gender frightened her. She was set in her ways. She didn’t want a man—or anyone, for that matter—coming into her home and messing with her routine. A male companion to go out with would be just right. They’d enjoy an evening together and then say goodnight and go home to their own houses.

  One Tuesday afternoon the two women met to discuss strategy for attracting the kind of men they were interested in. They considered several dating websites, including ChristianMingles, eHarmony, and Match, but they decided against dating services. They’d rather meet someone at church, the gym, through a book club, or while line dancing.

  They talked over what they planned to do and then parted company, agreeing to meet the following Tuesday to compare notes.

  The next week Juliette strode into the café where she was to meet Rose. Her friend looked dejected. “What a sour look,” Juliette remarked. “What’s wrong?”

  “What’s wrong is nothing. Absolutely nothing has worked for me. I’ve dressed up, stepped out, and started conversations, but not one man has picked up my signals or shown interest. How about you?”

  Juliette beamed. “I met a man I’m interested in!”

  “Where?” Rose asked.

  “At Colonial Funeral Home.”

  “An undertaker?” Rose wrinkled her nose. “Not terribly romantic.”

  Juliette laughed. “Not the undertaker, silly. One of the pallbearers at my neighbor’s funeral service.”

  Rose chuckled. “Well, you beat all. Clearly I’ve been hanging out at the wrong places.”

  Today’s Thoughts

  Delight yourself in the LORD; and He will give you the desires of your heart.

  PSALM 37:4 NASB

  Thank you, Lord, that what I need and want comes to me when I trust you, ask you for guidance, and wait for your plan to unfold.

  10

  Check, Check, Check!

  Barbara got out of bed, splashed some water on her face in the bathroom, and then took a brave step. She looked in the mirror. She’d been using a new anti-wrinkle cream for several weeks, and today was the day to check for results. She stretched her cheeks and prodded her eyelids. I don’t look any different, she thought. “Another 50 bucks down the drain!” she said to her reflection in the mirror. She picked up the jar of goo and tossed it into the trash. “Take that, you hypocrite!”

  Barbara was fed up with the obvious signs of aging. How crummy! She didn’t feel like 71, but her face told a different story. And it didn’t help her ego one bit when another volunteer at the rescue mission suggested she try the anti-wrinkle cream. Who was she to dish out advice? She was 72 and losing her hair!

  Barbara sat down in the kitchen and nibbled on a banana while the coffee perked. She reached for her iPad and clicked on the Bible app. “Lord, what do you think? Am I as dreadful looking as I feel or as old as my friends indicate with their little jabs and unwanted ideas?” She did a quick search. It didn’t take long to discover what mattered to God—the fact that she loved him and that he was renewing her mind and life day by day.

  Today’s Thoughts

  We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

  2 CORINTHIANS 4:16

  Dear Lord, some of these situations I encounter are down-right funny and some are down-right pathetic. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I’ll turn to you in my disappointment, knowing you will never forget me or overlook me no matter what I do or how I look.

  11

  Facin’ Facts

  Harold walked into the hair salon aware that he needed a good cut. The small amount of hair he still had needed trimming now and then, much as he hated to part with even one strand. And he certainly wasn’t going to let it grow to the point where he could wear a “comb over.” No way! What were guys who resorted to such a last resort thinking? Didn’t they ever look in a mirror? They probably weren’t using their heads! Hey, pretty funny! Harold smiled at his own joke and then proceeded to the chair by the front window. This was Maggie’s station. Harold knew she’d be gentle with his ego.

  She said hi and draped a long cape around his neck to cover his shirt and jeans. Next she looked at his unruly clumps and ran a comb through them. “What’ll it be?” she asked.

  “I need a trim.” Harold held Maggie’s gaze. Was she going to make a wisecrack? She wouldn’t… or would she? Harold had become so sensitive about his thinning hair that he was sure everyone who looked at him was ready to stab him with a cutting comment.

  Maggie picked up her scissors and began clip, clip, clipping. Then she cleaned up his neck with an electric razor.

  Harold broke the silence with a joke of his own. “How about we paste the scraps here?” He pointed to the bald spot on the top of his head.

  “Nice you can joke about your condition,” said Maggie. “Most men are so sensitive. I just keep my mouth shut when I’m working on a baldy.”

  A baldy? Is that what she thinks of me? Harold felt his face flush and his temper flare. Easy for her to say. She’s only 30 years old and has enough hair to last a lifetime.

  “No, I’ve learned my lesson,” Maggie continued. “One guy got up and walked out on me when I made a simple comment. I didn’t mean any harm at all. Just facin’ facts, you know.”

  Harold was hooked. Now he had to hear what she’d said that had driven the man out of the shop. “What could be so terrible?” he asked.

  “While I was cutting I tapped his bald spot and said, ‘Hair today—gone tomorrow!’ ”

  Harold smiled. “Yep, that would do it, all ri
ght,” he quipped.

  Today’s Thoughts

  People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.

  1 SAMUEL 16:7

  Lord, sometimes I am so vain—whether it has to do with my hair, or my talent, or my physical body. I’m happy to be reminded that though I must keep myself clean and in good order, you are more concerned with the condition of my heart.

  12

  Not Again…

  Laura and her friend Cheryl decided to run a few errands together. “I need a new phone,” Laura said. “Ours has gone out so it’s time for a new one. Please help me remember. I’m having a lot of senior moments lately.”

  Cheryl agreed. She wanted to make a few stops of her own. The women joked about their forgetfulness. As Cheryl pulled into the shopping center and parked, Laura mused, “I wonder if just reading and hearing about senior moments in others makes it contagious.”

  Sure enough, as the women made their final stop at the electronics store, Laura started feeling jittery. She was supposed to get something here. What was it she needed? She ran through a list in her mind but nothing clicked. Cheryl walked behind her and asked, “What brand of phone do you like?”

  Whew! Laura blew out a huge breath. Her friend had saved her the embarrassment of having to admit that she’d forgotten what they came for! She’d narrowly avoided having to chalk up another senior moment. She smiled as she shared her relief with her friend.

  As the duo walked out to the parking lot, Cheryl broke out laughing. “Now it’s my turn to forget. I hope I got what I came to the mall for!”

  “Looks like we might have to go home and start all over,” Laura joked. “You’re sure to think of what you forgot the moment we walk in the door.”

  Today’s Thoughts

  The LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

  PSALM 84:11

  Thank you, Lord, for good friends who understand me. I also thank you for allowing me to be totally human, even with all my failings and foibles. I love knowing you take care of me no matter what.